


Save Me A Spark

by ieatboyss



Series: Light Up The Dark [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Ben Solo, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Smut, F/M, I'm trying not to make the burn too slow but I usually fail, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Possessive Ben Solo, Possessive Kylo Ren, Slow Burn, Soft Kylo Ren, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Touch-Starved, Virgin Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 161,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24401710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ieatboyss/pseuds/ieatboyss
Summary: You always enjoyed the stories your adopted father would tell you. When he passes away, the books in his shop are all you have left of him. One very strange and incomplete book catches your attention along with a confusing letter addressed to you.A twist of fate lands you somewhere in between what is real, what isn’t, and what you have the power to change. Perhaps the old man wasn’t as crazy as you thought he was.(Not as Meta as it sounds I swear)
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/You, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Series: Light Up The Dark [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990099
Comments: 217
Kudos: 259





	1. Strike a Match

**Author's Note:**

> This fic isn't going to be like the other "oh no you're in the star wars universe for some reason" fics. I promise. Not that there's anything wrong with those. I could definitely be wrong but I've never seen a story go the route I plan to with this so keep that in mind before you're like "nah."

  
  


_I wanna see you light up the dark_   
_While everyone is sleeping_   
_We'll be wide awake_

_Would you save me a spark?_   
_We'll start a fire that shines a light in the dark_   
_Strike a match_   
_Make it last_   
_We are all we need_   
_Would you save me a spark?_   
_We'll light up the dark_

_Sleeping with Sirens - Save Me a Spark  
  
_

* * *

It all started with an old man and a book. Reading has always been somewhat of an escape for you. While growing up you really didn’t have anyone in your life, at least not until you were older. Your parents died when you were young, too young to remember anything about them. There was a car accident and you were the only one that survived, or so you were told. Your parents had didn't have any friends or extended family so you ended up in the foster care system. 

Being tossed from one foster home to another took its toll on you. You were self sufficient and did your best to avoid attachments. That changed when you were thirteen and stumbled upon a unique little bookstore within walking distance of the foster home you were staying at. At the time, your foster parents really didn’t care enough about you to track your comings and goings as long as you were alive and they could benefit from it. You’d think wandering around Brooklyn on your own as a kid would be something a responsible adult would frown upon, but not your foster parents. Out of sight out of mind.

The small bookstore was fittingly called the World Between Worlds. It was the only place you could go for peace and quiet. While you were there you didn’t think about the shitty foster family you were staying with, the shitty school you were going to, the lack of friends and family, none of it. 

It really was like you were in your little own world and in that world, you didn’t have to be alone, not if you didn’t want to be. The bookstore's owner was an older man named Ben Kenobi or Obi-Wan Kenobi, depending on who you asked. He mostly kept to himself and was a little strange but in a good way. He frequently had full conversations with no one but himself. He seemed to be wise beyond his years and you always had the feeling he knew more about you than even you knew about yourself. None of that bothered you though. If anything, it made you more fond of him.

Somehow he found out about your less than stellar home life. It wasn’t really hard to guess how bad you had it based on your clothes and general condition. He’d ask questions every now and then but respected you enough not to pry when he sensed he was approaching a sensitive subject. You didn’t know much about him but you respected him enough not to pry as well. Unexpectedly, he became the closest thing you had to a father. That feeling only intensified when he adopted you a few months after you started spending literally every moment you could at his bookstore. After years without a parental figure, you had one, at least for a while.

Obi was a great father, albeit, a strange one. You had everything a kid your age could want and then some. Every night, even when you hit your teens, Obi would tell you a story before you went to bed. The stories were always set in space but the characters differed and so did the settings. He told you about strange hairy aliens called Wookies. He named off different planets and what he knew about them. He even taught you how to read and write in your own secret language. To go with the space theme the two of you enjoyed so much he called it 'galactic standard.' It sounds silly but learning a language only the two of you could read and write is one of your fondest memories of him. 

Right before you turned nineteen, Obi got extremely sick, seemingly out of nowhere, and the doctors had no idea what was wrong with him. Towards the end, he started to make less and less sense. He spoke quite a bit about a man named Anakin and the ‘chosen one’. When you asked about Anakin he’d only say that he was his brother and he failed him. It was confusing and depressing to watch as the only father you've ever had lost his grip on reality. 

He died a week after getting sick. In true Obi-Wan fashion, he went out with a bang though. He left the bookstore to you and more money than you knew what to do with under the stipulation you ‘stay on the right path.’

Sadly, he didn’t have any friends or family, just you. You tried your hardest to find an ‘Anakin Kenobi’ but you couldn’t find any information on Obi’s brother anywhere in his personal belongings. You even resorted to Google and came up with nothing. He was just an old hermit with a bookstore and an adopted daughter. There was no point in having a funeral service with only you attending but you did purchase a burial plot for him. While standing alone at the cemetery you realized once again just how alone you were.  
  


* * *

  
When you opened the bookstore the day after his burial you found something out of place on his desk in his office. Obi was nearly obsessive when it came to keeping the books sorted appropriately so finding a random book on his desk was odd. On top of the strange book was a letter addressed to you in galactic standard.

Before opening the letter, you quickly flipped through the pages of the book to see what it could be about. It looked ancient and unfamiliar. It wasn’t something you had read before. Hesitantly, you opened the envelope and read the confusing letter Obi had left you.

_If you’re reading this it means I’ve become one with the Force once again and my time with you has ended._

_If I am gone that means I’ve done what was required of me and we’re one step closer to bringing balance to the Force._

_I failed Anakin but I won't fail you or his family._

_No one’s ever really gone._ _I will always be with you._

_Trust your instincts. Trust the Force._

_  
-Obi Wan Kenobi_

The letter was obviously written after he got sick because once again what he was saying didn’t make any sense. It didn’t mention the book at all but it was obvious he wanted you to read it. That day you sat behind the register of the bookstore you now owned and read the book from front to back.

It was the most interesting book you’ve ever read and it was right up your alley. The old man must have known that when he left it to you but you weren’t sure why he gave it to you after he was gone. You would have loved to read it when you were younger.

The book starts out a long time ago in a galaxy far away and is completely set in space. It was the story of a family that had the misfortune of being very powerful magic wielders. They called it ‘the Force’ which finally shed some light on what the hell Obi had been talking about towards the end. The good guys were Jedi’s and the bad guys were the Sith and both sides had laser swords they called lightsabers. There was the good side of the Force, which was the light and there was the bad side of the Force, which was the dark side. It was literally everything you liked in one book. 

After a fair amount of backstory, the book gets into the main plot point. After years of peace a new group of space radicals emerged, hoping to take over the galaxy. The First Order was bad news all around and the only ones standing up to them was the Resistance. However, the Resistance was severely outnumbered and desperate for back up. The strongest Jedi disappeared and had not been heard from for years. However, his sister, a former princess and general of the Resistance, found a map to his location. 

A girl named Kira, an orphan scavenger that you could relate to on a painful level, gets dragged into the conflict and turns out to be a really powerful Force user. The bad guy, Kylo Ren kidnaps her for information, she gets out, he kills his dad, they fight, she wins, leaves him for dead, and escapes with her friend.

The book continues after that but some of the pages are faded and chunks of the story are missing before the text stops all together. The last chunk of the book is nothing but blank pages. From what you’re able to decipher, the faded chapters and missing text are about Kylo Ren. It seems he’s not exactly the cold hearted monster a majority of the book makes him out to be. In fact, you can relate to him quite a bit as well. You assumed maybe that’s why Obi left you the book, because he knew you could relate to the characters. 

It ended up being your favorite book, not just because of the compelling story but because it was the last thing Obi had given you. You tried to find the origin of it, hoping you could find another complete copy of the one you had but no matter how hard you searched you couldn’t find any information on the author or the publisher. The book was incomplete and not knowing how it was supposed to end was driving you insane.

At first it was a reminder that, like Obi said, no one is ever really gone. You carried it everywhere in his old satchel that you basically used as your purse. You had intended to leave the book at home once you were done grieving but it became a part of you and never left your side.

* * *

It's been close to a year since Obi died, and you're starting to heavily consider signing up for a couple of college courses. Not just because you feel like you're wasting away at the bookstore day in and day out, but because the loneliness is slowly starting to consume you. The thought of possibly making a friend or two is appealing. 

You close the shop a little bit early with the intention of walking back to your apartment, getting your car, and driving to the nearby university to speak to an advisor. Although you have a car, you and Obi used to walk to and from the shop. It's a good 30 minute walk, depending on whether or not you stop anywhere on your way home, but old habits die hard. Even though Obi's gone, there are still some things you like to do as if he wasn't. After zipping up your hoodie, putting on your favorite Spotify playlist, and putting in your ear buds, you slide your phone into your back pocket and start the familiar walk home.

In hindsight, the timing of everything was highly suspicious. Your phone vibrates in your back pocket, which is weird considering you have no friends or family anymore. As you're trying to pull your phone out of your pocket, the strap to Obi's satchel rips. You grab the strap as soon as you realize what happened, but you're a second too late. Your phone and your bags contents spill out into the street. Without realizing what you're doing, you lunge for the book and straight into the path of oncoming traffic. There's no way you can move out of the way of the cab that's barreling towards you.

You're hoping if the cab hits you straight on, things will end quickly and painlessly. With the book in your hand you close your eyes and wait for the inevitable. The smell of burning rubber fills your nose and the screeching of tires fills your ears. You're hit extremely hard from the side before your head slams into the pavement and everything goes black.

* * *

The pain in your head is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and you’re a little happy about it. You can’t have a headache if you’re dead right? Unless you’re in hell but you’re a bit cold and isn’t hell supposed to be hot? Although, an excruciating migraine for eternity could be a form of punishment. You weren’t the best person but you hardly did anything damnation worthy. 

Without opening your eyes, you try to bring your hands up to your temples but you can’t. Confused and a little frightened, your eyes snap open and you’re greeted with a bright light that makes you squint. After blinking a few times to adjust to the light, you look down at your hands.

You’re shackled to a weird chair that looks like something straight out of the Saw movies. You try several times to free your hands by pulling at the metal bindings around your wrists but it’s no use. Realistically, you don’t expect it to work but you have to try. When freeing yourself is obviously not an option, you finally look up and take in your surroundings.

You’re in some sort of circular futuristic holding cell. The ceiling is red and grated and the walls are black and lined with various, what appear to be, control panels and lights. As your eyes scan the room, they land on a lone figure crouching so still you thought he was part of the decor. The black and chrome mask he's wearing makes it impossible to see his face but you're sure he’s staring at you. 

“Where am I?” You ask a bit hoarsely. You’re not sure how long you were unconscious but it appears to have been long enough to make your throat dry and scratchy from lack of use.

“Does the physical location really matter?” 

His voice is distorted via some sort of voice modulator built into his mask but the gentleness in his tone can still be detected, if only slightly. You expected hostility considering you’re apparently his prisoner.

Unexpectedly, he stands and closes the gap between the two of you. You’re not usually intimidated easily but the man is huge. It’s hard not to be uncomfortable considering you’re literally strapped to a chair and unable to move or defend yourself, should his intentions be less than honorable. His long black sleeves, black gloves, black boots, and black tunic really drive home the evil villain vibe he’s giving off. You can’t quite place your finger on it but he feels familiar in a way. You've definitely never met this masked man but the situation you find yourself in is giving you deja vu.

As he approaches you, he waves his hand and the shackles around your wrists and ankles open on their own. If you weren’t being held prisoner you would have asked him how he did that because it was the coolest thing you’ve ever seen and reminds you of Obi’s book and the Force and...

...wait... 

This entire scenario...there's no way... 

Maybe you really are dead and this...this...dream...is some sort of reward for not being a horrible person in life. Maybe you get to reenact your favorite story before you fade away into nothingness. If that’s the case you’re fully prepared to ride this out to its fullest. Except, you don’t want to follow in Kira’s footsteps. You don’t want your story, even if it’s a hallucination of sorts, to end like hers. Does that mean you can decide how this plays out? Sort of like the 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books you used to love when you were younger. 

“You’re not afraid of me?” The masked man asks while tilting his head slightly the way a puppy would. “But you are confused and intimidated.”

His comment snaps you out of your temporary epiphany. You’ve read the book enough times to know what Kira says and how this next part plays out. You intend to do your best to divert the story away from hers and see how much freedom you have in this situation.

“No I’m not afraid of you and of course I’m intimidated. You’re gigantic and until a few seconds ago you had me restrained and unable to defend myself should your intentions be more of a...perverse nature.”

His breath hitches through his helmet as if he’s shocked by what you just said.

“Perverse nature? You thought...No. No that’s not what this is nor will it ever be. Not while you’re in my presence. You’re my guest.”

“Last time I checked, guests aren’t kidnapped and held against their will in a cell. A good _host_ would introduce themselves without a weird helmet. A good _host_ would explain what the hell is going on. So far your accommodations are subpar at most. If this was an Airbnb you’d be getting a one star review.”

This ‘interrogation’ was not going how he had imagined at all. He had expected you to be terrified and willing to answer any and all questions he had for you. He expected you to be confused and disoriented once you woke up. If anything you seem to be angry and defiant and he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation at all. You’ve thrown him off and unsettled him in a way he's unaccustomed to.

He reaches his hands up to the back of his helmet and releases a clasp. The helmet opens with a hiss before he removes it from his head.

Character backstory's and their plot line within the book is clear, at least it is in the parts of the book that are intact. However, the physical description of characters was minimal, leaving much to the imagination. Kylo Ren is supposed to be the villain and the villain isn’t meant to be attractive. At least that was your mentality until the man in front of you removed his mask. Your mouth opens slightly and your eyes widen almost comically. The man in front of you is gorgeous and could easily pass as a Disney prince. A Gothic, emo, brooding Disney prince. 

You expected an almost sinister look to him but the man in front of you has a soft almost pained look to him. His face could almost be described as sensitive and through his eyes you can see turmoil, as if he knows he’s supposed to be the bad guy and is doing his best to play the part but he’s struggling with the role.

His slightly curled shoulder length black hair and his whisky colored eyes draw you in immediately. You do your best to rack your brain for the details of his character. He's the prince of Alderaan, the planet Darth Vader had destroyed. Alderaan was his mother, Princess Leia’s home planet. His backstory wasn’t revealed quite yet, not entirely but you know about his master Snoke and the hold he has on him. Maybe he really is the victim in the story and not the emotionless evildoer he's trying to be. 

When he cocks an eyebrow at your response, you realize your mouth is slack and you’re practically drooling. You can feel your cheeks warm with embarrassment, no doubt red as a strawberry, much to your dismay. If he knows what you’re thinking he doesn’t show it.

“Is it true? You’re nothing but a scavenger?” he finally asks.

That statement instantly irritates you for two reasons. You’re definitely not a scavenger, at least not in your reality. Even if you were or are in this story, he makes it sound like you’re beneath him and that’s not something you’re okay with.

“Is it true, you’re nothing but a power hungry asshole?”

For the slightest moment his face shows the shock he felt at your statement. He wasn’t expecting you to be so brash and confrontational. Even though it was only for the slightest moment, you're happy to see you unnerved him.

“Tell me about the droid.”

Right, the droid with the map to Luke Skywalker. The droid's name is BB-8 but you can’t remember his specifications so deflection is going to be your friend here.

“Tell me who you are.”

His jaw ticks with annoyance as he narrows his eyes at you. 

“You don’t know who I am? Surely you’ve heard of me,” he responds with a hint of arrogance.

“If I knew who you were would I be asking you for that information? You obviously think very highly of yourself for you to assume everyone in the galaxy knows who you are,” you scoff. 

“It may have escaped your notice but you are in no position to make demands or ask questions. You’re a prisoner and-”

“I thought I was your guest?” 

You can’t help but smirk at the obvious annoyance you’re causing him. He’s obviously not used to his captives fighting back, not physically, but verbally.

“I want what is located in the droid's memory. It’s carrying a section of a transgalactic navigational chart. We have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire. We need the last piece. Somehow, _you_ convinced the droid to show it to you. You. A simple solitary scavenger. How is that?”

Although his words have a bit of bite to them, you have the feeling that isn’t necessarily his intention. He appears to genuinely be confused over how you were able to find the map. Everything he’s said so far has had a bit of bite to it. You’re starting to think it’s his lack of people skills that causing this.

“Well, it seems like my people skills are miles above yours. Maybe he just liked me a lot. Maybe if you were nicer to people, and droids, it would get you farther than kidnapping does. I mean, is this working out the way you thought it would? I bet you thought I’d be terrified once I woke up and I’d give you all the information you’d ask for without hesitation. Am I right?”

You were right and it angered him greatly. His left eye twitches slightly as he visibly becomes angered by your words. It’s then you realize he’s a powerful Force user in the book and is capable of causing you a lot of pain. Maybe you should dial back the snark and attitude, at least a little.

“I know you’ve seen the map,” he says through gritted teeth. “It’s what I need. At the moment, it’s all that I need.” 

When you glare at him without responding, he almost sighs with resignation. He really doesn’t want to hurt you or invade your mind. He’s aware how violating that can be and he had hoped you would willingly confess to avoid it but apparently he was naive to think that.

“You know I can take whatever I want.” 

That statement was a lot sexier in person than in the book. You thought the statement was hot without even knowing what Kylo Ren looked like. The man in front of you saying it was taking it to a new level and you couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation you are in. 

You know what’s coming next and you know it’s going to hurt. He’s going to dig around in your head, which already feels like it might physically explode. But that doesn’t stop the laugh that unintentionally slips past your lips.

His eyes widen when you have the audacity to laugh at his threat and he changes his line of thought. Maybe he wouldn’t mind hurting you and tapping into your mind. Not only are you upsetting him but you’re thoroughly confusing him. He’d be able to find out what you knew and why you were so unbothered by him knowing he could cause you harm.

“Listen handsome, you can definitely take whatever you want from me,” you say while winking. 

His cheeks turn so red they look painful and it makes you laugh a little harder. “That being said, if you try to dig around in my head, I _will_ fight you on it. My head already feels like it’s going to split in half, so why not add to the pain. I won’t make it easy for you though,” you say and cross your arms.

  
  


“So far nothing about this interaction has been easy. I would have preferred to avoid this. Despite what you may believe, it gives me no pleasure. I will go as easily as possible, especially if you’re already in pain- but I _will_ take what I need.”

You lean your head back and close your eyes after taking a deep breath, preparing yourself for the pain you are likely about to experience. When you notice movement, you lower your head, open your eyes, and watch as his hand rises toward your face and touches your cheek gently. Almost too gently considering what he’s about to do. You stare at him until his eyes meet yours. They really are the prettiest eyes you’ve ever seen. It’s hard to look away. 

The probe doesn’t feel like you thought it would. Although unpleasant, there isn’t much pain, not compared to what you’re already feeling anyways. There’s a pinch of sorts followed by heavy pressure. You can definitely tell someone was digging around in there. Aside from the weird feeling, memories flash through your mind as if you are watching TV and rapidly flipping through the channels. He sifts quickly through each memory until he finds what he's looking for.

To your surprise, a lot of your actual memories aren’t there. There are small glimpses of things, like you stress crying over an exam, you crying because you were lonely, a lot of you crying in general. But nothing that could give away your life before this. There are also memories that don’t belong to you. Kira’s memories from the time she was little only it was you in her place. As he shifts through them you can see he’s getting closer to the recent events which meant he was getting closer to seeing the map. You’re not quite sure how him finding the map so early in the story would change how it unfolds but you don’t want to find out. Things don’t turn out well for anyone in this story as is and you desperately wanted to change that.

“You’re so lonely,” he murmurs with a hint of general sincerity in his tone. You’re doing your best to clear your mind but his closeness, his extremely pleasant scent, his eyes, all of it is incredibly distracting. Especially because he seems to be inching closer to your face.

He’s partially right, in your reality you’re extremely lonely, painfully so since Obi died. His words cut deep but only a little and only for a moment. Tears are threatening to fall until you see his eyes dart to your lips then back to your eyes. It happens so quick that if you blinked at the right moment you would have missed it.

You're torn between wanting to hit him and wanting to kiss him, maybe both at the same time. The urge to kiss him starts to fade the moment he opens his mouth again.

“Your parents abandoned you and since then you’ve been looking for a father figure and a mother figure. Han Solo,” Kylo continues relentlessly. “He feels like the father you never had. A dead end, that vision. Let it go. I can tell you for a fact he would have disappointed you.”

You divert your eyes, hoping it isn’t obvious that his words are affecting you. The sensitivity he had shown you at first is long gone and he’s purposely trying to get to you. You don’t remember meeting Han Solo but the feeling you get when thinking about him makes Kylo’s words ring true. 

It’s then you realize that you're actually crying, and it pisses you off. No one gets to make you cry, no one except yourself. The hurt tears quickly turned to angry tears and the change in your emotional state must have been visible because his snarky facial expression falters. All the rage and frustration you feels bubbles up and spills over as you bring your eyes back to his and defiantly glare at him once again. 

Even though the glare you're giving him would make most men cower, he leans impossibly closer. All you have to do is move an inch closer to him and your lips will be on his. You know it will unerve him more than anything you could say to him, considering how easily you made him blush. But he's pissed you off beyond belief and unfortunately, his mental intrusion is giving you a bit of insight on what your life would have been like had you grown up in this reality as Kira.

“I know you’ve seen the map. It’s in there and I am going to take it,” he says with a slightly softer tone.

You want to push back against his mental probing, you want to throw him off. Throwing his own loneliness and isolation in his face seemed to work in the actual story but you don’t want to go that route, even though he's doing it to you.

“Go to hell,” you say angrily.

He narrows his eyes and his focus, never breaking eye contact. You meet his stare without looking away, even though the intensity of his stare is intimidating. Instead, you glare back with an equal amount of intensity.

There is _something_ interesting, something he can’t place as he rifles through your memories. Not the map he wants, but he can tell he’s getting close to it. There’s something there he needs to investigate. He shifts his perception toward it, hoping to identify and analyze whatever he’s feeling but can’t. He hits a barrier that stops him cold. He blinks with surprise. It makes no sense. He pushes hard, into your mind, not caring if it causes you any pain this time but he comes up blank. The probe went nowhere.

A look of amazement replaced the fear on your face. You did it, you don’t know how but you forced him out of your mind and he very obviously can’t get back in. Not only did you block him, you can see into his mind and find yourself incredibly drawn to him. The two of you share a feeling of isolation and loneliness that is so strong it almost brings tears to your eyes. 

"Don't be afraid...I feel it too," you whisper to him.

You somehow do two things at once. While sifting through his mind you project a few of your thoughts...the not so innocent ones. You show him how you felt and what you thought the moment he removed his helmet which makes his cheeks redden. While throwing those thoughts his way, you quickly lean in and press your lips against his, knowing he has never been this close to anyone before. As you predicted, your unexpected action shocks him. He freezes for a moment before leaning closer to you to reciprocate the kiss. When he realizes what he’s doing he pulls away from you quickly. Shock, and what you assume is lust, washes across his face.

“You’re just as lonely and isolated as I am. You feel like you have no one, no one who understands you, no one that loves you or needs you. You’re afraid it will always be like that. You want to prove to the galaxy how strong you are by following in your grandfathers footsteps.”

He's visibly confused and rattled when he continues to back away from you. He maintains eye contact but both of you can feel that something's different, something's changed. 

Without another word, he grabs his mask and puts it on before he abruptly turns to leave the room. Glancing over his shoulder, he pauses and waves his hand in your direction. The restraints that were hanging open around your ankles snap shut and your arms are pulled to your sides by invisible hands before they're also re-shackled. You're rendered immobile once again. 

“You’re a really shitty host!” you yell before the door slides shut behind him.

In the corridor, Kylo leans against the wall, trying to catch his breath. The entire encounter with you was unsettling. He wasn’t sure what happened and being uncertain made it impossible for him to know how to proceed. The way you spoke to him and your attitude, you were unlike anyone he had ever met before. Your memories didn't make sense either. Some of the things he saw were extremely confusing. He’d witnessed you sleeping in the wreckage of an old AT-AT one moment, then the memory would shift to you siting next to a window with tears running down your face while watching the rain fall. The view outside your window wasn’t like any planet he’d been to. Your clothes were different as well. 

When he sees a couple of stormtroopers enter the corridor, he composes himself and straightens his posture, doing his best to appear as if everything is normal. One of the troopers approaches him, visibly uncomfortable at having to do so. 

“S-s-sir...the Supreme Leader is requesting you,” the man stutters.

Kylo nods and heads towards the area where he’d be able to speak with the Supreme Leader. One of the troopers walks beside him, accompanying him as if he can stop Kylo from bolting should he decide not to follow orders. He doesn’t notice Kylo look back over his shoulder at the holding cell you are currently trapped in.

***** If you want a preview of what's to come or an idea of where this story is going you can watch this little trailer I made for it. Be warned, there's potential spoilers so if you want to be surprised I suggest avoiding this video *****


	2. Someone to  Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up:   
> This chapter will also be TFA heavy but after this one it will veer off on to its own path. I promise it's not going to follow TFA after this chapter.

* * *

_"You were alone left out in the cold_   
_Clinging to the ruin of your broken home_   
_Too lost and hurting to carry your load_   
_We all need someone to hold_

_You've been fighting the memory all on your own_   
_Nothing washes, nothing grows_   
_I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain_   
_We all need someone to stay_

_Hear you falling and lonely, cry out_   
_Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?_   
_The end of the day, I'm helpless_   
_We all need someone to stay_

_Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Someone to Stay_

* * *

“The scavenger girl resisted  _ you _ ?”

The large and intimidating holo of Supreme Leader Snoke asked Kylo Ren incredulously. The annoyance and disbelief in his tone was evident.

“That’s all she is, a scavenger from inconsequential Jakku. She’s untrained in the Force and stronger than she knows,” Kylo said, maskless. He did his best to act neutral, as if nothing substantial happened between you and him. He wasn’t sure what Snoke would do to him if he found out not only did you kiss him, but he kissed you back. Nothing good would come from Snoke knowing about the conflicting emotions you had stirred in him since the moment you opened your mouth.

Snoke paused and stared down at Kylo intensely, scrutinizing him. He did his best to hide his nervousness as Snoke studied him but deep down he knew, Snoke was suspicious.

“You have compassion for her.” Snoke said as a statement, not a question.

“No- never. Compassion? For an enemy of the First Order?”

“It’s not her strength that’s caused you to fail, it’s your weakness.” The comment hurt, but Kylo made sure his features were schooled enough to hide that.

Before he could defend himself, General Hux entered the room to place the blame on their inability to obtain the droid and the map on Kylo.

“General, prepare the weapon. Destroy the Ileenium system. Show the Resistance the power we have,” Snoke replied after hearing Hux’s report.

Hux knew a dismissal when he heard one. He turned his back on Snoke, smirked at Kylo, and left the assembly chamber.

When Kylo was sure Snoke’s attention was back on him, he spoke.

“Supreme Leader, I can get the map from the girl but I need your guidance.”

Snoke leaned forward until he was looming over Kylo. 

“It appears that a reminder is in order. So I will show you the power of the dark side. Bring the girl to me.”

* * *

The moment the door slides shut behind Kylo, you start struggling against your shackles, hoping to free yourself. Realistically you know that isn’t going to happen but you can’t just sit there and wait for him to come back. He might not even come back. He might send someone else to do god knows what. You lean your head back against the chair and take a couple of deep breaths to compose your thoughts. Your mind wanders to the book and what happened while Kira was in the chair.

A few minutes pass and the door slides open once more. A single stormtrooper enters the room. He says nothing as he stands next to the door, gun in hand, staring straight ahead. At least you think he’s staring straight ahead. You can’t really tell with the helmet on.

In the book, Kira used the force to mind trick a stormtrooper into leaving her his weapon and removing her restraints. That sounds doable except you have no idea how to use the Force or the mind trick. 

“Hey!” 

Just to make sure he’s looking at you, you call out to him. You’re not sure whether or not you have to make eye contact with someone to trick them. Since you can’t see the troopers face, you’re hoping by calling out to him he’ll look at you.

He angles his head slightly before taking a couple steps toward you. You take a deep breath and clear your mind as best as you can before staring directly at the troopers white helmet. 

“You will release me from this chair and give me your gun,” you say as calmly as you can.

The trooper straightens his posture, pulling his shoulders back before taking a step closer to you. When he’s within arms reach he leans in close to your face. Even though Kylo was wearing a mask when you first saw him, for some reason, you weren’t as uncomfortable in his presence as you are with the trooper in front of you.

“Shut your mouth scavenger scum,” he says as if your presence alone disgusts him. 

That pisses you off and gives you a new sense of determination. Once more, you take a deep breath and clear your mind. 

It occurs to you that their guns may not be called guns and you can’t remember if Obi had called them something different. Maybe changing your phrasing would make a difference. 

“You will release me from these restraints and you will drop your weapon,” you say through gritted teeth.

The man straightens and lowers his arms to his sides.

“I will release you from your restraints and I will drop my weapon,” he says robotically as he drops his gun and works on the restraints. 

Seconds later, and you can move your arms and legs again. The trooper is silently staring at you with his arms at his sides. Hesitantly, you climb out of the chair and pick up his discarded gun. You’re not sure how the mind trick stuff works which means you don't know if he’s going to snap out of his trance right away.

“You will climb into the chair and restrain yourself.”

“I will climb into the chair and restrain myself.”

You’re really proud of yourself for being able to use the mind trick so quickly and you feel like a badass knowing you basically have magic powers.

Once the trooper is in the interrogation chair with both ankles and one hand shackled, you slide the strap of the gun over your shoulder, adjust it so the gun hangs at your side, and close the distance between you and the trooper. Once it’s obvious he isn’t going to lunge at you, you quickly clasp the last restraint on his one free wrist, leaving him completely immobilized.

With your new, heavier than you expected, gun in your hands, you quickly exit the room before the trooper snaps out of his trance. 

* * *

Kylo had devoted many years to learning how to live with an absence of emotion but at the moment, everything he learned was just out of reach. He stood in the empty corridor outside of the assembly chamber, struggling to control himself as a myriad of emotions flowed through him. You are completely untrained in the force yet you were able to access his mind as easily as if you had been doing it all your life, like you had as much training as he did. 

Not only did he feel like a failure for being unable to extract the information you had, he felt weak. Weak because you overpowered him and because he allowed himself to succumb to his physical need for closeness, for affection. The only way he could remedy this was to see you again. At least that’s what he told himself.

“S-s-sir,” a nervous trooper stutters as he approaches him. Kylo had been so intensely lost in thought he hadn’t realized a trooper had not only entered the corridor, but had been addressing him for several minutes.

Kylo’s head angles his head towards the trooper, indicating he was paying attention.

“T-t-he girl…”

“What about the girl?” Kylo asks through gritted teeth. He knows whatever the trooper is about to say will not bode well for him.

“She’s...she’s gone. She escaped and we haven’t been able to-” 

Kylo’s hand shoots out towards the man. The trooper is thrown by an invisible force towards him and stops once his neck is firmly in Kylo’s hand.

“How?” Kylo asks, voice filled with rage.

“We...don’t...know...he...can’t...remember,” the trooper gasps. Kylo throws him roughly to the ground. 

“Sound the alarm and make sure she doesn’t get very far. She is to remain unharmed.”

Kylo turns to leave the corridor but is stopped by two more troopers.

“Sir, a  Corellian YT-1300f light freighter has been spotted in a crop of trees, not too far from base. My men are investigating it now. Orders?”

Kylo’s head was spinning. Things have progressively gotten worse for him since the moment he found you. He’s about to tell the trooper he will personally investigate the familiar ship himself when he feels it, a familiar presence he hasn’t felt in over a decade. His father is nearby.

“Search the ship thoroughly and find the scavenger. If she’s not on the base she’ll be heading towards the freighter. Post men nearby to prevent that from happening.”

“Yes sir,” the troopers say in unison as they pick up the trooper Kylo had choked. Once the troopers round the corner, Kylo turns and makes his way towards his father.

* * *

Once in the corridor of the ship, you pause. The book doesn’t go into detail after Kira gets out of her restraints. All it says is that she escapes and runs into her friends. You have a feeling you should go left but you’re second guessing yourself. Obi’s words suddenly ring through your head.

_ Trust your instincts _

With your decision made, you quickly turn left and sneak down the corridor. To your surprise, the halls are nearly empty. When you do come across a trooper, you’re able to quickly hide in a nearby room or against the wall.

Out of habit, you’re staring down at your feet while walking, which is why when you round a corner you run into someone. Reflexively, you raise your gun at whoever you just ran into and look up. A wookie, an older man with grey hair, and a dark skinned boy around your age are staring back at you with their weapons drawn as well. You know who they are, you just hope they recognize you and aren’t expecting Kira.

“Y/N?”

You release a breath you didn’t realize you were holding as Finn closes the small distance between you and pulls you roughly into a hug. The jostling causes your head to throb and you can’t hold back a wince. Han sees it and places a hand on Finn’s shoulder.

“Easy, she’s hurt.”

“You’re hurt? Where? Did Kylo Ren hurt you?” Finn asks with concern and hatred at the mention of Kylo. He releases you but places both hands on your shoulders and looks you up and down in search of injuries.

“No he didn’t hurt me. I have a really bad headache, that’s all,” you say with a small smile. You personally may not know Finn but he’s Kira’s friend which means he’s yours and you share Kira’s fondness for him.

Your eyes leave Finn’s concerned ones and land on Han. Suddenly the urge to hug him overwhelms you. You aren’t much of a hugger but Kira’s feelings toward the older man rush through you. Knowing Han’s fate makes the emotions stirring within you even stronger. If you don’t change the story the man with the kind eyes and mischievous smirk will be dead soon. 

Surprising him, you step away from Finn and wrap your arms around Han. He stiffens momentarily before hugging you back. Your eyes well with tears the moment he gives you a quick and comforting squeeze. Crying over someone you just met is strange and unfortunately you have a feeling this won’t be the last time it happens.

“You okay kid?” Han asks nervously.

You clear your throat and take a step back, embarrassed at your actions. Quickly wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, you smile at him before glancing towards Chewbacca. Obi’s description of wookie’s didn’t do them justice. Chewbacca is huge and if you didn’t know a little bit about him you’d probably be terrified.

“Yeah. I’m just...thankful you guys came back for me,” you lie.

“Of course we came for you!” Finn says, his tone suggests he’s slightly offended you thought he wouldn’t.

“We should go back to-”

Before you can finish your sentence, alarms start blaring throughout the base.

“We already disabled the shields. The Resistance is going to start attacking the base soon. We need to get out of here and fast! Follow me,” Finn says as he takes your hand in his. He pulls you down the corridor you were going to enter before plowing into him. You glance over your shoulder to make sure Han and Chewie are following close behind you. 

After a few left and right turns, an exterior access door opens as you approach it, leading you out into the snow. You instantly start to shiver. X-Wings fly overhead in an attempt to damage the base but they’re severely outnumbered as more and more TIE Fighters appear in the air. 

Solemnly, Han turns to face you and Finn. You’re sure whatever he has to say isn’t going to be positive until his facial expression goes from solemn to hopeful.

“Chewie has a bag of explosives. It would be a shame for us to haul them all the way back to the Falcon,” he says with a smirk. Chewie roars and nods in agreement, happy all hope isn’t lost. They don’t know what you know though. 

“Where’s the best place we can place these that’ll make the biggest impact?” Han asks while staring at the battle taking place overhead.

“The oscillator but there’s no way for us to get in. Especially now that they’ve set off the alarms.”

You close your eyes and sigh. The only way to get into the oscillator is through you. Finn takes Kira to a conventional junction station and gets them access to the oscillator. When Finn and Kira meet back up with Han it’s to watch as he is killed.

If you don’t get them into the oscillator millions of people would die. At what point did this stop feeling like some sort of near death experience induced fantasy dream and turn into a real life or death situation? You’re in an awful position and for the first time since waking up, you wished you weren’t in Kira’s place. This little vision or dream of yours isn’t fun anymore.

When you sigh your three companions look at you for an explanation.

“If you can get me to a junction station I can get the doors to the oscillator open,” you practically mumble. The three of them look happy and hopeful and they don’t understand why you aren’t.

“Get us in. If you can do that, we’ll be ready,” Han says while staring at you with a concerned look on his face.

“Okay let’s go. There should be some speeders over there. We can go to the junction station, Han, you and Chewie head to that structure. Once she works her magic the doors will slide open and you’ll be able to plant the explosives.” 

Chewie nods and starts to walk towards the building Finn had directed them to. Han meets your eyes before following after Chewie. 

“See ya round kid.” 

He smirks and quickly walks away in an effort to catch up to Chewie. Finn starts to pull you away but you jerk your hand out of his and chase after Han.

“Han wait!” you call out to him, pausing him in mid step.

Han turns to face you with a surprised look on his face. He hasn’t known Kira long but how you’re behaving now is a lot different than how she behaved and he wasn’t sure why that is.

You’re shivering and your teeth are chattering from the cold. Kira’s dressed for the desert, not for a blizzard. 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Han asks, concerned.

“Listen…I...Right now when you get in there...when you get in...when you,” you try to explain but you’re shivering and your teeth are chattering so hard it’s making it hard to get out what you need to say. Han chews the inside of his cheek before removing his aged, brown, leather pilot’s jacket and places it over your shoulders. It’s so warm you can’t help but sigh. Your teeth stop chattering within seconds.

“Better?” 

“Yes, thank you. Right now...when you get in there...You’re going to see someone and you’re gonna wanna talk to him. Don’t. No matter what you see, no matter who it is, please turn around and get back to the Falcon with Chewie,” you plead. 

“What are you talking about? Who am I gonna see?”

Han narrows his eyes suspiciously knowing you know more than you’re leading on. Could you tell him? Would that make a difference? Would he believe you? There’s only one way to find out. You were running out of time and options. 

“I know how crazy this is going to sound. Trust me I do, but please hear me out.” 

You wait for Han to give you a sign indicating he’s going to keep an open mind. When he nods, you continue.

“I’m not...I’m not from this..this time. I mean, I might be from this time but I’m from a different...universe I think.”

Han doesn’t laugh or call you a liar so you take that as a sign to keep going. 

“Trust me. I know how it sounds but it’s true. I’ll gladly explain what I know after this but if you go in there...if you go in there,” you pause and swallow the lump forming in your throat. How do you tell someone they’re meant to die within the hour?

“I bite it don’t I?” Han says with a sigh.

You nod and stare at the ground. Faintly you hear Chewie howl for Han to hurry up and Finn call out to you to do the same. The blasts above you combined with the sounds of the ships flying overhead make it hard to hear.

“Can you tell me how so I can try and avoid it? I’ve gotta go in there kid. They’re counting on us,” he gives you a serious look. The same look Obi would give you when you were being stubborn over something simple.

“Kylo Ren. You call out to him, he meets you on a bridge, and he kills you. You can go in there but you need to avoid him. Please Han.” 

Han’s facial expression changes when you mention Kylo Ren. At first he looks shocked but then it turns into a look of determination which you don’t like one bit.

“I’ll be fine kid. Go with Finn. If it’s my time to go, it’s my time,” he says as he places his hand on your shoulder to give you a reassuring squeeze. It doesn’t reassure you and it makes the lump in your throat worse.

“Please Han, avoid him if you can,” you plead once more, knowing deep down that he’s going to meet Kylo Ren anyways.

“I’ve been in worse situations than this ya know,” he smirks before giving your shoulder one last squeeze. “Go on. We’ll see you back on the Falcon.” He nudges you towards Finn who’s starting to head back in your direction. Reluctantly, you turn away from Han and head towards Finn. Han calls out to you before you’re out of earshot.

“Hey kid, tell Leia I tried and tell my son I know,” Han yells towards you before turning and jogging towards Chewie. You keep your eyes on him until he fades into the snow knowing that will more than likely be the last time you see Han Solo alive.

* * *

After a short speeder chase and some mechanical work you didn’t realize you could do, Han and Chewie have access to the oscillator. You and Finn stand on a small platform above the bridge Han would die on. When you glance down at the bridge, Han is standing near it but isn’t crossing it, he’s merely watching Kylo as he walks away.

Maybe Han is going to listen to you? 

“Ben!” Han’s voice echoes throughout the structure. You close your eyes and take a deep breath because you know it’s too late. Han knows what’s about to happen but he still chooses to confront Kylo Ren.

Ben? Ben Solo? That’s Kylo Ren’s real name? The book mentions Kylo being Leia’s son but it doesn’t say anything about his name. You’re embarrassed for not connecting the dots sooner. 

This new piece of information helps you understand why Han chose to call out to the masked man regardless of the warning you gave him. You’re hoping before this whole experience ends you’ll be able to find out why the son of a princess and a smuggler went to the dark side. 

You can’t help but think about the only other Ben you knew, Obi, and what he would do in this situation.

“Han Solo,” Kylo says as he stares across the bridge at his father. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.” 

If the structure you’re in didn’t have an echo there’s no way you’d be able to hear their conversation.

“Take off that mask. You don’t need it,” Han says with a commanding tone a father reserves for his son. You don’t want to watch anymore because you know what’s about to happen. 

“I’m going down there,” you say as you turn towards the stairs to the left of the platform you’re on.

Finn grabs your hand to stop you before you can get too far. “Are you crazy? That’s Kylo Ren down there and there’s stormtroopers surrounding him. If we go down there, we’ll be killed.”

“If I don’t do something Han is dead. I’m not going to stand around and watch his son stab him through the chest,” you say angrily as you yank your hand out of Finn’s. Kylo drops his helmet and the sound of metal hitting metal echoes throughout the vast open space below.

“What? How do you know that?” Finn asks, mildly shocked as he looks down at Han and Kylo who are now within arms reach of each other. You’re running out of time.

“I just do okay!” You say a bit louder than intended. You glance down to see if your outburst got anyones attention but no one seems to have heard you, except Kylo. His eyes meet yours for a split second before his attention goes back to his father. From where you’re standing you can barely make out his facial expression. He looks like he’s in physical pain which doesn’t make sense. His eyes are slightly swollen and his cheeks are tear stained. He’s intentionally choosing to kill his own father, why is he crying about it?

You try to head towards the stairs again but Finn grabs your hand once more.

“Finn, let go of me now. We’re running out of time!” 

“If we go down there we’re dead. If what you say is true, if Kylo is about to kill his own father, what makes you think he won’t kill us next? If we stay up here we have a chance at least.”

“He won’t kill me,” you say hesitantly. 

“What makes you say that?” Finn asks as he glances between you and where Han is standing.

“I...I don’t know...I just know he won’t. I can’t explain it,” you say confused. You’re not lying just to shut Finn up, you have a gut feeling telling you despite Kylo’s behavior, he wouldn’t kill you. Finn’s eyes widen while he’s staring down at Han. Your eyes leave his and immediately dart to Kylo.

He removes his lightsaber from his belt and offers it to Han. Han glances down at the saber then back up to Kylo. As Han is about to take it from him the light from outside is completely blocked by the flow of dark energy. 

“BEN NO!” you yell but it is too late. 

The moment you yell is the moment Kylo ignites his saber. A look of shock momentarily washes over him and he stares back at you as if he can’t believe what just happened. When Han extends his hand to cup Kylo’s cheek, Kylo’s eyes leave yours and focus on Han. 

The blade of Kylo’s lightsaber protrudes from Han’s back. He quickly extinguishes it and pulls the hilt away from his father. Han leans against the railing of the bridge before he falls over the edge.

As soon as his father's body is out of sight, Kylo falls to his knees and glances back up at you. Your face is streaked with tears as they continue to fall. You’re extremely confused by what you’re seeing and feeling. The villain in the book didn’t have visible remorse over what he did. He didn’t fall to his knees after watching his father's lifeless body fall into an abyss. He didn’t look up at Kira with an expression that conveyed how utterly distraught he was at his own actions. The man staring back at you did though.

As Kylo starts to climb to his feet, a roar filled with pain and anguish echoes throughout the structure. A moment later, a blast from Chewie's weapon hits Kylo in the side, bringing him to his knees once more. The stormtroopers all around you start firing towards Chewie and then towards you and Finn. 

“We’ve gotta go! Come on!” Finn pulls at your hand as he fires down towards Kylo.

“No! Don’t!” you grab his arm and pull him backwards.

“What are you doing?” Finn practically yells.

“I…” 

What are you doing? You just watched him stab his own father through the chest. Why do you care whether or not he lives? You can’t answer that. All you know is that you do, you do want him to live.

“I just think we should go before-”

Multiple explosions begin simultaneously as Chewie sets them off.

“We’ve gotta get back to the Falcon. Chewie will meet us there. Let's go!” Finn yells as he leads you back out into the cold.

* * *

After hopping back onto the speeder the two of you had commandeered earlier, you and Finn abandon it at the edge of the forest and take off on foot towards the Falcon. Just in case a stormtrooper or two happen to be guarding it, both of you keep your blaster in hand.

“Why did you call him Ben?”

“What?” you manage to ask even though your lungs are burning from not only running but from the cold.

“Back there. You yelled ‘Ben’ instead of Kylo like you knew him,” Finn responds as the two of you dart between trees.

You open your mouth to answer but stop when you hear a lightsaber igniting and see the trees ahead of you glowing red.

“Stop,” Kylo says as the two of you come to an immediate halt.

Right. This is where you’re supposed to fight Kylo. Your heart is beating almost out of your chest at the thought. You know how to fight a little, Obi taught you. But Kylo is a skilled and experienced fighter both with the Force and hand to hand combat. You aren’t sure how you’re supposed to defeat him like Kira had. 

Even though you couldn’t see his wound, it’s obvious Kylo is in a lot of pain. His face is glistening with a thin layer of sweat and he’s leaning to one side, the side Chewbacca hadn’t shot.

Finn tries to protectively push you behind him, which is a nice gesture but unnecessary. It’s then you notice the hilt of a lightsaber tucked into the back of his pants. To your knowledge, Finn doesn’t know how to use a lightsaber and you don’t know where he got it but you’re interested in finding out.

If you try to shoot Kylo he’ll easily dodge it and knock you into a tree, leaving Finn to fight him alone. It’s bad enough he killed Han, you don’t want to see Finn hurt too.

“I’m not fighting you,” you say as you toss the blaster into the snow in front of you. 

The angry and exhausted look on Kylo’s face softens until Finn speaks.

“What?! We’re not turning ourselves into this monster! You saw what he did back there! Who knows what he’ll do to us!” the blaster in Finn’s hand is knocked away with the swipe of Kylo’s hand.

Finn’s hand reaches behind his back to grab the lightsaber hilt next. Before he can ignite it, Kylo moves his hand and Finn’s body flies backwards. The lightsaber falls to the snow at your feet as he’s slammed roughly into a tree. The loud ‘crack’ of the impact echoes throughout the trees. Things are different now, different from the book. Maybe you can still change how this interaction with Kylo ends.

“Finn!” you yell as you rush over to his side. You fall to your knees next to him, press your hand to his neck, and check for a pulse. Luckily, you find one easily. He’s unconscious which is good because you’re pretty sure his back is broken. Once Finn is out of the picture, Kylo deactivates his lightsaber and clips it to his belt. You’re unarmed and you surrendered. There’s no reason to keep it ignited.

You get to your feet but before you stand you grab the lightsaber Finn dropped in the snow. Although Kylo’s face has softened, he still looks infuriated. 

“You need a teacher,” he says with his hand pressed to his side. Blood is dripping down his pant leg and onto the white snow beneath his feet. “I can show you the ways of the Force.”

“Okay.” 

He opened his mouth to respond with a threat, expecting you to argue or snap at him with some sort of sarcastic remark. So when you easily agreed it thoroughly confused him. You never say what he thinks you’re going to say. 

“Okay?” Like a confused puppy, he slightly tilts his head to the left.

“Okay, but I’m not going back to whatever ship you and the First Order call home. I’m not going anywhere with you. You come with me and you can teach me everything.”

“Me? Come with you?” he scoffs. “Where? You have no friends, no family, and no home. Where exactly would we go hmm?”

“Wherever you want to go. We can get away from the First Order and away from the Resistance. That’s my offer,” you say shakily. You’d be lying if you said you aren’t a little afraid of him right now. You’re not sure how comfortable you’ll be alone with him in a small ship when he's as irritated as he is, but you’re being genuine and you have no idea why.

“The moment I let my guard down you’ll hand me over to the Resistance. Do you really think I’m that stupid?” he sneers and points a shaky finger at you.

“No, I don’t think your stupid, but that’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”

“That’s not how surrendering works. You’re coming with me whether you want to or not,” he says through gritted teeth as his irritation begins to grow. 

Kylo thinks you may be genuine when you offer to run away with him. But why? He hasn’t been nice to you since the moment you met. Why would you want to spend time with him? You just watched him murder his father yet you’re offering to leave with him. It had to be a trap. But if that’s the case why can’t he sense any deception?

“No, I’m not coming with you. I said I wasn’t going to fight you, I didn’t say I was surrendering.” 

You’re close enough to him that you can see his jaw tense with irritation. Irritation but not as much hostility. Maybe he’s considering your offer. 

When you unintentionally roll the lightsaber hilt between your fingers, Kylo’s eyes dart to it, then widen. The shock he feels at the sight of the lightsaber in your hand is unmistakable and it quickly turns into anger.

“That lightsaber—it belongs to me,” he practically growls. 

You don’t move at all as you stare back at him with the hilt in your hand. You already gave him your blaster, you’re not giving him the lightsaber too, especially when it obviously means something to him.

He seems to be having some sort of internal debate with himself because he’s quiet for a few seconds before the hand he had been using to apply pressure to his side leaves his wound and stretches out towards you.

On it’s own volition, your body is lifted a foot off the ground and flies towards Kylo’s outstretched hand. The force of the pull causes the lightsaber hilt to slip from your fingers and fall to the snow covered ground. Your hands instantly cover the hand he has wrapped around your throat. 

He sneers at you and opens his mouth to say something but pauses when he realizes you’re wearing his father's jacket. His grip on you falters for a moment before he shakes his head, as if shaking away unwanted thoughts, and grips you tighter.

“As I said, you’re coming with me whether you want to or not,” he says through gritted teeth. He stretches out his other hand towards the lightsaber you dropped. To his frustration, it stays in the snow. He can see it shaking slightly but it isn’t moving. He narrows his focus on the hilt again, momentarily forgetting about your throat in his other hand.  You’re starting to see spots and you feel like you’re losing consciousness. He’s actually going to kill you. So much for following your instincts and changing the story for the better. 

“P-ple” you’re struggling to speak but it’s not easy when your airway is blocked. You’re about to beg for him to release you but stop when you realize his other hand is outstretched in an attempt to call the lightsaber to him.

You release one of Kylo’s wrists, still gripping his hand with the other. Your free hand goes behind your back and you open your palm. Closing your eyes, you try to relax which is extremely hard without oxygen, and focus on what you want.

The saber still wouldn’t respond to Kylo but it was starting to move more than before. The movement distracts him enough to loosen his grip on your throat. The moment you feel the pressure around your throat lighten slightly, you inhale the little amount of air his grip allows.

The lightsaber Kylo is focusing on, pulls itself out of the snow, and launches itself straight into the hand you have behind your back instead of Kylo’s outstretched one. The small amount of air you were able to inhale wasn’t enough. You’re rapidly losing consciousness and barely have enough energy to act. As if it’s second nature, you ignite the lightsaber, lift your arm over your head, and bring it down on Kylo.

He sees what you’re about to do and uses the force to shove you away, far enough to dodge the blow, but he’s too late. The lightsaber in your hand slices him from his forehead all the way to his chest. 

His scream pierces the air around you and he falls onto his back. The little air you had managed to inhale before he threw you is knocked out of you when he pushes you to the ground in an effort to put distance between the two of you. 

The ground below you starts to shake violently which is a clear sign you need to get to the Falcon immediately. You extinguish the lightsaber, shove it into your waistband, and slowly climb to your feet. Kylo is on his back breathing heavily, struggling to sit up but failing at it. The look he’s giving you is murderous but there’s an underlying hint of fear.

The ground below you shakes even more and starts to split in front of you. You glance between Kylo and Finn. The slowly forming chasm between you is quickly widening. You have seconds to choose: stay with Finn or stay with Kylo. Chewie is coming for you guys so Finn will have a way off of Starkiller but Kylo has no one. 

Without second guessing your decision you turn your back on Kylo and run towards Finn.

Kylo isn’t sure why, but a lump forms in his throat as he watches you turn your back on him. Once again, he’s alone and he's going to die that way. As he’s about to lay down and accept his fate, he sees you spin on your heels. You run at full speed towards the chasm and leap over it. After hitting the ground roughly, you roll head first towards Kylo. Your body stops right next to his and for a moment you panic. 

The confused look on his damaged face eases your fear. 

Your eyes leave his when you notice the snow below him is quickly turning red as he continues to bleed out. You remove the weird and useless scarf Kira wore around her waist, ball it up, and lean towards Kylo. You move slowly, thinking he is going to stop you but he doesn’t. He watches you as you apply pressure to his wound. 

Tears threaten to fall when you glance over your shoulder to where Finn was still laying. You feel awful for leaving him alone but you know he'll be okay. When you turn back to look at Kylo, hes still staring at you, confused. The scarf is slowly turning red with blood but it seems to be slowing.

You stick your free hand in Han’s jacket pocket, hoping you’ll find something that can temporarily help his son but you don’t find anything useful. There is something in his pocket though. Your fingers wrap around the two small metallic squares and pull them out of the jacket pocket.

As you opened your mouth to say something, the forest fills with light and the sound of the Falcon’s engine as she hovers close by. The lights fade but the trees stay illuminated around you as Chewie sets the Falcon down nearby. Seconds later, Chewie barrels through the trees towards Finn.

He roars and looks around for you. When his eyes land on you, you don’t miss the way he glares at Kylo. 

“Take Finn back first then come back for me,” you shout over the sound of the planet slowly imploding. Your throat burns when you yell and your voice is hoarse thanks to Kylo’s death grip on your throat.

Chewie grunts an acknowledgement and reluctantly walks back to the Falcon with Finn in his arms. 

“Why?” 

Kylo finally asks the question he’s been wanting to ask since the moment you abandoned your friend to stay by his side.

You’re crying and you have no idea why. All you know is that you don’t want him to die, despite what he’s done

“I...I don’t know...I just know I don’t want you to die...even though you’re an asshole and almost strangled me,” you chuckle through tears which no doubt makes you look insane. The entire situation is insane. 

The Falcon ascends and closes the distance to you before lowering not too far away. Kylo glances around, no doubt fearing the wookie will come back to finish the job. 

You open your mouth to speak but one again stop when you hear the sound of ships approaching. When you glance up towards the sky, several First Order ships are hovering nearby, looking for Kylo.

“Go,” he says quietly.

“What?” you ask, a bit shocked.

“Go before they find you,” he repeats a little louder.

You see Chewie waving for you to get to the ramp while the First Order ships close in on you.

“Come with me,” you say urgently. 

“No. My place is here, with the First Order, with the Supreme Leader,” he says with as much determination he can muster but it’s obvious bullshit.

“Please,” you say once more.

His eyes finally meet yours, but it's only for a moment. He swallows thickly and breaks eye contact.

“Go now. My place is here,” he repeats.

You reach out and grab his still gloved hand and turn it until his palm is facing up. Shocked, his eyes meet yours before glancing at your hand.

“You know where you belong, and it’s not here.”

You place, what appears to be, a set of gold dice into the palm of his hand, close his fingers around them, get to your feet, and sprint towards Chewie.

When Kylo opens his hand and realizes what you left, he gasps and cranes his head over his shoulder, his eyes seeking yours but failing. He watches as you ascend the ramp to his father's ship and leave the planet without a backwards glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta [Ginger Solo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliforniaQueen) for dealing with me brainstorming and asking for advice when I can't make a decision to save my damn life.


	3. Deathbeds

_Eyes like a car crash  
_ _I know I shouldn't look but I can't turn away  
_ _Body like a whiplash  
_ _Salt my wounds but I can't heal the way I feel about you  
_ _I watch you like a hawk  
_ _I watch you like I'm gonna tear you limb from limb  
_ _Will the hunger ever stop?  
_ _Can we simply starve this sin?  
_ _Deathbed, all I'll see is you  
_ _The life may leave my lungs  
_ _But my heart will stay with you  
_ _The waves will pull us under  
_ _Tides will bring me back to you  
_ _Like a ghost in the silence I disappear  
_ _That little kiss you stole  
_ _It held my heart and soul  
_ _And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate  
_ _Don't try to fight the storm  
_ _You'll tumble overboard  
_ _Tides will bring me back to you_

_Bring Me the Horizon - Deathbeds_

* * *

The trip back to the Resistance base is uncomfortable. Not only because of Finn’s battered body lying on a small bed in the Falcon, but because of Chewie. He’s obviously upset about Han, you both are. He’s known him for decades though and to your understanding, they’re practically brothers. You can’t help but feel like he may resent you for showing Kylo compassion, considering he tried to kill him himself. You’re not one to spill your feelings and/or have emotional one-on-ones but the silence is uncomfortable and you really don’t want the large wookie to hate you.

After making sure Finn is okay, you leave his side and enter the cockpit with Chewie. When he doesn’t acknowledge you, you hesitantly sit in the pilot’s seat next to him. You’re not sure how much time has passed but it feels like an eternity without a word said between you. You decide to put on your big girl panties and address the elephant in the room.

“Chewie...I’m...I’m sorry about Han,” you say quietly. He gives you a small grunt but says nothing so you continue. “I know you’re probably mad at me for staying with Kylo back there. I could have left him...I probably should have but I couldn’t. There’s some part of me that cares about what happens to him and I have no idea why that is. It may be because of Han, I don’t know. But I couldn’t leave him alone in the snow.”

The entire time you’re speaking you’re laser focused on your hands in your lap, avoiding eye contact with Chewie for as long as possible. When you finish your little speech and he still says nothing. When you look up at him he’s staring straight ahead and there’s no sign he’s planning on acknowledging you or responding. You sigh and stand. There’s no point in sitting in uncomfortable silence with Chewie when you can sit in uncomfortable silence next to Finn who is currently unconscious and incapable of being angry with you. That will definitely change once he wakes up though.

As you’re about to leave the cockpit, one more thing comes to mind. 

“Han knew what he was doing. I told him what would happen if he walked across that bridge and confronted Ky...Ben. It's hard to explain how I knew what was going to happen but I did and I told him and he still went. Maybe you know what he meant but he asked me to tell Leia he tried and he asked me to tell Ben ‘I know.’ I don’t know what any of that means but maybe you do.”

With that out of the way, you leave the cockpit and sit next to Finn for the remainder of the trip.

* * *

The Resistance base on D’Qar is exactly how you imagined it would be: green, lush, and somewhat chaotic. Having grown up in Brooklyn, you’ve never seen so much green in your entire life. Instead of the noisy sounds of sirens, car alarms, traffic, and people in general, you’re surrounded by much more pleasant things, like tall green trees, fresh clean air, and wildlife. All you have to do is blockout the chaotic sounds of ships landing and their pilots planting their feet on the ground to appreciate it.

The ships that made it out of the battle at Starkiller are landing around you and their pilots are quickly jumping out of their ships and running to various loved ones or posts to report to who knows who. 

Chewie lowers the Falcon’s ramp with Finn in his arms and exits the ships without a backward glance at you. You’re not sure if you’re terrified that the Wookie basically hates you or if you’re sad, it may be an equal mix of both. 

As you walk down the ship your eyes connect with a short grey haired woman and you know instantly you’re looking into the eyes of the Resistance General and former princess, Leia Organa. 

You’re not sure what to do as you walk up to her. What if she blames you for what happened? What if she’s mad at you like Chewie is? Your worries are eased when she gives you a small smile once you’re within arms reach of her. It breaks you. An ugly sob racks through your body and you cover your face with your hands, embarrassed at the first impression you’re making. You’re about to lower your hands to apologize but can’t because the older woman wraps her arms around you which only makes you cry even harder. 

“I’m so sorry about Han. I tried...I tried,” you manage to choke out.

“I know dear. I know,” she says as she rubs your back to comfort you.

When you manage to calm down, you pull away from her and give her a tear soaked smile. 

“Chewie is mad at me because of what happened with Kylo after-” Leia interrupts you the moment you mention her son.

“What happened with-” she asks but is interrupted when a man with black curly hair marches toward you with a very angry look on his face. You assume he’s a pilot based on his orange uniform.

“You! Is it true?!”

“I...uh...what?” you ask, confused. You have no idea who the man yelling at you is and you’re not sure what you’ve done to piss him off. It seems to be a recurring trend so far, everyone is mad at you and Leia probably will be too. In a very unattractive way, you wipe your nose with the back of your hand and roughly wipe the tears from your face.

“Is it true you left Finn alone in the snow so you could go comfort Kylo Ren?” the man practically spits as he yells at you. Leia’s eyes widen at his words and she glances from him to you.

“That’s not exactly how it happened. I-” the angry pilot cuts you off and takes a step towards you.

“So it is true. He’s your friend! How could you abandon him for that...that monster! He’s-”

“That’s enough Dameron!” Leia practically yells. Everyone shuffling around you stops and starts to gawk at the scene the three of you are making. You’ve known Leia less than ten minutes and you’re already a little scared of her. 

Despite her size and her age, the power the woman emanates is astounding. It’s not magical Force power, it's a commanding presence that proves she’s a force to be reckoned with. You know without a doubt you never want to do anything to piss off the frowning woman stepping in front of you to protect you from a verbal thrashing.

“General-”

“No. I don’t want to hear it. You don’t even know her or what happened. You have no right to interrupt our conversation to yell at her about something you weren’t there for.”

“Yeah but Chewie-”

“You weren’t there and Chewie was only there for half of it so get the hell out of my face and _never_ talk down to me again. I don’t care that I’m new here or that I don’t have anywhere to go. If this is how I’m going to be treated you guys can fuck off. I’d rather go back to Kylo and the First Order than be treated like shit,” your scratchy voice cracks while you rant at Dameron, courtesy of Kylo’s death grip on your neck. It makes your speech a little less threatening but based on the looks you’re getting from the now frozen spectators, the message is still delivered.

Dameron's lips are slightly parted, either from shock or because he was about to speak when you cut him off. Leia, however, is smirking at you mischievously. Something tells you that’s usually not a good thing.

“Well, it should go without saying, but you’re dismissed Poe. Once you’ve calmed down and remembered your manners you’re more than welcome to seek us out. Until then, I have a few things I’d like to discuss with her privately. Come on dear,” Leia says almost cheerfully as she holds out her elbow for you to take.

You scowl at Poe as you pass him and keep your eyes trained on him until you hook your arm with Leia’s. Part of you wants to turn and smile at him, to rub this victory in his face. Maybe later. There’s only so many enemies you can make in one day.

* * *

Leia leads you through the Resistance base in silence, seemingly ignoring the strange looks you are getting as you walk arm in arm with the general. Once in her office, she gestures towards a chair next to the only window in the room. Obediently, you walk over to the chair and sit down nervously. You know she’s going to ask about Han and Kylo and you’re not sure how much of the truth you should tell her. It didn’t make much of a difference when it came to Han’s fate. 

She has her back to you in the far corner of the room, bustling around, doing who knows what. You start to zone out until she calls your name.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” you ask sheepishly.

She gives you a sympathetic smile as she walks over to you with a warm mug of some unknown liquid. You take the mug from her and thank her as she sits down in the chair opposite of you.

“That should help with your throat and the bruising,” she says with a small frown as she glances at the finger shaped bruises around your neck.

“Thank you,” you rasp.

When you bring the mug to your lips and take a sip, it takes everything in you to not spit it out immediately. It’s disgusting. You try to hide your disgust but know you’ve failed at it when Leia starts to chuckle. 

“I’m sorry dear. I think I forgot the sweetener. Over there, on that small counter,” she says as she gestures towards the far corner of the room.

You get to your feet, walk over to the counter, and stare at the various food and drink items she seems to be hoarding in her office. It’s obvious she spends quite a lot of time in this room. While staring at her snacks, you notice the writing on all of the items. It’s not in English, it’s in the secret language Obi had taught you, Galactic Standard.

“Um...General? What is this language called?” You ask hesitantly while staring at the sweetener. 

“The language?” Leia seems taken aback by the question. “It’s called Aurebesh or Galactic Standard,” she says with a furrowed brow as she watches your reaction. You nearly drop your mug of the liquid garbage you’re going to have to force yourself to drink.

“Are you alright dear? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

The choice of words makes you laugh almost maniacally. It kind of feels like you’re seeing a ghost. None of what’s happening makes sense and the more you learn about your surroundings, the more you’re starting to realize there was a lot more to Obi-Wan than you thought there was.

“Yeah I’m fine just...weird day,” you say as you dump 90% of the sweetener into the drink, praying it makes it tolerable. 

You stir the drink with the small spoon Leia left on the counter before walking back to the chair and sitting across from her. Hesitantly, you take another sip of the drink which is thankfully tolerable. Leia sees the relief on your face and smiles.

She allows you a few moments to drink the concoction before asking you to tell her what happened on Starkiller. There wasn’t any way to tell her what happened without telling her the truth. Resigned to the inevitable, you sigh and set your mug down on the small table next to your chair.

“Do you want to know about Han first or Kyl-”

“Please, call him Ben,” Leia says with a sad smile.

“Sorry, it’s a habit I’m trying to break,” you say apologetically.

“Can you tell me everything from the beginning? Maybe start at Takodana where Ben found you.”

You don’t realize you're biting your lip nervously until Leia leans forward and rests her hand on your knee.

“It’s okay. I can handle whatever it is you have to tell me.”

“Um...well it’s not that simple. I don’t remember anything that happened before waking up on Starkiller. I mean...there’s random memories I have that aren’t mine but I don’t remember what happened on Takodana.”

“Was it that bad? They somehow managed to erase parts of your memory?” Leia asks with an unsettled look on her face.

“Oh...no...not exactly. So I have to tell you the truth in order to explain what happened with Han and Ben. But the truth is absolutely insane and I wouldn’t blame you for kicking me off the base for being mental. I told Han and oddly enough he didn’t question it but he’s the only one that knows the truth.”

“Tell me.”

* * *

To her credit, Leia handled everything very well, even when you told her about Han’s death at the hands of her son. You thought she would react negatively when you told her what happened between you and Ben, including your kiss, but she didn’t. In fact, she smiled at you, a hopeful smile. When you told her about your home back in Brooklyn, getting hit by a car, and the book, she took that well too.

After you finish telling her everything, the two of you sit in silence until it becomes uncomfortable.

“So…you really do believe me?” 

“Oddly enough, I do. The question is, why were you sent here? Is getting back home an option?”

You haven’t really thought about going home considering you’re pretty sure you’re dead there. Getting run over by a cab at high speed doesn’t normally end well for the pedestrian. 

“I don’t know if going home is possible. I may be dead there and this may be some sort of second chance at life. I don’t know. I honestly thought I was dead when I woke up in the interrogation room and this was some sort of fun dream based on the book. This dream is definitely not fun. It stopped being fun after Ben’s cheeks turned red and he scurried out of the room like he was on fire,” you smirk. 

“Ben was always such a sweet boy growing up. Sweet, timid, and easily embarrassed. We used to call him ‘our only hope,’ when he was a baby because he was born during a time of peace. Peace the galaxy had not seen in quite a while at the time. Obi-Wan-”

You spit out the drink you had just taken a mouthful of at the mention of your adoptive father’s name. Thankfully you’re able to turn your head just in time to avoid spitting all over Leia.

Her brows shoot to her hairline as you choke, cough, and wince at the pain it causes your already aching throat. You put your finger out, silently asking her to give you a minute to recover from the shock you’re almost in.

“What did you say? Did you say Obi-Wan?” you croak, barely understandable.

  
  


“Yes, Obi-Wan or Ben Kenobi, was a...family friend or sorts. We named Ben after him.”

You jump to your feet and begin to pace the room back and forth. You knew Obi was connected to what was happening but you didn’t realize to what extent. He’s known in this time. How is that possible? Did he raise you with the knowledge you have to prepare you for the time you’d spend here? If so, why didn’t he tell you? And the biggest question, why? Why are you here and are you stuck here? Home isn’t exactly something you’re in a hurry to get back to, not when you’re completely alone. But staying here and becoming part of the war effort doesn’t sound very appealing either. 

“Are you okay dear?” Leia asks with concern.

“No, I definitely don’t think I am. Did I mention my father, my adopted father’s name was Obi-Wan Kenobi? He died last year. He’s the one that left me the book and the letter.”

“What letter? Your father was Obi-Wan? I don’t understand how that’s possible.”

“Shit,” you say under your breath. You forgot to tell her about the letter. “When he left me the book there was a letter going on about the Force and Anakin, his brother. He said he failed Anakin but he wouldn’t fail his family, or something like that.”

“Your father was Obi-Wan?”

“Adopted father, but yes. I called him Obi but sometimes people called him Ben. I was with him for about six years before he died. I don’t know anything about my parents other than that they died when I was little.”

“How did you meet him?” Leia asks as she gets to her feet and walks over to the side of her desk. 

“His bookstore, the World Between Worlds I used to-” 

Leia’s head jerks towards you. 

“Let me guess, the World Between Worlds is exactly as it sounds and it’s an actual place here?” you sigh with exasperation.

“Well yes, and no. It’s more of a myth really. There’s information in the Jedi texts but to my knowledge no one has been able to prove its existence. It's like an alternate plane, it’s not really a place to visit. Luke would know more about it honestly. I just remember Ben mentioning it when he was younger. He always had his nose in a book.”

“Ben...Ben knows about the World Between Worlds?” You’re not sure whether that comforts you or unsettles you.

“Yes, at least he did when he was little. I don’t know if he knows any more than Luke does.” 

She gestures for you to come closer to her desk. Once you’re standing across from her, she presses a couple buttons on the side of the desk, and moments later an image is being projected from the center of it.

The hologram in front of you shocks you and brings tears to your eyes. Obi-Wan is standing next to someone that looks a lot like Ben only with lighter colored hair. On his other side is a woman wearing a headdress and enough makeup to make Pennywise jealous.

“Obi,” you say under your breath while smiling. Leia smiles at you lovingly when she sees the look on your face

“That bastard. How did he end up with me and why am I here?” You sigh as you rub your temples. Your headache still hasn’t gone away and now that you are no longer running on adrenaline, the pain is back with a vengeance.

Leia turns off the holo and sits behind her desk. She rests her elbows on top of it and clasps her hands in front of her face. She has a far away look in her eye while contemplating on what you should do next.

“I think you need to see Luke. I was hoping since we have the map I could convince you to find him for us. We need him badly if we want to win this war and he'll be able to help you as well. Our numbers are dwindling quickly. One unexpected attack by the First Order and there won’t be enough of us left to call ourselves the Resistance. Luke is our only hope.”

You haven’t told Leia everything that was said in the book, just what was essential for her to understand what happened between you, Ben, and Han. 

“Yeah about that,” you say quietly while avoiding eye contact with her. 

“What?” Leia asks, running her hands over her tired face. 

“In the book...there’s more than just what I told you. Well, there kind of is. Kira, who I replaced here I guess, goes to Luke after almost killing Ben, which I didn’t do. Luke has no desire to help her whatsoever. She spends a majority of her time training alone and leaves the island he’s on without any formal training and without Luke. I don’t...I don’t want to retrace her footsteps. I’ll help you guys as much as I can but I need to figure out why I’m here. Based on what’s happening here and Obi’s letter, I’m assuming it’s to somehow change the direction your lives are going. If you really _really_ want me to go to Luke I will but I’d rather not.”

You have no desire to see the look on her face when you tell her the only family member she has on her side isn’t actually on her side and refuses to help her, even if it’s a life or death situation. 

“Luke you bastard,” she sighs and rubs her temples. 

“I’m sorry Leia,” you say quietly.

“It’s not your fault dear. If anything I should be thanking you.”

“Thanking me? I’ve done nothing but cause trouble since getting here. I couldn’t save Han and I couldn’t save Ben. Chewie’s mad at me, Poe hates me, and Finn probably will too once he wakes up. I thought if I made some changes I could make things better but I’m making things worse I think.”

“You stayed with Ben when you didn’t have to. If what you’re saying is true, he’s conflicted and has been conflicted for some time now. By staying with him you showed him you cared, even if you don’t know him well. You showed him kindness and compassion when you didn’t need to, especially after what he did. I don’t know how but I have a feeling you’re here because of Ben. He plays a very big part in this war and bringing him back home, back to me, would not only help us win this but it would reunite me with my son.”

Leia stands and turns to stare out the office window.

“Leia...I don’t know-”

“You feel a connection to him and you have feelings for him even though you’ve never met him before. You woke up alone with him instead of at any other point in this story. He has feelings for you which I think we both know. My son has never been good with others so if he kissed you back he meant it. That type of thing was never something he took likely. His story isn’t complete in the book and once his story tapers off, the rest of the book is blank, correct? The ending of our stories rests on Ben’s shoulders and I think you have a bigger role in his story than you think.”

Unfortunately, she makes a point. You came to this realization while on the Falcon, headed to Leia. You’re hoping there’s another reason why you may be here but all signs are pointing to the emo prince you scarred, Ben Solo.

* * *

It feels like an eternity before things calm down after landing on D’Qar. You and Leia speak for hours about the past and the possible future. She even has food and medication for your throat brought to her office so the two of you can continue your discussion without any outside interference. She’s surprisingly okay with you forgoing Kira’s plan on tracking down Luke. She agrees that your best bet may be to find more information on the World Between Worlds, and if possible, on Obi-Wan. 

She suggests you practice using the Force and the lightsaber you took from Starkiller, the lightsaber that used to belong to her father, Anakin Skywalker. That useful bit of information was left out of the book which proves you can’t rely on the book for information as much as you thought you could, especially now that you’ve altered certain events.

You have used the Force multiple times and you’re sure you’ll be able to practice on your own without any help. The lightsaber training is what you can't do alone, especially since no one else on D’Qar has a lightsaber. For a second you think back to Ben’s offer to train you. Maybe you should have taken him up on that offer.

Everyone gives you a wide berth as you walk towards the infirmary to check on Finn. He’s in a medically induced coma and wearing some sort of protective bubble while lying in what looks like a clear coffin. He’s covered in various wires and wearing a weird water filled suit. The base itself looked reminiscent of an army base back home but some of their technology is far more advanced than what you have at home, case in point, the bubble boy-esque suit Finn is wearing.

The nurse says the suit is a flexpoly bacta suit. The suit circulates bacta and has its own filtration system as well as sensors with wireless telemetry. Bacta, you learn, is a healing fluid that can heal almost all wounds, including Finn’s broken back, with time. All of this new information would be a lot more interesting if you weren’t exhausted and completely overwhelmed with everything that’s happened.

After checking on Finn, Leia leads you to a small room on the other end of the base. It’s sparse but there’s a bathroom and a bed and that’s really all you want at the moment. You’re about to mention your lack of clothes but Leia has that handled already. There are a few sets of clothes folded neatly on the small table next to the bed and a pair of boots, all suspiciously in your size. When you ask how she knew she merely shrugs and smirks. You’re starting to realize there’s a lot more to Leia than you thought, just like with Obi-Wan. 

Next to the small bed and the clothes is a satchel that is eerily familiar to the one you used as a purse, the one that used to belong to Obi. Inside the bag are two ancient looking books that, according to Leia, are ancient Jedi texts. The plan is for you to rest for the night then do your best to make sense of the books tomorrow.

Leia doesn’t mention Ben again but you can tell she wants whatever action you decide to take to involve him in some way. 

After a very long and relaxing shower with some questionable but good smelling soaps, you crawl into the small twin size bed and sigh. It’s nothing compared to your bed at home but you might as well be relaxing at a five star hotel for as tired as you are. The medication the medics give you for your headache works almost instantly. They warned you that it would make you sleepy and they definitely weren’t wrong. 

The moment your head hits the small pillow, your eyes close, and you’re asleep...but not for long.

* * *

You wake up with a start, breathing heavily, and nearly falling out of the chair you’re apparently sleeping in. Your eyes snap open and to your surprise, you aren’t in the small room on D’Qar anymore. You’re sitting behind a familiar counter surrounded by familiar books, in Brooklyn. In an attempt to clear the fogginess you feel, you rub the sleep out of your eyes and stretch.

Was everything that happened a really vivid and depressing dream? What about the cab? Did you not get hit by a car? How long have you been asleep? When did you fall asleep? 

You should be relieved, you’re back home, you’re not in the middle of a galactic war. You didn’t have the fate of a lonely space prince on your shoulders. Leia’s not really around to place the last shred of hope she has for her son on you. You don’t have an angry Wookie or an angry pilot to avoid and your best friend isn’t in a medically induced coma.

Yet, you’re anything but relieved. Actually, you feel like crying. You’re alone again and although you have no desire to take part in a war, at least you weren’t alone there. You had the option to go back to Ben and have him teach you how to use the Force, and you had Leia. 

Holding back the tears that threaten to fall, you set your feet on the ground and slide off the tall chair you are perched on behind the counter. There’s a hot cup of coffee in front of you next to your phone and airpods. Glancing outside, you see the sky is dark grey and it’s pouring rain, your favorite type of day. 

Thinking back, you know for a fact the last time you were in the bookstore it wasn’t raining. When you glance down you’re surprised to see you’re still wearing the pair of leggings and tank top Leia had given you to sleep in.

You must be dreaming you’re back home while asleep on D’Qar. You walk to Obi’s office in the back of the store and glance around to see if anything looks like it’s out of place, it’s not of course, but your book is there. As you pick it up to skim the pages and look for changes, the little bell on the door rings, freezing you to the spot. The bell only rings when someone enters the store.

After setting the book back down on the desk, you walk out of the office but don’t see anyone. Frowning, you start to look around for the person. As you’re turning the corner to enter the last row of books you run into someone and nearly fall backwards. Before you fall, a pair of strong hands grip your shoulders to steady you.

The man in front of you is tall and thick. He’s wearing black sweatpants that hang dangerously low on his hips and a tight white shirt.

Rather rudely, your eyes trail from his bare feet, all the way up to his face which has a fresh gash half way across it. You gasp, shake off his grip on your shoulders, and take a step backwards.

“B-ben?” you ask, thoroughly confused. Your voice is still sore and raspy when you speak which makes you sound far more timid than you normally would

The side of his face that you slashed with the lightsaber is currently patched with some sort of black material, giving him a far more sinister look than the last time you saw him.

At first he looks just as confused as you are but that changes to shock and irritation when he realizes it’s you standing in front of him.

“Tell me where we are? What have you done?” he says through gritted teeth as he extends his hand towards you. You close your eyes and wince, expecting to be lifted by the force and thrown into his waiting hand like last time. When nothing happens, you slowly crack one eye open and look back at Ben. He pulls his hand towards his face and stares at it like it’s betrayed him.

Overcome with anger, and without thinking, you grab the nearest thing you can use as a weapon, books. You grab a book off of the shelf to your right and fling it at his head as hard as you can. Not used to not having the Force, Ben barely manages to dodge it. Luckily, you’re in a bookstore with a myriad of books at your disposal. You try not to think about how appalled Obi would be at the treatment of his books right now.

“You...complete...asshole!” you yell, throwing a book in between each word. Ben lifts his leg to block one then his arm to block another. You’re paying more attention to which book to grab than you are to the fact that he’s slowly inching towards you.

“What is wrong with you?! Are you going to choke me every time you see me? The least you could do is take me out to dinner first!”

Even though the strain on your throat is painful enough to bring tears to your eyes, you continue to yell. Before you can launch the book you have in your hand, Ben appears in front of you and grabs your wrist. With light pressure, he squeezes and gives your wrist a shake until you drop the book you’re holding above your head.

“Stop it!” he practically yells when you rear your other hand back to hit him with the book it’s holding. He grabs that wrist as well, brings them up in front of you, and pins them against your chest in between the two of you. 

You hadn’t noticed until now just how tall and large the man in front of you is. You were strapped to a chair the first time you met and the second time you were close to him he was on his back and bleeding out in the snow. He towers over you now and even though you should be scared of him you’re not. The fact that he looks really good in sweats and a slim tee has nothing to do with it.

You’re breathing heavily and you’re not sure if it’s because you’re angry or because of his proximity. Whether he realizes he’s doing it or not, Ben hasn’t released your wrists even though you’re no longer struggling against him. In fact, he starts rubbing small circles into them with his thumbs as he stares down at you.

“Where are we and how did we get here?” he asks quietly in an almost intimate fashion. 

“Well I think this is a dream but I don’t know how we’re both having it. Especially since you’ve never been here. You’re obviously you and not some figment of my imagination otherwise you’d be a lot nicer to me. As for the location, you’re in my world I guess. I mean you would be if we were actually here.”

“What?” Ben asks with disbelief as he releases your hands and starts to glance around the bookstore.

“Your world?”

“Does it hurt?” you ask, veering off topic as you stare up at him and his soon to be scarred face. Before you realize what you’re doing, you lift your hand and lightly trace his cheek with your knuckles. You’re not sure if the action startles him or hurts him but he recoils as if you're about to hit him.

“I’m...I’m sorry I shouldn’t have touched you,” you say as you turn away embarrassed.

You round the corner of the aisle and walk back towards the office. It’s no surprise when you hear Ben’s heavy footsteps follow close behind you. When his footsteps stop, you glance over your shoulder and watch as he takes in the room around him. One by one he randomly picks a book off the shelf, quickly reads the cover, and puts it back where he found it. 

Turning your back on him, you enter the office and pick up the old book again and sift through the pages. The beginning starts out the same but you’ve noticed the parts you’re involved in have changed.

“What is that?” Ben asks from behind you.

Startled, you drop the book but Ben catches it before it hits the ground. You have no idea whether or not he should be reading it and what will happen if he reads ahead of where you currently are in the story. 

“Give it back,” you demand as you reach for it. Ben merely lifts his arm a few inches and it’s officially out of arm's reach. 

“No, I don’t think I will. It’s obviously important. Why is that?”

You reach up on your tiptoes before jumping up and down a few times with your arm outstretched above your head. Your fingers strain towards the book but you still can’t reach it. Your eyes could be playing tricks on you but you think you see the hint of a smile on his face. While still out of your reach, Ben cracks the book open above you. Using his distraction to your advantage, you pull your fist back and punch him as hard as you can in the side. The punch knocks the air out of him and he drops the book as he crouches down to grab his side. Triumphantly, you grab the book mid air, bring it close to your chest with both arms, and back away from him.

The look he gives you is murderous and there’s blood on his hand when he pulls it away from his side. You gasp once you realize you just punched him where Chewie had shot him.

“I’m sorry! I forgot you were shot there. If we’re in a dream I shouldn't be able to hurt you.”

He says nothing as he brings his hand back to his side, glaring at you the entire time and breathing heavily. Without setting your book down, you walk to the small bathroom connected to the office and grab the first aid kit from under the sink. When you enter the office again he hasn’t moved an inch. 

“Sit,” you say sternly as you gesture towards your desk. 

He continues to glare and doesn’t move. 

“Damn it Ben just sit down. It’s not like I can hurt you...more. You’re huge and could easily hurt me again. I didn’t let you bleed out on Starkiller so I’m not going to now. Now sit the fuck down.”

You turn your back on him, which is probably a bad idea, and open the first aid kit. As you’re setting out the supplies you intend to use you hear him quietly approach you from behind, pause, then slide himself onto your desk. He’s so tall that his feet can almost touch the ground, even while sitting.

“You called me Ben,” he says quietly.

“That’s your name isn’t it?”

“At one time, yes. That part of me is dead.”

“Yeah that’s bullshit but keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night.”

You try to suppress a smile when you glance up at him and see him angrily clench his jaw. Averting your eyes, you open the large bottom drawer of your desk and put Obi’s book in it. Ben watches you the entire time without questioning you. You open the bottle of disinfectant and pour a healthy amount onto a large cotton pad before turning and facing him. Your eyes land on his hand which is still pressed firmly against his side before glancing up at him.

“Can you,” you pause and swallow thickly, “can you lift your shirt for me please?” He stares at you for a solid minute before removing his hand from his side and lifting his shirt up to his armpit. 

You try not to audibly gasp but fail when you see the now bleeding wound. His skin is bruised and discolored around it and all the way up his side.

“I’m sorry. My throat still hurts so I should have realized you’d still be hurt too,” you say quietly with a frown on your face. When you glance up at Ben, his eyes dart from the bruises around your neck to your eyes before looking away.

“This might sting,” you whisper before pressing the cotton pad gently against his side. He stays quiet but you don’t miss the way his body tenses.

It takes a bit but while you’re cleaning his side, Ben finally decides to speak.

“Earlier you said we’re in _your_ world. Care to explain?”

His deep voice breaks your concentration and your hand freezes at his side.

“It’s...it’s a long story and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Unless you know of a way to get us out of here I believe it’s safe to say we have time. Enlighten me.”

Your eyes meet his when you lift your head to look at him. The scowls gone but he still looks displeased which is understandable.

Sighing, you toss the soiled cotton pad and grab another. 

“I’m from here. This is my bookstore in my...universe. The only thing I can think of is multiverse theory, which I’m not sure you guys have in your universe. The planet I live on is Earth. Space travel is a thing but it’s rare and we’ve only traveled to the moon. We have cars, not speeders. We have guns, not blasters. We don’t have lightsabers either and the Force isn’t a thing here.”

“That sounds horrible.”

You chuckle and glance up at him. Of course, his face is stoic without any sense of humor. 

“It’s not bad if it’s all you know.”

“If this is an alternate universe, how did you end up on Takodana?”

You can’t help but frown when you see the wound on Ben’s side is no longer being held together by whatever he had on it and requires stitches. You know how to stitch but you’ve never actually practiced on a person.

“I’m going to need to stitch this so it doesn’t keep bleeding.”

“What exactly does that consist of?” He looks at you suspiciously as you pull out a needle and thread from the bottom of the first aid kid. His eyes widen slightly before the frown is back. “That’s barbaric. A bacta patch will be sufficient.”

“Yeah it would be, if we had those here.”

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with the hand not holding up his shirt. “Get on with it then.”

“It’s gonna hurt.”

“Trust me, I’ve had worse.”

That statement makes you frown because you know it’s true. What little you know about Snoke has made it clear he’s a tyrant and anything but kind to Ben.

“You’re deflecting and avoiding my questions,” Ben says as you start to thread the needle.

“I don’t really know what to say. It doesn’t make any sense to me. I was walking home and a car came out of nowhere and hit me. I blacked out or died...not sure which to be honest. When I opened my eyes I was cuffed to a chair and you were staring at me. As you can see our worlds are vastly different. I have memories that somewhat feel like they're mine but they weren’t there until I woke up with you in that room. I went to sleep not too long ago and when I woke up I was here, back home.”

Ben stays quiet while he thinks over what you're telling him. It is hard to believe, so much so that it's believable. Making up something this elaborate would be difficult and pointless. What reason would you have to make something like this up? It would explain your colorful choice of vocabulary as well as the random images he had seen when sifting through your memories in search of the map to Luke.

“You live here?” Ben asks as he nudges his chin towards the books out front.

“I might as well, but no. This is my dad’s bookstore, well, I guess it’s my bookstore now,” you say quietly. When you glance up at Ben, he has one eyebrow raised, silently asking you to explain.

“My dad got sick last year and died not long after. Since then this place is mine. We don’t sell much and the people that come in here are really random but it’s like a home away from home. If it wasn’t for this place I would have never met my dad so.”

“You were adopted?” Ben asks as he watches you anesthetize his wound.

“Are you ready?” you ask as you lift up the needle towards him so he knows what you’re referring to.

“Just get it over with,” he says with a huff.

You place one hand on his side to hold him still. He tenses for a moment before relaxing and almost leaning into your touch as he lets out a sigh and closes his eyes. You slide your hand down to pinch the wound together and start stitching.

“You clawed your way into my head, shouldn’t you know more about me? You specifically pointed out how alone I am and whatever you saw gave you the impression I was abandoned but I wasn’t. Yes, I was adopted. I don’t know anything about my parents other than they died when I was little and I have no other living relatives.”

“Is...is that what you were wearing when you fell asleep?” Ben asks quietly. The question makes you pause for more than one reason. The question seemingly comes out of nowhere considering the last question he asked was about your past. Why is he suddenly asking about what you’re sleeping in? You glance down and realize you’re very much not wearing a bra and the tank top Leia gave you is white. You start to get embarrassed and a bit self conscious, until you see Ben’s face which is as red as a tomato. He’s trying to look anywhere but at your face or chest. 

“Yes, this is what I went to sleep in. Is that what you fell asleep in?” you ask as you continue working on his side.

“Yes,” he says after swallowing thickly.

“It’s kinda funny. It’s basically what I pictured you’d wear if you were from my time.”

“You imagined me here...with you?”

Shit.

“Uh..well..no..I mean,” you huff at your inability to come up with a believable lie. “Why are you asking if this is what I went to sleep in?” Circling back to his question helped change the subject because he pursed his lips and continued to look anywhere but at you.

The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence for a few minutes while you neatly stitch him together. 

“Are you with my mother? Are you with the Resistance?” The question starts out hesitant but slowly becomes laced with irritation.

“Yes I am. She’s an amazing woman, strong, and intimidating. To be honest, she’s fucking terrifying and I feel bad for anyone that pisses her off.”

When you glance up at him he’s biting the inside of his cheek and staring down at you.

“As for your other question, I guess it depends on what you’re asking. Am I _with_ the Resistance, as in, am I on their side? I guess so but it wasn’t my intention. My goal is to find out why I’m there. I want to know what my purpose is. Unless I really am dead and the higher power is screwing with me before actually letting me pass on to whatever after life there is, if there is one. While I’m looking for answers I'm going to help your mom in any way I can. So if that makes me part of the Resistance then I guess I am.”

He mulls that over for a bit. It isn’t the answer he was expecting. He was expecting you to proudly say you were with the Resistance and you planned to do whatever you could to take down the First Order and in turn, him. Quite frankly, everything you do or say is unexpected. He hadn’t expected you to start pelting him with books and he hadn’t expected you to touch him, to want to touch him. He has no experience with the opposite sex, aside for his mother, but he does know that women rarely caress anyone other than lovers or their children. He’s obviously not your child which leaves one other option and he doesn’t dare consider it or the implications and what that may lead to. He's foolish to even entertain the thought that someone like you could have any sort of feelings for him other than contempt or hate.

“Do you want to come back here? To your...world.”

You’re finishing up the last few stitches as you answer the question you had asked yourself a few times since waking up on Starkiller base.

“I...It’s complicated.”

“I doubt that.”

You frown and glance up at him before glancing back down at your hands.

“This book store and my apartment are the only things I have here. I have no one and I’m not just saying that to be dramatic. The only person I had here was my dad and he’s gone. I’m completely alone. In your time, I have Finn, even though I feel like the memories I have of him aren’t really mine, they’re there though and I know he’s my friend. I know it’s weird but I feel like I have your mom too. I’ve known her less than a day but I can’t help but feel...I don’t know, close to her?”

You avoid Ben’s eyes when talking about Leia. When he first asked about her you noticed the softness of his voice when mentioning her. It appears not only is his father a sensitive subject to discuss, so is his mother. You’re desperate to find out what could have happened between them to lead him so far away from them and down the dark path he found himself on. 

You reach over and grab the small pair of scissors to cut the thread after finishing the last stitch. When you’re done you lean back a bit to look at your finished work and are proud to say you did a good job. Hopefully he won’t have another scar to add to the collection you’re now noticing he has littered across his upper body. Without realizing it, you press your hand against his side, above his neatly stitched wound, and start to slide it upwards. Slowly, your fingers gently move from scar to scar as if you're making a mental map of his body. 

The shiver that travels through his body at your touch snaps you out of your trance and you start to pull your hand away. Before you can, he stops you by placing his hand over yours against his chest. 

“Sorry, I don’t know why I keep doing that. I shouldn’t be touching you without your permission like a creep. Actually I shouldn’t be touching you at all. I-”

“It’s fine...it...it feels nice,” he says so quietly you almost miss it. The redness in his cheeks travels all the way to the tips of his ears which you can barely see through his hair. He turns his head away from you once he feels warmth in his cheeks, a tell tale sign that his embarrassment is visible. 

You can’t help but frown at all the scars, wondering if they were obtained during battle or from other more painful means. 

“Why?” he asks suddenly and quietly.

“Why what?” 

“Why didn’t you leave me back on Starkiller? You left the traitors side to be by mine, not knowing what would happen to him. You put yourself in danger, risking being captured by the First Order, to stay with me. You were crying and...and upset because you thought I might die. You asked me to run away with you and now you’re treating my wounds. You watched me kill my-” he pauses, closes his eyes, and swallows thickly. After taking a deep breath to steady himself, he continues. “You watched me kill Han Solo and I almost killed you.” Hesitantly, he lifts his hand and slightly rubs his thumb along the bruises his fingers left around your neck during your last face to face encounter. This time, it’s your turn to shiver and relax into his touch.

When you realize you’ve stopped moving your hand and are merely resting it against his rapidly beating heart, you glance back up at him. Your eyes meet his which are staring at you so intensely it’s hard not to look away. You pull your hand away from his chest, avert your eyes from his, and slowly pull his shirt down over his side while mulling over your response.

“I told you in the snow, I don’t know. I just know I didn’t want you to-”

“No, that’s not the reason. There’s more to it than that but you’re trying to deflect again. Tell me why,” he says sternly as he slides off the desk and crowds into your space even more. You keep your eyes straight ahead which means you’re at eye level with his chest. He’s so close you can smell the soap he uses which is a mix of mahogany and something else you can’t place. You can practically hear his rapid heartbeat and feel his body heat rolling off of him in waves.

Gathering your courage, you lift your chin and meet his eyes.

“You’re lonely and you feel like no one loves you or needs you. You’re afraid it will always be that way and I know what that’s like,” you whisper. When he doesn’t respond and it doesn’t look like he’s going to, you take a step away from him and start gathering the First Aid kit supplies so you can put it away. 

“We’re alike in that way,” you say a little louder once you’re back is to him. “The only difference is, you're somebody. I’m not. I don’t think I have a place in your story so I don’t know why all of this is happening, I’m a nobody,” you laugh without any real humor behind it. 

You freeze when Ben’s hand wraps around your wrist to stop you from walking back to the bathroom with the first aid kit. When you look at him questionably he takes a step closer to you and leans close to your face.

“Not to me,” he whispers and everything goes black.

* * *

Ben gasps and sits straight up in his bed, in his quarters, on the Finalizer. He frantically looks around the room, expecting (and hoping) to find you there but he’s alone. He plants his feet on the side of the bed, rests his elbows on his knees, and holds his face in his hands. 

Everything that just happened didn’t seem like a dream, it was too realistic. He runs his hands through his hair in frustration. As he stands to go to the fresher, a painful tug at his side freezes him in place and makes him wince. 

His eyes widen when he lifts up his blood stained shirt and sees a small row of stitches where Chewie’s blast had hit him.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again [Ginger Solo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliforniaQueen/works) for being my beta and for listening to me change my mind and randomly come up with new stuff for this story daily.


	4. Haunted

_"I'm haunted by the kiss you should have never given me._   
_My heart is beating, hoping the kiss will not become a scar."_

_Anakin Skywalker_

* * *

You're pissed off before you even open your eyes. Each time the fist connects with the other side of the door your irritation escalates. You're lying on your back and staring at the ceiling, willing yourself not to lose your temper. Whenever you feel yourself on the verge of throwing a "Skywalker" style temper tantrum, as Obi would say, you repeat the words he used to tell you whenever you got irrationally mad over something.

* * *

_"You're acting like a Skywalker. Anger leads to hate, and hate leads you to the dark side."_

_"What the hell does that even mean Obi?"_

_"It means letting anger and hate overwhelm you will lead you down a dark and miserable path. I refuse to let that happen, not again."_

_"Again?"_

* * *

The knocking increases in intensity and for an instant you think about practicing your Force skills on whoever is on the other side of the door, if that's even possible. You throw off the blanket and get to your feet. As you reach for the panel to slide the door open you notice your hands, they're stained with blood.

It wasn't just a dream like you thought, not a normal dream anyways. Somehow you and Ben shared a dream, or vision, or something. Whatever that was, you were actually with him last night and you stitched him up after hitting him. Now the question is, where were you really and why was he there?

There is a pause in the knocking and you know whoever it is, is merely pulling their hand away so they can start a whole new round of knocks. You slide the door open and take a step towards whoever awaits you, ready to take a page out of Ben's book and start choking people. Thankfully it isn't Leia on the other side of the door, it's someone you already kind of want to choke, Dameron.

When you basically charge him the moment the door slides open, he instantly takes a step backwards until his back is against the wall opposite of your door. He throws his hands up as if surrendering the moment he sees the murderous look on your face.

"If you don't have a _really_ good reason for banging on my door like the damn building is on fire I swear to whatever god you guys believe in that I will snap off that hand you enjoy knocking with so much and beat you to death with it," you say, scowling at the now terrified pilot.

"Shit...that's literally the most intense thing anyone has ever said to me...and I'm into it," he says with a smirk as he lowers his hands and presses off the wall.

Not expecting his response, you relax your stance and unclench your fists which are at your sides. After taking a deep breath, you place your hands on your hips and stare at him, waiting for him to plead his case before you make good on your promise.

"What the hell do you want Dameron? I don't make empty threats so spit it out."

His attention is drawn to your hands when you place them on your hips and his eyes widen.. Not realizing you appreciate personal space, he takes a step closer to you and grabs one of your hands off of your hip.

"What the hell happened to you Kenobi? Did you hurt yourself? Why didn't you go to the med bay? What-"

"Hold on. Pause. Time out," you say as you yank your hand out of his. You're getting really tired of guys grabbing your hand without asking or at least checking to see if you're into it.

"First thing's first, who the hell do you think you are grabbing me like that? The only interaction we have had since I got here is you screaming in my face accusing me of things you know nothing about."

"Right I wanted to apologize for-"

"Why did you call me Kenobi?" you interrupt. You were expecting him to show up at some point to apologize. It didn't take a genius to see how much he respected and feared Leia. You'd bet money he's only apologizing because he's afraid of pissing her off more.

"Well...that's your family name isn't it?"

"I...well...I..."

He's right. Once Obi adopted you your last name did change to Kenobi but your last name is rarely a topic of discussion. It isn't something you really ever acknowledge or say out loud. Hearing someone call you Kenobi gives you a warm feeling that you can't explain. Pride maybe?

"What did Leia tell you?"

"Just that your grandfather was Obi-kriffing-Kenobi. Why, was there something else she should have told me?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

You know Leia won't go around telling everyone you aren't from this reality but you still have to be sure. Trust isn't something you hand out, even if you do feel close to Leia already.

"What does 'kriffing' mean?"

Poe opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off.

"Oh wait. I just realized...I don't care," you say as you turn around and walk back into your room.

"Where the hell are you going? What happened to breaking off my hand and beating me with it if I didn't have a good reason for being here?"

The fact that he heard your threat loud and clear makes you chuckle darkly. "Oh that threat is still valid I just plan to snap it off when you're least expecting it. The threat is obviously still at the front of your mind so it won't be as much fun right now. If you had a good reason for being here you would have said so already."

"You distracted me! Anyways, Leia wants to see you and she wants me to escort you to her office."

"I know where her office is. I was there all day yesterday."

"Yeah, I know that. Still, she wants me to stay with you."

"For fuck sake. Fantastic," you growl as you grab the stack of clothes Leia had left you and march into the bathroom. You scatter the new clothes on the counter to see what you had to work with.

Leia had taste and you had to remember to tell her as much. Black skinny jeans, black Doc Martin knock-offs that stop a little below your knees, a white shirt that's a little loose on you but not by much. You're extremely thankful to see the panties in space are actually flattering. They even had bra's which for some reason you weren't expecting.

The clothes Leia left you looked like something you could get at Forever 21 which was surprising yet welcome. You don't think you could handle another all white outfit with arm bands and wraps.

* * *

When Dameron said Leia wanted to speak to you, you assume it's going to be something First Order related, maybe even Ben related, but you aren't expecting her to tell you to leave the planet.

"You...you want me to leave?" You're trying extremely hard to hide the hurt in your voice but you aren't fooling anyone.

"I don't _want_ you to leave but I think it might help you find the information you're looking for. Without Luke's help I think it's your best bet. He lived there for quite some time."

"Do you really think that's a good idea General? Tatooine of all places," Dameron asks somewhat skeptically.

Leia scowls at him and throws her arms up in the air in exasperation.

"Do you have any better ideas?" she asks him.

"If I knew exactly what information she's looking for maybe."

"Details are unimportant. She needs to find more information on her grandfather. Without Luke, Tatooine is the only other place she might find it. Obi-Wan had a home there, not too far from where Luke grew up. It's been abandoned a while but there's a chance you'll find something there."

"Tatooine is the planet with all the sand right? It's a desert planet?" you ask for confirmation. You're pretty sure Tatooine is one of the planets Obi spoke about when you were younger and thought he was making things up for your entertainment.

"Yep. Nothing but sand, sand people, Hutt's, and Jawa's. It's a planet full of upstanding individuals."

"What the hell is a Hutt?"

Dameron looks at you as if you're growing two heads.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Where did you say you're from?"

"I didn't say and it's none of your business," you glare at him before turning your attention back to Leia.

"If you think that's best then I'll go but how am I getting there? I haven't had a chance to even look at the books you gave me yet."

"Chewie offered to take you in the Falcon since he's been there before. You'll have time on the way there and back to read the books. I have a feeling the First Order is going to try something soon. I don't want to rush you dear but the sooner you find what you're looking for the sooner we'll have answers and maybe a way to win this war."

You hate how much faith Leia is placing in you. What if you can't find any info on why you're here? You've barely used the force and you've used a lightsaber even less. How are you going to help her if there's a fight?

"Wait...Chewie offered?" you ask, confused and a little hesitant.

You haven't talked to him since arriving at the Resistance base and you're a little nervous to. Having a very large Wookie angry with you is extremely unsettling. Leia can tell by the look on your face what you're thinking.

"He's not mad at you. He was just hurt over everything. I promise, I wouldn't put you in an uncomfortable situation with an angry Wookie."

She turns her back to the two of you and walks over her desk to sit behind it. "Finn will probably want to go with you too," she adds nonchalantly as she turns her back to the two of you and walks to her desk and sits behind it.

"Finn's awake?!" You and Poe both say at the same time.

"I checked in on him earlier and he was still out," Poe says as he takes a step closer to Leia's desk while putting his hands on his hips.

"He is. But the doctor said he's healed quicker than they expected. In two days he should be okay enough to wake up as long as he stays on light duty. So no speeder chases, no fist fights, etc."

Poe says nothing but glances down at his feet.

"Is that the type of thing that happens to you frequently?" you ask curiously.

"Maybe...but it's rarely my fault!" Poe says defensively.

"I can't think of a better way to get some training with a lightsaber and the Force than by numerous near death experiences on planets I've never heard of," you chuckle. You clear your throat when no one else seems to find your comment amusing. "So two days then we go to Tatooine?"

"Yes, I think that's the best course of action, unless something changes in the next two days."

"Okay...well I have some books to read so I'm going to go find a nice place of solitude to do so. Bye."

"Wait, here take this," Leia says as she pulls something out of her desk drawer and hands it to you.

"This looks like an iPad or a bigger iPhone. What is it?"

"What the hell's an iPad?" Poe asks, confused. You and Leia both ignore his question.

"It's a datapad. Poe can show you how to use it. You'll have access to the empires archives we were able to access as well as various other resources that may be helpful."

Intergalactic WiFi and an iPad cool enough to make Steve Jobs envious. Cool.

Datapad in hand, you go back to your room and grab the books Leia gave you and walk back outside. Dameron leads you down a small trail that leads to a small creek with large boulders and knocked over trees lining it. You find a spot close to the water and place the books and datapad in front of you.

Poe isn't used to staying in one spot for too long and he's not used to being quiet either. That is painfully clear within 20 minutes of sitting down.

"You know this study session would go a lot faster if you told me what you're looking for. I could look while you look and it would save us all some time," Poe says as he gets to his feet and rests his hands on his hips.

"Leia didn't tell you anything? I'm sure you asked."

"She said it's not her story to tell that I could ask you and you would decide whether or not you want me to know whatever it is you're hiding."

If you tell him he'll tell Finn and might not understand. He started out being friends with Kira, then you kinda just showed up and took over even though he doesn't know that.

"Okay but I'm not telling you everything because it's a lot and I don't want to get into it," you pause and stare at Poe, waiting for him to make a remark that will give you an excuse to change your mind.

When he stays quiet, you continue. "I'm looking for information on 'the World Between Worlds' and my fath- grandfather. Preferably any information that may link him to it."

"The World Between Worlds?" he asks with a look on his face that says he's confused and skeptical. "That sounds like something you just made up."

"If I made it up would I be sitting here with books that look like they're literally on the verge of disintegrating because they're old as fuck? No. If you're not going to take this seriously go back to the base. I need to find information on both and quickly."

You break eye contact with him and start going through the book again. You're expecting him to walk away so you're surprised when he sits down roughly across from you with his datapad in his hand.

"World Between Worlds and Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

"Yes."

"You know finding info about your grandfather is gonna be hard right? After the last war with the Empire the remaining Jedi all went into hiding. There's virtually no information on them because everyone thought they were dead."

"Fantastic," you sigh.

"You didn't know that?" Poe asks, surprised. "How did you not know that? Everyone knows what happened with the Empire."

"Look, lets just say I'm not from around here. All the things I _should_ know, I probably don't. So please stop looking at me like I just pulled a rabbit out of a hat."

'Why the hell would you pull a rabbit out of a hat?"

"Dear god."

* * *

_"The Force is the light, the Force is the dark. Jedi choose the light, for all it reveals."_

"God it's like I'm fourteen again and getting lectured for punching a kid at school," you mumble to yourself after reading a particular line from the Jedi texts.

"What?" Poe asks without taking his eyes off of his datapad.

"Uh...nothing just talking to myself," you sigh.

So far all the Jedi texts have been good for is to remind you of your childhood and the random things Obi-Wan would tell you when you were upset or sad. Now you understand what he was talking about. Even though that's nice, you'd much rather have information on the World Between Worlds and so far you haven't had any luck.

You and Poe spend the rest of the day researching and coming up blank. You manage to get halfway through one of the books. They didn't make for a quick read considering a majority of it is in Galactic Standard. There are random notes made by previous book owners as well as illustrations. You now know how to heal a kyber crystal, whatever that is. You also read some information about Force projection. None of this is particularly helpful but it's really hard not to dive deep into all the knowledge you literally have sitting in your hands.

"I think we should call it a day Kenobi," Poe says as he gets to his feet and stretches his back. You finally tear your eyes away from the book and are extremely surprised to see it's almost night time. Poe had sat with you the entire day, being helpful and quiet. You close the books, place your data pad on top, and start to stand.

To your surprise, Poe picks up your things and walks away, in what you're assuming is an attempt to be polite. He pauses mid-step when he notices you're not close behind him. He sighs when he sees the skeptical look on your face.

"What? I have manners."

* * *

Two nights pass without any dreams of Ben or home. Two days pass with no luck on finding any useful information on the World Between Worlds or Obi-Wan. You're seriously considering asking Ben what he knows about it the next time you see him... if there is a next time.

* * *

Ben was losing his mind. He rarely slept and when he did he was usually overwhelmed with nightmares. He avoided it at all costs and usually only succumbed when his body refused to go on without at least an hour or so of rest. Yet he found himself eager to sleep, nearly canceling meetings in hopes he'll be able to take a nap and in turn, see you again.

He's well aware how ridiculous he's being. There's no guarantee he'll see you again and he has no idea what exactly happened to connect you in some sort of weird dream. If he knew why it happened he would try to replicate it. It wasn't just a dream, it was more than that. Waking up with a bloody shirt and stitches could attest to that.

He found himself in bed, in his usual sleep clothes, not wanting to seem too eager or intimidating by showing up in his usual cowl and cape considering it was supposed to be a chance encounter, not something he's looking forward to. It's the only thing he's had to look forward to in a long time.

After seeing you last, he couldn't stop thinking about what you had said about not being from 'here', about your world. He believes you, but he can't figure out how that could happen or what it could mean. You mentioned multiverse theory which is something he's familiar with but it still doesn't explain how it happened the way it did. Why did you wake up with him on Starkiller of all places?

The first time he saw you was on Takodana but for the life of him he can't remember capturing you. It's like any memories of you prior to you waking up were either wiped from his mind or extremely hazy. Was it like that for everyone else that had come into contact with you beforehand?

Why were you so secretive about the old book? Why don't you hate him? After what happened on Starkiller, after what he did to his father, after what he did to the traitor, you should hate him but you don't. You took care of him. Why? All of these unanswered questions were driving him insane.

In between meetings with Hux and the other First Order officers, he found himself buried in a variety of books he had in his quarters and rifling through the various archives of the Empire the First Order had obtained. So far he's been unsuccessful in finding anything useful but he didn't intend to stop trying. The two of you shared a connection and he wanted to know what it was and what it meant and how it connects to your situation.

Snoke was bearing down on him more than before which meant his 'training' sessions were becoming more frequent and intense. He failed to find the map to Skywalker and he failed to capture you. Snoke liked to make sure he knew how much of a failure he is, not that he needed a reminder. He has always been torn between the light and the dark and he thought killing his father would finally tip the scale, but it did the opposite, it made everything worse.

Snoke knows this and is making his life hell, more so than usual. The last discussion they had was regarding you and Luke's whereabouts. Snoke expects you are already with Luke, which he is far from pleased about. Despite this, he still wants you brought to him. Ben's afraid he knows how he feels about you and intends to use that to his advantage.

He could easily send the knights to try and track you down but no, he wants Ben to personally bring you to him and he can't help but feel like it's another form of punishment, or another test. He knows he needs to obey his master but he's not sure how to go about it. He needs to find you and bring you to Snoke, but he has a problem, he's not sure he wants to.

* * *

The day before the doctors intend to wake Finn up, you make a split decision that's ultimately for the best. At least you hope it is. After a quick discussion with Leia your plans change and you're making your way to the Falcon.

Unsurprisingly she's already there waiting for you and discussing something with Chewie in hushed tones. Even though the plan is for Chewie to take you to Tatooine, you haven't talk to him or even seen him. Leia's the one that set everything into motion. You can't help but be a little nervous as you approach the two.

The Wookie is waiting for you at the end of the Falcon's ramp as you approach, towering over Leia and making small grunts as their conversation tapers off.

You're trying really hard not to be nervous but you hate going into a situation blind and that is exactly what you're about to do.

"You'll be fine. I wouldn't be sending you there if I thought otherwise," Leia says with a warm smile.

You give her a weak smile and a small nod. Before you can say anything or walk away she pulls you into a tight hug.

"May the Force be with you," she says over your shoulder.

"Thanks Leia," you say as she releases you.

Hesitantly, you turn to walk up the ramp, passing Chewie in the process. Before you get too far he growls at you, stopping you in your tracks. He stares at you silently. You open your mouth to apologize to him again but you don't get a chance to. Chewie's huge arms pull you into a hug, tight enough to knock the air out of your lungs and grunts an apology that, to your surprise, you understand.

"It's okay Chewie, I understand," you tell him with a smile once he releases you and you're able to breathe again. You've never been around so many huggers in your life.

Before anyone else can grab you and pull you into a hug, you scurry up the Falcon's ramp. You walk down the corridor until you find one of the small bedrooms on the ship and set your stuff down on the bed. You brought a spare change of clothes, books, and data pad with you but that's it. The lightsaber, which you learned belonged to Anakin Skywalker, is securely in the holster Leia had given you. 

You tried to give it back to her once you found out who it belonged to but she refused to take it. She insisted that if it came to you when you needed it, it was meant to stay with you. When you asked why it would come to you, she didn't have an answer but once again she knew Luke would.

You grab one of the Jedi texts and head to the cockpit when you hear Chewie call out to you. Once there, he gestures towards the co-pilot seat, suggesting you sit next to him. Kira knew how to fly which means you probably do too but the thought of flying a spaceship is terrifying. You have no intention of telling Chewie that though, not right after he stopped being mad at you.

Obediently, you sit next to him and start flipping the appropriate switches and toggles. It's as if it's second nature, as if you grew up flying through space. It's both cool and a little terrifying to have all of this knowledge without knowing how you obtained it.

The Falcon left D'Qar's atmosphere, jumps to lightspeed, and is set on autopilot all within a span of 30 minutes tops. The whole experience is hard to grasp considering back home traveling to the moon was a huge deal. Once Chewie sets the coordinates you lean back in the co-pilot's seat and crack the book open in your lap.

You get about a page in before Chewie gets your attention. He grunts a few times then gestures above the Falcon's dashboard.

"The dice?" you ask questionably. It takes you a moment to realize what he's talking about and you really don't want to tell him their whereabouts.

"I...please don't be mad at me again..." you sigh and look out the windshield, not wanting to face Chewie when you upset him again.

"They were in Han's jacket pocket when he gave me his jacket. I didn't realize it until I was in the snow with Ben. I stuck my hand in the pocket hoping there was something to stop his bleeding. I don't know what I was expecting though."

When Chewie doesn't say anything you glance at him. He's staring at you, waiting for the complete explanation.

"I tried to get Ben to come with us but he wouldn't. I know he wanted to though. I think he was afraid of how you and Leia would react if he came back with me to be honest. He told me to go before the First Order found me. He let me go. He insisted his place was with Snoke. I hadn't known him more than a few hours but even I could see that was a lie. I told him as much and gave him the dice as a reminder of where he really belongs."

Silence.

You're surprised when Chewie grunts an acknowledgement and something that sounds oddly like "Good."

"What? You're okay with that?"

Apparently Han rarely took the dice out of the Falcon but Ben had been obsessed with them since he was little. He thought maybe as a sentimental reminder of how much his family misses him, he would give Ben the dice but he didn't have the chance. They ended up with Ben either way which is what Han wanted. Knowing you carried out Han's wishes while also avoiding pissing off the Wookie, you're relieved and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

Chewie is about to leave the cockpit but you stop him before he can.

"I know how you feel about Ben now and I don't blame you. But he's not all bad and I can't explain why I know this. Leia wants me to bring him back if possible. I want to know, if it is possible for me to lure him away from Snoke, are you going to be okay with that?"

Chewie pauses and seems to think it for a couple of moments before grunting a few times and walking away.

You're not sure whether or not his forgiving outlook has to do with Leia or if he just needed time to grasp what took place on Starkiller, either way, Chewie forgives Ben and wants him back as badly as Leia does.

* * *

At some point you start to doze off in the co-pilot's seat. You can only read about light and dark and things not being the "Jedi way" so many times before your mind shuts off. Chewie lightly shakes your shoulder and suggests you go lie down for a bit.

Not needing to be told twice, you make your way to the room you had claimed as yours, remove your boots, and lay down on the small bed.

When you open your eyes you're back in the bookstore and it brings a smile to your face. Rain is still pouring outside the store window like last time. You can't help but wonder if Ben is going to show up again. How does it work? Does he have to go to sleep when you do? That seems awfully inconvenient and coincidental if that's the case. What are the chances across the galaxy you both have the same sleep schedule?

Without further ado, you hop off the seat and walk back to the office. The book is in your desk drawer where you left it conveniently. Nothing has changed at all so that's a grim reminder you've done shit to change anything for the better.

Sighing, you walk back into the store with the book in your hand and think. You're in a building, albeit a small one, of books. You've spent a handful of years roaming the aisles but there has to be a row or a stack of books you haven't read. There has to be info hidden right in front of you that might be able to help you figure out what's going on. Why else would you keep coming to here each time and not some other place you're comfortable at, like your apartment.

Glancing up, you notice on top of one of the extremely tall shelves is a stack of books you've never seen and you know for a fact they weren't there before. Obi never left books stacked on top of one another. You did that to annoy him but felt bad doing it now that he isn't around to scold you.

You pull your hair up into a messy bun, set Obi's book on the ground, and grab the ladder you refer to as the 'beauty and the beast' ladder because it has wheels and attaches to the shelves. You broke one of the wheels off during one of your many attempts to hang on to the ladder and slide across the wall of books like Belle does. To teach you a lesson Obi never fixed it. It still kinda slides but it's a little rickety and you normally don't climb it when alone.

But you want to see if those books are important and you're not sure if Ben is making an appearance or not. You'd like to see what's in them before he shows up if he does. Who knows what kind of info is in there and who knows if you've made any impact on how he feels towards Snoke.

Knowing it's a bad idea but not caring, you angle the rickety ladder against the wall and climb. You get to the last rung and stretch your arm out. You slide the books off the shelf and watch as they hit the ground with a puff of dust, all except two. One is a bit further than the other but they're both barely out of reach.

If you step on the top rung, the one that says in big bold letters "DO NOT STEP HERE," you'll be able to reach both of them or at least the one closest to you. Like an idiot, you glance down at the ground where the other books landed and something catches your eyes. They both land open, facing upwards. One of them clearly says Vergence Scatter but you're too high up to make sense of what that means. The other book has something about a bond, but again, you're too high up to make sense of it.

Hesitantly, you step on the top step and reach for the book. The moment your fingers wrap around the closest one, the ladder jerks to the side and you're falling. You don't scream but you make a very unflattering "YEEP" sound as you fall backwards. You squeeze your eyes shut and tug the book tight to your chest as if it needs protecting from the fall. Faintly you think you hear a small bell chime but you can't be sure. You're too focused on the bones you're sure you're about to break.

Instead of the hard ground you land roughly on something a little softer with a loud "UGH" as you come to a stop. When you open your eyes, you're laying in a very grumpy looking Ben Solo's arms. Not having time to prepare to catch you, he unceremoniously falls backwards the moment he catches you. He's now holding you bridal style on the floor. You're sitting in his lap while one arm is hooked under your knees and the other is behind your back.

"What the kriff?! What were you thinking?! We established we can get hurt here why would you do that?" He starts scolding you, practically yelling. If you couldn't hear how rapidly his heart was beating you'd be angry. It's hard to be angry when you're pretty sure he's actually worried about you.

Instead of sliding out of his arms and essentially his lap, you merely shrug and show him the book in your hands. "I wanted a book and I couldn't reach it."

"A book...you almost broke your neck for a book?" he asks incredulously.

"Now you're just being dramatic. I wouldn't have broken my neck...maybe my tail bone or my leg though."

Some of your hair has slipped out of your messy bun and his hanging in your face. Your hands are still gripping the book as if it's going to disappear the moment you set it down. You try a few times to blow the hair out of your face but are unsuccessful. Ben's lip very slightly starts to curl upwards. A smile maybe, at least the ghost of one. It looks like he's actually struggling to hold it back.

He releases the hold he had on your thigh and removes his arm from under your legs. You watch as his hand slowly moves towards your face. You're not sure what he's planning on doing so you stay still and stare back at him. He pushes the hair out of your eyes and places it behind your ear gently. His hand lingers as if he's debating whether or not he should continue to touch you. After only a moment of hesitation he trails his knuckles from your ear then down to your neck.

You close your eyes when his touch elicits a shiver from where his skin meets yours. He fidgets a little underneath you and when you open your eyes to see what he's doing, he pulls you in closer to him, and presses his lips against yours. Your eyes widen and you tense, not expecting him to be so bold considering his reaction when you kissed him on Starkiller.

There's no way for you to know that he's thought about kissing you non stop since the moment you woke up in the interrogation room. He'd rather kiss a Wookie than ever admit that out loud.

He has no idea what he's doing and merely presses his lips against yours. When he doesn't move after a few seconds you part your lips and gently suck on his bottom lip. He tenses a little then pulls you closer to him. When you release his lip, his mouth is parted slightly and you take the opportunity to slide your tongue along his bottom lip, requesting access to his mouth which he very eagerly grants. When your tongue meets his, a very low almost inaudible moan leaves his mouth and once again he pulls you even closer, if possible.

His hands are large enough that the one holding your face is also partially holding your neck. The other hand is still wrapped around your back, as if you still need help sitting up. When the position you're in starts to get uncomfortable you sit up. Without breaking the kiss, you reposition yourself so you're in his lap and straddling him.

It's all a very bad idea. There's no way you're both sharing a dream just so you can make out. You realize that through the thick haze of lust and affection clouding your mind. Ben's eagerness and inexperience is making it extremely hard to care about the reason you're there and for a moment you focus on him and him alone.

At least you are intending to until the last book you couldn't reach falls off the shelf on it's own and lands directly on your head, narrowly missing Ben.

"Ow fucking shit," you yell as you pull your lips away from Ben's and rub the top of your head. You look up expecting to see whoever or whatever is responsible for the near concussion but there's no one and nothing there of course.

"Are you okay?" Ben asks. His voice is thick with lust. When you turn your attention away from the bookshelf to his face, you can't help but smile. He's flustered and his lips are red from aggressively pressing them to yours.

"Yeah I'm fine. There's no way that book fell by itself though."

You lean in and kiss his cheek before your eyes land on the book that so rudely interrupted the two of you. It's directly to his left and open on a certain page, facing upward. When you press your lips to his cheek he sighs and wraps his arms around you. He's so desperate for affection and physical touch that it's sad yet, heartwarming. He's holding on to you like he needs you.

Reluctantly, he loosens his grip on you when you pull away just enough to reach around him and grab the book. You put it in between the two of you so you can look at the page it was opened to while also hiding its contents from Ben. He allows you to scoot back a bit but he doesn't release his grip on you completely.

When you frown Ben leans over the book and tries to see what you're reading. He watches as your eyes widen with surprise as you read the words written across the pages. "Ben Solo's fall to the Dark Side."

"What does it say?" Ben asks quietly with a look on his face that is more curious than suspicious. The suspicion is clearly still there though.

You haven't been able to discuss much with Ben since waking up in their world. You've had to roll with the punches as one awful thing after another happens to you. Last time the two of you were alone in the bookstore you beat him with books and stitched him up. You want to ask him about his past and Snoke. You want to ask him why he killed Han. You want to ask him why he won't just go back to his mom who very clearly misses him. But you haven't and you don't think it will go over well when you do. You know for a fact the book in your hand isn't something that you'd find back home on the shelves. It was where it was for a reason and you found it for a reason. You were literally smacked in the head with it for a reason. You need to know more about what happened to Ben but this is the worst possible way to approach the subject.

As quick as he is to anger, you know once he sees the book in your hand, he is more than likely going to flip out. If you can put more distance between you, you may have a better chance of concealing the book and it's contents.

"Nothing important," you say with a shrug and shut the book. He frowns and opens his mouth to say something as he glances from the book to you suspiciously, but you interject before he speaks.

"What does kriff mean?"

"What?" he asks you, confused. He wasn't expecting you to ask such a random question.

"Kriff. Is it a curse word? Like...could I tell someone to kriff off? Tell them to go kriff themselves. This kriffing book hit me in the kriffing head. Am I using it right?" you ask, genuinely curious but also attempting to distract him.

"I...well...yes," Ben says hesitantly. He isn't quite sure how to explain it and the filth that just came out of your mouth caught him by surprise.

"Ah okay. So kriff basically means fuck. That makes sense I guess."

His father had a mouth on him but yours easily rivaled it. The thought of his father causes the ache in his chest to intensify and his throat to tighten. Ever since Starkiller base he's had an ache in his chest, not physically, more or less metaphorically. The pain of regret and guilt for what he did to his father.

"Can you answer a question for me as well?" Ben asks.

He pushes away the thoughts of his father and focuses his attention on you. He's trying his best not to glance from your eyes to your lips. He wants to know more about you and why you could possibly be here but he also very much would enjoy kissing you some more.

While you're in your little dreamscape he doesn't have to think about Snoke or his uncle. He doesn't have to think about the Resistance or the First Order. He doesn't have to think about what he did to his Father. Just you.

"Go for it," you say casually as you start to extract yourself from his lap, much to his dismay. You're scooting backwards out of his lap and onto your butt, one arm behind you to help you do a very ungraceful backwards crabwalk out of the large man's lap.

"Last time we were here you said if I'm going to choke you the least I could do is buy you dinner first. What did you mean by that?" Ben asks, legitimately curious.

Completely caught off guard your hold on the book falls to the ground. Before you can pick it up again, Ben grabs it.

You scramble to your hands and knees and lunge for it but he's too fast and too big. Your reaction to him getting the book doesn't help the situation at all. When he cracks it open, instead of lunging for it again, you back up towards the other books. You're not sure what he's going to do but you're hoping you'll wake up soon and if your theory is correct, you'll be able to take the books back with you.

You get to your feet and gather the two books that had fallen from the shelf and set them down next to you. Ben's eyes widen as he skims the first page of the book. Any sign of affection or lust is instantly gone and he's pissed. You can practically feel it in the air. He gets to his feet quicker than should be possible considering his size and glares at you.

"What is the meaning of this? Why do you have this and where did you get all of this information? You know more than you're letting on. This," he says as he shakes the book angrily in your direction, "this shouldn't exist. What's in here shouldn't be documented. It's what happened to _ME_. It's _MY_ story and no one knows what I went through or how I felt so why is it in this book. Tell me!" he yells.

You're not afraid of him but his tone and volume make you jump. There's no way he'd hurt you, not after kissing you the way he did. Not after clinging to you like he did. There's nothing he really can do to you to get the information he wants but it doesn't matter, you don't have answers to his questions.

"I don't know anything! You watched it literally fall from the sky and hit me on the head! I've never seen that book in my life so how the hell do you expect me to explain what's in it? You're acting like I have some sort of spy network watching you and documenting your life for me. You haven't told me anything about your past or your relationship with Snoke, why you chose the dark side, and why you killed Han. I don't know anything about you besides what's in my b-"

You cut yourself off before incriminating yourself further by mentioning the book Obi left you. Ben Solo is a lot of things, but dumb isn't one of them. He knows what you were about to say even though you didn't say it. He was suspicious of the book after seeing how you reacted to it when you were together in the office. You have another book with information on him, just like the one he is holding in his hands.

You've been spying on him this whole time. There's no other explanation. He's starting to second guess the validity of what you told him regarding your home and what happened to you. You shouldn't have the information you have, regardless of where you're from. What's mentioned in the book he's holding is his burden to bear and his alone.

"What book?" he says through gritted teeth.

The two of you stand on different ends of the aisle, staring each other down. Foolishly, you glance down to the books stacked at your feet. On top is the book Obi gave you. It's all Ben needs to know to confirm you're hiding something, something big, something important, something that concerns him.

You're not sure whether or not he forgot you can't use the Force wherever you are,also but it doesn't matter, he still tries when he lifts his hand toward you. His fingers are curled in a similar way as they were in the snow, right before he pulled you to him until your neck was in his hand.

Anger and a little bit of fear force your body to react before your mind does. Your left hand goes towards him and your right hand, quicker than you thought possible, removes your lightsaber from the holster.

Ben's frozen, not just in shock but because of the hold you have on him using the Force. Not only are you using the Force in a place where you both thought impossible, but you're stronger than he is. The only people that have ever been able to immobilize him the way you are currently doing was Luke and Snoke. He's sure he's stronger than Luke was the last time he saw him but Ben's still no match for Snoke. Your strength shouldn't be possible.

When you see Ben's immobilized and slightly shaking with the effort hes exerting to fight your hold, your eyes widen as well. You don't know how you're doing it and you're not sure if it will last so you need to make yourself loud and clear while you can and hope miraculously you wake up before you lose your grip on him.

Ben hadn't noticed what you are wearing until right now. You had been in his arms and then his lap and the only thing on his mind at the time was how badly he wanted to kiss you again. If he hadn't been overcome with emotion and longing he would have noticed his grandfather's lightsaber on your hip. The lightsaber that rightfully belongs to him. He would have noticed your attire. You aren't dressed for bed like last time which means you are probably off planet.

The amount of strength he's using to fight your hold on him is concerning. He can feel his skin breaking out into a sweat and you don't look like you're even trying. You look just as shocked as he does.

With your lightsaber in hand you quickly close the gap between you, raise the hilt, push it under Ben's chin, and hover your finger over the activation button. You would never kill him. Beat the shit out of him, yes. Give him another scar, maybe, but not as bad as the fresh one (even though you kinda like the way it makes him look). But kill him, no. Even if you didn't have some weird messed up feelings for him, he's still Leia's son. You're sure he probably knows as much, knows you're bluffing for that reason alone, and it pisses you off. You want him to be worried. You want him to be legitimately concerned that you'll hurt him, the way you were while you were being choked on Starkiller. The thought of him not taking you seriously causes your thumb to hover a little too close to the activation button.

"I don't want to kill you...at all.. I already feel like shit for scarring this pretty little face of yours which I happen to really enjoy looking at," you say sweetly but with a hint of irritation. His cheeks turn red at the compliment, despite the predicament he's in.

"But," you pause after saying the word. Your eyes scan his face looking for any sign of how he may be feeling at the moment. It takes a minute to realize your attention lingers on his lips a little longer than they should have before meeting his eyes. Considering he's glaring daggers at you, you know he noticed.

"But I will do what I need to do to survive here. I may be naive to this world and I may not know shit about the Force mumbo jumbo, but do NOT underestimate me. Plenty of people have and plenty of people regret it."

He grunts and clenches his jaw as he fights against your hold enough to angle his head down towards you so his eyes can meet yours as you lean in even closer to him. His breath hitches when you stand up on your tiptoes and lean your face against his neck. When your lips lightly touch his skin he shivers.

"Don't you _EVER_ even think about lifting your stupidly large hand in my direction again," you say against his skin. Sending another shiver down his spine.

You pull away from him and stand up straight, removing the lightsaber from his chin in the process.

Keeping your left hand aimed at him, you start to back away slowly. You're not sure how you're holding him still, all you know is that it happened once your hand went towards him so for now you're rolling with it.

"You will never use the force on me again. You know why? Because I'm not afraid of you. Somehow, I know we're equals in more ways than one. I don't know how yet and maybe I never will, but I don't care because either way, we're on equal ground. I won't be intimidated, not by you, not by anyone you ungrateful asshole. If this is how you treat people that save your life, that ditch their friends to stay by your side, then I should have left you in the snow."

The last part of your angry tirade trails off and loses its bite. Your eyes start to well with tears either from being hurt by his actions or out of anger. Ben's brow was furrowed with frustration, exertion, and anger until he sees you're holding back tears.

"I don't know how we got here, or why we're here, or why we're here _together_ , wherever here is. What I do know is that I'm going to do everything in my power to avoid coming back here again. I've gone a few days without sleep before and I'm willing to try again because fuck this. I don't need this. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I never have and I never will. Have fun with Snoke."

The moment you finish your sentence, Ben wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter was REALLY hard for me to write. I just wasn't feeling it and I think it's boring but it needs to happen.
> 
> I apologize if there's mistakes. I will proofread it again soon. Like I said I wasn't feeling this chapter and I honestly just wanted to get it out so I can move on to the next part of the story.
> 
> I am trying REALLY hard not to make it too similar to Ignite the Stars. I came up with this story idea half way through ITS. At the time I was like "hell yeah Obi-Wan," totally forgetting about Tatooine and I had already written the chapter on Tatooine in ITS. So bear with me things aren't going to be the same.
> 
> Also, as far as touching goes, things are moving a lot quicker in this story than in my other one for a couple reasons but the biggest one- You/Reader... you're from here. How fast would we jump on Ben Solo if we were in this story? You're from here and you're in a space soap opera. There is nothing stopping you from gettin that man.


	5. Most Days

_ "Most days I wish I'd never met you cause then I could sleep at night. I didn't have to walk around with the knowledge that there was someone like you out there. I didn't have to watch you throw it all away."  
  
_ _ Gus Van San _

* * *

When Obi-Wan described Tatooine as a desert planet, you imagined the Mojave desert. Vast, flat, dry, land without a tree or water in sight. The hard dirt would crack and fracture under you feet with every step you took due to the lack of moisture in the ground and in the air. The sun would bear down on you and vultures would circle anything that succumbed to the heat.

Tatooine was not like that at all. Tatooine was like the Sahara. Dunes of sand in every direction you look and hot. So incredibly hot. Why does a planet even need two suns?

You aren't exactly in a great mood after what happened with Ben. Even though you're grateful Chewie woke you up when he did, part of you wants to snap at him when he gently shakes you to let you know you've arrived at your destination. It isn't his fault the man you have weird feelings for is a complete and total douche bag with the emotional range of a teaspoon.

The only good thing that comes out of your interaction with Ben is the new additions to your growing book collection. The books you almost broke some bones for, as well as Ben's book, are with you when you wake up, thankfully. You mentally add "how the hell did that work?" to the ever growing list of questions you wanted answers to eventually.

If only Obi-Wan knew the Nightmare on Elm Street marathons he used to nag you about have paid off. If you hadn't watched Freddy Kreuger get dragged from his dream world to the real world you would have never thought to try that for yourself. You're happy it worked and you hoped that small victory would help lessen your annoyance over what happened with Ben, but it didn't.

Why do you like him? You've been asking yourself that since the moment you opened your eyes. He's gorgeous so there's that, but aside from that he's literally and metaphorically been nothing but a huge pain in your ass. He's even tried to Force choke you twice and succeeded once. You watched him kill his father and almost kill your friend. He flies off the handle at the drop of a hat and he's literally trying to be the bad guy in this story. Who wants to be seen as a monster? Crazy people that's who.

So why the hell do you want to be around him? Not knowing the answer to that question bothers you almost as much as not knowing why you're here to begin with.

You guys have a connection, yes. Physical attraction is very clearly there and mutually felt. But you've been attracted to other guys before. The guys you like are usually close to your age, they don't have magic powers, they don't stab people with a huge laser sword, they don't have a temper that rivals the Hulk, and they most definitely don't kill their father. So again, you ask yourself, why the hell do you want to be around him?

Is it the mutual loneliness you both feel and how much the two of you can relate to one another even though your backgrounds are vastly different when compared side by side.

Is the connection you have with him, that pull you felt immediately, is that the reason you two keep ending up at the bookstore together when you fall asleep? Is it the Force that's pushing you together or something else?

Leia mentioned the Force being this all encompassing thing. The Force flows through everything and is responsible for everything. "The Force moves in mysterious ways" is a saying here because it's almost like their version of God in a way.

If you're drawn to Ben, if you feel a connection to him, it's for a reason. You can't quite figure out what that reason is but damn are you irritated. You don't want to be around him and you definitely don't want to want to be around him, but you do.

"UGH," you grunt with frustration. It comes out a lot louder than intended. Chewie looks at you questionably.

"Sorry Chewie. Ignore me it's nothing," you mumble, embarrassed for your outburst.

When you get to Tatooine you're kind of lost. Chewie suggests you start at Luke's childhood home and go from there. Leia had told you how Obi-Wan had been Luke's mentor for a very short time. If you are going to get any feelings from the Force regarding him, Luke's place will be the best place to start...hopefully.

When you asked Leia how you're supposed to find Obi's house when you've never been to Tatooine and don't have the vaguest clue where it's at. Her response:

"Trust the Force."

You can almost feel your eye twitch with irritation. You barely know what the Force is, how the hell are you supposed to trust it? After what happened with Ben you feel a little more confident in your use of the Force but you really don't have any idea what you're doing. You're still mostly running on instinct.

* * *

Ben wakes up with a start, panting and looking around his room frantically. Irritated with himself, he closes his eyes and swings his legs off the side of the bed. He knew he'd wake up alone and in his room. Yet he still sought you out. He's angry with himself, angry with you, and extremely confused. How do you have books with information on him? Thorough and accurate information that went as deep as describing how he felt and what he thought. 

Realistically he knows even if you have a spy or were a spy yourself, there's no way you could have that information. You're telling the truth but in the moment he felt vulnerable, confused, and a little bit frightened.

Vulnerable for letting his guard down with you when you're still practically a stranger. Confused about the books, what they meant, where they're from, and how they came to be. Confused about you, why you're there, how you were there, and why the Force keeps bringing the two of you together. Frightened by the unknown.

The path to the dark side isn't as solid as he thought it was. Now that path seemed to veer a bit off track where before it was a straight line with minor bumps in the middle. Now that path still seems to be headed in the right direction but it's going the long way and taking random unexpected turns. It's as if someone is trying to stall him and veer him off course. Is that what all of this means? Is the Force trying to keep him from the dark side? Is that why you're connected to him, the Force's version of an anchor?

How are you stronger than him in the Force when you don't even know how to properly use it? It was clear by the look on your face that you had no idea how you immobilized him. The confidence in your eyes when you realized he was at your mercy ignited a fire within him with an intensity he's never felt before.

You caught him off guard and immobilized him while he was already confused. His default response is anger and he realized his mistake once he woke up.

He hurt you on Starkiller and he's reminded of it each time he moves his hand towards you and you flinch. It's so subtle he's not sure you even realize you do it. He could feel you fighting back your fear when he raised his hand towards you.

Knowing he had control over the situation should have filled him with happiness. Control and power are the two things he's always had more of than anyone else. With you, he's not sure he wants it. If he's being honest with himself, for a moment he was happy he didn't have to be the strongest in the room. That feeling faded the moment he saw his grandfather's lightsaber clipped to your belt. It was rightfully his and one way or another he would get it back.

The intensity of his feelings for you and how he completely disregards everything when you're near him frightens him. You could have ignited his grandfathers lightsaber and placed it against his throat while he was kissing you and he wouldn't have flinched as long as you kept your mouth on his. He would have volunteered to hold it for you if that's what it took. That mindset is dangerous and he thought he was more disciplined than that.

Although he had the opportunity once or twice to engage in various activities with the opposite sex, he never indulged, he never wanted to. The same couldn't be said for his Knights. They frequently reminded him of his inexperience and inadequacy in that department and in turn, he frequently reminded them of their place. His time was better spent elsewhere like training to strengthen his power in the dark side which is more important now than ever before. Which is why he's completely baffled by his inability to focus on anything but you.

He's regretting his decision to abstain because now it's all he can think about. Maybe if he had experience he wouldn't have such an all consuming need to touch you, to be near you.

The only thing keeping him sane is where the rest of his mind continuously wanders to. One moment he's thinking about what your body would feel like pressed against his as you're writhing underneath him and the next he's thinking about what he did to his father. Nothing kills an erection quicker than thoughts of your dead father.

Now that Ben had time to calm down he realized how much he screwed up. He doesn't know you well but he knows you're stubborn. He knows your threat to avoid sleep, to avoid him, wasn't an empty one. 

He has a plan. He knows the information he needs is within reach, he can practically feel it. Between the archives he has access to and the little knowledge he obtained from the Jedi texts, he's getting close. The Empire's archives got him nowhere but he's certain he's read about a Force connection in one of the ancient Jedi texts he read when he was younger. If only he had access to-

Ben quickly grabs his datapad off of the small nightstand next to his bed and enters a sequence of numbers. Moments later a familiar voice speaks.

"Sir?"

"On Jakku while your men searched for the map, did they gather the old man's belongings from his hut before the village was burned down?"

"Yes, sir they did."

"Were there any books or datachips?"

"There were two books I believe."

"Bring them to my quarters at once Captain Phasma."

"Right away sir."

* * *

Chewie lands the Falcon close to the run down and abandoned moisture farm that was once the home of Luke Skywalker.

After descending the Falcon's ramp, you approach a domed adobe building sticking out from the sand. Years of wind and sand have practically buried what appears to once be an arched doorway. There's no way you can actually go inside but it doesn't matter. As you're wandering around you finally feel something.

Your head jerks in the direction you're being compelled to go, passing tall spindly towers, and what Chewie says are moisture vaporators. The twin suns are lowering in the sky but you're hoping there will still be enough time in the day to continue your exploration. You have a feeling it isn't safe to wander around at night but you're finally getting a small sense of direction and you don't want to ignore it or push it aside.

Chewie growls at you when he notices your interest diverting from the moisture farm towards a small cluster of mountains barely visible in the distance.

"Yeah I think I'm finally feeling something and I think we need to go that way, towards those mountains. Do you know what's over there?"

He shakes his head no. You furrow your brow and glance between the mountain and the suns.

"Do you think we have time to go explore the area? I'd rather go now but if you don't think we'll have time before the suns go down we can wait until tomorrow. Hopefully I'll still have an inkling of where we should go."

After a quick nod, Chewie walks back up the ramp and heads to the cockpit to start the Falcon. At a much slower pace than usual, he guides the Falcon towards the cluster of mountains you had pointed towards.

Once there, you scan the area, hoping something will catch your attention. That's when you spot a small house the same color as the sand. If you weren't looking for something specific it would have been hard to spot.

"Over there Chewie," you say with a smile. He lands the Falcon next to the seemingly abandoned house and lowers the ramp for you.

Once the two of you enter the former home of your former guardian, you split up, but not intentionally. Chewie goes to the right, and starts picking up random things he finds to inspect them in what seems to be the kitchen area. You go to the left and walk through the rest of the surprisingly cozy home.

According to Leia, it's been abandoned for decades, but it looks ready for it's next occupant at the drop of a hat. The place is small enough that you can call out to the other person in the house and they would hear you but large enough that you could turn a corner and lose sight of the person you're with.

Chewie is out of your line of sight but you can still hear him clanking around. Against the wall furthest from the door, you notice a small storage cabinet. You're not sure what you're even looking for but books or datachips are obviously going to be what you look for first. The storage cabinet isn't big but it's definitely big enough to store a few books.

Your hand is on the handle of the drawer but before you open it, you freeze. There's a tingling sensation at the back of your neck and your instincts are telling you there is someone behind you. In a flash, you remove your lightsaber from your belt, ignite it, and spin around with the glowing blade pointed at whoever is trying to sneak up on you.

Once completely turned around you freeze, and not by choice. Your eyes widen when you realize he's using the Force to immobilize you. An older man in a brown hooded robe is standing in front of you with his hand extended. Your arm is frozen mid swing and your lightsaber is inches from his face.

Mentally you want to scream for Chewie, it's what a rational person would do when a stranger sneaks up behind you and immobilizes you. Instinctively, something tells you to chill out because he's not going to hurt you.

"Maybe make sure the person behind you is an enemy before you start wildly swinging that thing hmm?" the older man says. He releases his hold on you when you frown with irritation. You shake out your limbs and deactivate your lightsaber before clipping it back to your belt.

"Who the hell are you and why are you here?"

"Ah, he wasn't exaggerating. You're going to be a handful aren't you?"

He mumbles to himself as he turns to walk towards the other side of the room where a small couch resides.

"Who are you?" you ask again as you cross your arms. The man sits on the couch, sighs as if he's had an extremely rough day, and opens his mouth to speak. A very loud roar comes from the kitchen followed by a very excited looking Wookie. The man laughs and gets to his feet a second before Chewie engulfs him in a painful looking hug.

"Luke? Luke Skywalker?" you ask Chewie after he's done grumbling about how long it's been since they've seen each other.

"So you know who I am? That makes things a little easier. I've heard quite a lot about you."

"Wait, you have? From who?"

"Let's just say, a mutual acquaintance," he smiles to himself like it's some sort of inside joke you're not aware of.

"Okay...Why are you here Luke? If anything you should be with Leia. She's gone through hell to find you and Han he-" you pause to swallow the lump that suddenly forms in your throat.

Chewie releases Luke and looks down at the ground. Neither one of you has to say what happened to Han for Luke to know he's gone. He just doesn't know the circumstances surrounding his death but he will soon.

"Han's gone?"

Chewie ignores Luke's question, turns his back on him, and exits the small house. You nod slightly and avoid his eyes. You know what he's going to ask next and you really don't want to be the one to tell him.

"How?" Luke asks quietly just like you knew he would.

"I'd rather not talk about that right now Luke. I think I might be on a time crunch," you say with as much confidence as you can muster.

Luke doesn't say anything, but he nods to acknowledge your request as he sits back down. Uncomfortable silence follows as Luke stares across the room, seemingly at nothing, and lost in thought.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here? I would hope it's to help your sister but I have a feeling it's not."

"Yes, and no. I'm here to see you but I do intend on going back with you to the Resistance base. I'm assuming that's where you're headed after you get the answers you're looking for."

You nod and start to open the drawers you had approached before Luke showed up.

"Why are you here to see me?"

"I heard you need some help getting home."

You pause and turn to face him slowly. Does he know about your actual home or does he think you live on some random planet and need to hitch a ride?

"So you... you know I'm not from here and I don't just mean Tatooine," you ask with a cocked eyebrow. How much does he know and how exactly did he find out?

"I know you need help getting home. I know you need more information on the World Between Worlds, and I know you need training with the Force among other things. Am I correct?"

The World Between Worlds. He knows about it just like Leia said he would! Maybe you're going to finally get some answers.

"How do you-"

Luke frowns towards the direction of the front door as you're about to ask him a question.

"We should go kid. The suns are going to set soon and we don't want to be outside when that happens. This place isn't too bad but I think the Falcon's safer."

When you get to the door, you pause and glance over your shoulder at Obi's former home once more before stepping outside and closing the door behind you.

* * *

You, Chewie, and Luke are huddled around the Dejarik table in almost uncomfortable silence. The question Chewie and you both know Luke's going to ask hangs in the air, creating tension and dread with each breath Luke takes. The Wookie won't be able to talk about what happened to Han which means the task will be left to you. How do you tell someone their nephew murdered his brother-in-law/best friend?

After yawning a handful of times, Luke cocks an eyebrow and looks at you questionably. Chewie stands from the bench and walks towards the back of the ship.

"What? It's been a long day and it's been a very long time since I spent time in the sun, much less two suns," you snap at Luke and cross your arms.

"There are rooms in the back. Unless Han made some changes since the last time I was on the Falcon."

"They're still back there. I just...don't want to go to sleep yet. I have some reading to do and I have a LOT to talk to you about."

"Well I'm tired so our conversation will have to wait until tomorrow," Luke says as he pretends to yawn.

"What the hell? That was the lamest fake yawn I've ever seen. Why can't we talk right now?" you say as you yawn again. "Damn it," you say quietly to yourself when Luke smiles at you knowingly.

"Fine. It can wait until tomorrow but you have a lot of explaining to do and I have a LOT of questions."

Glaring at him, you get up and head to the small room your belongings are in. After grabbing your newly acquired, and expanding book collection, you head back to the small table and roughly set the books down in front of Luke. It pleases you to see him jump slightly at the unexpected action.

"I have one question that I'd like answered tonight... please."

Luke waves his hand, gesturing for you to continue.

"The information I'm looking for, is it in any of these books? I still want to read them, when time permits. Some of the stuff in here is really interesting. Since I might be short on time I'd like to find that information as soon as possible. So, do you know if what I need can be found in one of these?"

When Luke eyes land on Ben's book then on the book Obi-Wan gave you, you not so subtly grab the two from the stack and pull them close to you possessively. Again, Luke gives you a suspicious look before one corner of his lip lifts slightly as if suppressing a smile.

"Yes," he says but pauses. You relax a bit and sigh with relief. "...and no," he adds.

"What?" you almost yell. "What the hell kind of answer is that? The information I need is either in one of these books or it's not. Which is it?"

You're trying not to be irritated but you're exhausted and you know you're only going to get crankier from here. You kind of feel bad for Chewie and Luke, knowing they're going to have to deal with your bad mood. Well, you feel bad for Chewie, not Luke. Not if he's going to be as cagey as he is with his answers.

"An accurate one. There is information in these books that is extremely useful for your journey. It's not necessary, but it will aid you in what's to come. Whether or not you take my advice and obtain as much knowledge as possible is up to you. A time will come when you will need all the help you can get."

"Vague, cryptic, and ominous. Cool. This is going to be a fun time I can already tell," you sigh with frustration and pinch the bridge of your nose.

Luke lightly chuckles to himself and gets to his feet. A moment later Chewie comes back into the room and hands you a mug. It smells amazing, like coffee but with a hint of something you can't quite place.

"It's caf. It helps keep you alert and awake. Many people swear by it, especially while trying to avoid sleep."

"Oh, so it's basically coffee?" you say eagerly as you slowly bring the hot drink to your lips. Chewie looks at Luke, expecting him to explain what you're talking about but Luke merely shrugs and starts to walk towards the back of the ship. 

"You should rest too Chewie. I really want to go through these books."

He gives you a worried look, debating whether or not he should be more assertive and insist you rest as well.

"Honestly, I'll be fine. If I get really tired I'll go lay down. I promise," you give him a small smile, hoping he buys the lie.

With a small grunt and a nod, Chewie disappears further into the Falcon leaving you alone with space coffee and a stack of books.

* * *

You should read one of the two newly acquired books. Those books are going to have information you need, you can feel it in your bones. If any of the books are going to help you it's one of those two, maybe both. Yet, your eyes linger on Ben's book longer than the other two.

Even though Ben pissed you off, you weren't planning on reading it. It's not that you don't want to read it. It just feels like you're violating his privacy and trust by reading something so personal knowing he doesn't want you to. Would the book almost literally fall into your lap if you weren't meant to read it though? With your mind made up, you bring Ben's book close to you, open it to the first page, take a drink of the caf (even though it's still hot enough to burn your throat), and start reading.

* * *

The books Phasma collected from Lor San Tekka, prior to burning the village down, are exactly what he needed. Part of him actually feels bad for killing the man he once spent time hunting Jedi artifacts with. That part of him is small and easily buried though.

Out of the two books, only one is helpful, immensely helpful, and in-depth. Ben isn't sure how he felt about the information he discovered.

"A Force-bond was a powerful connection between two Force-sensitive individuals that bridged their minds, allowing them to communicate through the Force both visually and emotionally. The range of the bond was vast; it could span the galaxy, keeping two beings united in a psychic link despite the physical distance between them. As a result, both parties would manifest in each other's location at the same time, making it possible for them to see, hear and feel each other through their bond. The strength of the bond was determined by the level of their Force-sensitivity; the stronger they were in the Force, then the greater their bond became. In some cases, a bond or psychic link could cause at least one of the affected parties to suffer from aural and visual hallucinations."

He knew as soon as he read the words that the two of you shared a Force bond and it's strong. He bridged your minds unknowingly when he was interrogating you on Starkiller. He feels like the connection the two of you share is deeper than that, deeper than some coincidental connection he triggered, but he doesn't have time to contemplate that further. That is something he would have to revisit another time.

As he suspected, there's a way to connect with you. The excited feeling building in him made him pause. Why is he so desperate to connect with you?

Even though Snoke rarely contradicted himself, no more than 24 hours after demanding Ben find you and bring you to him, he changed his mind. He no longer wanted Ben to bring you back to him but wouldn't say why.

To prove how strong he is, not only to himself but to Snoke, Ben's decided to find you anyways, regardless of what his master ordered. By finding you and bringing you to him he will prove to Snoke that he's ready to complete his training. Although part of him doesn't want to fight you, he knows for a fact he could best you in combat. You're newly discovered Force power won't help much in a fight, not for very long, and not without some sort of training.

Bringing you to Snoke isn't the only reason he wants to find you but he refuses to acknowledge what his other reasons may be.

After ensuring he won't be disturbed, Ben sits in the middle of his quarters, information scattered around him in a circle. The book with the information he needs lays open directly in front of him. With his legs crossed and his hands resting on his knees, he closes his eyes, steadies his breath, and focuses on you.

He thinks about how you felt against him while you sat in his lap. How you kissed him back passionately, like you wanted him, like you needed him. He thinks about the way you smell and the sound of your voice. He thinks about how nice your hands feel combing through his hair or sliding down his side. He surrounds himself in thoughts of you and focuses on locating you in the Force.

* * *

The only time you can say you genuinely felt like your heart was breaking was when Obi-Wan died. Losing the only person you've ever really been close with, the only person you've ever trusted, and the closest thing you had to a parent, was the most painful thing you've experienced.

What you just read and the emotions it invoked in you is almost on the same level. It doesn't take you long to start crying, maybe a page or two into Ben's book. It would be sad if it was fiction but you wouldn't have cried nearly as hard as you've cried while reading Ben's story. It's not fiction, it's his life, a summary of it at least.

You wish it was fiction for his sake. No one should go through what he's gone through. It explains everything and you're thankful for having this information because you know there's no way Ben would have told you everything.

The book paints a pretty detailed picture of Ben's life so far. Parts are written from Ben's perspective and parts are written from an outsiders point of view, giving you an accurate description of what's taken place.

You're not sure what you should do with what you've learned. It's not your story to tell, so you're not sure whether or not you should share it with Leia, but Luke. Luke is responsible for the choice Ben made. Luke is responsible for creating Kylo Ren. The pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place. You don't have all the answers to what's going on around you, but at least you have one mystery solved.

Luke disappeared after what happened to Ben because it's his fault. Luke vanished due to guilt, shame, and maybe a little bit of fear. Fear of telling his sister he almost killed his nephew. He sensed darkness in Ben before he was even born, as did Leia. Everyone has both light and dark in them so they weren't concerned, until he got older.

Ben was an emotional kid, plagued with nightmares, and once he was old enough, voices. A specific voice, Snoke's voice. Whether he knows it or not, Snoke has been manipulating him since he was old enough to talk. Leia didn't realize it was Snoke's influence she felt while pregnant with Ben until it was too late. He sensed how strong Ben was and would be in the Force and he took the opportunity to influence him towards the dark side, away from his family.

Although Ben grew up with both of his parents, his home life was less than perfect. Leia was heavily involved in politics throughout Ben's childhood and Han did what he did best. He was a smuggler after all. Ben recalls them arguing a lot whenever they were together. Both of them were busy more often than not, leaving Ben in the care of nanny droids.

When he was two years old, one of the droids watching over him malfunctioned and attempted to decapitate him. If Ben hadn't had the Force and if Han hadn't appeared at the last minute, Ben wouldn't have made it to his third birthday.

As Ben grew older, his strength in the Force grew as well. He often heard his parents talking behind his back about his strength and how they were afraid of him. This led Ben to believe he was a monster. A belief he still shares thanks to Snoke's constant manipulation.

Because of how strong he was becoming in the Force, Leia and Han decided to send him to Luke hoping he would be able to teach Ben how to control his power.

Ben didn't want to go though. He never wanted to be a Jedi like his uncle. He wanted to be a pilot like his father. He already felt like his parents cared more about their own personal lives than him. By sending him away they only strengthened that belief.

He spent years at Luke's Jedi Academy without seeing his parents and when he did speak to them it wasn't under good circumstances.

He had no idea his grandfather was Darth Vader, the biggest villain in the history of this galaxy. His family tried to keep it a secret from him, not only because of the darkness Ben had inside him, not just because they feared he would grow up to follow in his grandfather's footsteps, but because they couldn't find time to tell him. He found out when a political rival of Leia's announced it over the holonet in an attempt to sully her character.

The revelation had a huge impact on Ben. He already felt abandoned after Han and Leia shipped him to Luke. He felt betrayed and no longer trusted the people he should trust the most, his family. On top of all of that, he felt the weight of the Skywalker name slowly intensify as he got older.

During all of this, Snoke is in Ben's head whispering lies and amplifying Ben's worries and fears. He told Ben he was a monster, that's why his parents were afraid of him. He told Ben they didn't want him, which is why they shipped him to Luke. He told him Luke was afraid of him just like everyone else was, which unfortunately, was true.

Luke had a vision of Ben's future and all the terror he would cause across the galaxy. He assumed Ben had already succumbed to the darkness he had always struggled with. He had no idea Ben hadn't made a choice and was still fighting against it.

Thinking of the people he'd be saving if Ben was dealt with before he turned, Luke stood over his sleeping nephew and ignited his lightsaber. When he realized he was considering killing his only nephew, Luke deactivated his saber but it was too late. Ben awoke to the only family member he still had a bit of faith in, standing over him with his lightsaber lit and raised. Although Luke had changed his mind, the damage was done. Using the Force, Ben called his lightsaber to him, ignited it, lifted it to protect himself, and pulled the hut down on top of both of them.

That was the last straw for Ben and that was what led him to Snoke. So far, in his eyes, everything Snoke had said was true. Snoke was the only one that hadn't lied to him or betrayed him. It's only plausible Soke would be the first person he would turn to.

You feel like you're playing Jenga while reading Ben's story. You start out with a neatly stacked tower of blocks. Each time something happens to Ben, you pull out a block and stack it on top. The taller the tower gets, the more likely it is to crumble. With each page turn you're adding a block to the unsteady tower that is Ben Solo. You know eventually the weight will be too much to bear and the tower will fall to the ground. Just like Ben Solo falls to the dark side.

Those who know Ben Solo is Kylo Ren believe Ben burned down Luke's Jedi academy and murdered his fellow students after the confrontation with Luke. But that never happened. The fire was set by an "unseen force" according to Ben. He is confronted by three other students who were off planet when the temple went up in flames. They blamed him for the temple and Luke's death, assuming he was dead. Ben had no desire to fight them and fled.

Once in his ship he considered returning home to Leia but he didn't think anyone would believe what happened between him and Luke. Unable to return home, and without other options, he goes to Snoke. Snoke welcomes him with open arms before sending him to find the Knights of Ren, insisting he could learn from them. Ben's punishment would be death if he failed to gain their acceptance.

You have no idea who the Knights of Ren are but based on the name it's not hard to figure out. The name kind of sounds like a boy band but you highly doubt this universe has their own version of One Direction. You're assuming they're more than likely some sort of gang, especially since Snoke spoke highly of them.

After finding the Knights of Ren, Ben accompanies them on a mission where the Jedi he had encountered at Luke's temple appear, having followed him the entire way there. Angry and confused, Ben fought the one person he somewhat considered a friend, Tai.

The entire time they fought, Tai tried to reassure Ben that he could still do good, he still had a choice, despite what Ben believed. Tai's words actually started to get through to Ben but stopped when Ren snapped Tai's neck in front of him using the Force.

In a fit of rage Ben attacked and killed Ren, making him the leader of the Knights of Ren. From there he continued to train with Snoke who was not only manipulative and psychologically abusive, but physically abusive as well.

Snoke's idea of training consisted of him throwing Ben off of a cliff and telling him to use his fear to fuel the dark side of the Force in order to stop his fall. Right before Ben hit the jagged rocks at the base of the cliff, Ben he stopped his descent with the Force.

There are many more instances of near death experiences at the hands of Snoke among other violent interactions, too many to actually count.

Ben has felt alone almost his entire life. Although he had people surrounding him, most of the time, he couldn't really relate to anyone. What is he going to say "Hi! My name is Ben, do you hear the voices too?"

You don't blame him for feeling like an outcast or for being angry all of the time.

In an effort to prove how powerful he is Ben has vowed to finish what his grandfather started which is apparently wiping out every Jedi in the galaxy. By following Snoke's orders he's almost succeeded. Which is why Snoke, and in turn Ben, wanted the map to Luke so badly. That and for revenge, at least on Ben's part.

He's in pain, not necessarily physically, but in every other sense of the word. Contrary to popular belief, Kylo Ren is not Darth Vader 2.0. Ben Solo is not gone, that you know first hand.

Ben is a little boy who took the wrong turn on his way home and somehow wandered into the middle of a dark forest alone. He's lost and he has no idea how to get home. He's cried and called out for help, but no one can hear him and no one is coming. His legs hurt from wandering around in the darkness and he's exhausted.

The darkness is all encompassing and so are the things that lurk in it, watching him, waiting for him. There's a small amount of light ahead of him though. He can see it through the trees but no matter how long he walks he can't get to it and the darkness follows him.

Resigned to his fate, he's lied down in the dirt, welcoming the dark but it won't come, not completely, not when there's still light in the distance, trying to guide him home.

Ben wants to succumb to the dark side because he's not full of light and being stuck in the middle is tearing him apart.

What better way to kill the small amount of good within yourself than to kill your own father? How much darker can you get than that? Nothing could be worse. The dark would welcome him with open arms afterwards and he would no longer be conflicted, or so he thought.

Instead it's made everything worse. Ben thought by killing Han he'd finally silence the voice inside his head. He thought the pain would go away but it's getting worse instead. The death of his father now haunts his every waking moment.

The light between the trees is now a spotlight shining directly in his face but still, he can't reach the source, and he can't get out of the woods.

He feels like he's being torn in half. He sees his father's face and hears his father's words the moment he closes his eyes. He feels the warmth from his father's hand against his cheek the moment he opens them. 

As awful as it sounds, Han's death was practically a sacrifice. He knew he was going to die by walking out onto that bridge, you warned him. Did he know what his death would do to Ben? Did he know his death would push his son closer to the light?

Is Ben the reason you're even here? Is that your 'purpose' here, to rescue Ben Solo from the darkness? Obi-Wan's book made it clear Ben is torn between the light and dark but his book doesn't say exactly how much or why. The story so far has drastically veered off from what you originally read which is exactly what you were hoping for except you can't tell if you're changing things for the better or for the worse yet.

The connection between you and Ben is something that's changing the way the story goes, more than anything else has. Any interaction with him and the words on the page change or appear further into the book. Are you the only person that can lead him out of the darkness and show him his way home?

You sigh and rub your eyes with the heels of your hands. Crying has always made you tired and you've been crying for a while. There's still more of Ben's story to read but you've got the gist of what's happened to him so far. You have a better idea of why he is the way he is, why he did what he did, and who he is in general. Maybe when you're not exhausted you can revisit his book. Maybe things will go your way and Ben will actually talk to you about his past. Unlikely, but sometimes you like to be optimistic.

You close his book and cross your arms over it before resting your head on your arms. You aren't going to sleep. You just need to rest your eyes for a bit to ease the burn the constant tears left in their wake. At least that's what you're telling yourself repeatedly before succumbing to sleep.

* * *

Ben was meditating for what felt like hours as he tried to find you in the Force. Right when he was about to give up, he felt it. Had he not been focusing so hard on you he would have surely missed it. Barely a spark but it was all he needed. He felt you. He found you.

* * *

Your eyes snap open and you sit up quickly. You glance around the room, afraid to find yourself in the familiar bookstore once again. Thankfully, you're still on the Falcon with a pile of books on the table in front of you. Realizing you had dozed off, you sigh and rub your eyes. When you open them you realize there's a fresh cup of caf sitting in front of you and to your right is Luke, standing with a mug in his hand, silently observing you.

"You know, where I come from, guys that watch girls sleep are called creeps or perverts, depending on your reason for doing so. I physically do not have the brain capacity to even entertain the idea that you're the latter," you pause when Luke's eyes widen at what you are insinuating. "So if you're not a pervert you're a creep. Why are you being creepy Luke?"

"I... I wasn't being creepy. I was waiting to see if you were out for good or if you'd manage to wake yourself up before truly falling asleep. I underestimated your desire to avoid whatever it is you're avoiding. Nightmares?" he asks with a raised eyebrow as he sits down next to you.

You snort unattractively, "Yeah you could say that."

Sensing your obvious desire to avoid the topic, Luke changes tactics. Having your trust will make helping you a lot easier but he understands why you have difficulty trusting people. Obi-Wan told him a little bit about your past.

The two of you sit in somewhat comfortable silence until you can't keep it in anymore. You have to ask him about Ben and what you read.

"Did you really try to kill Ben?" you ask, essentially out of nowhere.

Luke had just taken a drink from his mug when you asked your question. He chokes and spits across the table and to your annoyance, on the books. You sigh angrily and wipe the cover of the books with your sleeve. Obi-Wan would be appalled.

After coughing a few times, Luke takes a deep breath and turns to look at you. That answers your question.

"Why would you try to kill your own nephew? I mean...I can somewhat see your overall reasoning. The whole 'let's save the galaxy at the expense of my family etc. etc.' thing. I personally can't imagine even entertaining the idea of hurting someone I love, or claim to love, to protect others. I guess that makes me selfish to want to protect my loved ones, no matter the cost."

Luke sighs, sets his mug down in front of him, and clasps both hands together before resting them in his lap.

"You're unfamiliar with the galactic war that took place for most of my life. A war led by my father. Millions, no, billions died because of the power he had in the dark side. Entire planets fell by his hand. Power that immense in the Force is always something to be cautious of, especially if it's tainted with the dark side. Ben's always been tempted by the dark and he is extremely powerful in the Force. For those reasons I was always cautious, always keeping an eye on him. No matter what I taught him, the dark still lapped at his heels and slowly crept in on him the older he got. I acted out of fear, fear of having to go through what we barely survived the first time. The moment I ignited my lightsaber I realized what I had done, what I had considered. It was a fleeing thought. I would never have been able to go through with it. But that one moment was all it took. I will never forget the look on Ben's face for as long as I live. I looked into the frightened eyes of a boy whose master had betrayed him."

"No," you interrupted him. "His master didn't betray him, his uncle did, and his family did, multiple times if I have my facts straight. Your betrayal was just the straw that broke the camel's back."

"What's a camel?"

"I'm way too tired to explain what a camel is, sorry."

"Is it safe to assume you still don't want to talk about why you're avoiding sleep?"

"Yes, it is safe to assume."

You stand up and stretch your stiff back and neck. As you bend over to touch your toes the room goes quiet. The hum of the Falcon's system and the sound of Luke's even breathing disappear. The pressure in the room feels like it intensifies slightly, almost as if the elevation has suddenly increased and your ears haven't had enough time to adjust to the change in altitude.

Luke notices a change in your demeanor and watches you, trying to determine what caused it. You rub your ears a couple of times with your knuckles and shake your head once as if you can shake the fuzziness away before pushing the feeling aside.

You've been traveling in space and you're on a completely different planet. Your body is inevitably going to react to the extremely unorthodox situation you're in right?

"So... did you really come all the way to Tatooine because you somehow knew I need information on the World Bet-"

Your brow furrows and you glance behind you. Your Spidey sense would be tingling if you were Spider-man. It's fleeting but for a second you feel a familiar presence nearby. Before you get a chance to figure out what it is you're sensing, a surge of anger overwhelms you.

It's so intense and all consuming that it literally takes your breath away. It only takes you a moment to realize that the anger you're feeling isn't yours. The spark of awareness and the anger it brought with it vanishes and so does the fuzziness of your surroundings.

* * *

Ben doesn't remember much after finally connecting with you through the Force. He doesn't remember putting on his gloves and boots. He doesn't remember putting on his mask. He doesn't remember walking to the hangar of the Finalizer. He doesn't remember getting into his TIE whisper, and he doesn't remember entering the coordinates to Tatooine.

The anger he feels is so encompassing he has no room to think about anything but his overwhelming need for revenge.  
  


* * *

  
***** If you want a summary of the story or an idea of where it's headed you can watch this short little trailer I made for it. It has some potential spoilers so if you don't want to know how this story is going to play out I suggest avoiding it. Not everything is spoiled but you will know a few things that are gonna happen *****   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Once again, this chapter was touch because it's a lot of repeating things you probably already know but is essential in case you don't. Like Ben's backstory. Everything I mentioned is canon, including the droid almost decapitating him. Baby boy had it rough.
> 
> The dyad isn't going to be a thing here. People can have a Force bond like in TLJ and not be a dyad. I just wanted to let you know that's not where this is headed. The info on the Force Bond I included in this chapter is straight from Wookiepedia and Ben's back story is from various sources including the Rise of Kylo Ren comics.


	6. Worst In Me

* * *

_  
Is there nothing left to keep myself awake?  
To keep the walls from caving in  
When all they ever do is try to bend and break?  
Is there forgiveness in the end?  
It seems no matter where I look, it's always gone  
With you, I know I'll never win  
And it's hard to say where it went so wrong  
And failed me in the end  
I need relief, a failure's coming on  
Just breathe in deep, it's taking far too long  
I need relief, this weakness carries on  
Please, be a dream, or was it all along?   
It's better when you're with me, but that's better left unsaid  
It's better when I'm empty, but I still let you in  
I had you in my grip, but you're starting to slip  
Bring out the worst in me  
Please, won't you stay for me, don't ever let me be   
You set my demons free  
  
Bad Omens - Worst In Me  
  
_

* * *

Afraid of falling asleep again, you lower the Falcon's ramp with the intention of wandering around outside a bit, hoping the heat and the sun will wake you up.

"Where's Chewie?" You haven't seen the Wookie in a while and you doubt he's asleep. You have a feeling Wookie's aren't quiet sleepers. He's more than likely no longer on the Falcon.

"He took my speeder to Mos Eisley's. Something about a part for the Falcon while we're here. He won't be gone long."

You give him a quick nod before exiting the ship. Luke doesn't say anything but he follows behind you, observing. It's not creepy, per say, but it's a little bit uncomfortable having someone follow you around and just...stare.

"Luke, we don't know each other. I have mixed feelings about you now that I know what happened between you and Ben. You've been nice to me so far so no hard feelings. That being said, if you're going to follow me around I'm going to need you to talk or something because you lurking behind me and silently staring is creeping me out."

"You're strong in the Force. Strong but untrained," Luke says while meeting your eyes as if he'd be able to figure out your life story by reading your face alone.

You stop at the end of the ramp and use your hand as a visor to protect your eyes from the twin suns as you glance around at the nothingness surrounding you. Nothing but sand as far as the eye can see.

"Yes, we established this. I'm not from...here... so to speak. What I know about the Force was told to me by my father who, at the time, I thought was making things up to entertain me. Had I known he wasn't completely crazy I would have paid more attention."

You're slowly pacing and kicking random tufts of sand around with your boots while you talk to Luke. The heat from the sun is uncomfortable and exactly what you need to wake you up.

"Speaking of your father, I have something for you," Luke says as he reaches into his robes.

Your head snaps in his direction instantly. A gift from Obi-Wan? To your understanding he's been dead for decades here. How could Luke possibly have something specifically for you?

"For me?" you ask meekly, almost as if you're a kid again.

Luke doesn't respond but pulls out something wrapped in brown leather. With a small smile he hands it over to you. Swallowing thickly, you take it from Luke and untie the small knot holding the leather around the item.

You gasp slightly once you've unwrapped your gift and toss the leather back to Luke who catches it with ease.

In your hand is a lightsaber, much different than the one hooked to your belt. The handle is thinner and the hilt is lighter overall. The end has a circular flat end where the blade would emit from. The hilt itself has black ring-like indentations with gold accents. It's very pretty and less bulky than Anakin's.

"How did you...where did you...why are you giving this to me?"

"Well you're Obi-Wan's daughter are you not? If anyone deserves to wield that saber it's you."

Your eyes start to burn, a sign you're on the verge of tears. That or the suns are burning your retinas. You roll the hilt between your fingers and turn your back to Luke to quickly wipe away the few tears that manage to slip out before turning back towards him. That's when you realize exactly what he said.

"Wait...how do you know Obi-Wan was my dad? Well...adopted dad. Oh, and while we're sharing, who told you how to find me?"

You didn't meet his eyes. Instead, you activate Obi-Wan's lightsaber and give it a couple of test swings back and forth while waiting for Luke to respond. You read about kyber crystals having weird Force powers and bonding with their Force user in one of the Jedi texts but you didn't really understand what that meant...until now.

Anakin's lightsaber is fine, it's like the Kyber crystal knows who you are and accepts you as it's owner. But Obi-Wan's feels like it belongs to you. It feels...right. You remember some of the moves he had shown you back home. Only you didn't practice with laser swords, you practiced with sticks and at the time you thought he was teaching you self defense while also catering to your obsession with swords.

That man was sneakier than you thought. You spin the lightsaber once with a roll of your wrist before holding your left hand out. You held the saber in your right hand and brought it up near your head and pulled it back slightly before holding the stance.

Luke had only known Obi-Wan for a short time and although he was still more than capable of wielding a lightsaber, Luke didn't get the chance to see him in his prime. At least not until a few years after the war ended. Leia managed to find old holo's of Obi-Wan fighting alongside his father, Anakin. The way you hold the lightsaber and the different swings and positions you're doing are exactly how Obi-Wan moved back in the day. It's both heartwarming and unnerving to know why you are here with him and what's to come.

"Your silence is-" Something catches your attention and you stop mid sentence.

You deactivate your new saber, clip it to your belt, and walk away from the Falcon while looking off into the distance at something Luke can't see.

"What is it?" Luke asks, concerned at your sudden change in demeanor.

"You don't feel that?" you ask quietly.

Luke approaches you and stops at your side. It only takes a moment for you to realize what you're feeling.

"Ben," you say quietly.

Luke's eyes widen and he glances from you to where you're looking. Now that he focuses he can feel him quickly heading your way. Raw power and rage. It's definitely his nephew and he's headed straight towards you.

"Go back to the Falcon and wait for me. I need to confront him on my own."

You snort before looking at Luke.

"Yeah, that's not happening. I know how this plays out, it doesn't end well for either one of you, and I'm not going to let it happen. Things are already different though. For one, when you guys face each other it's on Crait and not Tatooine but that doesn't mean the ending won't be the same if the two of you face off."

Luke opens his mouth to ask how you know what's about to happen but you cut him off.

"If anyone should wait in the Falcon it's you. Now that I know what happened between you before he went to Snoke, combined with the level of rage I can feel from here, Ben's going to be in one hell of a mood when he gets here."

"You don't know him like-"

"I haven't known him long but I probably know him better than you do. He won't hurt me, not intentionally....not again," you whisper that last part, hoping Luke wouldn't hear it. He did of course and that made him even less likely to follow your advice.

Luke stands his ground next to you, placing each of his hands in the sleeves of his robes like a Geisha would while he stares straight ahead. Part of you wants to tell him to stand somewhere else because you don't want it to look like you side with him. Not that you're choosing sides, you're Switzerland. That's what you tell yourself anyways. Deep down you know whose side you would choose if you were forced to pick one. 

Ben's TIE fighter soon comes into view. A small black dot in the sky that's rapidly growing the closer it gets to you. He lands it and slowly starts to close the distance between you.

"So uh...is it a Force user thing to be able to feel people's emotions? Because I can feel Ben but no one else...please tell me that's normal..."

Practiced Force users can indeed sense the emotions of others, but it isn't usually limited to only one person. 

"Yes, and no," Luke says without taking his eyes off of Ben.

"Why do I even ask you anything? It's like talking to a damn magic 8 ball."

"What's a-"

"Don't."

As Ben walks towards you, you're reminded of how badly you want to punch him in his stupid beautiful face. He's wearing that stupid mask again which you hate even more now that you know what's hiding underneath it. However, it does make it easier to stay mad at him. If he takes it off you'll be reminded of what his hair feels like between your fingers and what his lips feel like pressed against yours.

You quietly groan with frustration when you realize how off the rails your train of thought is going. Luke cocks an eyebrow and glances at you out of the corner of his eye but you wave him off.

Watching Ben walk across the sand is like watching a goth emo version of Mr. Darcy. His cloak even billows in the wind like a cheesy Hallmark movie. It's beyond irritating.

"I have a question for you," Luke asks quietly.

"Ohhh now you want to have a Q&A. What is so important that you can't wait until later to ask me? Ben is literally the over six foot tall human embodiment of blind rage right now and he's approaching us with every intention of killing you," you roll your eyes and smile a bit, finally happy you get to evade his questions like he's been doing to you.

"Did Ben kill Han?"

Your smile instantly disappears and the look on your face answers Luke's question. Luke stares back at you, waiting to see if you will verbalize it or not.

"Luke it's...it's not what you think though-"

He looks away from you and turns his attention to Ben who has stopped a stone's throw away from the two of you. The emotionless black and chrome mask stares back at you. Unable to see his eyes you can't be sure who he's staring at, you, or the man he once trusted.

"Take off that stupid helmet. You don't need it, it's just us now," you call out to Ben, unintentionally echoing his father's words to him. The familiar pain in his chest, brought on by memories of his father, aches before receding underneath the rage still coursing through his veins. He slowly reaches up, unclasps the helmet and removes it from his head. His hair naturally falls to just above his shoulders like a damn Herbal Essence commercial.

He tosses his mask to the ground and a small plume of dust envelops it once it hits the sand. Cleaning the sand out of it is going to be a pain in the ass. He's probably not thinking about that right now.

You really don't want to look at his face. Your body seems to have an unnatural response to it but you can't help it. He looks just as exhausted as you feel and the soft look you know he's capable of is gone. His eyes show no sign of anything but anger.

The ability to feel the dark side is mentioned a few times in the different books you've read. You didn't fully understand what it meant when you read it but you do now. It's lapping at Ben's heels, begging for him to acknowledge it but he hasn't. 

You want to be mad over how, aside for obeying your command to remove his mask, he's basically ignoring you. But the stupid treacherous butterflies in the pit of your stomach do a somersault when his eyes meet yours for a fraction of a second before going back to Luke.

The tension between the two men is extremely uncomfortable. Although Ben is irritated with you for being with Luke, guilty by association you guess, his rage is definitely directed towards his uncle. You don't miss the slight pang of longing that passes in a flash the moment he's close enough to see your face.

He must have realized he was being a complete idiot the last time the two of you saw one another.

"Did you come back to say you forgive me? To save my soul?" Ben says with a sneer. His voice is dripping with contempt and resentment.

"No," Luke says after pausing for a moment and slowly shaking his head with disappointment.

This is not going the way you thought it would. They're going to throw hands any minute and you doubt they're going to care if you get in the way. You have to try and put a stop to it before it gets that far.

Ben shrugs off his cloak and takes a step forward. Well, it's essentially a cape. It serves no purpose other than to billow in the wind dramatically and to remind you further of the fact that he's trying to be the villain of this story.

You have to stifle a laugh at the action. Luke looks over at you incredulously, not understanding how you could be laughing during such a tense standoff which makes you giggle more.

"I'm sorry. I know this is very serious right now and he's literally about to charge you at any minute it's just...I totally get it now. I get why Obi-Wan would say I was being dramatic like a Skywalker and it's hilarious."

Luke doesn't find it remotely funny.

"Sorry," you mutter and clear your throat before looking back at Ben.

The idiot does the most infuriatingly attractive thing you've ever seen and you hate him for it. After stepping away from his cloak, which is now lying in a puddle in the sand at his feet, he takes one step forward and stomps his right leg into the sand while simultaneously igniting his blood red lightsaber.

A very inappropriate shiver travels down your spine and you have to force yourself not to squeeze your thighs together. You're praying to whatever god these people believe in that they're too distracted with the confrontation that's about to occur to pay attention to the emotions that stupid leg stomp caused.

You're only partially lucky. Ben's too focused on slaughtering his uncle to have noticed anything. Luke starts to slowly turn his head towards you. Your cheeks feel like they're on fire.

"Not a word. Not a single word," you say through gritted teeth as you step past Luke and walk towards Ben. Luke tries to ignore the teenage like hormones that are very clearly present in both you and his nephew even though you're both adults. He knows in order for things to play out the way they should, you have to get close to Ben. There's no way to make that happen, either it happens on it's own or it doesn't. He had no idea by the time he'd found you that the two of you would already be connected, in more ways than one apparently.

Ben has both hands on the hilt of his saber with it raised at eye level in front of him, pointing directly at Luke as if it was the scope of a rifle and he was aiming to take a shot.

When Ben's stance doesn't relax as you approach him, Luke ignites his saber as well. You sigh heavily knowing that action isn't going to make the situation any better, if anything it's going to infuriate Ben more, which it does. He's practically shaking with rage.

Ben's eyes meet yours for a fraction of a second before going back to his uncle. The look in his eyes is something you haven't seen since meeting him. Even when he was angry in the forest, even when he literally almost choked the life out of you. His eyes are practically black. Ben Solo is not staring back at you but Kylo Ren is. Still, you know as angry as he is, there's still light in him. Somehow, you can feel it.

You stop once you're standing directly in front of him. He doesn't lower his lightsaber which is still outstretched and aimed towards his uncle. His hands clench and unclench around the hilt.

"Ben," you say quietly.

When his eyes dart to you again you think maybe you'll be able to calm him down somehow. Then Luke opens his mouth and ruins everything.

"I failed you Ben. I'm sorry," Luke calls out. His voice slightly wavers as he apologizes.

The minuscule amount of warmth starting to appear in Ben's eyes when he looked at you vanishes and he completely looks past you to yell back at his uncle.

"I'm sure you are! The war will be over soon. The Resistance will be dead and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi!" Ben practically snarls.

"Amazing. Every word of what you just said is wrong. You can kill me, but I will not be the last Jedi," Luke says. Your back is to him so there's no way for you to see Luke's eyes glance from Ben, to you, then back to Ben. He understands what Luke's wordlessly suggesting but he doesn't think it's likely. From what he's seen you don't exactly have the mindset of a Jedi. Still, the thought irritates him more than expected. He almost feels like his uncle is taking you away from him.

"Ben," you try to say sternly but the affection in your voice is still there. When his eyes meet yours finally, and not just for a fleeting second, you feel like you've won a small battle in the midst of a war.

"I know what happened between you guys. If I was in your position I'd probably want him dead too and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do but this isn't the way to handle this."

"You don't know me. You don't know anything," he says defensively. He knows you read the book and he's doing his best to act like you knowing all of his secrets, all of his pain, doesn't bother him but it does, immensely.

"If you do this, your mother will be completely alone."

You don't want to play dirty and immediately pull the 'Leia' card on him but he's not giving you much of a choice. It doesn't take a genius to realize the large man in front of you is a momma's boy. You're hoping bringing Leia into the mix may help fan the flames of his rage.

"She has-"

"Don't you dare say she has the Resistance or I swear to god I will punch you in the throat. That's not the same and you know it."

His grip on his hilt loosens fractionally but it's still ignited and he hasn't lowered it.

"Whether you want to admit it or not, you still care for Luke. He's still your uncle. A shitty uncle but he's still family. Killing your dad is tearing you apart, I can practically feel it. Do you want to add Luke's death on top of that? Do you want to add the guilt you'll feel over leaving your mother completely alone? You refuse to go home to her, Han's gone, Luke is the only family she has left. If you kill him you will be leaving her completely alone and we both know how shitty that is."

You watch as his jaw tenses and he bites the inside of his cheek. His left eye twitches slightly as he mulls over your words. His eyes never leave Luke. You know you've almost talked him off the ledge. You're so close to getting him to relax a bit.

You don't want to talk about "feelings" because you don't even really know how you feel but you know he cares for you. Maybe that will be the push he needs.

"I care about you, you know I do and I know you care about me. It doesn't have to be this way...please?" you slowly outstretch your hand towards him. It's a silent invitation for him to take a step away from the dark thoughts clouding his brain and to interlace his fingers with yours the way you know he's thought about doing.

He starts to lower his lightsaber slightly as his eyes dart from yours to your hand and back again. He's so close to giving in to you.

You're not sure what Luke does behind you that catches his attention but the warmth in his eyes that was looking back at you a moment ago, disappears.

"Ben..."

His eyes darken before he glances at you one last time. "ERROR 404 Ben Solo Not Found" starts flashing in your mind the moment his eyes meet yours.

"Ben Solo is dead," he hisses, doing his best to sound convincing but failing. The conflict within him has never been more clear to you than in this moment. You can't let him attack Luke, one of them will end up dead and you're fighting skills don't match either so jumping into the fray won't make a difference. Talking him down obviously failed. You're out of options.

As you're lowering your hand you feel something, a faint whisper against your awareness. Your 'spidey sense' is tingling again.

You turn to your left, expecting to see someone standing next to you, whispering in your ear. Your brow furrows when no one is near you aside for Ben who is avoiding your eyes. When the feeling recedes you somehow know what you need to do but you know the consequences are going to suck.

Any type of connection you have with Ben will be ruined after what you're about to do, if you can even pull it off. The small chance you have at him trusting you will be tossed out the window, so to speak. He will hate you and the thought of him despising you as much as he despises Luke causes your chest to constrict and that familiar lump to form in your throat as your eyes start to burn. 

Because your brain is the absolute worst, the moment you accept what you have to do is the moment you realize how strong your feelings are for the stranger standing in front of you. Acknowledging those feelings right before you ruin any small chance at them being reciprocated really sucks.

Ben senses your distress and your eyes meet once more. He manages to keep up his act of indifference but seeing tears well in your eyes almost breaks the facade.

"I'm sorry. Please don't hate me," you say as a tear rolls down your cheek.

His brow furrows with confusion, having no idea what you're talking about.

You quickly outstretch your hand and wave it in front of his face. His eyes widen a moment before they close and he crumples to the ground, unconscious. His lightsaber crackles in the sand until you lean down and lift the ridiculously large hilt and deactivate it. You kneel down in the sand next to him and brush the sand out of his face.

Considering how things have played out between the two of you, you realize you shouldn't be upset but you can't help it. What you just did essentially seals his fate.

Luke hesitantly approaches you from behind.

"How did you do that? Only a skilled Force user has the ability to use Jedi mind tricks."

"No idea. I had a feeling and I went with it. He's okay right? He's just a little unconscious? I don't even know what I did," you say with a sniffle as you stand.

The sound of quickly approaching speeder grows louder until Chewie comes into view. Moments later he brings the speeder to a stop and rushes over to where you and Luke are standing over Ben.

You bend down and pick up the stupid mask he's so fond of and turn it upside down, patting it on the side, and watching as sand sprinkles out of it.

"I hate sand," you mumble to yourself.

Chewie grunts his concerns once he realizes the black lump in the sand that you and Luke are hovering over is Ben.

"He's just a little unconscious. Can help me get him to the ship? We need to leave Tatooine as soon as possible."

"Where exactly are we taking him?" Luke asks skeptically.

"He's going home, home to his mother. We're taking him to Leia."

* * *

The trip back to the Resistance base is tense and uncomfortable. If one of you moves too quickly the other quickly extends their hand, prepared to use the Force at a moment's notice. Chewie opts to lay Ben down on the floor of the Falcon. You lay a blanked down first in an attempt to make him more comfortable even though he was completely unconscious. 

You feel bad leaving him on the floor but he's too big to fit in the little cubby bed built into the wall of the Falcon and you all agree that leaving him alone in one of the small cabins is a bad idea. On the floor both you and Luke can keep a close eye on him. Should he wake up, one of you if not both of you would need to put him back to sleep before he realizes what's happening and where he is.

Once back on the Falcon, Chewie contacts Leia and lets her know you guys are coming back and have a special guest that will require specific accommodations. You're not sure what kind of room or cell they can put Ben in that he can't just escape from. You can't take away his ability to use the Force... at least you don't think so.

What's going to happen to him then? Are they going to give him a death sentence for his crimes? That's more than likely what they would do at home for someone that's done some of the things Ben has done. That or they'd give him a life sentence in prison. You're not sure how nice space prisons are but the thought of Ben trapped in a cell for the rest of his life hurts your chest and makes you regret your decision to take him home.

Luke silently observes you while you sit with your knees pulled into your chest, and your chin resting on them. You watch Ben sleep a lot longer than would be considered polite, way past the point of being creepy. After a while you start absentmindedly running your hand through his hair, moving it out of his face affectionately. 

You don't realize you're doing it until Luke makes a noise that snaps you out of your revere. You yank your hand away from his hair as if you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Only there's no cookie jar. Instead you got caught with you hands on an unconscious man which sounds a lot worse. 

"So exactly how well do the two of you know one another?"

"Honestly, not very long at all. I don't even know him very well which is crazy considering I probably know him better than anyone else does. I really can't explain it. I feel like I've known him my entire life when I definitely haven't because it's impossible. I should hate him. I watched him kill Han, he almost killed my friend Finn, and he choked me hard enough to leave a mark."

Luke frowns down at his nephew. You're right, you should hate him but the look on your face as you watch Ben sleep says that's the exact opposite of how you actually feel about him.

"Do you know how he got that scar? It looks fairly new." Luke asks while tilting his chin towards Ben's face as if you didn't know what scar he's talking about.

"I did this," you say quietly as you run your finger from the top of the scar on his forehead, down his neck, stopping where cowl starts.

You know he hates it but you'd be lying if you said you didn't like the way he looked with it. Plus, it's like you've branded him in a way. You claimed him and no matter what happens he'll have that reminder of you with him forever.

That thought shocks you the moment it crosses your mind. You're not sure where the sudden wave of possessiveness is coming from and you're not sure how you feel about it.

"You...you did that? How? When?"

"Starkiller base. After Han...he wanted me to stay because I knew how to find you. At least I thought that's why he wanted. He offered to teach me 'the ways of the Force'" you say, mocking his deep voice. "After that I wasn't so sure your location was the reason he wanted me to stay."

"Hmm," was all Luke said while he stares down at Ben. 

"I told him no but I'd run away with him if he left the First Order behind," you say nonchalantly. Luke's snap up to yours and he looks at you as if you've lost your mind.

"You what?"

You shrug. "Obviously he said no, but he considered it. We had only known each other like... an hour. But he still considered it. I saw the look in his eyes. When he saw I had Anakin's lightsaber he freaked and did the whole Force choke thing. He was trying to get it to come to him when I dropped it in the snow and he sort of forgot I need air to live. When I started to see spots I held my hand out. Imagine my surprise when the hilt came to my hand and not his. I was about to black out or die, not sure which, and he wasn't loosening his grip. I ignited it and brought it down on him. He tried to move out of the way but he wasn't expecting it and couldn't get out of the way in time. Now he has a permanent remind not to fuck with me," you chuckle as you pull your hand back to wrap around your knees.

When Luke is quiet for too long you glance up at him and see him staring with intense concentration at Ben with a furrowed brow.

"How deep are your feelings for him?"

"Ohhh no. We are definitely not having this conversation. I don't even know how I feel about him and I-"

Luke gave you a look that said 'Bullshit who are you trying to fool?'

"I'm old but I'm not blind."

"I'm surprised, considering how much you like to stare at people without blinking."

"And I was also out there when he ignited his saber and-"

"Not another word Luke and that better stay between us," you say while frowning, hoping he will take you seriously.

To your mortification you can picture him running to Leia the moment the Falcon lands and calling out to her. "Guess what? She totally has a girl boner for your son." You'd rather fling yourself out of the Falcon's emergency hatch. All spaceships have one right?

"He has feelings for you. Feelings he hasn't experienced before and he doesn't know how to come to terms with it considering the situation the two of you are in. Even more so because of the circumstances surrounding your arrival here. He's-"

Luke pauses and you see the older man's cheeks turn red. Dread creeps into your veins at what he could possibly have to say that has him blushing like a schoolgirl.

"I don't think you need to finish your sentence. I think whatever you were about to say is something I don't need to hear."

"I try not to violate anyone's privacy but sometimes, even the most guarded of us can't control how loud our thoughts are and-"

"Oh cool you're gonna keep talking even though I know I'm gonna hate it. Cool."

"-and Ben's thoughts were extremely loud the moment he saw you. Well, they were mixed in with thoughts about how badly he wanted to kill me. But part of him was thinking about you and-"

"Really, you really do not need to finish your sentence," you're practically pleading as you cover your face with your hands.

"-well to simplify it he was thinking about what the two of you did the last time you were alone and where that could lead if-"

"Luke I am begging you to stop talking," you say with a groan.

He snickers at how uncomfortable you are. Ben's thoughts were unsettling once he approached both of you but as hard as Ben tried to conceal his feelings and thoughts about you, he failed. They were mixed in with the dark thoughts, but they were still there.

Luke didn't think there was any light in his nephew, especially after concluding it was him who killed Han. But now...now he's not so sure. Maybe Leia has been right all along, maybe Ben isn't gone. You certainly don't seem to think so.

Your eyes are incredibly heavy and you're having an extremely hard time staying awake. The adrenaline from the events on Tatooine has completely left you. Seeing Ben asleep in front of you is even more reason for you to stay awake but you're at the point that no amount of space coffee is going to help.

Hopefully Luke will give you a hard shake if you doze off since he knows you're avoiding sleep. If there's any time you would end up meeting up with Ben in the weird dream space you've met in, it would definitely be now since he's passed out right next to you.

You and Luke sit across from each other in silence, Ben's gigantic body lies between you.

"What's going to happen to him?" you ask so quietly Luke almost misses it. Your eyes stay trained on Ben and the peaceful look on his face.

"Well, he's going to be arrested and placed in a holding cell as soon as we get to D'Qar. Hopefully Leia's managing to keep his arrival quiet. I can't imagine how much of an uproar it would cause if what was left of the Resistance knows you captured Kylo Ren."

You don't like the way that sounds. You don't want to be considered some sort of hero for capturing Ben because that's not why you did what you did. You want to get him away from Snoke's influence because you know once he has time away from him he'll see why he doesn't belong with him or the First Order. You did what you did because he needs to go home to his mother because she needs her son back. And maybe a small part of you is selfish and did it for yourself, because you know you can show him the affection he deserves and secretly craves. 

You didn't do it for the Resistance and you're more than willing to make that clear. 

"Are there holding cells that can contain him? I mean with the Force and all I can't imagine it would be that hard to break out."

"They will more than likely put him in cuffs designed to block the Force. Then the only danger he'll really pose is his physical strength."

You bite the inside of your cheek. They're going to lock him away and take the Force away from him for who knows how long. It was a mistake to bring him with you.

"Do you guys...what do you guys do when you catch people that have done the things Ben has done? Where I'm from there's life imprisonment or death, depending on the crime."

Luke can sense your inner turmoil over your decision to turn him in. He can see the guilt written clearly on your face and you guys haven't even arrived at the base yet. He knows it's only going to get worse for Ben from here on out, and also for you.

"It will be up to the council of whoever Leia has banned together. I haven't exactly been keeping up with politics so I'm not sure what systems they have in place. There will likely be a trial though. Knowing Leia, regardless of what Ben did, she'll fight tooth and nail to make sure he's safe."

You can tell Luke doesn't really feel bad about whatever fate Ben is likely to receive and. Ben's past doesn't excuse the crimes he's committed, you know that and you're sure Ben knows that too. However, you think it's important at least those that love him know that what he did, including killing Han, wasn't because he's evil and likes to inflict pain on others for fun. He didn't go to the dark side just because of what Luke did. It was a culmination of things and they need to know what part they played.

Ben's book is sitting on the dejarik table behind Luke. Should you let him read it? Should you let Leia read it? Ben's already pissed you read it and he's going to hate you with every fiber of his being once he wakes up. Does it really matter if you add some more fuel to the fire? Maybe it will add more key players to team 'Save Ben Solo' because right now it's just you and it's awfully lonely.

"There's something I think you should read, Leia too. I...it's not my story to tell. It's Ben's story. Don't ask me how I got the book because you wouldn't believe me if I told you but Ben knows it exists and based on his reaction when he saw I had it, everything in it is accurate," you sigh and rub your eyes with the heels of your hands.

You feel like you're secretly handing out copies of Ben's which adds even more guilt to the ever growing pile.

"He's going to hate me when he wakes up anyways so at this point it doesn't matter. For the record, I don't think his past excuses what he's done. But I think it's important you guys know what he's been through, even before he went to Snoke."

Luke arches an eyebrow at that. You stretch out your hand towards the book and concentrate on calling it to you using the Force. Once it's in your hands you hold it for a few moments, placing your hand on the cover and looking down at Ben silently praying he'll forgive you. You close your eyes and slowly hand it over to Luke. Once it's in his hands he looks down at it and his eyes widen slightly when he reads the title.

"Please give it back to me when you're done. Like I said it's hard to explain where I got it but I know it's meant to stay with me. You and Leia are the only ones I want to know that exists and you're the only ones allowed to read it."

Luke stays quiet but he nods to acknowledge your words. He cracks open the book, makes himself as comfortable as possible while sitting on the floor of the Falcon, and starts reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot shorter than usual. I was going to make it longer but I was eager to get it out because I'm looking forward to where this is going now that we're passing familiar territory. 
> 
> (There may be some errors due to that eagerness but I'll check it again)


	7. Villain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have a beta for this chapter so any mistakes are on me

* * *

_  
Oh God, what have I done  
_ _It's easier just to run away from me  
_ _My friend, I have sinned  
_ _I watched you buckle under the space I put you in  
_ _Will you remember me for who I am?  
_ _Or will you forget me for what I've done?  
_ _I am a human  
_ _I am the villain  
_ _I am the monster but you let me right in  
_ _My mind is polluted  
_ _My thoughts convoluted  
_ _I don't feel the pain but I feel what I gave to you  
_ _If you walk away, I'll walk away too  
_ _I won't ask you what I've got to say to make you stay  
_ _I won't hold your hand anymore_

_Social Repose - Villain  
  
_

* * *

  
Ben realized what was about to happen the moment you said you were sorry but it was too late to do anything about it.   
  


He knows you used a Jedi mind trick on Starkiller to escape the interrogation room, but influencing a weak minded individual is far easier than rendering them unconscious. Especially when trying to do so to an experienced Force user like himself.

  
He sighs and opens his eyes as he sits up to take in his new home for, what could possibly be, the foreseeable future. His cell is small but not as small as it could be. Three walls are made of thick concrete while one is nothing but vertical metal bars. The bars are too thick to bend and too close together to try and squeeze through.

  
The bed he's sitting on is barely big enough for him, but it's better than sleeping on the floor. There's a small privacy screen in the corner of the cell, likely surrounding the toilet. It's a bit primitive but it could be worse.

  
Through the very small window outside of his cell he can see vegetation which means he's likely on one of the jungle planets on the outer rim.

  
Considering his surroundings he's extremely surprised to see the Force blocking cuffs he's wearing are an extremely new model that are virtually escape proof. His lightsaber, belt, gloves, and the outer cowl he wore is gone. Thankfully whoever undressed him had the decency to leave his black sweater, his pants, and boots on. He had removed his mask and cape on Tatooine and he can't help but wonder if you left them there in the sand.

  
You knew what would happen to him if he was brought back to the Resistance, life imprisonment or death, yet you did it anyways. It's been a while since he felt betrayed but he remembered the feeling well.

  
He needs to get back to the Finalizer before Snoke realizes he's gone or that he's been captured. Thinking about what Snoke may do worried him more than whatever the Resistance and his mother had in store for him.

  
They didn't believe in torture tactics so he doesn't have to worry about that. Even if they are that desperate for information, his mother would never allow it. Actually, it's possible she would enjoy it. He hasn't seen her in years and in that amount of time he's helped kill a majority of her comrades and allies. He killed her husband and he's the reason her brother vanished. She should want him dead, any sane person would. If he was in her position he wouldn't blame her.

  
Physical pain he can handle. Being trapped in a cage, alone with only his thoughts and memories to keep him company, that's what will break him.

  
He runs his hands over his face before throwing his legs over the side of the extremely small bed. He scoots back a few inches and leans against the wall the bed is pressed up against.

  
Unintentionally, he seeks you out in the Force. A small part of him wants to know if you're happy with your decision to bring him back with you to the Resistance. He wants to know if you're with your friends and laughing at his expense while he's locked away, alone.

  
When he finds you, which is a lot easier than anticipated likely due to your proximity, you're fast asleep. He's irritated that the Force didn't connect you two while you were both asleep. It would have been nice to confront you about what you did but maybe that's why it didn't happen.

  
A door nearby opens and the sound of the squeaky hinges breaks his concentration and he drops his connection with you. Scowling, he sits up a little straighter and stares towards the cell door.

  
Ben huffs and leans his head against the wall the moment Poe comes into view. Of all people to send, his mother chooses Dameron. He ripped into his mind not too long ago and saw how close he is with her. She seems to care more about Dameron than she ever did about him. They certainly spend more time together at least. Time was always something she was short on when he was a child.

  
He quickly pushes those thoughts away once he realizes they're bordering on jealousy. He'd rather take another blast from Chewie's bowcaster than be jealous of Dameron, or admit to it anyways.

  
"Oh good, you're finally awake," Poe says as he rests his arms against the cell bars.

  
"Unfortunately," Ben says with his eyes closed. Maybe if he doesn't look at Dameron he'll realize how he's not worth the amount of effort it would take to lift his head away from the wall and meet his eyes.

  
Poe knew getting a reaction out of Kylo Ren wasn't going to be easy. The man was an emotionless monster that only enjoyed inflicting pain on others. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Not to mention how he almost killed Finn and nearly choked you to death. If the information he has wasn't so useful, Poe would offer to kill him himself, especially after the excruciating pain he put him through when he ripped into his mind after being captured on Jakku.

  
Kylo Ren has one weakness apparently, although he can't fathom it.

  
Poe overheard Leia and Luke discussing his behavior towards you and his choice not to hurt you on Tatooine. They seem to believe he has feelings for you. Maybe an infatuation since you managed to beat him on Starkiller. A man that can kill his father without batting an eye doesn't have feelings.

  
Thanks to that bit of information, Poe has an in, a way to get the man. He wouldn't get any information out of him, that he was leaving for Leia. But he could have some fun with him while the general came up with a plan.

  
"I can't blame you, she is something.," Poe chuckles.

  
Despite his resolve to completely ignore him, Ben lifts his head from the wall and glares at Poe. "What?"

  
"Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about. She outsmarts you, beats the shit out of you on Starkiller, then leaves you for dead. Not to mention the hack job she did on your face. Then when you stalk her and find her on Tatooine, she beats you again and knocks you on your ass. A girl like her is hard to find."

  
Ben's jaw tenses and Poe has to bite back a smile. It's working.

  
Ben wishes he had his mask for times like these. He knows Poe is trying to use you to get a reaction out of him and he despises the fact that it's working. He's never been good at hiding his emotions. It's one of his many weaknesses Snoke likes to point out.

  
Ben says nothing but his eyes never leave Poe's.

  
"Not to mention that body," Poe adds.

  
Ben crosses his arms over his chest so Poe won't see how hard he's clenching his fists.

  
"She's been gone longer than she's been here so I haven't had a chance to get to know her yet. But now that she's back I'll have plenty of time to. I mean, you should see the way she looks at me. She practically undresses me with her eyes every time I walk by."

  
It isn't jealousy he feels bubbling up inside him. It's a feeling he's unfamiliar with, possessiveness. Poe's words make him realize that he's considered you his from the moment you kissed him in the interrogation room. Whether as his enemy or something more, you belong to him and he you.

  
He never stopped to consider the fact that you may have feelings for someone else. However, if what you say is true, you had only been "here" since waking up on Starkiller. You wouldn't have had time to develop feelings for someone else. The way you kissed him, there were feelings behind it. You don't kiss someone like that just because you can.

  
On Tatooine, while trying to calm him down, you even said you had feelings for him. Maybe it was all an act to get close to him so he'd let his guard down. It worked when you surprised him by kissing him in the interrogation room and it worked again on Tatooine.

  
Maybe you're just a good actress or maybe you like to get...physical with multiple people, free of attachment. Just because he's a freak and abstained from physical intimacy doesn't mean you do.

  
The thought of you taking advantage of the feelings he has for you upsets him more than he expected.

  
"Good luck with that," Ben scoffs, hiding his inner worries. "She's many things but stupid isn't one of them. You might be able to get into the pants of most of the desperate females on this base but the chances of her having the slightest interest in you is as likely as my chance of getting out of here without killing at least a handful of your comrades."

  
Poe scowls and stands up straighter, away from the bars.

  
"Is that a challenge?"

  
"Not necessarily, but if you're bored waiting for the First Order to find the location of this base, by all means. She's not going to be as easy as the other women here. The number of potential partners the women of the Resistance have available to them seems to be quite limited, considering I keep killing them."

  
Poe can feel his anger rising bur he knows he needs to calm down. He won't let Ren have the satisfaction of knowing he's getting under his skin.

  
"She seems awfully close with Finn too. I haven't asked him about it but it wouldn't surprise me to know they have some sort of thing going."

  
"You mean the traitor she left alone in the snow in favor of staying by my side? Yes, I can see how deep her feelings for him run."

  
Ben closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall again, satisfied at the look on Poe's face.

  
"You don't really think you have a chance with her do you? She did what she set out to do, she got you to drop your guard. Who would have thought all it took to bring down the mighty Kylo Ren was for a pretty girl to act like she's interested in him. Had we known that-"

  
Thankfully, the sound of the door opening stops Poe from finishing his sentence. Ben sits a bit straighter while he waits to see who the next person in line to verbally spar with him is.

  
Frowning, Poe takes a step away from the bars to make room for his newest guest. Ben knows who it is before she comes into view. Not wanting to see the look of disgust on her face when she sees him for the first time in years, Ben closes his eyes once more and leans against the wall.

  
"Hello Ben."

  
Ben swallows, doing his best not to show any signs of emotion.

  
"Hello mother."  
  


* * *

  
Rolling onto your side, you snuggle deeper into your bed while wrapping your blanket around you more. When you bury your face in your pillow, you notice it smells different than before. Different, but familiar, and comforting. If 'being safe' had a smell, that's what your pillow smells like. Realizing you're most definitely no longer sitting on the floor of the Falcon, your eyes shoot open and you sit up quickly, nearly startling Finn half to death.

  
Looking around the room frantically, it takes you a minute to realize where you are. Your eyes meet Finn's and the haziness of sleep starts to fade. The blanket around your shoulders starts to slide off, exposing the skin to the room's cool air. You quickly grab it and wrap it around your shoulders again. The action causes Finn to frown.

  
You're about to ask him why he's frowning when you look down and notice your blanket is black. Last time you were in your room the blanket that you slept with was definitely not black. When you hold the ends out in front of you, you realize what you've bundled yourself tightly in. Ben's cloak that he had dramatically dropped on Tatooine. That's why your bed smells familiar and comforting, you are literally surrounding yourself with him. The thought makes you want to cry.

  
When Finn sees your eyes well up with tears he gives you a sympathetic look and comes to sit on the bed next to you. He wraps one arm around your shoulders and pulls you into a tight hug, which you welcome.

  
"It's okay! You're safe now. He's never going to hurt you again," Finn says as he squeezes you a little tighter in an effort to comfort you. It has the opposite effect and you pull away from him.

  
"What?" you ask, wanting to make sure you heard him right.

  
"I can't believe you captured Kylo Ren! None of us can believe it. You're basically a hero among the Resistance now," Finn says with a smile.

  
You cover your face with your hands and groan. This is exactly what you wanted to avoid. While you slept everything seemed to change.

  
"How long have I been asleep?" you ask, still a little groggy.

  
"About twelve hours."

  
"Twelve hours!" you respond with mild shock.

  
"Yeah Luke said to let you sleep. I brought you in here while they took Ren to his cell. There was practically a line to see him when Chewie carried him off the Falcon. I heard he can't use the Force anymore so how-"

  
"I'm really hungry, can we go grab something to eat?" you cut Finn off before he can continue.

  
You've heard enough and you'd like to go back to sleep just to get away from it all, even if there's a chance you'll see Ben. You're not sure what nightmare will be worse, facing him in the dream world or facing the real world.

  
"Yeah of course! You must be starving!" he says with a smile.

  
You get to your feet, slide your boots on, and grab your jacket which is lying next to Han's on the small dresser against the wall. Your eyes linger on it for a moment. You wish he was around so you could ask him if you did the right thing by bringing Ben home to Leia against his will. Would he have done the same thing? He wanted him to come home but would he want him home if it meant imprisonment for the rest of his life?

  
"You comin?" Finn asks from behind you, interrupting your thoughts.

  
"Uh, yeah," you clear your throat and follow him out of your little apartment.

* * *

You're out of your room for less than five minutes and you already want to scream. You're happy you haven't mastered the Force yet because you're pretty sure you'd be using it to fling people against trees. You're one step closer to screaming each time someone comes up to you to pat you on the back and praise you for being a hero.

  
Once in the mess hall, you fill a tray with a variety of strange looking food, and walk over to the table Poe and Finn are sitting at. You're just about to take a bite of a weird looking sandwich when people start clapping. You glance around to see why they're clapping but when you do, all eyes are on you.

  
You set your sandwich down and stare at it longingly before looking from person to person, hoping for an explanation as to why everyone is looking at you. Poe of all people, stands and the clapping dies down.

  
"I think we all need to take a moment and acknowledge Kenobi as the real hero of the Resistance."

  
People start clapping and yelling out praise at Poe's words, Finn included.

  
The anger and guilt is slowly building with each word out of his mouth.

  
"She single handedly tipped the scale of the war in our favor, maybe not by much, but a little can go a long way. Without her, that monster Kylo Ren would-"

  
You stand suddenly, and slam your hands down on the table loudly. "He's not a monster!" you yell with barely contained rage. Without touching it, your tray of food goes flying off the table and your chair shoots half way across the room.

  
The room goes silent while everyone continues to stare at you. Mild shock replaces the looks of admiration and respect they had seconds ago.

  
Thankfully you had taken your sandwich and a small container of some sort of fruit mixture off of your tray before your outburst. Trying your best to make a graceful exit after your dramatic outburst, you grab what is left of your food and leave the mess hall as quickly as possible.

  
Luke sits in the corner of the room and watches you angrily leave a room full of confused and shocked Resistance members..

  
"You didn't say she had a temper," Luke sighs.

 _  
"All the best ones do," _ says the man sitting next to him that no one seems to notice.  
  


* * *

  
Once back in the solitude of your room you finish the little bit of food you managed to take with you. While thinking about Ben, again, your mind starts to drift, and somehow you sense him. You're not quite sure how you manage to seek him out but you do and as expected, he feels angry and betrayed.

  
Even though it's what you anticipated, it still upsets you and your eyes start to burn with barely held tears. You quickly wipe your eyes and grab one of the books you haven't had a chance to read, the one from the dream that mentioned a bond and you start reading.

* * *

You're not sure how you feel about the information you learn from the books you recently obtained. On one hand, you have an explanation as to why your connection with Ben seems so intense and why you can sense his presence and his emotions. A Force bond. Which is just fantastic considering he's supposed to be the enemy. Not to mention he is currently locked in an underground cell for the foreseeable future, and that's if he's not executed.

  
Apparently the two of you have a powerful connection that can happen between two individuals who bridge their minds. It's rare but not unheard of.

  
The stronger the people connected are with the Force, the stronger their connection is. Everyone has mentioned how strong Ben is and apparently so are you which means your connection is probably a lot deeper than you thought. It's a little cool knowing it's possible to communicate telepathically if the connection is strong enough.

  
The next book you pick up has information on a "vergence" or "nexus," which is a little harder to understand than the information on Force bonds. A vergence/nexus is a high concentration of the force that can be centered around a place or a person. There are several planets Obi-Wan never mentioned that are considered a vergence, including a planet that sounds like a sneeze, Ahch-To.

  
All this new information is giving you a headache, not only because it's a lot to take in, but because it's confusing. It's obvious why the book with information on the Force Bond called out to you but you can't make sense of what a vergence in the Force has to do with anything. You're going to have to ask Luke which means more non-answers.

  
You groan in frustration, slam the book closed, remove your boots, and climb back into your bed. You're not one to mope and wallow in self pity but you decide to make an exception. You're confused over the information you've learned and frustrated over the lack of straight answers you're getting.

  
The situation with Ben adds in an entirely new mix of emotions that are far from positive. Mostly self loathing.

  
Above all of that, you miss Obi-Wan. Even though he's the one that put you in the situation you're in to begin with, he always had the answers to every problem you faced. Even though those answers were usually just as frustrating as Luke's, they were still answers.

  
You laid on your side and pulled your knees up to your chest. You are about to pull your blanket over you when your eyes land on Ben's cloak. No one would know if you used it as a blanket again. You're alone in your little studio style apartment and no one else has access to get in, not after you changed the passcode to prevent Finn from dropping by.

  
Even though it's literally a foot in front of you, you reach out and use the Force to bring it to you. You have super powers, why not use them?

  
Once it's in your hands, you wrap it around your shoulders like a shawl and inhale. Trying not to think of how creepy you're being, you pull your knees against your chest again. Considering how long you slept, you're really not expecting to fall asleep but you do soon after closing your eyes.  
  


* * *

  
During his visit with his mother, Ben's mind drifted to you once he felt you wake up. He isn't intentionally trying to keep track of you but when he felt your anger rise quickly, he couldn't help but focus on it. Time isn't something he has the ability to gauge anymore so he's not sure how much time passes before he checks in on you again. He's surprised by the myriad of emotions you're feeling, mostly guilt and self loathing.

  
With nothing better to do, he slides off the small bed, sits on the floor, crosses his legs, closes his eyes, and begins to meditate. Not the Jedi meditation Luke had taught him or the meditation Snoke had taught him in order to tap into the dark side, but the way the Jedi text instructed when trying to strengthen a bond.

  
He concentrates until his hold on you through the Force is strong. When it feels like you're near him, he opens his eyes only to find himself in what he thinks are your quarters. Afraid of losing the connection, he tries to keep his mind focused on you and not the shock he feels at what he managed to do and how easy it was to do it.

  
He stands up slowly and glances around the room. His father's jacket is laid carefully over the top of a dresser. The last time he saw it was when you wore it on Starkiller. He doesn't see any signs that anyone else has been in your room with you. The thought helps him further brush aside Poe insinuations. He hates the fact that what the irritating pilot said actually had an effect on him.

  
Aside from his father's jacket, nothing else about the room seems very personal. It's like you're afraid to make the room yours, afraid to make it comfortable and familiar. His eyes stop roaming the room when they land on a small lump of black in the center of a small bed that's pressed up against the wall.

  
You're lying on your side in the fetal position. Your head is peeking out from what he thought was a black blanket but he quickly realizes what it is as he approaches the side of your bed. He thought for sure you would have left his belongings on Tatooine. He's surprised to see not only did you bring the cloak with you, but you wrapped it around yourself tightly as if it's the only thing holding you together. The sight made his chest tight with unfamiliar emotions.

  
Although you are asleep, you aren't calm and relaxed like he expected you would be considering how deeply you're sleeping. He feels extremely creepy standing over you and watching you sleep without your knowledge. Still, the thought of returning to his cell so he can sit there alone, nearly makes him sick.

  
Accepting the fact that he's violating your privacy by sneaking into your room, he sits down across from your bed, and leans his back against the wall.

  
When you make a noise that sounds slightly distressed, as if you're having a nightmare, he involuntarily moves closer to you, momentarily debating whether or not to say something to wake you up. The thought doesn't last long when a moment later you bury your face deeper into his cape, sigh, and fall back to sleep.

  
Poe's words are slowly starting to leave his thoughts. You're completely alone and finding comfort in his scent, in him. If the kiss on Starkiller, and the kiss while in your dream, was all an act, there's no reason you would be finding comfort in him when you're completely alone.

  
Regardless of what happened on Tatooine, the sight makes his chest tight and his stomach flip. He's suddenly sure of one thing. No matter what happens to him he won't be able to let you go.

  
He sighs, and mumbles a very quiet "kriff," before running his hands through his hair.  
  


* * *

  
Days pass and your new routine stays the same. Wake up, shower, read, and sleep. Food mysteriously appears outside of your door like clockwork for every meal. You're not sure who's doing it but whoever it is knows you're avoiding people and is thoughtful enough to make sure you don't starve to death. After a week, your routine is rudely interrupted.  
  


* * *

  
Ben's cloak is wrapped around you tightly so when someone attempts to forcefully yank it off of you, they fail. Instead it gives your entire body a hard shake, jolting you awake. You frown but don't move, and you hug it even tighter. When they do it once more you manage to slide one hand out from under it and hold it towards the perpetrator, fully intending to use the Force against whoever is trying to take your security blanket away from you.

  
Once your hand is out from underneath it, nothing happens. Instead, the end of Ben's cloak that's now loose thanks to your uncovered arm, is jerked and you're unwrapped quickly. You roll off the side of the bed and land roughly on the floor.

  
"OW WHAT THE FUCK?" you yell angrily as you sit up.

  
Luke is standing next to the doorway. You're not sure why he looks annoyed considering _he_ just threw _you_ on the floor.

  
"Get up," Luke says sternly.

  
"How the hell did you get in here? I changed the pass code."

  
Luke smiles smugly, which irritates you even more. "Get your boots on and let's go."

  
"What? No, I'm not going anywhere. Go away," you huff as you unceremoniously pick yourself off of the floor and sit on the edge of your bed. Your butt barely touches the mattress when Ben's wadded up cloak hits you on the side of the head. You have to close your eyes and take deep breaths to prevent yourself from charging the old man and punching him in the throat.

  
"Get your boots on and come with me," Luke repeats.

  
You open your eyes and turn your head to glare at him but as you do the door slides open and Luke disappears around the corner. Just to defy him you consider closing the door and getting back into bed but you know he'll come back and pester you until you do what he wants.

  
While barely suppressing the urge to scream, you angrily grab your boots, slip them on, and follow Luke out of the room. Before the door shuts, you look back into your room, extend your arm, and wait until Obi-Wan's lightsaber reaches your palm. Seconds later the door slides shut and you follow after Luke.

  
After winding down a few different corridors, you end up outside for the first time since arriving on D'Qar if you don't count the quick trip to the mess hall. It's hard to miss the looks people are giving you as they pass you or how they are giving you a wide berth. It's as if they think you're randomly going to start punching people. In fairness, you had considered it.

  
They're no longer looking at you like you're their hero, or their savior. They all look more confused than anything. They can't quite tell where your loyalty lies. You're obviously with the Resistance. You captured Kylo Ren after all. Yet you also stuck up for him. They have no idea how to feel about you and you're fine with that. As long as they leave you alone and don't treat you like you're their only hope, you don't care what they think about you.

  
Luke finally stops walking once the two of you are standing in the middle of the forest in a clearing away from the base. You huff and cross your arms over your chest, irritated at being forced into the impromptu hike.

  
"Why am I here Luke?"

  
"Because I'm tired of you moping over Ben when your time could be better spent elsewhere, like training you in the ways of the Force," he says as he turns to face you.

  
"Okay, first of all, I am not moping over Ben. I've been in my room reading the Jedi books I haven't had time to read. Remember, the ones you said weren't necessary but would be helpful?"

  
"Really? Last time I checked it was hard to read with your eyes closed while wrapped tightly in my nephew's cloak."

  
You don't need a mirror to know your cheeks are reddening. You have to bite the inside of your check to prevent yourself from telling the old man to fuck off. If he was anyone else, if it was a different situation, you definitely would have told him to shove it.

  
Luke gave you a look that said, 'go ahead, try and deny it.' You consider finishing what Ben started, or tried to start, on Tatooine.

  
"Now, I think what we should work on first is controlling your emotions. You're quick to react which is good, usually. Always trust your instincts and the Force. But an emotional response and instinctual response are different. You want to avoid an emotional response, like your tendency to lash out when you're angry."

  
"I don't lash out when I'm angry," you say quietly without meeting his eyes.

  
"Really? Your behavior at the mess hall would-"

  
"They keep treating me like a fucking hero! Like I'm the savior of the Resistance for capturing the 'terrifying monster that is Kylo Ren' and it's not like that at all! Ben isn't a monster and I didn't 'capture' him. I mind tricked him and knocked him on his ass before dragging him here. I essentially roofied him and kidnapped him. I didn't do it for the Resistance. I did it so Leia could have her son back. I did it for Ben, to get him away from Snoke. I did it... fine I did it for myself okay?" you practically yell.

  
Luke says nothing but waits for you to calm down enough to pay attention to your surroundings. Rocks and small branches are floating around you. When you realize you're the reason things are floating around you, the anger and frustration quickly dissipates and the rocks fall to the ground.

  
You sigh and quickly sit down in the middle of the clearing. You cross your arms over your chest and glance at Luke, still a bit embarrassed.

  
"Fine. Teach me."  
  


* * *

  
Luke teaches you various forms of meditation, all which you have an extremely hard time doing. It's never been easy for you to shut your mind off and focus, especially on command. The meditation that's the most useful teaches you how to close your mind to others.

  
Skilled Force have the ability to tap into others minds, the way Luke did to Ben on Tatooine. There's another way to tap into someone's mind, a much more painful way, the way Snoke had taught Ben.

  
Luke found that your mind was harder to access than others. After years of training he had the ability to faintly touch others minds without them knowing. Like a whisper against someone's mind that most don't even notice. Out of respect, he didn't make it a habit of eavesdropping on people's private thoughts, unless it's for a good reason. He'd try to tap into Ben's as he grew up, more than he'd like to admit. But Ben was always closed off, whether naturally or because of Snoke. After reading the book you gave him he assumed the latter.

  
While practicing how to close yourself off, he tried to access your mind multiple times, a couple of times he was successful. What he saw and felt saddened him. The connection between you and Ben was far stronger than he had anticipated. He now understood why your decision to bring him back to the Resistance was weighing so heavily on you. Even though the relationship was different, Ben was the first person you felt a connection to since Obi-Wan died in your time.

  
"Hi Leia," you say with your eyes closed from your sitting position in the middle of the clearing.

  
Leia glances between you and Luke before smiling.

  
When no one speaks you crack your eye open and are happy to see you were right. You get to your feet, dust yourself off, and stretch.

  
"How's your training going?"

"Well, it would have been a lot better if I had come willingly instead of being dragged out of bed and thrown on the floor. Aside from that, it's been okay."

  
"That's good to hear dear," Leia says with a small smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

  
"Is something wrong?" you ask hesitantly.

  
You turned around to look at Luke when Leia's eyes leave yours and land on him. He gives her a quick nod before she sighs and turns her attention back to you. Your stomach is twisted in knots.

  
"Nothing is wrong but I do have a favor to ask and you may not like it."

  
You don't say anything as you cross your arms over your chest and stare back at her. She takes that as a sign to continue.

  
"Ben won't talk to anyone. The only one he's spoken to was Poe when he first woke up on D'Qar. From what I've gathered, that conversation wasn't actually productive. It was mostly Poe trying to get under Ben's skin and Ben antagonizing Poe. Both succeeded and since then he hasn't said a word. I've tried talking to him but we just sit in uncomfortable silence until I give up and leave. Only the people currently on D'Qar know Ben is here. I've managed to keep that information contained. But sooner or later people are going to find out Kylo Ren has been captured and the General of the Resistance has him in a cell. Our allies will expect us to either place him in some sort of permanent prison, exile him, or execute him. If we can get him to provide us with information on the First Order, useful information, it will give me leverage in the likely event there's a trial. "

  
"Wait, I thought no one really knew Kylo Ren was Ben Solo. How is it everyone here knows?"

  
"I'm not sure. Someone knew and spread that information around. Too many people here have been hurt by the First Order and subsequently, by him. There's really no way for me to keep him a secret. Even if I could-" Leia pauses and takes a deep breath.

  
"Despite what he's done, despite what happened to Han, he's still my son and I'm his mother. I would do and still will do everything in my power to protect him. I can't pretend like he's not guilty of horrendous things and I still think he should be held accountable but after reading the book you gave Luke," Leia pauses again and you look away when you see her eyes well with tears.

  
"I can't help but feel responsible for the devastation he's caused across the galaxy and for everything he went through."

  
"Leia-"

  
She brings up her hand to stop you, knowing you're more than likely about to tell her that's not true even though part of you agrees.

  
"Everything in that book is true. Had I known what was happening to Ben, how he thought we felt about him, how alone he felt, Snoke."

  
She says Snoke's name as if it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. You can't blame her.

  
"If we had known what I know now we would have stopped traveling, I would have stayed home with him, and we wouldn't have sent him away. Han might not be here to add his two cents but I know he would agree with me."

  
"I don't know how I can help in this situation. I know whatever is going to happen to him isn't going to be good for him. I haven't discussed it with Luke yet but 'Team Save Ben Solo' consists of two people and-"

  
"Three," Luke interrupts. "Team Save Ben Solo has three people in it."

  
You turn to Luke and can't hide the smile that spreads across your face when you see he's serious and not just saying that for your benefit or Leia's.

  
"Okay, 'Team Save Ben Solo' has three people which is more than it had a day ago. That's not going to make much of a difference. He's still Snoke's lap dog."

  
When Leia flinches you regret your choice of words.

  
"I just mean that if he had the ability to access the Force he would have escaped already and be on his way back to Snoke. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. There's still light in him, we all know that. But we can't force him to welcome it. He has to do it on his own and I can't think of anything we can do to nudge him in the right direction. I'd help if I could but I can't." You sigh and look down at your feet.

  
Even though you haven't technically done anything wrong, you can't help but feel like you failed Leia. When neither one of them says anything, you glance up and see them both staring at you.

  
"What?"

  
"There is a way you can help," Luke says knowingly.

  
"Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like what you have to say," you sigh and rub your hands over your face.

  
"I need you to talk to him," Leia says. The motherly concern has all but vanished and the General of the Resistance stands before you.

  
"What? Why? He's not going to want to talk to me. He hates me," you say as if you actually believe it. You know he doesn't hate you but you're not exactly his favorite person. Not since Tatooine.

  
Luke scoffs and looks past you into the trees.

  
"Be quiet," you say through gritted teeth.

  
"He wants to talk to you and we all know he doesn't hate you. You're probably the only one he doesn't hate," she says quietly.

  
"Okay well that's bullshit. That man is the biggest mama's boy I have ever met in my entire life, even if he doesn't realize it."

  
Leia can't help but smile at that. When Ben was younger, although he idolized his father, he was very attached to her which made leaving him harder than it already was.

  
"Every now and then I can feel what he's feeling and none of it has been positive. Irritation, betrayal, anger, frustration. Anger and betrayal are the big two. There's no one else on the base that has betrayed him like I did so it's not hard to figure out who he's thinking about and I-"

  
"He asked to speak with you," Leia interrupts. She knows you're going to continue to rant otherwise.

  
"Huh?"

  
"I spoke with him earlier today and had planned to seek you out sooner but once I saw you were training with Luke I thought it would be better to wait. I told him I would stop bothering him since he obviously has nothing to say to me. Before I left I made the situation clear, not as his mother, but as a general. If he doesn't start providing us with information, something useful, when our allies find out he is here there won't be a trial they will go straight to execution. As heartless as this sounds, if he doesn't make himself useful there won't be any reason to keep him around."

  
That statement instantly angers you. You open your mouth to speak but she waves her hand towards you again.

  
"You know I didn't mean it like that but that's how others will see it. He's Snoke's second in command, he's extremely dangerous, and extremely powerful. If he's not going to be useful, killing him would be the next best option as a way to weaken the First Order. I mentioned all of this to him and as I was about to leave, he said the only one he would speak with is you."

  
You open your mouth to speak but close it again, not quite sure what you should say. There's no way a conversation between you and Ben will end well. He's going to be an asshole, you know that with every fiber of your being. The end result will be you biting back, and leaving without any sort of resolution. You'll be angry until you're alone which is when your mind will wander and the guilt will set in again.

  
Luke and Leia are having a silent conversation with looks alone while you bite your lip and look down at your feet, debating on whether or not you should do it.

  
"You don't have to if you don't want to, if you're uncomfortable. Don't feel like you're obligated to speak with him," Luke says. He pauses momentarily and continues the moment he's sure you're paying attention to him.. "But...I think we both know you want to see him. Think about what we practiced today and where, or who, your mind frequently wanders to before you try to deny it."

  
You huff and run your hands over your face. He's right and all three of you know it. You will never admit it out loud but so far, in the short amount of time you've known Luke, he's been right about a majority of things. The frustrating Jedi Master is starting to grow on you.

  
"Should I go now?" you ask Leia as you turn to face her completely. You make sure your back is to Luke when you ask. Seeing the smug satisfaction on his face will make you change your mind just to spite him.

  
"It's up to you dear, whatever makes you comfortable."

  
"Alright, lead the way," you sigh and gesture towards the base. Leia smiles and holds her arm out for you to take. You loop your arm in hers and head towards the base.

  
"Told you," Luke says to Leia as he follows close behind you.

* * *

  
  
Ben's cell is the only cell underneath the main building which is unfortunate should they capture someone else. Leia leads you down a rather dark and narrow corridor until you reach a large door that badly needs new hinges. A man equipped with an unnecessarily large blaster is standing to the right of the door. He quickly opens it and holds it open for the both of you.

  
Leia gestures for you to enter first and follows you in until you're almost at his cell. Another man stands guard with an equally as large blaster. The look he gives you makes it clear he doesn't think you're part of the Resistance like many did. He knows there's something going on between you and Ben, even if he isn't sure what that was.

  
Suddenly another thought came to mind, one that fills you with dread. Finn and Poe. Finn already acts as if Ben kidnapped you, tortured you, and held you hostage. When he finds out you're down in the cell alone with Ben, well you'll never hear the end of it. His opinion, although you valued it, wouldn't change your resolve to see Ben. But it would add some extra stress and irritation to the already close to overflowing cup of it you had on your own.

  
After you let her into his cell, lock it behind her and wait outside until she calls for you," Leia says politely.

  
"General, I don't think-" the man starts to say as his eyes dart from you to Leia.

  
"I appreciate your concern but she can take care of herself. Is there going to be a problem?" Leia asks with a slight edge to her voice, indicating she wasn't in the mood to argue.

  
"No problem at all, general," he says nervously. He turns towards Ben's cell with a set of overly large keys that are hanging on an equally large metal ring. It reminds you of an old timey jailer in a black and white western movie or the keys the dog teases the pirates with in Pirates of the Caribbean. If you weren't so anxious you'd probably laugh.

  
Leia pulls you in for a hug and whispers a small thank you in your ear before releasing you.

  
"Come see me when you're done speaking with him. Luke and I will be in my office."

  
You give her a small nod and watch as she walks back the way you came.

  
Artificial light is glowing from the right side of the corridor, spilling into the hallway and illuminating it. There is one window, high up on the wall across from the cell. You're assuming the only view of the outside world Ben gets is the from the one small window high up on the wall across from his cell.

  
The cell they're keeping him in isn't what you're expecting. Even though the Resistance base isn't as high tech as the First Order's, it's still more advanced than what you're accustomed to at home. You're expecting an all white room with glass walls, like Loki's cell in that one Thor movie. You didn't expect an old school cell with metal bars and a metal door. The comically large key ring probably should have tipped you off.  
  


* * *

Ben feels as you approach his cell with his mother. After days of silence between him and his mother, he finally spoke, requesting to speak with you. You've felt guilty and miserable since taking him from Tatooine so he really didn't expect you to agree to see him. He thought maybe after a day or two the guilt would subside and you'd go back to spending time with the traitor, forgetting he existed in the process, but you didn't.

  
Every night you wrapped yourself in his cloak before going to sleep. He knew this because he had made a habit of connecting to you through the Force and sitting in your room until the connection closed.

  
He was confused why you still slept with it. Surely it didn't still smell like him after you've wrapped yourself in it for so many nights. It had to smell like you by now, which made him consider asking for it back. Then he could be the one wrapping himself in it as he fell asleep at night.

  
It really shouldn't matter but the fact that he looks presentable eases his anxiety slightly. The thought of you seeing him after wearing the same clothes for a week, reeking thanks to his greasy unwashed hair and lack of shower, mortified him more than he'd care to admit.

  
He's grateful his mother had provided him with clean clothes. He was certain they were going to make him wear the same clothes as some sort of polite form of torture but he was wrong. The real torture came when he bathed.

  
The primitive rusty metal shower head that he had to crouch underneath due to his height, was apparently only capable of spraying extremely cold water on him. At first he hadn't noticed his cell even had a shower until his mother pointed it out. When she saw him stare at the clean clothes longingly while he ran his hands through his greasy hair, he gestured towards the corner of the cell. Neither one of them said a word.

  
He's trying not to be too critical of his accommodations, even though it was hard considering what he's accustomed to. He's a prisoner who they've fed, kept clothed, provided privacy and a place to bathe, and they haven't tortured him. Despite all that, he really missed hot water.

  
All thoughts of his new hygiene routine disappeared when you came into sight.  
  


* * *

The man guarding Ben's cell is immediately on your shit list. After Leia leaves he doesn't say a word to you and keeps side eyeing you as if you're going to attack him at any moment and set the monster free to roam the Resistance base.

  
Once you're in Ben's cell, the guard shuts the cell door unnecessarily hard, locks it, and leaves the two of you alone without saying a word. You wait until you hear the creaky door at the end of the corridor close before building the courage to make eye contact with Ben.

  
When your eyes met you have to force yourself to not look away. He's staring at you so intensely it's uncomfortable. You're doing your best to calm your anxiety without him noticing.

  
You're trying very hard not to rake your eyes over him. You didn't expected him to be so...clean. His hair looks just as soft as it usually does and his clothes are new. Unfortunately his white shirt is a bit snug on his wide chest and the black pants he's wearing are just as snug as the ones he always wears tucked into his boots.. You noticed a privacy screen in the corner of the cell but didn't consider why it would be there at first. There's probably a shower and a toilet hidden behind it which means even though he's a prisoner, they're letting him stay presentable. The thought kind of makes you want to laugh.

  
You have the urge to apologize for knocking him unconscious and kidnapping him, which is essentially what you did. You want to apologize for whatever punishment Snoke may deal him, if he's even able to from a distance. You want to apologize for basically sealing his fate, but you don't. You merely lean your back against the wall across from the small bed he's sitting on and stare back at him.

  
When seconds of uncomfortable silence turn into minutes, your break eye contact with him and speak.

  
"Your mother said you wanted to talk to me. I assumed it was for a reason and not to stare at me without saying a word. Trust me, I get enough of that from your uncle I don't-"

  
The instant the words leave your mouth you regret them. Your instincts are screaming at you to let you know you fucked up. The Force might as well be holding a large flashing "WARNING" sign and waving it around in front of your face. Faintly in the back of your mind you imagine hearing 'MAYDAY MAYDAY' being yelled into an airplane radio as the airplane that is Ben Solo's mood violently spirals towards the ground.

  
You don't have to look at him to know he's already pissed off. You feel it. You sigh and close your eyes, preparing yourself for whatever he's about to say. You know for certain that anything the two of you say to each other from now until you call out for the guard, is going to be hostile and probably flat out cruel.

  
"You're spending a lot of time with Luke are you? I should have guessed he'd try to take you under his wing the moment he sensed how helpless and uneducated you are with the Force. One of his hobbies is to find powerful Force users and brainwash them into thinking the way of the Jedi is the only way. Is your new Master teaching his new Padawan how to be an obedient Jedi?" Ben sneers.

  
Just as expected, hostile and cruel. You enjoy being right, usually, but right now isn't one of those times.

  
"I may be uneducated but that should be expected considering I was under the impression the Force was something my father made up to entertain me. Not that it's any of your business what Luke and I do, but he hasn't mentioned shit to me about being a Jedi. He's been teaching me useful techniques for when I locate the World betw-" you stop yourself from giving him anymore information.

  
He's just made it quite clear he's still on the opposing team which means providing him with a speck of information regarding your plans is a stupid idea.

  
"I don't know what a Padawan is but," you pause and finally meet his eyes again. "It really doesn't matter, because I have no master. Can you say the same?" you say, sneering right back.

  
For a brief moment, you wonder how well the Force blocking cuffs he's wearing have been tested. They're not cuffs in the traditional sense because they don't keep both of his hands together. They're large, thick bracelets that wrap snugly against each wrist. When you see him almost literally shaking with rage, you're expecting the cuffs to start sparking and disintegrating around him moments before your throat is resting snuggly in his large hand once again.

  
You hold back a sigh of relief when that doesn't happen. The adult thing to do is to take a deep breath, calm down, and start over. Once you both aren't as angry you'll be able to have a civilized conversation. You'll be able to find out exactly why he wanted to speak to you in the first place. 

  
Unfortunately, you've never been good at being an adult.

  
"Speaking of training, maybe if you had paid more attention to your own, you wouldn't be locked in a cell. GUARD!" you yell out while maintaining eye contact with Ben.

  
After thinking he hated you this entire time, hearing Leia say he actually wanted to speak to you gave you a small amount of hope that maybe he didn't despise you. Then he opens his mouth and makes you regret ever wanting to see him in the first place.

  
"Are you insinuating I'm in the position I am in because I chose to turn my back on the garbage Jedi rhetoric I was forced to believe since I was a child?" Ben says through gritted teeth as he stands and walks toward you, almost menacingly.

  
If you didn't know him you might be intimidated but you aren't. He's bigger than a refrigerator and could probably break your back like a glow stick without breaking a sweat, but he won't. He doesn't have the Force anymore, and you do. You have no reason to be afraid of him. If anything, he should be afraid of you.

  
"Are you actually suggesting I'm here because I'm weak?" he asks once he's in arms reach. His chest is rising and falling with each angry breath he takes while staring down at you.

  
Defiantly, you look up and meet his death glare with an equally intense one of your own. You hear the creaky door open and footsteps grow louder as the guard approaches the cell.

  
"It takes strength to resist the dark side. Only the weak embrace it," you say with a sense of conviction he hasn't witnessed before. The words sound vaguely familiar but he can't quite place them and he's too angry to.

  
The guard looks visibly worried when he sees Ben towering over you. For a moment he's considering raising his blaster but the look on your face confirms what the general had said, you can take care of yourself. Maybe he should be more concerned for Kylo Ren's safety than yours.

  
The guard quickly shuts and locks the cell door behind you the moment you're clear of it. Not wanting to get in the middle of whatever is going on between the two of you, he quickly walks back to the creaky door and waits for you there. You give Ben one more look before turning your back to him to follow the guard out. You take two steps before Ben speaks.

  
"IT'S MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU KNOW!!" Ben yells with the same intensity he used when yelling at Luke on Tatooine.

  
You quickly turn around and step towards the bars of his cell. "AND THOSE WHO OPPOSE IT ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!" you yell with an intensity that takes him by surprise.

  
"Did your new master teach you that? When I looked into your mind I saw how desperate you are for parents since your father died but I didn't realize you were desperate enough to believe the lies Luke's feeding you."

  
His words hit you hard, almost as if they were a physical blow. You might have preferred that. The flames of your anger are instantly extinguished to make room for the pain. It might not hurt as bad if it wasn't true, and if the words hadn't come from him. You try to ignore the spike of regret and anxiety that radiates off of him the moment the words leave his mouth.

  
Your eyes well up with tears as you turn to face him. It doesn't really matter if he sees you cry at this point, you're not planning on coming to see him again. You don't want to disappoint Leia but Team 'Save Ben Solo' was back to two members again.

  
"No, Luke didn't teach me that. My father Obi-Wan Kenobi did," you say quietly before turning your back on him for good.

  
Had you waited a second longer you would have seen the look of complete shock on Ben's face as the door was closes behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, once again, felt like this chapter was boring so hopefully you guys are chugging along. The angst is pretty much done...mostly. I promise.
> 
> **Also, the exchange at the end of this chapter is canon. It's originally between Obi-Wan and Maul**
> 
> Obi-Wan: "It takes strength to resist the dark side, only the weak embrace it."
> 
> Maul: "It's more powerful than you know!"
> 
> Obi-Wan: "And those who oppose it are more powerful than you'll ever be."


	8. Take on the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta  
> Sorry for any mistakes

_Just say the word, we'll take on the world  
Just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst  
I can see, see the pain in your eyes  
Oh, believe, believe me and I have tried  
No I won't, I won't pretend to know what you've been through  
You should've known, I wish it was me, not you  
And just say the word, we'll take on the world  
And just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst  
Nobody knows you, the way that I know you  
Look in my eyes, I will never desert you  
And just say the word, we'll take on the world  
And it's the fight, and the fight of our lives  
You and I, we were made to thrive  
And I am your future, I am your past  
Never forget that we were built to last  
Step out of the shadows and into my life  
Silence the voices that haunt you inside  
We'll fight, we'll crawl into the night  
Our world, we'll go, with you by my side  
The calm, the storm, we'll face it all  
  
  
You Me At Six - Take on the World _

* * *

One week. It only takes one week before Ben starts to think he’s actually going to lose his mind. He’s weaker than he originally thought. Once again, Snoke is right. He has no intention of divulging any First Order secrets. He isn’t going to give them any information even if he does start to lose his sanity. He’s going to die in the cell or be executed, there’s no way he will give them the satisfaction of knowing they won. 

The battle he’s fighting (and losing), is all inside his head, and there’s no one that can help him. The voices he's heard since he was younger have come back with a vengeance, and they're louder and more cruel than ever before.

They seem to grow the loudest whenever he tries to sleep. The only time he manages to get a reprieve is at night when he connects with you and spends hours leaning against the wall across from your bed. The voices usually leave him alone when he’s near you. Usually, but not always. He knows it’s creepy but sitting on the uncomfortable floor, watching your chest rise and fall with every relaxed breath you take, relaxes him.

He stays as long as the Force allows the two of you to be connected, or until you stir. The first time he connected to you through the Force was while you were on Tatooine. It was merely a glimpse and it was one sided. He could see you but you couldn’t see him. Now that he’s had nothing but time to practice, he can connect with you on demand. He’s not sure whether or not you can see him now and he’s afraid to find out. 

Each night he sits across from you he tells himself that it will be the last night he does it. He’s violating your privacy and it isn’t right, especially since the last time you spoke you made it quite clear you’re done with him. 

The last conversation you had is something he’s played on repeat in his mind, along with everything else you’ve told him since meeting him now that he knows identity of your father. Obi-Wan Kenobi, his mother's only hope, the man he was named after, the Jedi Master that trained his uncle. He was your adopted father and he doesn't understand how that's possible. If Obi-Wan was your father that means the Force is what brought you to him, but why? He wants answers as badly as you do but he knows it’s unlikely he’ll get them.

There is no way you’ll agree to see to him again, not after what he said to you. What he said was cruel, even for him. 

Ben hasn’t uttered the phrase “I’m sorry” for years and he’s not sure how the words would even roll off his tongue. He doesn’t like to admit he’s wrong because he rarely thinks he is. This time he would make an exception before you figure out why you’re here and leave without a backwards glance.

Time alone in his cell has given him time to take a step back and look at the path he’s on. The path he thought would lead him to the dark side, the path he killed his father for, hasn’t done anything but rip him apart. Instead of leading him to the dark, it lead him to the light, and to you. The distance from Snoke has made him more confused than ever before and now he’s not sure whether or not he even wants to snuff out his light. Now he’s considering embracing it. 

At this point it doesn’t really matter which side he chooses. He will still be imprisoned or executed either way. What’s the point in welcoming either?

“Ben,” Leia says sternly.

Ben’s eyes, which have been distant and directed toward the wall, suddenly focus and land on her with a surprised look on his face. It’s as if he didn’t realize she was in the room with him until she spoke. Maybe he didn’t. He has been spiraling faster than she anticipated since he last spoke with you. She’s not sure what was said exactly. From what Luke said she’s deduced it wasn’t good.

She had expected different behavior from him when you brought him to D`Qar without his knowledge. She expected him to lash out with anger and threats. Instead, he sits in the same spot and stares at nothing or he pretends to be asleep. She knew he wouldn’t handle imprisonment well, and she thought it may start to effect him after a while. She just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.

Leia has overheard him talking to himself multiple times recently. He’ll even shake his head occasionally as if he’s trying to shake off whatever is bothering him. She knows something is wrong with him but she doesn’t know how to help him. Luke has mentioned a Jedi technique that can teach the Jedi how to block out any intrusions into the mind but Ben will never accept help from Luke, not after what happened. After reading Ben’s book, and reading what he went through, she assumes he’s hearing voices again. Snoke’s likely still digging his claws into her son from across the galaxy. 

She feels helpless, just like she did when Ben was little. Han would be off on some adventure with Chewie and she was left alone with Ben, which she didn’t mind. She loved spending alone time with her son, when time permitted. But he would have horrible nightmares and Han was usually the best at calming him down and getting him back to sleep. Ben would sneak into their room, sniffling with a trembling bottom lip, and eyes welling with tears, hoping his mother could make the monsters go away. She did her best to comfort him, but she wasn’t Han. 

If only they knew what he was going through.

She can’t help but wonder if Han was still with them if he would be able to help Ben with whatever he’s going through now.

“Have you been sleeping at all?” Leia asks quietly once his eyes are focused on her.

Ben stares back at her but says nothing. He doesn’t really need to but she’s sick of the silence. The bags under his eyes are darker than ever and he hasn’t bothered to shave in a week. He looks a lot older than he is and she isn’t sure she likes it. Leia doesn’t want to ask you to speak with him again, not after how upset you were the last time she asked you to. She feels bad for continuously putting her sons well being on your shoulders but she really doesn’t know what else to do. You’re the only one that seems to be able to get through to him.

She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. Why did the galaxy insist everything with her son be hard, not for her sake, but for his. 

* * *

One week. You manage to keep all thoughts of Ben at bay for one week. Okay, not all of them, but every other thought throughout the day isn’t about him anymore. You’ve been spending more time Luke, studying the ways of the Force. 

Practicing actual hand to hand combat with Finn and Poe is something you’ve added to your daily routine. It’s fun because it gets your mind off of everything going on around you and everything you still had yet to accomplish. Luke insists you focus on your use of the Force instead of discussing the Jedi texts and what he knows about the World Between Worlds. He’s a master at deflection and always manages to find an excuse for why you can’t discuss what he knows about the World Between Worlds. It feels like he’s stalling but you’re not sure what he could be waiting for.

* * *

Luke has a timeline he has to try and abide by and it isn’t quite time to start leading you towards the finish line. He’s missing one key player and so far both of you are equally stubborn and equally cruel when truly upset. The combination is like fire and fuel.

He never had any children of his own and although uncomfortable, he can deal with teenage hormones. What he can't deal with is mutual pining. The two of you both want each other but are too stubborn to admit it. He’s seriously considering locking you in Ben’s cell until the two of you admit your feelings for each other. Time is running out, if what little Obi-Wan told him is true. 

* * *

Ben’s cloak no longer smells like him, which is probably for the best. Surrounding yourself in him after the last conversation you had doesn’t comfort you and lull you to sleep like it did originally. Instead, each time you wrap yourself in it you hear his words replay in your head. You folded it the night you saw him last and set it on the small chair in the corner of your room. When trying to sleep, you stare at it until your eyes grow heavy. It’s like a siren’s call, luring you to the reminder that although what Ben said was extremely cruel, you weren’t exactly innocent either. 

You fall asleep for a short period of time but wake up when you feel a familiar presence, Ben’s presence, which means for the first time in a while, you’re dreaming. When you open your eyes though, you’re still in bed in the exact same spot. The only difference is there’s a very large man with black hair mumbling to himself with his back against the wall across from your bed. 

Not wanting him to realize you’re awake, you stay still and try to keep your breathing even so you can observe him. His hair is greasier than you’ve ever seen it and he hasn’t shaved which makes him look older than he is and more...hardened, which is saying something all things considered. It’s obvious he hasn’t been taking care of himself. 

Even his presence is different. Usually he’s so imposing and all encompassing. He usually radiates power making it hard not to be intimidated by him. The man sitting in front of you is not radiating anything remotely close. He's resting his elbows on his bent knees while holding his face in his hands and whispering to himself.

You’re genuinely concerned and push aside all thoughts of the argument you had. Every now and then his head shakes slightly and he squeezes his eyes closed. That’s when it dawns on you. Yes, he’s talking to himself, or so it seems that way. He must be hearing voices again. Ben’s book didn’t say whether or not they stopped once he went to Snoke but it’s insinuated they’re somewhat quelled mostly because Snoke's voice was always the loudest. Maybe Snoke knows Ben has been captured and is trying to screw with him. What would Snoke gain from breaking Ben though? 

As you’re watching him you focus on the Force radiating around you. It doesn't feel like you're dreaming again, but there's no way he's actually sitting in your room. It's impossible for him to escape his cell. 

Unless…

Testing the waters, you slowly remove your blanket and set your feet on the ground. If he notices you he doesn’t show it. You lower yourself to the ground and crawl towards him until you’re sitting cross legged in front of him. You’re not sure whether you should speak to get his attention or just wait. You don’t want to startle him or embarrass him.

“Ben,” you say quietly.

He stops moving and slowly lifts his head until his eyes meet yours. His hair hangs in front of his face and as expected, he looks embarrassed. There's also a hint of guilt mixed in which gives you the suspicion tonight is not the first time he’s been in your room while you slept.

He stares back at you but says nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says but his voice cracks. He clears his throat, averts his eyes, and tries to sit up a little straighter. He wants the ground to swallow him knowing not only did you catch him creeping in your room but you’re also seeing him vulnerable and weak. Even though he is both of those things, he doesn’t want you to witness it.

You’re not sure whether or not you can touch him through the Force bond but the texts said if the connection between the two Force users is strong enough it’s possible. You clench your hand a few times before slowly lifting it towards his face. He watches your hand as you bring it towards him but doesn’t flinch away and doesn’t tell you to stop. 

You lightly touch the tips of your fingers to his cheek and are surprised when you can actually feel his skin. Ben’s eyes widen slightly.

“I am going to ask you a few questions and I want the truth okay?” you ask quietly but sternly so he knows you’re being serious.

“Yes,” he responds while staring back at you.

“This isn’t a dream, we’re connected through the Force. You figured out a way to connect to me? That’s how you found us on Tatooine. Am I right?”

He bites the inside of his cheek, clearly debating on whether or not to tell you the truth.

“I’ll know if you’re lying so spit it out.”

He huffs. A little bit of his attitude is returning, yet he doesn’t move away from your hand which is still resting against his cheek. You don’t miss the way he slightly leans into it while still trying to get his usual tough persona back on. His unwillingness to respond answers the question.

“Fine, next question. How long? How long have you been doing this?”

That question he definitely wanted to avoid and is considering severing the connection but by doing so he will be returning to his cell. It’s not like you don’t know where to find him to get your answer. When he takes too long to answer your question, you pull your fingers away from his cheek and grab his chin. You instantly have his undivided attention and he brings his eyes to yours.

“How long Ben?”

His cheeks turn a bit red, he readjusts the position he’s sitting in, and looks away from you even though you are forcing his face to look at you.

“Fine. Don’t answer, it’s obvious by your reaction it’s been a while,” you sigh, release his chin, and sit back down in front of him.

His eyes follow your hand as you pull it back to your lap. He looks like at any moment, one wrong word, one wrong action, and he’ll crack. Treading lightly, you bring up the other issue that needs to be addressed.

“Are you hearing voices again?” 

His eyes which were staring at your hands, instantly meet yours. He swallows thickly and his chin looks like it might start quivering. 

“Ben, please talk to me. The only time you and I have had any type of real conversation has been while we’re asleep. You either don’t say a word to me or you yell at me in person. I want to help you, I really do, but I can’t if you won’t talk to me. We supposedly have this deep connection but I don’t even know much about you. What I know mostly came from a book that literally fell out of the sky. How am I supposed to feel connected to someone I don’t even know? Someone that won’t talk to me?”

When he stays silent, you sigh and start to stand.

“Yes,” he says suddenly, like he’s afraid you’ll be the one to sever the connection out of anger somehow.

“Yes, you’re hearing voices again?”

He nods.

“When did it start?”

“I’m not quite sure. It’s hard to gauge time when you’re locked in an underground cell.”

“Does anything make them go away? Are they worse at certain times?”

He swallows again. He doesn’t want to tell you everything because he knows you’ll think he’s a freak and you'll finally realize just how damaged he is. “When I’m alone at night it’s the worst that’s why…” he pauses and looks down. You lean forward, grab his face in your hands and force him to look at you. 

“Why what? Say it.”

“My head’s not as loud when I'm around you,” he sighs, resigned to whatever card you’re about to deal him. Not wanting to see a look of pity on your face, he closes his eyes, and leans into your touch.

Your thumbs lightly trace the bags under his eyes and you can’t help but feel bad for him. You so badly want to stay angry at him but the miserable man hunched on the floor isn’t the same one that yelled at you and taunted you out of anger.

You release his face and get to your feet. His eyes shoot open at the loss of your touch. Before you have a chance to second guess yourself, you quickly sit on the edge of the bed, lift the blanket, and gesture towards your bed.

“W-what?” he asks, either shocked or genuinely not understanding what you’re insinuating.

“Get in the bed Ben.”

His cheeks turn pink and he actually looks scared for a minute. What the hell does he think you have planned for him that could scare him?

“You haven’t slept, and I need to sleep. You’re not staying on the floor and if here is the only place you get a reprieve from what’s going on in your head then I don’t want you to go back to your cell. Unless you’d prefer i-”

“No!” he says quickly and a bit too loud. He huffs out a breath and stares at the ground.

“If you want me to leave I will. I...I violated your privacy by coming in here while you slept. I should have made my presence known. I’ll leave if you want me to...but if you’ll have me I’d like to stay as long as possible.”

You’re pretty sure that’s the closest apology you’re going to get out of him, for sneaking into your room anyways. 

“Well come on,” you say impatiently. He gets off of the floor a bit slowly. His legs seem a bit stiff which means he’s been sitting in the same spot for a while.

You second guess your invitation the moment he sits next to you. Your bed's not big enough for the two of you to lay on without spooning. One of you is going to be wrapped around the other. Which, under different circumstances, wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen. 

You’re debating how to go about this. Although you’d love to bury your face in his neck, he’s the one that needs the comfort now, not you. You crawl into bed first, smash your back up against the wall, and lift the blanket. Ben waits until you give him the okay before he slides into the small bed next to you, _r_ _ight_ next to you. He freezes, not sure what to do with his hands. He’s trying to lay flat which is nearly impossible. His left shoulder and half of his back is nearly hanging off the bed. Knowing he’s not going to do it on his own, you reach over him, grab his left shoulder and tug until he’s lying on his side facing you. You slide your other arm underneath his head and pull him close to you until his face an inch away from your chest.

You can’t hear his heartbeat but you're sure it's racing since his breathing is getting heavier.

“Don’t even think about it.” It's meant to be a joke because of how close he is to your breasts but of course, Ben takes it seriously.

“I-I wasn’t. I-” when he tries to draw away from him you pull him further into your chest and run your fingers through his tangled hair. All the fight leaves him and he sighs deeply after an awkward minute of his hand hovering above you. When he realizes you’re not going to suddenly change your mind and shove him off the bed, he finally relaxes and drapes his arm over your side. He rests his giant palm on your back, in between your shoulder blades.

“Who else has visited you since you started hearing the voices again?” you ask quietly. You continue to rake your hand through his hair, gently scratching his scalp randomly. It seems to be relaxing him which means he’s less likely to snap at you or avoid the question all together.

“Just my mother. The guards are still around but she’s asked them to stay outside the main door. They don’t hover near the cell anymore.”

A comfortable silence lingers between you as you both focus on the sound of the other breathing. 

“I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was rude and uncalled for. I was upset and I knew that would upset you too,” he mumbles into your chest. Your body wants to react every time his warm breath fans across the exposed skin your tank top doesn’t cover.

“I’m sorry too,” you say as you lean down and press your face into his hair. He sighs heavily and pulls you closer to him.

“You need to stop getting angry at me for everything. I can’t...I can’t constantly be worried you’re going to rage and yell at me. If that’s how it’s going to be, this constant push and pull, then I’ll find a way to sever our bond. I read that it’s possible. Difficult, uncomfortable, maybe even painful, but possible.”

He pulls you tighter. He read about severing it too but he had no intention on doing so and he didn’t think you would do it.

“Please don’t.”

“Ben, I-”

“I won’t yell at you and I’ll never hurt you, not again.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. Your mood swings make me dizzy. You either hate me or you don’t.”

“...I don’t hate you,” he mumbles.

“Well you could have fooled me,” you mumble back.

“I just want it to stop,” he whispers against your chest. The large man is clinging to you like you’re the only one that can keep him sane. 

“Will you let me help you?”

“I don’t think you can. I don’t think anyone can help me. The only time the voices have gone away are when I’m with Snoke or when I’m with you. I can’t do either, not while I’m locked in that cell.” 

“Will you let me try? You might not like what I suggest so don’t say yes unless you mean it. You’ve got to let me in though. No more silent uncomfortable staring. No more sneaking in here without me knowing. No more yelling. You’re going to talk to me. We are going to talk to each other. There’s too much going on around us, a lot of which I still need to figure out. Fighting with you makes it difficult to focus on anything else. You’re hard to get rid of.”

Ben’s quiet, thinking over what you’re asking and whether or not he should do it. What’s the worst that can happen by letting you in? You already know about his past, you’ve dealt with his temper without backing down, and you’re currently trying to comfort him. Instead of thinking he’s pathetic and shying away from him like you should, you’re holding him against you and running your hands through his hair. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

You’re glad he can’t see the smile on your face. It’s a small victory but it’s progress. 

“Good. Try and sleep. We can talk about things more tomorrow,” you say as you yawn.

"The connection usually doesn’t last long once I actually fall asleep.”

“Well, sleep as much as you can and I’ll come see you tomorrow morning.”

He’s quiet again but you know he’s not asleep yet.

“Can you please stop blocking me out?” he says quietly.

“What?”

For the first time since getting into your bed he pulls back from your chest to meet your eyes. He's lying lower on the bed and has to tilt his head upwards.

“Ever since we last spoke I can’t... _feel_ you anymore. I used to be able to sense you and gauge how you’re feeling if I concentrated. I can’t anymore, it’s like you’re gone.The only time I can sense you is at night-”

“Which is how you know when I’m asleep.”

His cheeks turn redden slightly and he averts his eyes.

“If we are going to be nice to each other I’ll stop blocking you out.”

“Okay,” he says with a sigh as he nuzzles his face into your chest again. It doesn’t take long before for his grip eases and his breathing evens out.

You run your hands through his hair a few more times, ensuring he’s asleep before resting your head against his and closing your eyes.

Ben’s book mentioned voices but it doesn’t go into detail. From your understanding they played on his insecurities until he believed what was being said.

Is that what he’s hearing now? Would things like that elicit the same reaction out of him. He’s genuinely upset and miserable. It's a bit unnerving to see the evil monster Kylo Ren clinging to you after apologizing for upsetting you. 

You thought for sure the next time you saw him he’d bring up Obi-Wan but he didn’t mention him at all. That alone suggests how bad it’s getting. 

“I swear to god Ben Solo you’re going to be the death of me.”

* * *

When you wake up it takes you a bit to shake off the usual early morning grogginess. Even though you didn’t get much sleep, you slept better than you have in a while. The only difference between last night and all other nights is who you shared your bed with.

It’s hard to believe Ben’s personality and attitude would do a complete 180 from the last time you saw him. He’s always switched moods quicker than you can blink but this time the change in him is drastic. 

He agreed to let you help him, which you’re both surprised and happy about. You had a few ideas on how to do so, you just have to set everything into motion. That may be easier said than done.

There was another issue that had yet to be addressed, Snoke.

Team ‘Save Ben Solo’ knows Snoke still has his claws in Ben. The distance has eased the hold Snoke has on him though. To your knowledge, Snoke hasn’t reached out to him at all and hasn’t shown Ben any sign he’s aware of what’s happened to him. Ben hasn't specifically said whether or not he'd go back to him if he had the ability to. Since he can't actually leave it doesn't really matter but hearing him say which side he chooses would put you at ease.

The first thing you need to do is talk to Luke and Leia about a few things, including the possible plan you have to get Ben’s mental health under control.

You might also need to let them know you’re back on team ‘Save Ben Solo.’

* * *

Sighing heavily and rubbing the last of the sleep out of your eyes, you walk to your bathroom and take a quick shower. After getting dressed and packing your satchel with everything you think you might need for Ben, you grab Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and make your way to Leia’s office.

Unsurprisingly, they both look like they’ve been expecting you. They’re sitting across from each other and sipping caf. There are two mugs on Leia’s desk, directly in front of the empty chair you normally sit in. It seems not only did they know you were planning on an impromptu visit, but they also know you’re planning to go see Ben afterwards.

“Just when I think you can’t get any creepier,” you say to Luke with a smile. He brings his mug up to his face as if he has no idea what you’re talking about.

“Is it safe to assume you want to talk about my son?” Leia asks with a barely suppressed smile.

“Welcome back to team Save Ben Solo,” Luke says behind his mug.

“You guys can at least act surprised,” you sigh as you close Leia’s office door behind you.

* * *

It’s still early and the sun has barely started to rise. You’re hoping to use that to your advantage. Everyone on base seems to be early risers but not THIS early. 

After leaving Leia’s office with your two mugs of caf, you head down to Ben’s cell. The guard at the door looks at you suspiciously, not expecting anyone to be visiting so early, or at all. Doing your best to smile and feign innocence, you give him the sweetest smile you can manage. 

“Good morning!” you say brightly with an obnoxiously big smile on your face. The man’s suspicion eases slightly and he seems to relax marginally when you bat your eyelashes at him. 

“General Organa said it was okay for me to come down and talk to the prisoner. She’s hoping by dropping in this early I may have better luck getting him to talk.”

The guard considers letting you in but changes his mind once he notices your lightsaber on your hip and your satchel. Not only that but you’re holding two cups of caf and one is obviously not for him.

There are rumors that you and Kylo Ren have some sort of relationship. The people that believe the rumor think it’s a romantic one. He isn’t one for gossip so he brushed it aside. Now he’s not so sure the rumors are just rumors. Not after you show up with a suspicious bag, a weapon, and caf for the man as if he’s a normal person.

“No one is permitted to see the prisoner aside for Skywalker and the general. I’m sorry but I can’t let you in without the general’s approval.” 

Well shit. Leia must have forgotten about the orders she gave to the guards, otherwise she wouldn’t have let you come all the way down here knowing you have no way to actually get in. 

On to Plan B.

“Darn! Okay, I’m just worried she’s still asleep and I’d hate to wake her up ya know?” you sigh dramatically. “I understand though. Do you mind holding this for me? Just for a second.” You lift one of the mugs towards him.

He nods, and takes it from you. 

“You will take me to see the prisoner,” you say as you wave your hand in front of his face.

The man’s eyes glaze over and he stands a bit straighter.

"I will take you to see the prisoner."

“I’ll take that,” you say with a smile as you take the mug from him. 

The guard turns his back to you, unlocks the door to the corridor and walks towards Ben's cell. Once in front of his cell he turns towards you as if he's expecting more instructions. 

"You will lock me in the cell with the prisoner and leave."

"I will lock you in the cell with the prisoner and leave."

The guard turns his back to you, removes his obnoxiously large key ring from his belt, and unlocks the door to Ben's cell. Once you're inside, he obediently locks the door behind you, and leaves. Once the creaky door at the end of the corridor closes, you turn your attention to Ben.

Ben is lying on his small bed with his face towards the wall and his back towards the cell door. Frowning, you set the two mugs of caf on the floor and approach the small bed. When Ben doesn’t move you hesitantly lean down and run your hand through his hair and pause, waiting to see what type of reaction that will elicit. After tensing slightly, he turns and looks up at you. His eyes narrow slightly as if he’s trying to determine whether or not you’re real.

“Get up. We have work to do.” 

Ben sits up slowly, and plants his feet on the floor. You back up slightly to give him some room but before you get very far he places a hand on each hip and pulls you in close to him. You gasp slightly, not expecting him to touch you much less yank you close to him. While he’s sitting you’re taller than him which forces him to look up at you. He doesn’t say anything to you at first. You run your hand through his greasy hair again and wait for him to say _something_. You’re getting really sick of the silent stare down he seems to have mastered.

“You’re really here?” he asks quietly.

“Yes? Why wouldn't I be? I told you last night I'd come see you once I woke up."

He pulls you even closer to him, leans his head against your stomach, and wraps his arms around you tightly. 

It makes you happy knowing what happened last night wasn't a dream but the happiness doesn’t last long when you realize the horrible state he’s in is reality.

“Ben, look at me,” you say sternly and pull your hand away from his hair.

He doesn’t let you go but he leans back slightly and looks up at you. He looks just as miserable now as he did last night. If anyone else saw him like this word would spread like wildfire that Kylo Ren was actually starting to break after only a week.

You trace the dark circles under his eyes first before tracing his scar with your finger. He sighs and closes his eyes.

“I need to know that you meant what you said last night. About letting me in, and letting me help even if you don’t like what I have planned.”

Ben looks away from you and focuses his eyes on something behind you while he tenses his jaw. 

“I meant it,” he says gruffly. It’s not that he doesn’t want your help, per say. It’s the part of the agreement stating he has to do what you say, even if he doesn’t like it. The thought of being alone again with nothing but the voices keeping him company makes that small detail inconsequential. 

“Are you sure?” you ask as you grab his chin and force him to look at you.

He swallows and nods once. You can’t help but smile down at him, genuinely happy to see you’re actually getting somewhere with him. Now you have to wait and see if it lasts.

Your small almost takes his breath away. It dawns on him that since meeting you he hasn’t seen you smile. Not a genuine one at least, and not one because you’re happy. He bites the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from smiling up at you like an idiot.

“Good!” 

You wiggle out of his hold and walk back over to the mug of caf you brought for him and hand it to him. He frowns when you pull away from him but the frown quickly dissolves once he sees what you’re handing him. Although he’s been fed regularly, caf is not something he’s been given and he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t miss it terribly.

“Thank you,” he says with a hint of genuine gratitude in his voice. 

“You’re welcome,” you say with a smile as you pick up your own and walk over to the privacy screen by his toilet and shower. His shower is basically an pipe pointed down above a small drain.

“What are you doing?”

“Seeing what I have to work with. Good thing I came prepared.”

“What?” he asks, confused as you make your way back towards him. 

You pull the satchels strap over your head and sit it on the floor in front of him. He scoots to the left of his bed, making room for you to sit by him but you ignore him.

Ben watches as you empty out the bag you brought. A mirror, a razor, and a variety of soaps and creams he would never use. He stares at the pile in front of you before his eyes meet yours. You can see the questions running through his mind even though he’s connected the dots.

“First thing we’re doing, well, first thing you’re doing, is taking a shower, and shaving. You look like shit.”

He frowns at you as he takes another sip of his caf to prevent himself from biting back.

“Don’t frown at me. I didn’t mean your overall looks, you’re still dashing as ever.” 

He had just brought his mug away from his mouth but quickly raises is it in an attempt to hide his cheeks.

“What I meant is that you look like a war criminal that’s been hiding in the woods, hunting large animals, and cutting down trees for fun. Which I guess...is kind of true minus the hunting and the tree cutting. Your hair isn’t as unfairly soft and luminous either. So you’re going to shower and shave using the wide variety of products I managed to find you.” You dramatically sweep your arm over the toiletries as if he was on a game show and you're showing off the prize he's won.

With a smug smile on your face you pick up your mug, take a drink, and wait for him to argue. It’s obvious he’s considering it by the way his jaw is moving. When he answers, it’s not with annoyance like you assumed it would be. To an outsider he would sound rude and disrespectful. To you, he’s starting to sound like the arrogant jerk you’re accustomed to.

“Are you going to pick out my clothes and dress me as well?” 

You wait until he brings his mug to his mouth before you answer his question. “I’d rather undress you but if that’s the sort of thing you’re into I can-”

The drink he had just taken goes down the wrong way and he starts to choke. He roughly pats his chest with his free hand in an effort to dislodge the liquid that’s now in his lungs. 

Exactly the reaction you were hoping for. 

He glares at you once he finally stops coughing and can breathe. The murderous look he gives you doesn’t seem as intense when his cheeks are red all the way up to his ears.

You gesture towards the shower with your chin. “Okay, hop to it. We have things to discuss and I don’t know how much time we’ll have before someone bursts in here to rescue me from the monster that is Kylo Ren,” you say dramatically. 

Ben rolls his eyes but does as you say. He grabs the bath stuff you brought him and disappears behind the privacy screen. You are doing your best not to listen to the sound of him removing his clothes and you’re definitely not listening to them hit the ground. Thinking about what that means will lead your mind down a dark and dangerous path that’s highly inappropriate. When the water starts you pull out your datapad and start to go through it when you hear him hiss.

“Are you okay?”

“Perfect,” he says with annoyance. You don’t have to see him to know he’s gritting his teeth. 

“I refuse to use half of the soaps and creams you brought with you. It’s like you want me to smell like a flower,” he says suddenly. 

“Then don’t use them princess. I wasn’t sure what you liked and I doubt they have the same soaps the First Order does. You get what you get so don’t throw a fit.” 

Silence.

“I came up with a plan this morning and I spoke to your mom and Luke about it. She agreed to it but it’s ultimately up to.”

Silence.

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. You’re not sure if he’s just being an asshole or if he can’t hear you.

“Continue,” he says over the water.

“I’m going to be blunt-“

“When are you not?”

“Fair point. Anyways, I know how much being locked up is affecting you and so does your mom. You’ll be no use to anyone if you literally lose your mind down here. So I proposed something that everyone here is going to hate,” you trail off and take a deep breath.

“They let you out of the cell but you keep the cuffs off. You’re going to have me, Luke, or Leia with you at all times. There’s no exceptions. Also…” 

You feel weird bringing this up to his mother and uncle but honestly, it’s going to be more trouble on you than anyone. 

“Since being down here is the problem, especially at night you would have the option to um-“

When you pause for too long Ben peeks over the screen and sees you biting your nails nervously as a slight blush appears on your cheeks. 

“Well you’d have the option to sleep in my room… or with your mom or Luke.” 

A noise comes out of his mouth somewhat like a cough while scoffing. He clearly doesn’t like the last two options.

He’s quiet aside for random hisses or curse words you can faintly hear over the spray of the water.

“In exchange for information on the First Order and the Supreme Leader I assume?”

“Well yeah. What do you have to lose at this point? You’re stuck here. If you did manage escape can you honestly tell me you _want_ to go back to the First Order and Snoke?”

You had a point. The cell is almost better. There’s a few reasons to stay with the resistance. One more important than the others.

After a few more quiet “kriff’s” are heard from the corner of the cell, the shower turns off and he walks out from behind the screen with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He looks even bigger without a shirt on and so do his muscles. The only thing keeping you from drooling is the amount of scars he has.

The biggest scar is the one you gave him that extends all the way down to his collarbone. You should feel bad now that you see the full extent of it but you don’t. Your eyes linger an embarrassingly long time before you realize you’re gawking and quickly look away. The look of smug satisfaction on his face is hard to miss. You scoff and cross your arms over your chest. 

“Well? I thought you were going to pick out my clothes.”

The man is testing you. A few days ago you wanted nothing more than to punch him in the throat. Last night you wanted nothing more than to comfort him and hold him. Now you’d like to rip the towel away from his waist and tell him to get on his knees in front of you.

The best part is, you know he’d do it.

You somehow manage to contain the horniness that’s threatening to seep out of your pores. When your eyes meet his you frown, get to your feet, and walk towards him until you're bodies are nearly touching. When you’re standing within an inch of him he inhales sharply. He didn’t expect you to be so close to him while he’s essentially naked. He does his best not to tense when you bring your hand to his face. 

“You cut yourself,” you say quietly and wipe the blood away from the small cut on his cheek. 

“I’ve never had the pleasure of shaving with a straight razor in front of a hand mirror while standing under water that feels like it’s traveled here from Hoth. Apologies if my face isn’t to your liking,” he’s staring down at you with amusement in his eyes. 

“I didn’t say your face isn’t too my liking. Actually, I like your face quite a bit,” you say quietly. His chest begins to rise and fall quicker than before you spoke. If you don’t move or say something soon, there won’t be any conversation and none of your plans will be discussed. You’ll end up in his lap on the floor. 

As if he read your mind, he leans his head a little bit closer to yours and his lips part slightly. 

Shit.

“I like it even more when you keep your mouth shut,” you say with a teasing grin as you tap your finger against his slightly parted lips. He huffs and pulls away from you. You turn your back to him, take a few deep breaths once you hear him getting dressed, and sit on the floor. 

When he steps out from behind the privacy screen he’s wearing a clean tight fitting black shirt and black pants that are tucked into his boots. Leia is obviously taking into consideration his affinity for all things black.

He gives you a questioning look when he sees you’re sitting on the floor with your legs crossed. Without saying anything you pat the hard ground directly in front of you. Sighing, he runs his hands through his wet hair and sits where you directed him to. 

“I’m going to ask you a couple of questions and I’d appreciate it if you answered them without an attitude. I could probably find the answers in that book but since we’re going to communicate like adults, I’d rather just ask you when there’s something I want to know.”

Ben nods and waits for you to continue.

“Luke taught me how to guard my mind from others. Were you with him long enough for him to teach you that?”

He pauses, takes a deep breath, then answers you honestly. 

“No, I left before he could show me anything useful. If he had then maybe-”

“No,” you say sternly while pointing your finger at him.

His mouth is open, intending to continue but his lips snap closed when you cut him off.

“No. We’re not doing that. We’re not bringing up the past to be bitter and angry about it. We’re not going backwards, we’re going forwards. Yes, I will need to ask you about the past but when I do, a straight answer will suffice.”

The look he gives you makes his irritation clear. 

“Fine.”

“Thank you. So Luke didn’t teach you how to guard your mind. Is it safe to assume Snoke didn't either?”

It takes him a beat longer to respond this time. “No, he didn’t.”

“When you’re around Snoke, do the voices go away? Is this the first time you’ve heard them since you went to Snoke for the first time?”

He opens his mouth to say something but stops and frowns. He looks down at the floor without actually looking at it. Whatever he’s thinking about is troubling him. You’re praying to whoever's listening that he’s connecting the dots you’ve already connected. If you flat out point it out you don’t think he’ll handle it well but if he comes to the same conclusion you have, maybe he’ll realize just how much Snoke has been manipulating him. 

“I don’t hear them when I’m around Snoke,” he says, frowning.

“And it’s been a while since you’ve been this far away from him right?”

“Yes.”

You’re not going to point out how suspicious that is, he already knows.

“I think we should try the technique Luke showed me. Maybe the voices will go away if you can learn to guard your mind. It’s still fairly new to me but maybe I’ll be able to teach you how to do it.” 

“You want to teach me?” 

He’s giving you a look like he can’t quite believe what you’re suggesting. You’re not sure whether or not you should be offended by it.

“Look, I’m aware I’m not the ideal teacher considering I didn’t know what the Force was until recently. But you won’t talk to Luke and I think it’s the best bet on-”

“I want you to,” he says quickly. He looks sincere enough, even though his tone makes it seem like he’s telling you what you want to hear to avoid an argument.

“You realize doing so might bridge our minds? There’s a big chance it could happen if either one of us goes too deep. Kind of like on Starkiller base but more intense and harder to snap out of. At least that’s what Luke said.”

You’re really hoping this works because if it doesn’t you’ll have to talk to Luke and there’s no way that will go over well with Ben.

Ben’s aware you know a majority of his past but reading about it and actually seeing it or hearing what he hears is a lot. Not only does it open himself up to scrutiny, but he doesn’t want to put you through it either. You’re right though, unless he talks to Luke, which he won’t, you teaching him is the only option he has left if he wants the voices to stop. 

“Ben,” you say softly. He doesn’t realize he’s zoning out until you say his name. “If you don't want to do this we don't have to.”

“I trust you,” he says quietly.

“Okay,” you take a deep breath in and out while placing your hands on your knees. Ben mirrors you without being prompted.

You repeat to him what Luke had taught you about the Force, your mind, control, etc. You practice the mediation technique for close to an hour without any issues.

“Are you ready to try?” 

You open your eyes to get a gauge on his mood. He seems relaxed enough. His breathing is even and the tension in his shoulders is gone. 

“Yes, I’m ready.”

Just to ease your worries, you scoot a bit closer to him and take his hands in yours. 

A wave of anxiety hits you and you’re second guessing whether or not you should be doing something like this without supervision. His mind is already a fragile thing, what if you hurt him? 

Sensing your anxiety, Ben opens his eyes and stares back at you.

“I trust you,” he says with so much sincerity it’s almost overwhelming.

“I know you do, that’s the problem. What if I hurt you or-”

“You won’t. Whatever you’re about to do can’t be worse than what I’ve been dealing with.”

You nod once and watch as he closes his eyes, straightens a bit, and evens his breathing. After taking one last look at his relaxed face, you close your eyes and do your best to see into his mind.

* * *

Trying to tap into Ben’s mind is like walking down an unfamiliar hallway. There are multiple doors lining the walls. You start checking each door to see if any of them will open. You jiggle the handles and check for weak spots. You’re almost to the end of the hall when you find a door that’s locked but its hanging off its hinges. Hesitantly, you push on the door and it falls to the ground. Before you can pull away, your minds are bridged and you see _everything._

It comes in flashes, like his mind is going so fast he can’t focus on one specific memory. They’re playing in quick succession and everything you’re seeing is awful. 

You see glimpses of the events in his past that you had read about. Snoke throwing him off of a cliff, fighting Ren, bleeding his crystal, and a lot of killing. 

Everything you’re seeing is through Ben’s eyes. You can feel what he felt, and hear what he’s thinking. It’s horrible. Fear, self-loathing, loneliness, abandonment, and pain. So much pain.

Faintly in the back of his head you can hear the voices. Quiet murmuring that would be hard to miss if you didn’t know it was there. The whispers are reaffirming what he’s already feeling and what he’s already thinking. No one loves him. He’s weak and pathetic. A child in a mask. He’ll never be as strong as his grandfather. He’s a monster. They even start to mention you. You’re using him to get information about the First Order. He should snap your neck and be done with it. All you’ve done is cause him pain and trouble since the moment he found you. The voices whisper lies about everyone he's ever been remotely close to.

Once you realize what’s happening you squeeze his hands to get his attention but he’s stuck in his own head, reliving horrible memories. The connection is suddenly broken and you open your eyes. He’s breathing heavily and his eyes are fluttering behind his eyelids as the onslaught of awful memories continues to replay. You try squeezing his hands and shaking him by the shoulders but he's not waking up. You don’t know what to do and there’s no way you can run and get Luke. You can’t leave him like this.

Panicking, you lean forward until you’re kneeling right in front of his crossed legs and you grab his face in your hands and bring your forehead to his. 

“Ben, come back. Ben, listen to my voice.”

Nothing changes.

Desperate, you grab his face, pull him forwards, and press your lips against his. Concentrating on what Luke taught you, you bridge your minds but this time you let him into yours. 

Although your childhood was awful before meeting Obi-Wan, you don’t have many memories you’d be uncomfortable sharing with Ben. A lot of depressing things have happened to you, depressing by normal standards. You do your best to corral your thoughts and mainly show him memories of Obi-Wan, hoping a majority of the questions you know he has will be answered. You show him the moment you met him, the bookstore, being adopted, Obi-Wan telling you various stories that you now know are true, him dying, the book, the letter, and the cab. 

“Ben, come back. Come back to me. Open your eyes,” you say as you end the kiss and press your forehead against his again.

He gasps and brings his hands up to cover yours which are still holding his face. As he catches his breath, you pull back slightly to look at him. His eyes are red rimmed and his cheeks are wet. Using your thumbs, you wipe away the tears from under his eyes. You’re about to ask if he’s okay but you don’t get a chance to. 

His arms wrap around your waist, he pulls you into his lap, and kisses you hard enough to bruise. You reposition yourself and wrap your legs around his waist. After grabbing a handful of his hair, you tug lightly. It makes him more ravenous and the intensity of his kiss increases. 

His left hand stays on your lower back, holding you close to him while his right hand comes up to the side of your face.

Now that he has a better understanding of how the whole “making out” thing works, he parts his lips for you. The moment he feels your tongue against his, he pulls you closer. 

The kiss that originally began as an innocent attempt to pull Ben out of his own memories, has very quickly gone down a different path. You’re not sure who started grinding on the other first but the both of you are no longer sitting still on the floor. Ben has one hand on your waist and is slowly thrusting his hips upwards. When his hips lift up, yours grind down until you’re perfectly in sync. 

You’re wondering how long he can do this without making a mess of himself considering all of this is very new to him. He’d be mortified but part of you wants to see him fall apart underneath you. 

Using the hand that's still in his hair, you tug his head sideways. He gasps then moans quietly when you bring your lips to his neck and alternate between kissing and nibbling from his shoulder up his ear. He shivers and squeezes you tighter once you get there. Both of his hands go to your waist and he pulls you down onto his painfully hard cock. He’s never been this hard in his life and he feels himself slowly climbing towards an end he desperately wants. The thought of cumming in his pants just from grinding into you is mortifying, yet, he doesn’t stop.

You continue to travel your lips across his cheek, his jawline, the corner of his mouth, and finally his lips. You suck his bottom lip in between your teeth and bite down slightly. He gasps and pulls you down on to his lap harder. His thrusts start to grow uneven and desperate.

“Kriff sweetheart,” he curses and presses his forehead against yours. Your stomach does a small flip at the term of endearment.

“We need to stop, I’m going to...ugh,” he groans and throws his head back when you adjust your position in his lap and rub yourself back and forth on his hard length. The friction of his pants rubbing against the head of his cock is almost making his toes curl.

If you knew you'd be left alone, you'd already have him undressed and inside you. Knowing at any time someone could walk in and see the two of you would be a little thrilling. Knowing at any time Luke or Leia could walk in and see the two of you is _FAR_ from thrilling and you immediately brush the thought away.

His breathing is labored and his eyes are squeezed closed.”I’m-” 

You grab a handful of his hair again, pull his head to the side, and lean in close to his ear.

“Cum for me," you whisper before sucking on his pulse point. 

His arms wrap around you and pull you even closer to him as you rub against him. The moan that comes out of his mouth is filthy and you’re hoping you’ll find a way to hear more of it. He buries his face in your neck once he realizes the embarrassing sound he just heard came from him. You hold his head against you with the hand that’s still in his hair and wrap your arm over his shoulders.

Once he catches his breath the mortification to set in. Before he can panic, you lift his head away from your neck and kiss him again. When you pull away from him his cheeks are on fire.

“What’s wrong?” you ask with genuine concern. He’s obviously embarrassed but he looks a little angry too.

“What’s wrong? I just came in my pants like a kriffing teenager.” 

You have to bite your lip to prevent yourself from smiling. 

“And you knew what you were doing! You’re a monster!” he says with fake outrage. You can’t hold back your laughter anymore. When you laugh a little bit too loud, he covers your mouth with his hand, and does something completely unexpected.

He smiles.

Ben Solo has dimples when he smiles. 

He removes his hand from your mouth when your laughter dies off and you’re staring at him wide eyed and shocked.

“What?” he asks, confused.

You bring your hands up to the side of his face and trace his dimples with your thumbs.

“You’re smiling,” you whisper as if speaking too loud will break whatever spell he’s under.

“People tend to do that when they’re happy,” he says as he places his hands on your wrists.

“I’ve never seen you smile.”

“I haven’t had a reason to.”

The look he’s giving you screams affection and devotion. From that moment on you know for a fact he’ll never go back to Snoke. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet himself.

"Our interaction on Starkiller base would have gone a lot differently if I had known a little dry humping and my tongue down your throat is all it takes to make you smile." 

He scoffs and turns away from you as if he's offended.

“Um... aren’t your pants sticky,” you ask while struggling to keep a straight face. He groans and covers his face with his hands.

Vaguely, you hear noise coming from the door and you feel the slightest hint of a warning through the Force, from Luke. Your brow furrows as you try to focus on it. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I think...this may sound weird but I think Luke is trying to warn me about something?”

“Warn you? Warn you about-”

The creaky door opens loudly and you scramble backwards out of Ben’s lap until you’re sitting in front of him with your legs crossed again. His arms are still outstretched as if you're still on his lap. His brain finally catches up and he realizes what’s happening.

He crosses his arm and stares daggers at the cell door. He's trying to look intimidating but he looks completely wrecked. His still wet hair is sticking up in the places your hand had been and his lips are swollen and red. 

You glance down and realize he’s still very much covered in his own cum. Even though he’s wearing black, the wet marks are slightly visible. Faster than you’ve ever moved in your life. You remove your jacket and throw it roughly into his lap. The action startles him and he jumps a little. He’s not sure why you’re undressing and throwing your clothes at him hard enough to knock the air out of him.

You glance down at his lap then back up at him. He huffs and places your jacket in his lap while trying to mentally will the redness from his cheeks.

The look on his face is a mix of “I’m going to kill whoever just interrupted us” and “I can’t believe you just gave me something to hide my cum.” 

Sitting in front of him again, you straighten your back, and close your eyes. He does the same and you hope it looks like the two of you are actually meditating. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Poe’s voice echoes through the cell.

Perfect. It couldn’t be Leia, that would be too easy. No, it had to be one of the two people Ben despises. 

“Oh I see you’re doing the meditation I taught you. That’s great!” says the other person Ben despises as he hurries in behind Poe and Finn. 

You sigh and rub your face with your hands. Even though Ben looks like he’s trying to set the three of them on fire with his eyes, he’s not saying a word. You, however, are a lot angrier than he is, surprisingly. Not because they interrupted one of the first genuinely affectionate moments between you and Ben. No, what pisses you off is Poe’s tone. 

Quickly getting to your feet, you walk over to the bars of the cell. You can feel Ben’s anger simmer as yours climbs. He understands that you’re mad enough for the both of you, only you have the ability to do something about it. 

“Why I’m here is none of your business. I don’t answer to you. Is there a reason _you’re_ here?”

“The general said no one is to be allowed to see Ren but her, not without her clearance.”

“Then why are you here?”

He opens his mouth to respond but you cut him off. 

“Is it because you can’t stop thinking about the way ‘I undress you with my eyes’ or is it because you ‘like a challenge?’ Maybe both?” 

You don’t miss the barely suppressed snort that comes from the master of the Knights of Ren when you repeat Poe’s words back to him. You didn’t see all of Ben’s memories but you saw a fair few, including when Poe tried to use you as a way to get under Ben’s skin. 

“What?” Finn asks, confused. 

Poe glares daggers at Ben and crosses his arms over his chest, making it a point to avoid your eyes. 

“Are we done here or would you like me to get clearance from Leia? Do you really think she’s going to tell _me_ no? I’m not even part of the Resistance. I take orders from no one but I respect her enough to do as she asks and guess what? She didn’t ask me to stay away from him, and you can’t either so get out of my face. You’re ruining our meditation time.”

“You’re medita-”

“Poe, I’ve never personally Force choked anyone but I’ve witnessed it enough times to know how to do it and you’re dangerously close to being the one I practice on. This is your final warning. Stay out of my business and unless Leia gives you an order, stay out of Ben’s too. 

“Are you-” Poe starts to say something in an angry tone but you have no idea what because Luke intervenes.

“Why don’t we go find Leia and discuss this with her hmm?.”

“We’re just going to leave her alone in there with _him_?” Finn asks incredulously.

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do.”

“But-” Finn starts to say.

“Go speak to Leia. If you’re that concerned I’ll wait here,” Luke says as he ushers them out of the corridor. 

You sigh and rub your temples before looking back at Ben who looks as stoic as ever. Once Poe and Finn are far enough away, Luke sighs. “I’ll be out here whenever you’re ready.”

He doesn’t explicitly say 'your time is up' but you can tell that's what he's insinuating. You don’t think he really cares how long you stay with Ben, but others will, especially now that Finn and Poe know you’ve been ‘meditating’ with the prisoner for who knows how long. 

The creaky door hasn’t shut which means Luke is waiting near the entrance for you.

Ben looks extremely put out and irritated. You give him a sad smile before you grab your empty satchel and pack away the grooming supplies you had brought him. Once everything is back in your bag you walk over to him and kneel in front of him until your face is an inch away from his. His breath catches and his arms slowly go to his sides.

“I'll come see you in two days."

He opens his mouth to argue but you cut him off and whisper against his lips.

"We need to see if what I showed you today keeps the voices out or if bridging our minds did. You said I help keep them away which means we won't be able to test what we did if I'm around. Two days. Okay?"

Once he nods in agreement you lightly press your lips against his again.

"And please think about the deal with your mom. Some freedom in exchange for information. The decision to cooperate is completely yours but tell her soon please." You kiss him once more then pull away to read the expression on his face.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” he whispers back.

With a smile on your face you kiss him on the forehead, get to your feet, and leave. Moments later the guard appears and locks the cell door. Ben sighs and starts to scoot back to sit on the bed when the wetness in his lap causes him to flinch. He grimaces when looks down to inspect the mess but it fades once he realizes you left your jacket with him.

He lifts it from his lap, brings it to his face, and smiles.

It smells like you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to get back to actual plot after this I swear. Ben just needed a little incentive to get his good boy sweater on before we continue.


	9. I Don't Care if You're Contagious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a beta and I am SO tired of re-reading this chapter so any mistakes are on me.

* * *

_Bury me in the bedroom where I can sing you to sleep all night._   
_Put me next to the open window,  
_ _Promise me a second time.  
_ _'Cause I don't want to leave without you buried by my side.  
I'd rather kill the one responsible for falling stars at night,  
'Cause they fall all around me.  
The night can be deadly and they'll never take us alive._   
_(Can you chase away the darkness?)_   
_Last night she recited every reason she's fine._   
_So if we're heading there together at the same time,_   
_To live in love and die._   
_and I don't care if you're sick,_   
_I don't care if you're contagious._   
_I would kiss you even if you were dead._   
_'Cause I'd do anything to hold your hand._

_Pierce the Veil - I Don't Care If You're Contagious  
_ **_  
  
_**

* * *

"It's kind of weird how all of a sudden you want to be helpful. It wouldn't have anything to do with the time I've been spending with Ben would it?" you ask Luke suspiciously as you cross the room to stand next to him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he smiles slightly.

Luke and Leia have been giving you knowing looks since you left Ben a few hours ago. For a moment you were horrified thinking maybe there were cameras in his cell. You'd try to Force choke yourself and end it all if you found out Leia saw you viciously dry humping her son.

When Luke mentioned the "state" Ben was in, after you were in Leia's office with the two of them, you knew there weren't any cameras. Ben just looked so utterly wrecked that it was hard not to know what had happened.

When you entered Leia's office there were holo's already projected around the center of the room, each with various images and text. On Leia's desk were two very large and old looking books.

You're _finally_ going to get the information Luke's been keeping to himself. It's a bit suspicious how he suddenly decides to be helpful minutes after realizing Ben is wrapped around your finger. You aren't going to push the reason for his sudden desire to be of use, not right away at least.

"Yeah sure. So, the World Between Worlds. What do you know about it that I don't already know myself from the Jedi texts? Leia said Ben might know something but with everything going on, I haven't had time to ask him."

"Yes, you've been rather busy," Luke makes an odd noise under his breath while looking down at one of the books in front of him.

"Really? Did...did you just _giggle_? Luke Skywalker is giggling? Are you going to tease me like we're in high school because I was almost caught making out with a boy?"

"You made out with a boy? I hope it was my boy," Leia says cheerfully as she enters her office and closes the door behind her.

You groan and rub your hands over your face.

"Can you both," you pause and glance at Luke then start again. "Can you go tease Ben? I'm getting it enough from Luke who literally just giggled. I can't handle it from you too," you say to Leia.

She pats you on the shoulder lovingly before sitting down behind her desk.

"Leave her alone Luke. We just got her back on team Save Ben Solo. Plus, I think you've made her wait long enough."

"Thank you Leia." You cross your arms over your chest and smile smugly at Luke.

"Fine," Luke says as he stands in front of Leia's desk and leans against it.

Without being prompted, you walk around the room and glance at the various holo's being projected.

"Let me start by asking you this, what makes you so sure you'll find your answers by finding the World Between Worlds?"

Your eyes leave the holo in front of you and land on Luke before glancing at Leia. Both of them stare back at you and watch as the gears turn in your head.

"I guess...I don't really know. Obi-Wan is from here and was with me in my time. The only other similarity aside from the stuff he taught me, is our bookstore which is called the World Between Worlds. I spent a majority of my time there with him. I mentioned it the first time I met Leia and she'd heard of it. I literally can't think of anything else that could give me answers. I just have a feeling that's where my answers will be."

Luke stares at you for a moment before giving you a quick nod and turning around to face Leia's desk. He speaks to you over his shoulder as he flips through the pages of one of the large books.

"What do you know about the World Between Worlds?"

This feels like a pop quiz you haven't studied for and are about to fail.

"I know it's some sort of mystical plane that's more of a rumor than anything."

Luke slowly turns to look at you in disbelief.

"What?! I've been asking for information since Tatooine and you keep brushing me off. If I knew a bunch about it would I be nagging you? No!"

"In fairness, that's what I told her when she mentioned it originally. I don't know much about the ancient Jedi texts and what not. I remember Ben mentioning it after he read about it in some book when he was little. I assumed you would know more about it."

"You assumed correctly, to an extent."

You and Leia both groan at Luke's non-answer.

"Do you want to know what I know or not?"

You huff and walk around Luke, grab the chair next to him, and pull it around the desk until you're sitting next to Leia. When Luke is sure you're settled and you're both paying attention, he starts explaining what he knows.

"The World Between Worlds is also known as a Vergence Scatter or the-" You cut Luke off before he can finish.

"I KNOW WHAT A VERGENCE IS!" you yell loud enough to startle them both with your eagerness to prove you're not a complete idiot.

"Vergence _scatter_. Not a Vergence. Now if you're quite done interrupting."

You huff and slouch down back in your chair. Leia pats you on the knee as if to say she knows exactly how frustrating he is.

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, the World Between Worlds is also known as a Vergence Scatter and/or the Netherworld of Unbeing. It's a mystical plane within the Force as a collection of doorways and pathways that exist between time and space, linking all moments in time together."

Luke watches you sit up a bit straighter and glance between the various holos projected nearby. When you open your mouth to speak he puts up his hand to silence you before you can interrupt again. You scowl but stay quiet.

"What do you know about the Force?"

"Well, my understanding of it prior to reading the books I've read is that the Force is...well it's everything. Life, death, and the balance between the two. It's like an energy field that binds the galaxy together," you say meekly, expecting to be scolded again.

When he nods again, you relax slightly.

"This book describes the Force as a ribbon across all reality and it can be traversed through the World Between Worlds."

"The World Between World links all time and space using the Force. I know I'll find my answers there."

"I think it's the only place you'll get answers, if you get any at all," Luke sighs.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

"I think he means if anything, you'll be able to get home from there," Leia says quietly.

You haven't really thought about home for a while. You're not even sure you really want to go back to Brooklyn but you're sure you want answers. They assumed you wouldn't want to go home, if you had a choice. Especially now that you and Ben are getting closer. They thought you'd want to stay with him, and with them.

The thought of leaving them all behind to go back to an empty apartment by yourself nearly gives you a panic attack. You mentally count from ten to calm yourself down. Once you're alone in your room you can freak out, but for now, you need to relax. Luke is finally giving you the information you need and being overly emotional isn't going to get you anywhere.

"Okay so we don't even know if I'll be able to find out why I'm here to begin with. If anything I'll probably be able to get home. Got it. If it's mythical and no one has proof of its existence how are we going to even find it?"

"I can't guarantee anything. Based on the information I have, it does exist, and there's a way there."

"Really?" Your mood brightens just a bit.

"Yes, but you're not going to like my answer."

You sigh and close your eyes. "Of course not. I haven't liked 90% of the answers you've given me to anything."

Luke ignores your comment.

"Do you know who Lor San Tekka is by chance?"

"No idea."

"Lor San Tekka was a traveler, an explorer, and eventually a friend. He liked to travel to the remote fringes of the galaxy for information and artifacts, especially Jedi artifacts, and information on Jedi temples."

Luke turns the page in his book and points.

The book is written in Galactic Standard and has random drawings and notes scribbled on different pages. On the right hand page there is a drawing that looks like a line chart on crack. There's a flat line and a bunch of lines connecting to it, then circles on that line followed by more lines.

Luke watches your eyes skim the page as if the explanation to what you're looking at will appear.

"I have no idea what this is."

You pick up the book, hold it out in front of you, and turn it upside down. Maybe looking at it from a different angle will make the scribbles make sense.

Luke sighs, takes the book from you, sets it back down, and walks over to one of the holos. You follow close behind him and watch as the image changes after he swipes as if the projection was his smartphone's screen. He stops swiping when a larger, clearer set of lines, similar to what is in the book, appear in front of you.

"This is a star chart. Lor managed to chart the location of every known Jedi temple. We visited a couple together but for the most part I was on my own. I've been to all of them, except that one."

He points to a specific planet on the chart, and pauses, as if expecting you to know what planet he's pointing to.

"When are you going to remember I'm not from here? The extent of my space knowledge does not extend to star charts. Obi-Wan could only teach me so much without looking completely insane and what he taught me was already stretching the limits."

Leia quietly snickers as she approaches Luke and stands next to him in front of the star chart.

"This is Lothal. There's a Jedi temple there, and to my knowledge, it's been a very very long time since someone was there."

"And you think that's where the entrance is? The temples are usually on a vergence and since the World Between Worlds is also known as "vergence scatter" it's safe to assume it would be inside one of the jedi temples," you think out loud while staring at the star map.

You're too distracted to notice the look Leia shoots Luke as if to say "I told you she's smart."

"If we know where the temple is, why can't we just leave now? It's at a Jedi temple on Lothal. What more do we need?"

"Did it occur to you that you might not be able to just stride right into the temple, find this mythical portal, and hop right through it? It's going to be a bit more complicated than that, it has to be."

"Of course I didn't think it would be that easy, these things never are. At least they aren't in movies and books. Do you have more information though?"

"Yes, and this is the part you're not going to like."

"Let me guess, there's a riddle or a key we'll need to get through the portal."

"Basically," Luke says before walking towards the holo behind you.

It's an image of a large mural in different shades of blue. There are various circles and lines, like the star charts Luke is showing you, only they're all in gold.

In the center of the mural are three figures who are also outlined in gold. To the left is a woman dressed in white with a gold owl on her shoulder. A scary looking bald man with red eyes and tattoos on his face and head are on the right. Instead of being dressed in white like the woman, he's dressed in dark colors. In between them stands a tall old man dressed in both light and dark colors. He has a long beard and a tall headpiece like a wizard's hat. Each of them has one hand extended in a different direction and each of their hands is outlined in gold and yellow.

They looked like something you'd find in one of the Lord of the Rings books.

"Did Obi-Wan ever mention the Mortis gods or Mortis in general?

You shake your head, expecting Luke to give you another look of disappointment but he doesn't. 

"These are the Mortis gods. The daughter is on the left, she is the lightside of the Force. The son is on the right, he is the dark side of the Force. The figure in the middle is the father. He keeps the balance. They're basically well, gods. Gods of the Force."

"I have to get past the gods of the Force to get to the portal?" you ask, dumbfounded. "To be honest, I don't know why anything surprises me anymore," you sigh and rub your temples with your fingers.

You started to get a headache not too long after leaving Ben and it's getting progressively worse.

Considering the amount of stress you're under and the little amount of sleep you've had, you're surprised you haven't gotten one sooner. It's extremely inconvenient, considering how long you've been waiting for Luke to finally explain things. Now that he is, all you want to do is lay down.

"You don't have to get past gods to get to the portal...not exactly. In order to enter the World Between Worlds once you find the entrance, you have to know how to open the portal."

He moves to a different holo to your left and points at a couple paragraphs of text copied from another ancient book.

"According to the notes left here, there is a stone tablet that has instructions on how to open the portal. Supposedly, the only way to obtain it is to pass the Fathers test. If he believes you're balanced between the light and dark side enough to enter the portal, he will give it to you."

"You said those three are the Mortis god's right? Is that a planet? Can we go to Mortis?"

"About that..."

"God damn it."

"Mortis is another one of those-"

"Places that no one has actually seen but supposedly exist according to some notes a crusty old jedi scribbled into a book that looks like it was created at the beginning of time itself?"

Luke scowls at you but says nothing.

"Alright, so let me get all of my facts in order. The entrance to the World Between Worlds is likely on the planet Lothal, inside a Jedi temple. It's protected by the Mortis gods in some way or another. You can't just stroll in though, you need to follow certain instructions to open the entrance. The instructions are on a stupid slab of rock that the old man Force god protects. If you pass some tests, he'll give you the instructions but we don't know how to find Force Gandalf to even take his tests. Since he's a Mortis god, we could start my going to Mortis, except there's no proof Mortis actually exists. Is that everything?"

Luke and Leia both look like they feel guilty for not having all of the answers. You get the feeling there's something Luke's not telling you but you don't care enough to pry at the moment.

"For now, yes. I am going to keep looking through the Jedi archives to see if there could possibly be anything else that can help us."

Your headache is almost a full blown migraine by the time Luke and Leia turn off the holo's and turn on her office lights. The light makes the pain worse and you can't help but squint and the brightness.

"Are you okay?" Leia asks with concern.

"I think I'm going to go lay down. I need some time to reflect on all the important information I've just learned that's essentially useless since everything we need to get to the World Between Worlds is a myth and never actually proven to exist. Maybe after I'm done stressing out about that, I can contemplate how Obi-Wan sent me to an alternate universe so I can make out with Ben since that's all I've really done since I woke up on Starkiller. I'll find you guys later," you say half heartedly as you leave Leia's office.

* * *

"Is there really nothing else we can do?" Leia ask while staring down at one of Luke's open books.

"Obi-Wan made it clear, I can guide them to the portal but from there it's up to them. If the Mortis gods want them to have the tablet they will make themselves known. He had an _encounter_ with the Mortis gods with our father and it wasn't by choice. The gods sought them out. He didn't have a great experience but I think that's the point."

* * *

Ben knows he can be...intense. His parents liked to point out how emotional and serious he always was about everything. When he is passionate about something, it consumes him, he goes all in or not at all.

He's passionate about you and he's trying his best to not let his intensity show, not yet anyways. He's already growing dependent on your touch, your voice, and your smell to get him through the day. Depending on someone and forming attachments has never worked out for him. Yet he can't help but be attached to you in every sense of the word. You consume his thoughts and he hopes he consumes yours.

For this reason, he is doing his best not to reach out to you. You had said you'd see him in two days but you haven't visited him yet. Technically it's the second day but the day isn't over yet, it's still midday but he thought for sure you would have come by now. Maybe you meant after two days have passed which means you'll be by the next morning. That doesn't make much sense but he can't think of another reason you wouldn't show up when you said you would.

He's refrained from checking in on you all together in an effort to fully test if your theory about the voices is correct. It's been driving him crazy. The only thing that's kept him sane since he woke up on the Resistance base was checking in on you. Not being able to do so made him anxious and made the time go by excruciatingly slow.

The voices have disappeared completely since bridging your mind with his. Part of him thinks it's some sort of sick trick of Snoke's. Keep the voices away so he'll think they're gone then when he's vulnerable unleash them all at once. He knows they're really gone but after having someone in his head for so long it's hard to believe his mind is completely his own.

Regardless, he slept more than an hour for the first time in weeks. The bags under his eyes are already starting to lose their intensity, and he doesn't feel as hopeless as before. Execution or life imprisonment is in his future so he should feel hopeless. It's hard to believe that's how his life is going to end, especially with you and his mother around. There's no way either one of you would let him rot in a cell alone and there's no way you'd let him be executed, even if it's what he deserves after everything he's done.

He was tired of overthinking and wanted to see you but you still hadn't come to visit him. He was trying extremely hard to give you the distance you wanted, at least for two days, but his resolve was waning. After all, the whole reason you wanted distance was for his sake. You wanted to know for sure that the voices are gone and they are, He really doesn't see any point in waiting.

He's had some time to reflect on what you had tried to insinuate, about Snoke and the voices. Since leaving Luke's temple he thought the only one that cared about him was Snoke, which he learned quickly was not the case. Snoke cared about his strength in the Force and his Skywalker blood. He heard Snoke's voice a majority of his life until he became his apprentice. From then on, the other voices started and only when he strayed too far from Snoke or the dark side. If he had the choice between letting someone go after getting the information he needed or killing them, many times he'd consider letting them go, at least at first. The voices would whisper to him then, swaying his decision to choose the darker option.

At the time he didn't realize what was happening. He thought it was the dark side calling him to it, calling him to his destiny like he thought he wanted. Now he knew it was Snoke manipulating him all along.You knew that and his father knew that. His father tried to point it out to him on the bridge but he was too brainwashed to realize it until now.

Although you didn't say anything, wanting him to come to the conclusion on his own, he saw random thoughts and memories while your minds were bridged. You tried your best to control what he saw but he still saw glimpses of memories you wanted to keep to yourself. He saw how you felt when you read about his past. He saw what you knew about Snoke. As much as he'd like to think you're wrong, he knows you're right.

* * *

Later in the day his resolve crumbles and he reaches out to you. He finds you instantly but when he does his brow furrows with concern. You don't feel right in the Force, something is different. You're in your quarters but your energy in the Force is almost pulsating. Something is wrong. Knowing you're alone, Ben closes his eyes and focuses all of his thoughts on you until he feels the familiar pull, indicating he's connected with you through the Force.

You're lying in the middle of your bed wrapped in a blanket and his cloak, shivering. He quickly approaches you and sits on the edge of your bed. Your eyes are closed as if you're sleeping or trying to sleep at least. Although you're shivering you're drenched in sweat. There's obviously something very wrong. Ben can feel dread seep into his veins as names and symptoms of various deadly illnesses he's read about flash through his mind.

Your skin feels like it's on fire when he presses the back of his hand to your sweaty forehead. His anxiety climbs.

The warmth of Ben's hand wakes you up from the very unsatisfying nap you've been trying to take. You nuzzle into the hand that starts at your forehead and slides down to cup your cheek.

"You know I never thought in a million years I'd have my very own space version of Edward Cullen," you say with a giggle. "Tall, pale, and handsome. Broody and emo with a hint of possible somnophilia."

Ben frowns down at you.

"You're burning up. How long have you been like this?"

"Like what?" you ask with your eyes closed. As much as you enjoy staring at his face, at the moment you'd enjoy sleeping more.

"Sweetheart wake up. I need to know what's wrong. What hurts? You obviously have a fever."

If you didn't feel like crap, hearing him call you sweetheart would have made your heart skip a beat.

When you don't respond he frowns and starts to unwrap you. He unwraps the cloak from around you without much fuss but once he gets to the blanket you put up a fight.

"Ben! Stop it! I'm cold!" you whine.

"No, you're hot and I-"

"You're hot too. I've told you how handsome you are right?"

Even though he's worried he can't stop the blush from spreading across his cheeks.

"That's not what I meant. You're physically hot and you're sick. I need you to tell me how you feel so I can figure out what's wrong. What hurts? When was the last time you left this room?"

When you don't answer he gives you a small shake. You don't want to be mad at him but you really just want to sleep and you're so cold.

"Ugh you're so annoying right now!" you groan dramatically without opening your eyes. "If I answer your questions will you go away and let me sleep?"

He has no intention of doing either of those things but he's willing to lie if it gets you to cooperate.

"Yes, I will let you sleep if you answer my questions. When was the last time you left the room?"

"When did I see you last? You know when you-"

"Two days ago," he answers quickly before you can embarrass him again. "You've been in your room for two days like this? No one has come to check on you?"

Ben's anxiety is slowly morphing into anger. You unwrap yourself just enough to free one arm and rest your hand on his thigh. His attention wanders away from how irritated he is to where your hand is now resting.

"I'm an adult. I don't want, nor do I expect anyone to be checking up on me. I was in here a week without being bothered until Luke forced me to leave the room."

"Does anything hurt?"

He brushes your hair away from your sweaty forehead and tucks it behind your ear.

"I have had a headache for a while. I figured if I took a nap it would go away but it hasn't. I'm tired and my muscles are sore."

You start coughing and turn your head away from him to prevent yourself from coughing directly on him.

Ben wracks his brain, trying to think about the various illnesses and diseases he's read about over the years. He can only think of one and thankfully it's not deadly, if treated quickly.

You start shivering again and he makes a decision. He thought it would be a difficult decision to make but it wasn't at all.

"I'll be right back sweetheart. I'm going to get you something to make you feel better."

You snort unattractively. "I didn't know you had a pharmacist in your cell. He probably got a good show the other day didn't he?" You start to laugh but it quickly turns into a cough.

Ben frowns at you again as he leans down, kisses you on your forehead, and closes the connection. You can finally try and go back to sleep without being interrogated.

* * *

Once back in his cell, Ben calls for the guard and starts to pace. The guard doesn't answer as quickly as he assumed he would given that he's been a model prisoner and hasn't said a word to them since being thrown in the cell. With little to no patience left he grabs the chair his mother usually sits in while visiting him slams it against the wall and yells once more. The combination of sounds finally gets the guards attention. He walks up to the bars of his cell once he hears the loud door to the cell block open.

"I see you've had one of your infamous temper tantrums," the man says as he juts his chin towards the remnants of the chair. "What the hell do you want Ren?" The man sneers at him as if Ben is below him.

He does his best to steady his breathing when his irritation and anger starts to rise.

"I want to speak to the general."

"We don't always get what we want do we? Mommy is busy right now you-"

Before the man can finish his sentence, Ben's arm shoots in between the bars and grabs the man by the neck with his left hand. His eyes widen in fear and he tries to raise his blaster. Ben is faster and knocks it out of his hand through the bars of his cell. He quickly slams the mans face into the bars before holding him at arms length again.

"Based on your friendly demeanor I think it's safe to assume I'm probably responsible for the death of at least a few of your friends. I'd apologize but at the moment I'm not feeling quite too sympathetic and you're this close," Ben pinches his pointer finger and his thumb together with his free hand. "to joining them." The man grabs Ben's wrist with both hands and tries to loosen the grip Ben has on his neck but it's no use.

"I do not need the force to kill you. You'll do well to remember that. Now, go get my mother and tell her I want to talk to her about the First Order. If she's not in my cell within the next fifteen minutes, any chance the Resistance has of learning what I know will be gone and you will be at fault. Do you understand?" Ben asks through gritted teeth.

The man's hands are repeatedly hitting Ben's hand's as his skin starts to change to a light shade of blue. Ben rolls his eyes and loosens his grip. The man inhales as deeply as he can with Ben's hand still slightly applying pressure.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes," he gasps.

Ben releases him and roughly pushes him away from the cell. The man falls backwards onto the ground and gasps for air. He looks up at Ben with both shock and hatred in his eyes.

He turns his back on the guard and begins to pace again but pauses when he realizes the man is still on the ground.

"Your fifteen minutes started two minutes ago," Ben says with barely veiled irritation.

* * *

He didn't actually keep track of how much time passed before his mother entered the cell block. It could have been minutes or hours, the important part was that she came, with his uncle in toe. 

If he wasn't in a hurry he would tell Luke to get the kriff out of his cell but now wasn't the time. He'll just have to settle with glaring at him. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but seeing how afraid the guard was of him even without access to the force, put him in a slightly better mood than he had been in.

"Ben, is everything okay? I was told you said you're ready to talk but something tells me it's not that simple," Leia says as she looks around at the chair pieces scattered across the cell.

"I want out of the cell and freedom to walk around the base, with an escort of course. In exchange I'll tell you whatever you want to know about the First Order."

Leia can't hide her surprise and her eyebrows arch into her hairline. Luke doesn't seem surprised which irritates Ben.

"Okay, I can discuss it with-"

"No, now. I want out immediately."

"Ben, I-"

"Did you know (y/n)'s sick? Have any of you bothered to check on her in the two days since you saw her last?"

He was starting to get angry again but was doing his best to contain it knowing losing his temper would make him getting what he wanted less likely than it already is.

"What? How do you know?" Leia's shock at Ben's willingness to cooperate with the Resistance quickly turned to concern.

"It doesn't matter how I know. What matters is she's sick in her room and she's been that way for two days."

"Do you know what's wrong with her?" Leia asks, ignoring the curious look Luke gives Ben when he doesn't answer her first question.

"I'm almost positive it's Cardooine chills. Has she been in contact with anyone off planet recently?"

"Well yes, people are coming and going for various reasons."

Ben nods and runs his hand through his hair which Leia knows means he's worried and anxious.

"So the terms, we let you out now so you can what?" Leia knows what he wants to do but she wants to hear him say it.

"You get me out of this damn cell then take me to the med bay to get her medication and the vaccine if you have it. I don't know where you keep your food around here but she hasn't eaten anything either. My understanding is that I'm not to remove the cuffs and I'm to be accompanied by one of you three at all times. Is that still part of the arrangement?"

Ben looks at his mother with barely contained desperation. There's one more part of that arrangement Ben isn't mentioning to her or to Luke and she knows why. But again, she wants to hear him say it.

"As for your sleeping arrangements, will you be staying here then or was there somewhere else you'd like to stay?"

Ben has never wanted his mask more in his life than in this moment. His cheeks were already turning crimson, he didn't need a mirror to know that. His mother agreed to the damn arrangement to begin with and he knew damn well she was doing this on purpose.

"No, I do not want to stay down here," he says while scowling at the two of them.

"Oh okay! Well I can have a spare bed put in my room. It might be a little cramped," Leia brings her hand to her chin and looks up as if she's debating on how to rearrange furniture.

"No that's not-"

"Oh, you don't want to room with your mother? I understand why that may be a little uncomfortable now that you're not a little boy anymore," she smiles innocently before turning to Luke."

"Luke you have the space right Ben can-"

"No!" Ben nearly yells. Both his mother and uncle give him a knowing look that makes him wish the floor would swallow him whole.

"She suggested I stay with her," Ben says as he crosses his arms an turns his head away.

When she stays quiet he turns his attention back to her and sees she's smiling at him. He rolls his eyes. "Right now really isn't the time for this mother."

"Yes I know, I'm sorry. I can accompany the two of you to the mess hall. Luke can take you to her room and I'll go to the med bay and send a med droid to her room before I go back to my office. I have several people to contact immediately. If word spreads I've let my son out wander around the Resistance base well...It won't go over well."

Ben stares at his mother longer than what's considered polite. He was hoping he'd get out of the cell but he really didn't think it would be so easy.

"That's it? You're just going to let me out? You're not going to drill me for information first?"

"Are you planning on going anywhere?"

"Like I would get far," Ben scoffs.

"That's not really the point. If you had the ability to leave would you?"

Ben opens his mouth to say of course, which would normally be his automatic response except it isn't the truth. He wouldn't leave but if for some reason he did, it wouldn't be as easy as stealing an x-wing and flying back to the finalizer or the supremacy.

Ben's silence confirms what the three of you already know. He won't leave, not without you, and you don't intend to leave without the information you need.

"Is it fair to assume you're going to be fully cooperative and give us as much information as possible?"

Ben's jaw tenses and he chews the inside of his cheek. There's no point in holding anything back at this point. Snoke's going to try and kill him either way. He's been gone too long and he doesn't doubt rumors of Kylo Ren being captured have probably made their way to the First Order, and in turn, Snoke. He'll likely be wanted just like everyone else in the Resistance only the bounty on his head will be a lot larger.

He had more to lose by going back to Snoke than he did staying with the Resistance.

"I can give you the location of various bases, ship blueprints, names of spies, arms dealers, whatever you want."

Ben closes his eyes and sighs. He never thought he'd be a traitor and all though the payoff is worth it in the end, he still feels like a coward.

Before he opens his eyes, two arms wrap around his waist and squeeze. Not expecting anyone to touch him he tenses and his eyes snap open. Luke's looking the other way which left only one person.

He glances down and sees a cluster of neatly braided grey hair. When he feels his eyes well with unshed tears he looks up to scowl at his uncle but Luke has already turned away, giving him and his mother a private moment alone.

"Thank you Ben," Leia says into his chest. He does his best to relax and hug his mother for the first time in over a decade.

"I'm not doing it for the Resistance," Ben says before he bites his tongue to hold back the rest of his response. He almost tells her he isn't doing it for her either, but it felt cruel. She knows the reason he's doing it anyways.

"I know you're not. Regardless of the reason, I'm proud of you and I know your father would be too."

The tightness in his chest is stronger than ever before. A lump forms in his throat and his eyes sting. Although the words are meant to comfort him, they do nothing but remind him of what he did. There's no way that's true, his father wouldn't be proud of him, not after all the pain he's caused.

"I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. Regardless of what you've done, your father loved you and he would be proud of you."

Two treacherous tears fall down his cheek but he doesn't bother wiping them away. Leia isn't done talking and whatever she has to say is going to make more fall.

"Did (y/n) tell you what happened and what he said to her before he spoke to you on Starkiller?"

She releases her grip on him, looks up at him, and holds his face in her hands. Staring into his mother's eyes that are so full of love is enough to break him. He doesn't want to hear what she has to say about his father.

"You know about that book of hers right? The one Obi-Wan left her?"

He nods. Although the two of you had yet to discuss everything that's happened, you made sure to show him everything you wanted him to know but haven't been able to say. Including the book and your search for the World Between Worlds.

"She knew what would happen if Han walked out onto that bridge, and she tried to stop him. She wasn't sure he would believe her but she told him anyways. I think his time surrounded by Force users made him a little more open minded about things that are hard to explain. Even though he knew what would happen if he he approached you, he did it anyways."

Ben looks away from his mother and stares at the floor as tears fall. He knows his father loved him but for him to purposely seek him out knowing it would cost him his life, it's too hard to believe.

"He knew what fate had in store for him but he still had hope he could bring you home. Didn't you wonder why (y/n) had his dice with her? They were in his jacket pocket because he was going to give them to you, to remind you of who you are and where you belong."

His chin is quivering as he tries desperately to keep himself from falling apart. He slowly sticks his hand into the front pocket of his pants and turns his hand upwards. When he slowly unrolls his fingers, Han's dice are in the middle of his palm.

Leia looks down and smils with tears in her eyes. Ben tries to hand them to her but she curls his fingers back over them and holds his fist closed with both of her hands.

"Your father also told (y/n) to tell you something. Has she mentioned that to you?"

Ben shook his head no.

"I didn't think so. There hasn't exactly been an opportune moment."

She releases his fist and brings her hands up to his face again. It was so good to see her sweet, emotional, little boy again, even if he was over 6ft tall now. She should feel bad for upsetting him but she doesn't. Not only does he need to hear what she has to say, but she wants to see his emotions clear across his face just like she could when he was little.

"He told her to tell you 'he knows'."

Two words are all it takes to break Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer, and the master of the Knights of Ren.

Ben leans down, hugs his mother tight against his chest, and restd his head against her shoulder the way he used to when he was a little boy.

Even though he's family, Luke feels like he's intruding on a moment that needs to be between mother and son. He quietly leaves the cell and waits outside of the corridor, dismissing the confused guards still standing outside the door.

After a few minutes alone, Ben and Leia leave his cell and meet Luke outside. One guard lingered near by, even after Luke dismissed him. His eyes widen when he sees Ben leave the cellblock and he raises his blaster in his direction.

Leia rolls her eyes,"really?"

Luke waves his hand and the blaster flies out of the guards hand and slams into the wall.

"There will be none of that unless you want to be thrown off the base permanently do you understand?"

"Y-yes General," the man mumbles before scurrying away. Leia sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"You know it's only going to get worse right?" Ben asks, amused at the man's reaction.

Luke glances at his nephew. Ben's eyes are red rimmed and swollen from crying. Aside from that, he's never looked better. Knowing he won't appreciate the compliment, especially if it's coming from him, Luke bites back a smile.

"Good thing you'll always have at least one force user with you at all times, right?"

Ben huffs, crosses his arms over his chest, and follows his mother and uncle out of the underground cell block.

* * *

The looks he's getting from the passing Resistance members when they realize Kylo Ren is out of his cell and strolling around unrestrained is oddly satisfying. Leia elbows him as if she read his mind. She elbows him in the stomach, hard enough to knock some of the air out of him. He grunts and covers the spot her elbow connected with.

"Wipe that smug smile off your face. You're supposed to be a prisoner, remember," she says quietly.

He does as his mother asks, as best as he can. He keeps his eyes straight ahead instead of making eye contact with everyone as they pass. He isn't sure how well he'll be able to hide his "smug smile" once Dameron and the traitor find out he's no longer locked away. Especially once they found out where he's going to be spending his nights and who he's going to be spending them with.

Luke's grateful the messhalll is nearly empty. The few people lingering around quickly clear out. Ben doesn't notice once he sees the food. He finds an empty tray and walks into the kitchen without bothering to check if anyone lingered nearby.

When no one runs out of the kitchen screaming about Kylo Ren, he knew the coast was clear. After a few minutes, Ben returned with a tray filled with soups and a variety of drinks. Luke does his best to hide his surprise at the amount of food he's bringing you but Ben still catches him eyeing the tray.

"I don't know what she likes," Ben says with thinly contained irritation.

Ben was dreading being alone with Luke on his way to your quarters. He didn't want to lose his temper and he's too emotionally drained from his conversation with his mother to have another one. The conversation with his uncle would probably be equally as emotional only it wouldn't end in hugs and tears, it would end with violence.

Thankfully, and to his disbelief, Luke stays quiet the entire way. Once at your door Ben frowns when he realizes he needs a code to get into your room and he has no idea what it is. Luke reaches his arm in front of Ben and enters the code. When the door slides open, Ben glares at him.

"What? Someone needs to know how to get in case there's an emergency. Wouldn't you agree?"

Ben enters your room without a backwards glance at his uncle. He tries not to panic when he sees you haven't moved an inch since he saw you earlier.

"For future reference, the code is 6668. I'll be out here."

Without another word, the door slides shut, leaving the two of you alone.

Slightly panicked, Ben sets the food down on the small table in your room and sits on the edge of your bed. He places his hand on your forehead to check if your temperature went down and it definitely hasn't. Frowning, he starts to unwrap you from the cocoon you've made out of your blanket and his cloak. When you let him unwrap you without putting up a fight, his anxiety climbs even higher.

"Sweetheart," he says quietly as he kisses you on the forehead, hoping it will wake you up. When it doesn't, he shakes your shoulder a little harder than intended.

"What the hell Ben?" you frown and slowly opening your eyes.

He sighs with relief when you respond.

You still feel like complete crap. It's like the flu and a sinus infection had a baby and the baby attacked you out of nowhere. You didn't think you could get sick. It didn't seem possible. Unless your body literally teleported when you were hit by the cab but that wouldn't make sense either. Your head hurts way too much to be thinking about this again.

"I brought you food and fluids. You need to eat or the medication the med droid is going to bring you might make you nauseous."

He helps you get into a sitting position with your back against the wall. Once he's sure you aren't going to throw yourself face first into your pillow, he walks over to the tray of food.

"Do you know why I feel like shit?" you ask him as he hands you a container of soup and a spoon. He ignores your question and stares at you until you bring the spoon to your mouth.

"I'm pretty sure you have Cardooine Chills. It's not deadly but it's not fun. There's a vaccine for it. Most people get the vaccine when they're little but for obvious reasons you didn't."

"How long am I going to feel like this?"

"With food, liquids, and medication you should be better by tomorrow, after you rest."

"Thank god because this blows."

Your eyes glance to the tray filled with various liquids and, what you're assuming is, more soup. When he sees what you're looking at his cheeks start to redden.

"I wasn't sure what you'd like," he says shyly while looking down at the bed.

The realization that he's actually out of his cell and in your room hits you. Ben stares at you with concern as you drop your spoon into your soup, causing it to overflow onto your lap.

"You went to the mess hall... you're actually here right now?"

"Of course I'm here. You're sick and you were alone."

You lean forward, over the container of soup that's dangerously close to pouring on to the bed. Frowning, Ben quickly grabs it from your lap as you lean over it and grab his face in both hands, startling him.

"You made the deal with your mom?" you hold back your smile until he confirms it.

"I did," he says quietly. He brings one hand up and moves the damp hair out of your face and tucks it behind your ear. You keep his face in yours and press your forehead to his, no longer able to hold your smile back. He's okay with being a traitor if this is the end result. You holding him, and smiling at him like he's made you proud.

"I'm proud of you," you say quietly as if you read his mind. You release his face and lean against his neck. You can hear him swallow thickly before he responds.

"There's nothing to be proud of. You needed me and-"

"Don't brush it off Ben. It's a big deal, turning your back on everything you thought you believed in, on the life you're accustomed to, even if it was a shitty one."

He doesn't know what to say because he hadn't thought of it that way. His first thought was doing what he needed to do to get to you. It's definitely going to be a big change but he can't fathom going back now.

When he feels your breathing start to relax he knows you're getting tired again.

"Here, you need to drink this." He hands you the bottle of water he opened and leans in to kiss you on the cheek.

You didn't realize how parched you are until the first drop of water hits your tongue. It doesn't take long for you to chug the entire bottle. Some water slips out and dribbles down your chin, but you wipe it away quickly, hoping it goes unnoticed. You can't help but laugh at how disgusting you probably look. Your hair is matted to your head and your clothes are damp from sweating out your fever. There's soup splashed on your top and the blanket you had been sleeping with, which is also soaked in sweat. When you start laughing he raises an eyebrow.

"I feel and look disgusting. I'm soaking wet with-"

Ben's eyes leave yours and he stares out the window.

"Really?"

"What?" He opens a bottle of water for himself and starts to chug it in an attempt to somewhat take the attention off of his cheeks.

"I can see your cheeks sir. I think I've corrupted your mind. I haven't even actually touched your cock yet and-"

Water dribbles out of the corner of his mouth and he starts to choke. You purse your lips together in an effort to hold back a laugh, knowing it will send you into a coughing fit.

When he finally stops coughing he scowls at you.

"Don't look at me like that, pervert. I was simply trying to say I'm all gross and sweaty. You're the one that started thinking about my panties being-"

"Okay that's enough. Give me that."

You smirk when he takes the empty water bottle from you and tosses it in the trash in your bathroom.

You really want to take a shower but your muscles hurt and you don't trust yourself in the shower alone. Which gives you a fantastic idea.

At some point you'll get tired of putting Ben in uncomfortable situations and torturing him with sexual innuendos right?

"I feel gross," you whine and jut out your lip. His eyes cloud with warmth at the sight, which you weren't expecting.

"I know sweetheart, I'm sorry."

He opens a closet on the far side of the room and sticks his head in. You're assuming he's checking the place out since it's technically also his room now.

"I think I should take a bath. It will make me feel better."

His back tenses and he freezes for a moment but he doesn't turn around to face you. He clears his throat before speaking. "That's...that's probably a good idea."

"I don't think I should go in there by myself. My muscles hurt and I might slip and fall."

His hand goes through his hair nervously, he takes a deep breath, then turns and faces you. You do your best to keep an innocent look on your face. You can tell he's debating on whether or not he should offer to help you or maybe even offer to join you.

"I could...I mean...if you want...I could-"

"You could what Ben? Help me or join me?"

His eyes widen at the latter. Although the thought had crossed his mind, he thought it would be inappropriate considering your current state to even suggest it. The thought alone almost has him needing to adjust himself.

"Are you sure? I mean...If you're not uncomfortable I can...I can help you and I want to...join you," he clears his throat again as his struggles through his sentence. "But I don't know if that's a good idea...you're not feeling well and I...well I..."

Ben isn't usually a fan of himself. More often than not, he's his own worst enemy. But he has never hated himself more than he does at the moment. You practically asked him to get naked with you and he turned you down. There had to be something wrong with him.

"You don't think you'll be able to control yourself if you're naked, wet, and pressed up against me?"

Once again, he was dangerously close to embarrassing himself by having to stick his hand in his pants and switch some parts into a more comfortable position.

"Well...yes," he said in a suddenly scratchy tone.

It really doesn't take much to get him hot and bothered and you love it.

"It's up to you, the offer stands. I would like it if you helped me into the tub though. If you're uncomfortable I can do it myself I-"

"No!"

You pause and give him a questioning look.

"I mean, It won't make me uncomfortable. I'll do whatever you need me to."

You smile at his awkwardness as you start to climb out of the bed. Before you can move Ben stops you.

"Wait here," he kisses you on the forehead and walks into the bathroom. You can hear him opening and closing the small set of cabinets built into the wall underneath the sink after he starts the water.

The man cannot be real. Aside from the slight emotional instability and body count, he's perfect.

Minutes later, Ben enters your room with the sleeves of his black shirt rolled up to his elbows. Without saying a word, he approaches the bed and lifts you into his arms bridal style. You gasp slightly, not expecting him to carry you into the bathroom, and not so effortlessly.

"Ben, I can walk. It's like five feet. I just don't trust myself to be standing for along period of time and-"

"It's fine."

He sets you down next to the tub and stands next to you awkwardly, unsure whether or not he's supposed to offer to help you undress or if he's supposed to get out. He's hoping for the later.

He's already torturing himself knowing he could easily get into the tub with you. To watch you slowly undress in front of him...he'll lose his resolve.

"Do you want to step outside while I undress or...?"

"Yes, right, okay. I'll be back in a couple of minutes once you're..okay," he says quickly as he turns his back to you and hurries out of the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, a few things.
> 
> If you didn't notice this chapter was just fluff for the sake of it, aside from Ben's talk with Leia. Most of the next chapter is also full of fluffiness because after that the finish line will be in sight... kind of.
> 
> For those of you that haven't watched Clone Wars or Rebels:  
> I tried my best to explain the World Between Worlds, the Mortis gods, and Mortis, without deep diving. It's a lot of info to absorb and can be kind of confusing so I did my best to simplify it. If my explanation confused you at all, please let me know. I really don't want anyone to be confused while reading this fic. Especially because Mortis, the Mortis gods, and (obviously) the World Between Worlds are going to be a big deal towards the end of this fic.
> 
> Those of you that have watched Clone Wars and Rebels:  
> Hopefully I explained it well enough for others. I obviously didn't stick directly to canon for my sake and for everyone elses sake.
> 
> PS- Cardooine chills are canon and the symptoms are basically the same as the flu and/or sinus infection.


	10. I Caught Fire

_So kiss me like you did  
My heart stopped beating  
Such a softer sin  
Never caught my breath  
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess  
Just stay with me now  
I'm melting in your eyes  
I lost my place  
Could stay a while  
And I'm melting in your eyes  
Like my first time that I caught fire  
Just stay with me lay with me  
Let's sleep till the sun burns out  
  
  
The Used - I Caught Fire _

* * *

Ben paces outside the bathroom door, unsure how long he should wait to go back in. Did you genuinely want him to take a bath with you or were you just teasing him? You seem to highly enjoy making him flustered. Did you want him to actually help you bathe? Is he supposed to...lather you and- No he can’t think about that. He’s already too worked up. He’s one lewd thought away from unzipping his pants and taking himself in hand to relieve some tension. 

To take his mind off of the erection that threatens to spontaneously appear, he grabs the soup and sweat soaked bedding off of your bed and tosses them into the corner of the room. He has no idea where to get clean linens and he has no intention of asking anyone for help, not that they’d help him anyways.

A small noise outside of the door to your quarters reminds Ben that Luke is standing guard at the door. Would he leave his post to find that for him if it's for you? Does he even want to talk to his uncle, much less ask for anything? Engaging him would open himself to unwanted conversation. Asking him for help would be even worse but he can’t think of any other option. Sighing, he walks over to the door, and slides it open. 

True to his word, Luke is sitting to the right of the door in a chair he seems to have suddenly acquired, with his eyes closed, meditating. Ben crosses his arms over his chest and prepares himself for what he’s about to do: engage his uncle in conversation and ask him for help. It almost causes him physical pain to speak the words.

“What does she need?” Luke asks without opening his eyes.

“What?” Ben asks, confused and caught off guard.

“She must need something. There’s no other reason you’d come out here to talk to me willingly. Since you can’t and won’t leave her, it’s easy to assume she needs something you can’t get on your own. What is it?” 

Ben frowns and tenses his jaw with irritation. 

“She needs new bedding. She’s been sweating the fever out and she says she feels “gross.” She’s bathing right now and probably…” Ben trails off when the corner of Luke’s mouth slightly twitches upward in a poor attempt at holding back a smirk. Now is not the time to be teased about you. You tease him enough already. 

“I trust you won’t be leaving this room, correct?”

“Where else would I go?” Ben asks, annoyed.

Luke nods, gets to his feet, and walks down the hallway.

Ben re-enters your quarters and hesitantly approaches the bathroom door. Pressing his ear against it, he listens for any sign you may be in the tub and hopefully somewhat covered. He gently knocks when he hears slight splashing. 

“You can come in. All the fun parts are covered.” 

Ben had poured enough soap into the tub to have it nearly overflowing with bubbles. You’re not sure whether or not he did it for his sake, to keep you covered, or because he genuinely had no idea how much soap to use.

The bathroom door slowly opens and in walks a very large and awkward man who is unsure where he should look. He quickly glances at you and once he sees you’re mostly covered, he relaxes slightly and sits on the floor with his back against the tub.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna get in here with me?” 

You scoop up a handful of bubbles. When he turns his head to look at you, you exhale as hard as you can, blowing the bubbles at him. He huffs and does his best to brush them out of his hair.

“Trust me, I want to,” he sighs. “But I’d rather wait until you’re feeling better. You need to rest and although I can’t get sick, I’d rather you not cough into my mouth while I’m kissing you,” he leans his head back slightly and smirks at you over his shoulder.

You scoot closer to the edge of the tub, cross your arms over the edge, rest your head on them, and close your eyes. Ben turns to face you and kisses your cheek. 

When you don’t push him away he continues to place small kisses from your cheek, along your jawline, the side of your mouth, and when you turn your head, his lips land on yours. You lift one of your wet hands and run it through his hair. He starts to lean closer but stops when he hears the door to your room slide open. 

“Kriff,” he says under his breath. “I’ll be right back.”

He climbs to his feet and exits the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Luke is standing just inside the doorway, rearranging your furniture with the Force. The small table and chairs that were against the wall across from your bed are pushed into a far corner. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Ben asks, confused.

Luke frowns, ignores him, then exits the room. A second later he comes back with a large folded roll-away bed. Sheets, blankets, and pillows are stacked on top of it. He would have given anything to see Luke walking around the Resistance base with his arms full while a bed trails behind him with help from the Force.

“Your mother,” Luke sighs and sets a large canvas bag and the bedding down on your bed.

“A clean blanket and pillow would have been sufficient.”

Luke slides the new bed against the wall opposite of your current one. Ben hadn’t noticed the strap of a large canvas bag across his chest until he lifts it over his head and tosses the bag onto the new bed across from yours.

“Not to Leia apparently. There’s clean clothes for you in the bag. In case you’re wondering, she insisted I bring you another bed because...well she didn’t want to make any assumptions.”

Ben scowls at Luke.

“Her words not mine. Is she okay?” Luke asks and gestures toward the closed bathroom door.

“Better than she was.”

Luke nods and leaves the room before it gets awkward. 

After making both beds with clean sheets and pillows, Ben goes back into the bathroom. 

“Sweetheart are you-”

You’re asleep with your head resting on your folded arms on the side of the tub. The hormonal teenager in him that's been hibernating for over a decade is awake and wants to cry. 

He's going to have to wake you up and wrap you in a towel. Then he can either walk you to bed or carry you there. Either way, you're going to be practically naked and in close proximity. He audibly groans and runs his hands through his hair. This is his punishment for all of the atrocities he committed while under Snoke, it has to be. 

Ben walks back into your room to find you something to wear. The last two times you had fallen asleep it was nearly impossible to wake you. If that’s the case there’s a very real possibility he may need to dress you. The thought alone is making his hands clammy. Not wanting to dig through the few personal belongings you have, he opens the bag of clothes Luke brought him, grabs a shirt, and lays it out on the bed. 

Steeling himself, he walks back into the bathroom, grabs a towel and kneels down next to the tub. 

“Sweetheart,” he says quietly to you while running his hand through your wet hair.

“Hmm?” 

You’re tired but the water is getting cold and you realize then that you’ve fallen asleep in the tub and Ben’s trying to politely get you out. He must be struggling and it makes you smile. Your smile only widens when you open your eyes and see how flustered he is.

“You need to get out and I… well I don’t know how to go about this. Can you stand up or do you need help?”

“My muscles are just tired. You're acting like I'm paralyzed from the waist down,” you say while yawning. He holds the towel out for you and quickly averts his eyes when you stand much quicker than he expected. You can’t hold back a small laugh which makes him huff with frustration. Once your front is covered with the towel he wraps it around you tightly and scoops you up to carry you into your room. 

You’re already attached to the man at an unhealthy level considering the circumstances but the way he’s treating you now, the feelings he's invoking are almost frightening. You’ve only felt this way about one other person and it wasn’t in the same context. 

You lean your head against his neck and breathe him in. He shivers underneath you and holds you a little tighter. When you get to your bed he lowers you gently and nervously picks up his shirt.

“I...I don’t know what you sleep in and I didn’t want to go through your things so-” you snatch the shirt away from him and smile.

“This works, thank you.” He knows now to turn his back to you the moment you take the shirt from him. 

“Can you open the second drawer in that weird dresser for me?” you ask as you slip his extremely large shirt over your head. You bring it up to your face to inhale but you’re still congested and can’t smell anything yet. 

“This drawer?” Ben asks as he approaches the dresser that is built into the wall. 

“Yes that one,” you smile and wait for his reaction. His eyes widen when he opens your underwear drawer. Thank god whoever has been picking out your clothes has stuck to all black panties and bras. “Can you grab me a pair please?” you ask innocently. 

You don’t have to see Ben’s face to know he’s about to pop a blood vessel. He clears his throat quickly, grabs whatever his hand touches first, nearly slams the drawer shut, and quickly brings you your panties without making eye contact. He practically throws them as if they’re on fire, and turns his back to you. 

While sliding them on you watch with amusement as he runs both hands through his hair again and holds the back of his neck. You can’t help but wonder if he’s still going to be so easily flustered once he’s not a virgin anymore. 

Once dressed in one of his shirts, clean panties, and lying in a clean bed, you grab a blanket and wrap it around your shoulders while sitting straight up. When Ben hears the blankets rustling he cautiously turns to look at you and sighs with relief once he sees you’re finally no longer naked. 

You scoot back against the wall and pat the spot next to you. He smiles, takes off his boots, and sets them side by side on the floor at the end of the bed. He sits on the bed and scoots back until his back is pressed against the wall next to you. 

You grab one of the clean pillows and place it in his lap before resting your head on top of it.

He thanks whoever is finally on his side that you grabbed a pillow to rest your head on instead of pressing your head into his lap. That might be what finally pushes him over the edge.

You’re laying flat on your back and looking up at him when he starts playing with your hair. It only takes seconds for you to fall back to sleep.

Not wanting to wake you, he leans over the side of the bed and picks up one of the books you have stacked next to your bed. Unfortunately it’s one of the Jedi texts he’s read numerous times but it’s better than staring straight ahead at the wall. Right as he’s about to open it there’s a knock at the door.

Before he has a chance to respond, the door slides open and a med droid enters the room. Luke stands outside the open door, not wanting to crowd the room even more.

The droid doesn’t bother asking which one of you is sick, it’s not hard to tell. It bends over you and scans your body. After confirming what Ben already knew, the droid removes a syringe from a small panel on its side with one hand while it’s other hand sprays your upper arm with a disinfectant to prepare you for the medication injection.

The droid successfully injects the medication in your arm without waking you, at first. The cold mist of the spray it’s applying over the injection site wakes you. 

Since arriving you haven’t seen many droids and the ones you’ve seen don’t look like much. The droid standing over you looks like something straight out of a nightmare, your nightmare to be exact. Your eyes widen, you gasp, and you scramble backwards off of Ben’s lap and nearly tumble backwards off the bed. He grabs your shoulders before you can fall to the ground. 

“What’s wrong?” Ben asks, confused at your reaction.

“What the fuck?! What the fuck is that thing?! Get it away from me!”

The droid stands up straight and cocks its head to the side and stares back at you, confused. Patients don’t normally have that response to it but your vitals suggest its presence is upsetting you.

Ben looks at the droid then to you. “It’s a medical droid.”

“Ben, it could be a damn genie droid here to grant my every wish and I would still want nothing to do with it. Get it away from me.” 

Your heart is beating rapidly. Part of you wants to cry and the other part of you wants to punch Ben for not realizing how serious you’re being. He doesn’t seem to realize how horrifying the thing next to him is. 

“Hello, I am a 2-1B medical droid. You have nothing to fear. I am merely here to provide you with a vaccination and medication to quicken your recovery.”

“No you’re not, get out. I would literally rather drown myself in the tub than have you anywhere near me.”

Ben stares at you like he can’t decide whether or not you’re messing around or if you’re legitimately uncomfortable. When it starts to lean down towards you with the other syringe, your anxiety spikes, and he realizes you’re not joking in the slightest.

* * *

_“Did I ever mention how uneasy droids make her?”_

Luke sighs. “No you might have left that part out. I didn’t think there were droids in her time.”

_“There aren’t any like this but she’s read books about them. She had nightmares for years after she found a book about an evil droid or ‘robot’ that strangely looks like the med droid she’s about to crush with the Force. The droid in the book would kidnap naughty children and use their limbs to make realistic looking droids."_

Luke's jaw drops and he turns to stare at the younger version of the man who briefly trained him.

_“What? I didn’t give it to her to read on purpose. She was in the horror section.”_

* * *

Ben hears Luke talking to himself and notices him glance to his side when he does. He’s more than likely talking to a ghost and if it’s hovering around you he would bet it’s Obi-Wan Kenobi. He would love to walk over there and ask him why you, the bravest woman he’s met aside for his mother, is terrified of a droid.

“Ben! Seriously get it away from me!”

He unintentionally ignores you, too focused on Luke and whoever he seems to be talking to. 

“Ben!” 

No response.

“BENJAMIN SOLO!” you yell angrily, while reaching over and grabbing him roughly by the chin, forcing him to look at you. 

His eyes widen and he swallows nervously when he sees the look in your eyes. You’re pissed and your grip on his chin is unyielding. 

Luke sees you're about to outstretch your hand towards the droid and he quickly grabs it and pulls it out of the room. The Resistance is low on resources and you crushing the one med droid they have wouldn't be good for anyone. 

You yank Ben forward, and whisper into his ear. “If you ever bring another one of those Cybamen from hell near me again, you will die a virgin. I will make it my life's goal to ensure your dick never touches another person, especially me." 

You kiss him on the cheek and release your grip on his chin. He’s breathing a bit heavier than normal and you’re pretty sure you can hear his heart nearly beating out of his chest. When he slowly pulls away from you, his cheeks are flushed and red all the way to the tips of his ears. He stares back at you with barely veiled admiration in his eyes as the blush starts to slowly fade from his cheeks. Your eyes get heavy once again and you start to lean into him. 

“Why am I so tired all of a sudden?” you ask through a yawn.

“One of the side effects of the medication the droid gave you is drowsiness. When you wake up you’ll feel better.”

He sits back against the wall the way he was before the droid appeared, moves the pillow back onto his lap, and helps you get comfortable. Sluggishly, you lay your head down on your pillow. You jerk awake and glance towards the door every few minutes as if the droid is going to rush into you room and saw off your legs. 

“It’s gone. Luke took it back to the med bay. It won't be coming back I promise.” 

You roll onto your side until your back is facing the door and your face is pressed against his stomach, snuggling into him more than the pillow. His breath hitches but he relaxes once you stop moving. His hand goes into your hair once more and he brushes it away from your face. In a matter of seconds, you’re asleep.

* * *

He can’t believe how much has changed in 24 hours. He’s no longer in his cell, pacing anxiously. He’s in your quarters, which are now his as well, with you in his lap, asleep. He’s supposed to be a prisoner, a captive of his enemy. Instead, he feels like he’s being rewarded for some good deed he’s done that he’s not aware of.

Ben’s not really tired but he’s not going to move if you’re comfortable. He glances down at the stack of books again but this time he notices the book Obi-Wan gave you. He should feel bad for reading it, considering how hard you tried to keep it from him. When you bridged your minds you showed him what was in it. If you were okay showing him that memory then you’ll be okay if he read it himself right?

For over an hour he reads a summary of what happened to his family until you woke up on Starkiller. From there, the font changes, as if it’s trying to point out the changes you made by your arrival. Chunks stay the same, regardless of your actions, like his father's death. A majority of it is written in a different font than the events of the past which means you’ve had a huge impact on him and everyone around you since arriving. The most recent entry is about the World Between Worlds and what you discussed with Luke. 

He’s about to turn the page when he hears commotion coming from the other side of the door. Sighing, he sets the book down next to him in bed and prepares for a confrontation. When the noise gets louder he glances down at his lap to see if it’s woken you up but it hasn’t, yet. He scowls at the door, knowing it’s going to slide open at any moment and two people he despises are going to barge into _his_ room and wake you up.

As expected the door slides open, and Dameron and the traitor are standing there, clearly prepared for a confrontation like he is. They take a step towards both of you and open their mouths but Ben puts his hand up to stop them. He’s been okay without the use of the Force while he’s been a prisoner but right now he wishes he had it more than ever. 

“Her fever is finally dying down and she's not freaking out about the droid. She needs to sleep and if you idiots wake her up I will snap off your arm,” Ben points to Finn then turns to Poe, “and I’ll beat you to death with it.” The completely serious tone he’s using suggests he’s not joking in the slightest. 

He can’t see Luke around Poe and Finn but he hears him sigh. 

Finn starts to protest and takes a step forward. 

“Take your hand off of her,” he says angrily. “She doesn’t need you to take care of her. She doesn’t need you at all. We can help her.”

Ben didn’t realize his hand was resting on your side and now that he does, he has no intention of moving it.

He scoffs. “That’s funny. Where were you when she was shivering and sweating through her clothes? Not here. If she wanted you here she would have contacted you once she started to feel sick. She didn’t though, did she? No, she didn’t, but she reached out to me.” 

That isn’t exactly true but they didn’t need to know that and you aren’t awake to call him out on his lie.

“Now get out before you wake her up,” Ben says through gritted teeth. 

Poe takes a step into the room and Ben can’t help but roll his eyes. Neither one of them will ever be able to intimidate him physically, even without the use of the Force. Neither one of them have the ability to use you to get at him, not anymore. The way you’re willingly laying on his lap with your face buried in his stomach while wearing his shirt should prove they can no longer make him feel insecure about you.

“I can’t believe the general actually let you out of your cell and is trusting you enough to walk around the base as if you’re not a monster. I wouldn’t even consider letting you anywhere near other people if I was the general.”

“Good thing you’re not the general then,” Ben says with a smug smile.

“I don’t know what weird thing the two of you have going on, but it’s not normal. I refuse to believe she willingly wants you around. No one wants you around,” Poe seethes.

Part of Ben understands why Dameron hates him. Aside for him and the First Order wiping out a bunch of his friends and acquaintances, he did torture him a bit. But insinuating he coerced or forced you into wanting him around almost makes him see red. If you weren’t cuddled into him he would have lunged at him. He does his best to reign in his temper. If he lashes out it will only prove Dameron’s point. Plus, he’s learned that nothing bothers Dameron more than when he can prove he’s wrong or make him look like an idiot.

“Maybe you could refresh my memory Dameron, but if I recall correctly, the last time you stuck your nose where it didn’t belong, she threatened to Force choke you did she not? Maybe I was imagining things. I guess when she wakes up I can ask her if that was a pleasant dream of mine or if it happened.”

“She has hands on experience with Force choking doesn't she? At least this time she’ll be the one causing the pain instead of receiving it,” Poe sneers.

This is what sets him over the edge. Finn sees Ben is about to lash out and places his hand on Poe’s arm in an effort to back him out of your room. He’s not sure whether you feel the blind rage slowly coursing through his veins but as he’s trying to ease out from underneath you, you tighten your grip around his waist.

“I don’t know why you’re so angry,” you mumble against his stomach. “But if you don’t calm down and get your ass back in bed, I swear you’ll be rooming with your mom or Luke.” 

Ben’s not sure if anyone else heard your threat due to your face buried into his shirt but his cheeks turn red either way. He sighs heavily and eases back against the wall. He runs his hand through your hair until your breathing evens out again, signaling you’re fully asleep. His eyes leave you and meet Finn’s and then Poe’s.

The expression on Poe’s face is expected, he looks pissed. The expression on Finn’s face isn’t what Ben was expecting. He looks confused and maybe a little bit conflicted. Ben doesn’t have time to consider what may be going through his mind, nor does he care that much. 

“Let’s go Poe,” Finn says, much to Ben’s surprise.

“What?” Poe asks with disbelief.

“She’s fine, she feels better with him around. We might not agree with her judge of character but it’s her choice,” Finn says as he glances at Ben out of the corner of his eye. Ben is also looking at him with disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? He threw you against a tree and broke your back! Let’s not forget he almost strangled her to death!” Poe whispers loudly.

“I didn’t forget,” Finn says, sighing.

“I didn’t forget,” Ben says through gritted teeth.

The two men stop and stare at each other, not expecting to speak at the same time. 

“Poe, we’re not doing anyone any good by bothering her, if anything she’s going to push us away. I’m not saying we have to like him but we need to respect her decision,” Finn says in an imploringly. 

After seeing Ren with you, caring for you, genuinely showing adoration for you, it’s hard for Finn to still see him as the monster he is, or was. Although he loves Poe, you’re still his friend. He doesn’t want to choose sides and he’s hoping Poe won’t see it that way but he has to speak up before things escalate and you completely shut them out.

“Unbelievable,” Poe says as he jerks out of Finn’s grasp and storms out of the room. 

Finn sighs and runs his hands over his face. Ben looks around Finn but can’t see Luke lurking in the doorway anymore. He knows he _should_ thank Finn for getting Poe off his back, and yours, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He’s been far too polite to both of them already. They should be lucky he hasn’t found a way to end them, even with the cuffs. Yet, the look on Finn’s face when you woke up makes the homicidal thoughts about him lessen.

In an effort to think of anything other than how uncomfortable the silence is, Ben starts rubbing circles on your arm with his thumb. 

He glances up when Finn clears his throat in an obvious attempt to get his attention.

“It’s true then, you turned on the First Order? You’re not just biding time until you can get away from here?”

Ben stares down at you to avoid eye contact with Finn when he speaks. “I wouldn’t have agreed to the terms I agreed to if I was biding my time.”

“What terms? The general said you were let out of your cell and the cuffs were staying on. Poe stormed out after that so that's all I heard.”

“Well, not that it’s any of your business but since you got Dameron to kriff off I’m feeling generous.” 

Finn rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. 

“I told the general I would give her all of the information I have on the First Order if she let me out today.”

Luke was sitting next to the doorway, unintentionally listening to the hushed conversation between the two men.

“Why were you in such a hurry? The general didn’t hold any sort of meeting to give us a heads up that Kylo Ren-”

“Ben.”

“What?”

“My name is Ben Solo.”

It takes Luke by surprise. He’s never heard his nephew speak with such certainty, about anything and he’s never heard his nephew sound so confident in his name and himself.

“Oh.” 

Of course Finn knows his name is actually Ben Solo but he hasn’t really thought about the man behind the mask. It’s sobering and reluctantly, he can see how the arrogant man has managed to worm his way into your heart. “Right.”

“To answer your question, I checked on her and she was sick and alone. I’m not sure who negotiated the rest of the terms but my main concern was getting to her. The decision was a lot easier than I thought it would be. The general and the Resistance get what they want and I get what I-” He doesn’t need to finish his statement, Finn already knows what he was going to say.

“Well...I should go find Poe. Will you let her know we stopped by? Maybe leave out the first half of our interaction.”

Ben doesn’t respond but gives him a quick nod of acknowledgement. As Finn turns to leave, Ben is compelled to get something off of his chest. He has no idea why, but he felt like he owes Finn this in a way.

“FN...Finn,” Ben starts, stopping Finn in his tracks. Finn glances over his shoulder at him. “You should know, I had nothing to do with the stormtrooper program. I wasn’t included in the acquisition of new troopers or their training. I didn’t find out about the Supreme Leader's methods until recently."

The day Ben found out about the stormtrooper program he was livid. His childhood was stolen but he wasn't physically stolen from his family, he left on purpose. The First Order was actually stealing kids and raising them as troopers to ensure they fit the First Orders needs. When he voiced his displeasure over the method, Hux went to Snoke of course. He doesn't remember what happened after walking into Snoke's throne room to discuss his view on the matter but he does remember waking up in a bacta tank afterwards.

Finn lets Ben's words sink in. For a while he assumed all of the First Order higher ups knew how the stormtroopers were recruited, including Kylo Ren. Finn takes another step towards the door then pauses and glances at Ben once more.

“Would you have been able to stop it? If you had known earlier I mean. I know you’re this scary strong Force user. Would you have been able to do anything about it?”

Ben stares back at him hoping to convey his sincerity and honesty with a look alone.

“Against the Supreme Leader? No. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m no match for him.”

Finn nods and continues out the door but not before calling over his shoulder, “Bye traitor.”

* * *

Between the conversation with his mother, focusing on keeping all of the blood in his body from traveling to his dick while taking care of you, Dameron, the conversation with Finn, and the information in Obi-Wan’s book, Ben is exhausted in every sense of the word.

Luke had more information on the World Between Worlds and the Mortis gods than he expected. Even with the new information it isn’t enough to get you to the portal, if it does in fact exist. You have to have the tablet with the information on how to open the portal which seems like an impossibility. 

While reading he realizes he won’t be able to go with you. If you manage to find the information you need, you’ll be going to Lothal and he’ll be stuck with the Resistance. If you manage to get to the portal, then what? You want answers but did you want to go home? When he asked you the first time you saw each other after Starkiller you didn’t seem too sure. Have the things that happened between you two swayed your decision. If given the choice would you stay with him? Is it even a choice? Once you get to the portal will it automatically send you home? None of this had occurred to him because he didn’t have all of the information until just now and now that he has it, he wishes he didn’t. He doesn’t want to think about you leaving him, or the possibility you’d want to. 

He isn’t sure of the time but the sun had gone down a few hours ago. Your fever seems to be nearly non existent which means you would be back to normal in the morning, thankfully. Then he could somehow figure out a way to ask you if the offer to bathe together was still on the table. Sighing, irritated with himself for letting his mind wander back to having you naked against him, he slowly pushes away from the wall with you still in his lap.

Reaching behind his back, he grabs a handful of his shirt, pulls it over his head, and tosses it on to the chair in the corner. He normally sleeps naked but since his capture that’s been out of the question and he’s not sure you waking up to him naked pressed against you is a great idea. He already feels like a pervert for watching you sleep for a week without you knowing, he doesn’t want to add that to the list.

When he removes his shirt and you don’t wake up, he carefully slides his hands under the pillow and moves your head off of his lap. Once his legs are free, he stretches his back for the first time in hours and shimmies out of his pants, leaving him in only, what you would call, his ‘boxer briefs.”

He hadn’t had time to discuss it with you yet but bridging your minds did more than just give him a glimpse of your memories and make the voices finally disappear. It also gave him knowledge of your world that he definitely didn’t have before. For example, the difference between boxer briefs and regular briefs. Had you mentioned briefs to him a few days ago he wouldn’t know what you’re talking about. Now he knows one style covers more than the other. Would he ever use this information in a day to day conversation? No. Would this information _ever_ come in handy? No, but somehow that’s the type of knowledge you threw his way. 

Eyeing the spare bed pressed against the wall, he walks over to it and presses it directly next to yours. He slides into bed next to you, and sighs happily knowing he’ll be able to roll over and not fall off the bed. As soon as he lifts the blanket and crawls underneath it, you stir, and he freezes. You roll over until you’re facing him, bury your face into his side, throw your arm over his chest, and drape your thigh over his hip. He carefully slides his arm underneath your neck so you can use it as a pillow.

He has never felt as safe as he does now, with you wrapped around him. He doesn’t understand how someone that weighs at least 100 pounds less than him and is at least a foot shorter can make him feel safe and comfortable, but you do. 

He presses his nose into your hair and kisses you. Just as he closes his eyes in an attempt to sleep, the door to your room slides open unexpectedly. On reflex he shoots his hand out toward the door then groans when he realizes one, he can’t use the Force, and two, it’s just Luke.

“Sneaking up on me in my sleep once wasn’t enough for you, back to finish what you started?” 

Had Luke not waited until the moment he was about to sleep he might not be as hostile as he suddenly feels. His timing triggers the memory of the temple burning down and what led up to it. He can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. 

Luke doesn’t respond. Instead, he grabs the chair from the corner of the room, shakes it until the clothes Ben had thrown on it fall to the ground, and places it against the wall directly across from the bed.

“What do you want?” Ben asks through gritted teeth in a hushed tone so he won’t wake you.

“We need to talk,” Luke sighs and sits down.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Ben’s jaw tenses as he tries to reign in his frustration and to his surprise, the pain the memory of that night brought.

“Fine, you don’t need to talk but you need to listen.”

“Really? You want to talk right now? You couldn’t have barged in uninvited earlier when I was wide awake as she slept?”

“You were mad enough at Poe to risk waking her to confront him earlier. I have no doubt you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat. Except now, you’re half naked and trapped underneath her. You have no way of storming off or throwing a punch, even though I deserve it. You have no choice but to listen to what I have to say.” Luke’s tone is completely serious yet he tries to ease the tension with a small sad smile. 

“Once I’ve said what I need to say you can do with it what you will but it needs to be said.”

Ben turns his head away from his uncle and stares up at the ceiling. As his anger grows, so does your grip on him. It’s as if in your sleep you know he’s on the verge of lunging at his uncle half naked. When he reigns in his temper your grip lightens slightly. When Ben’s silent for longer than expected Luke starts to speak. He’s not quite sure where to start so he dives right in. 

“She gave me your book to read.”

Ben closes his eyes and sighs. He had hoped you wouldn’t read it but you did it to spite him. He hadn’t thought of the possibility you’d let others read it and he can’t help but feel a little betrayed.

“It’s not what you think. She didn’t pass it around so everyone could read it. She gave it to me right after Tatooine, when we were discussing your possible fate. She could tell I wasn’t exactly...sympathetic. Especially after I found out about your father.” 

Luke watches as Ben tries to control his breathing which momentarily becomes uneven.

“And? Are you here to pity me, to tell me how sorry you are?” Ben asks with disdain.

“I’m not going to pity you. Although you made wrong choices I now have a better understanding of why you did what you did. It’s not only about power like I originally thought. So no, I won’t pity you but I am going to apologize. Without my actions you might have taken a different route. I’m at fault for destroying our family and in turn for the damage done to the galaxy.”

Ben mulls over his response.

“No I wouldn’t have.”

“What?” 

“I would have still gone to Snoke, I would have ended up with him regardless. If it wasn’t what you did it would have been something else someone else did. He’s been after me since I was a child. I was destined to be his servant.”

“I don’t believe that but if you do then I’m not going to argue. You have the ability to change that you know.”

“I'm working on it, if that isn’t blatantly obvious. Although, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to help. Snoke will find me like he always does. Once he finds out I’ve agreed to help the Resistance he’ll find me just to kill me himself.”

“I won’t let that happen Ben. None of us will. Her especially,” Luke says as he gestures toward you. Ben glances to his side to see the top of your head buried against his side. He tries not to think about how he’s half naked with you, with anyone, for the first time while his uncle sits across the room from him.

Luke is surprised when once again, Ben is the one to break the silence between them.

“Would you have actually done it? Killed me while I slept?” Ben asks so quietly Luke almost misses it.

“No,” Luke answers almost immediately. “I saw what you would do to the galaxy if you chose the dark side and I saw what you would become. I thought your choice was made already. I had no idea you were so conflicted or what you’ve gone through a majority of your life. Had I known about Snoke and the voices, I would have found a way to help you. If I had known your choice wasn’t made I wouldn’t have even gone into your hut that night.”

Ben swallows thickly and stares up at the ceiling again.

“You told me once that visions are not always reliable yet you trusted what you saw.”

“I might be a Jedi but that doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes Ben. When I had the vision the first thing I thought of was all the terror and death your grandfather caused the galaxy and it scared me.”

Luke’s grateful Ben doesn’t lash out again. He seems to genuinely be understanding and accepting of what he’s saying.

“The moment I ignited my lightsaber I realized how awful my train of thought was. It was a fleeting thought but it was enough. You woke up before I could deactivate my saber. I would have never gone through with it, you must know that. I don’t expect you to trust me again, at least not any time soon, but please trust that it’s the truth,” Luke says almost pleadingly.

Ben changes the subject. He needs time to think about what his uncle has told him when he’s alone. He turns his head slightly to stare back at Luke.

“Do you know why she’s here? Do you know why we have the connection we do?”

Luke stares back at his nephew, clearly deciding what he should and shouldn’t divulge.

Luke sighs. “I don’t know everything but I do know some things, only what Obi-Wan has told me and it isn’t much." 

Ben sighs with frustration. “Of course you know what's going on.”

“She’s here mostly for you,” Luke adds to ease Ben’s frustration. 

“What? Why is she here for me?”

Luke gives Ben a sympathetic smile which says “I can’t tell you and you know that.”

When doesn't break the silence again, Luke stands and starts to walk towards the door. “I’m going to meet up with your mother. I trust you’ll stay with her? We wouldn’t want her fever to spike again would we?” 

Ben frowns and looks down at the top of your head.

When the door opens, Luke doesn’t leave, not right away. He leans into the hallway and grabs another canvas bag. Ben raises an eyebrow questionably.

“I need you to do something for me without question. Keep this with you while you sleep going forward. You’ll know why eventually but right now I can’t say. Don’t go through it until the time is right. You’ll know when,” Luke says sternly. “If you won’t do it for me, do it for her, and do it to give your mother peace of mind.”

Ben glances down at the bag full of who knows what, and gives his uncle a small nod. Luke walks to the door and pauses once again. Ben almost audibly groans. He just wants to be left alone with you so he can sleep yet everyone has decided today is the day to have a heart to heart.

Luke stares at Ben for longer than most would consider polite before waving his hand in his direction. The Force blocking cuffs click and snap open. Ben can’t hide the surprised look on his face. A small shiver goes through his body once the Force flows through him once again.

“Thank me later and make sure you put them back on before you leave this room.”

Ben, still shocked by his uncles actions, nods once more.

“See ya ‘round kid.” 

Luke gives Ben a small smile before exiting the room and shutting the door behind him.

His brain goes into overdrive. His mother forgave him for everything he's done and assured him his father would too. The traitor seems to be okay with him now, maybe not okay but he doesn’t despise him like Dameron does. Luke apologized and said he would help him in any way possible, and he removed the cuffs.

You move yourself impossibly closer to him and hum in your sleep as if you’re so content you can’t help but vocalize it. Using his free hand, he combs his fingers through your hair and brings your head closer to him to kiss you on the forehead.

The sound of your even breathing, the weight of your leg across his, and the warmth of your hand on his chest makes it impossible to stay awake. Regardless of how hectic his mind is as he replays the days events, it doesn’t take him long to fall asleep. 

* * *

**Three hours later:**

Luke hurriedly makes his way to Leia’s quarters and lightly knocks. Moments later, she opens the door and takes a step back to let her brother in.

“They’re gone Leia.”

“Already? I thought it would take some time.”

“Obi-Wan didn’t give me a time frame, he just suggested I make sure they have what they’ll need. I had a feeling it would happen once Ben made peace with you and possibly me. His conversation with Finn was a bonus though.”

“Did you pack both of their lightsabers? Did you remove the cuffs?”

“Yes and yes.”

“Do you think he’ll keep the bag with him like you asked?”

Luke couldn’t help but chuckle. “Knowing your son? Probably not but I hope so. From what I’ve been told the weather on Mortis is unpredictable. Dealing with the landscape and the Mortis gods alone is challenging. Doing it half naked and unarmed will only make things more complicated, and embarrassing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More (mostly unnecessary) fluff. I want Ben to be on fairly good terms with everyone before the story progresses.


	11. Compass

* * *

_If I don't have you with me, I'm alone_   
_You know I never know which way to go_   
_I think I need you with me for all-time_   
_When I need new direction for my mind  
_ _You're always there to help me when I'm down  
_ _I'm lucky you've been keeping me around  
_ _You're the star I look for every night  
_ _When it's dark, you'll stick right by my side l_ _ike a magnet  
_ _Hard to imagine ever changing  
_ _Anything changing my way  
_ _Can't help that I'm attracted to you, I am  
_ _Could you keep on guiding me?_ _Please  
_ _I've got something to confess  
_ _I'd keep you in my pocket to use  
_ _You're my only compass  
_ _I might get lost without you_

_The Neighbourhood - Compass_

* * *

“Ben, turn off the light,” you say as you press your face into his side further. It’s like you’re trying to merge your bodies together, which you’re fine with. You’ve never been so comfortable and the spotlight he’s shining in your face is ruining it.

“What?” Ben asks, confused. His voice is rougher than usual and thick with sleep. It’s like a vibrator for your ears. 

He turns onto his side to face you and pulls you into his chest, effectively blocking the light from your eyes with his body.

“Hmm that’s better,” you smile into his chest. When you press your face against his him you realize you’re touching his skin, which means he’s shirtless. Your eyes snap open embarrassingly fast. You’re greeted by a wall of pale smooth skin, littered with scars but smooth nonetheless. You’d love to lay there and revel in the feel of him against you but there are way more pressing matters that need to be brought to his attention.

“Ben.”

“Hmm?”

“Where are we?”

“What do you mean where-”

You can’t see his face but he must have opened his eyes. The small gasp that leaves his lips is your first sign. The second sign is how he loosens his death grip on you marginally. Once he releases you, you quickly sit up and look around. You’re definitely not on the Resistance base anymore.

Wherever you are, it’s beautiful. There are brightly colored flowers scattered throughout thick fluffy grass, which you happened to be lying on. Tall green trees are littered throughout the area. To your left is a tall mountainside and to your right seems to be a cliff. In the distance there are islands floating in the sky.

When your eyes land on Ben you simultaneously want to laugh and jump on top of him. He’s in nothing but his boxer briefs. His hair is sticking up in various directions and part of him is very...awake. He hasn’t noticed yet because he’s just as shocked as you by your surroundings. 

Although extremely inappropriate considering the circumstances, your eyes are immediately drawn to the sizable hard on within arms reach. It’s like you’re floating aimlessly in the ocean at night when suddenly you see a lighthouse in the distance. You’re in the ocean and his dick is the lighthouse. They’re comparable in size so that metaphor seems accurate enough.

Admittedly your eyes were originally drawn there because of its noticeable size, but now it’s because at any moment Ben’s going to realize he’s laying half naked outside with morning wood...any second now.

You cross your legs and stare at him, waiting for him to notice his erection and for him to realize you’ve noticed too.

His eyes widen as he looks around at your surroundings.

“How did we get here? Where exactly are we? Do you-?” He stops mid question when he sees the look on your face. You’re barely holding back a mischievous smile which only appears when you’re teasing him or on the verge of doing so.

“What are you smiling about? Do you know what’s going on?”

“I have an idea but there’s something much _much_ bigger on my mind.” You’re about to lose it and you can’t hide your smile anymore but the confused look on his face is making it harder for you not to jump into his lap.

“Bigger? What-” 

He glances down and sees what’s stolen your attention. You’re pretty sure all the blood in his body is either in his dick of his cheeks. His face is red all the way up to his ears and probably higher.

He rolls onto his side to hide his erection, sighs, and rubs his face with one of his hands. You quickly lean over him and kiss him on the cheek, hopefully lessening his embarrassment, at least a little. 

Now that Ben’s boner is no longer distracting you, you look down and realize as far as clothes go, you’re not doing much better. You’re still only wearing his shirt, which may as well be a dress, and panties. If your hunch is correct, and you’re on Mortis, it will be extremely inconvenient. You don’t even have shoes.

When your eyes leave your lower half, you look up and notice a large canvas bag a few feet away from Ben. 

“Ben, what is that?”

“What?” he asks with exasperation. The poor thing sounds like he’s fed up with his own body embarrassing him. 

You lean over him and stretch your arm out to grab the strap attached to the bag. He should help you reach for it but instead he’s focusing on your body half on top of his as you lean over him. He’s pretty sure he’s going to explode. All it would take is a light breeze to hit him the wrong way and he’d embarrass himself again. Audibly groaning, he sits up and grabs you by the waist until you’re sitting in his lap straddling him. You squeak, not expecting to be manhandled, but it’s cut off by Ben’s mouth on yours.

You laugh against his mouth but he doesn’t care. He’s going at you as if he was starving and you’re a four course meal. He is so wound up you’re actually starting to feel bad about all the teasing you’ve been doing. 

One hand slides under your shirt and rubs your side while the other goes into your hair to pull you impossibly closer to him. You can feel him barely restraining himself from bucking into you. You don’t want him to stop but the Mortis gods didn’t bring you to Mortis to take Ben Solo’s virginity.

“Ben,” you manage to pull away just enough to say his name before his tongue is in your mouth again.

You can’t hold back the small noise that escapes your mouth when his hips finally do lift to meet your lower half in the best way possible. 

The temperature around you changes and a slight breeze hits both of you. Ben doesn’t seem to notice, and if he does, he doesn’t care.

You run your hand through his hair and tug hard enough to pull his face away from yours. The small whimper that comes out of him almost makes you say “fuck the Mortis gods” and undress him right then and there. The consequences of that choice would be mortifying.

_“Hey Luke, hey Leia. So yeah, the Mortis gods came for us and brought us to Mortis but they kicked us out because Ben was so horny he was on the verge of tears. When they found us fucking in the grass they sent us home. Sorry.”_

Ben’s eyes are so full of lust and need that you actually consider disappointing everyone back at the Resistance base. Your thoughts wander back to Obi-Wan and the look of disappointment and mortification if he found out all the trouble he went through to get you to Ben resulted in nothing because you wanted to get off.

“Listen to me for two seconds and for the love of god stop moving your hips before I change my mind,” you gasp when he lifts his hips and thrusts upwards once more. “I think we’re on Mortis, which means the Mortis gods brought us here.”

His hips come to a complete stop and the haze of lust in his eyes almost clears completely. 

“If that's the case, we’re a thin layer away from fucking on the Force gods planet. Now, if that’s what you want, I’m game. But _you_ will be the one to tell your mom and Luke why we were kicked off of Mortis. So, what would you like to do?” You run your hand through his hair while he decides. Realistically you know what he’s going to choose but a tiny part of you thinks he is so desperate to have you naked that he’s considering the latter.

Ben’s eyes leave yours and he looks around at his surroundings again. He closes his eyes and realizes for the first time how intense the Force is around him. It’s like he’s completely engulfed in it, as if the planet itself is a physical embodiment of the Force itself. That revelation should have snapped him out of his sudden and intense need for you but it doesn’t. If anything it frustrates him more.

“UGH,” he groans loudly and pulls you close to bury his face into your neck. “I don’t know whether I want to cry or scream, maybe both. This is my punishment for everything I’ve done isn’t it? Edging, the Force is edging me,” he whines.

You can’t help but laugh at the defeated and frustrated tone of his voice. You lean back far enough to kiss him on the side of his mouth. “I’m sorry I’ve been teasing you. I promise, when we get back, if we get back, we can finish this, okay?” 

He huffs and closes his eyes in an attempt to will his erection away. 

“Okay,” he sighs. 

“Now, what’s in that bag?” you nod towards the large canvas sack that’s in the grass next to Ben. 

“Oh, kriff. That bastard knew what was going to happen,” Ben says with disbelief and slight amusement.

“Explain.”

“Last night, after you passed out. I had a long talk with Luke. Before he left he gave me that and asked me to keep it with us while we slept going forward. He said not to open it until the time is right. He must have known we’d eventually end up on Mortis. I think I know what’s in it.”

Without removing you from his lap, he leans over and opens the bag. Inside are clothes for both of you, boots, belts, and your lightsabers. “Kriff,” he sighs.

“What?” 

You open the bag wider and start pulling emptying the bag. “He packed us clothes and our lightsabers! That sneaky bastard. What are you “krffing” about? This is a good thing! Unless you get off on walking around half naked. In that case I won’t stop you. You very badly need-”

He scowls and stares back at you.

“Sorry. No teasing. That was my last comment on the matter. It’s just so...hard..not to tea-” 

He grabs you by your hips and sets you down next to him. 

“Okay I’m sorry! In all seriousness, why are you upset? He helped us a lot.”

“That’s why I’m upset. I can’t be mad at him now.”

You roll your eyes and grab the clothes that are yours, get to your feet, and start getting dressed. Ben does the same but turns his back to you once you start to take off his shirt.

After your boots are laced you crouch down and grab the bottom of the bag, shaking it upside down to remove whatever is still in the bag. Two jackets fall to the ground, and one is Han’s. Your throat tightens and your eyes well with tears. Not because of the memories. but because of Ben. You’re hoping whatever he discussed with Luke will make the jacket seem more like a gift than an insult. 

Ben is standing behind you and buckling his belt. From where he's standing he can’t see what you’re crouched over. He turns towards you once he feels your sudden sadness and apprehension over whatever it is you’ve found at the bottom of the bag.

“What is it?”

You pick up both jackets and hand him Han’s. His eyes widen once he sees the jacket. He glances between the jacket and you as if asking permission to take it from you. You nod once and hand it to him. Apprehensively, he takes it and stares down at it once it’s in his hands.

“Is this a nice gesture or an insulting one?” you ask quietly. 

“Painful but in a good way I suppose. I spoke to my mother yesterday as well and we discussed my father. This wasn’t meant to hurt me. I think it was meant as reassurance, even though it does hurt.” He gives you a sad smile before putting on the beat up pilots jacket. 

For a second you’re afraid it won’t fit him but it fits him like it was made for him the entire time. Maybe it was meant for him and Han merely wore it until Ben was big enough to fill it out. It was a little big on Han but fits Ben perfectly.

You avert your eyes and wipe the tears out of them before Ben notices. After you slip your own jacket on, you adjust your belt before clipping your lightsaber to it. Ben grabs a unique holster off of the ground and puts it on over his jacket. He slides his lightsaber into it over his shoulder. The hilt is barely visible from where you’re standing.

Ben puts his hands into his pockets and looks at you with evident confusion. He pulls a note out of one pocket and Han’s dice out of the other. Luke must have been very busy. The last time he had the dice was when he spoke with his mother in his cell and he was pretty sure he put them in his pocket afterwards.

“What’s the note say?” you ask as you come up to his side to look at it yourself.

_“If you’re reading this you’re either on Mortis or you opened the bag as soon as I left the room to spite me. I’m hoping it’s not the latter but it honestly wouldn’t surprise me. We didn’t know when or if the Mortis gods would come for you but we wanted you to be prepared. Mortis and the gods are not to be taken lightly. With the little knowledge I have on the planet, we’ve done all we can to prepare you. The rest is up to the two of you. Stick together when possible and use the bond you share to your advantage. Trust your instincts and remember, the Force surrounds you. We know you can do this, it is your destiny. - Luke”_

“Jesus Christ. I was expecting a small “good luck guys” not a novel.”

Ben ignores you and reads the bottom half of the note.

_“Ben, remember what we discussed. You make us proud, never doubt that. Your father may not have become one with the Force but that doesn’t mean he’s not with you always. We love you and don’t forget, he knows. -Mom”_

When Ben sniffles you wrap your arms around him and pull him close to you. He wraps one arm around you, leans down to kiss you on the top of your head, and releases you.

“You okay?” you ask while looking up at him.

“I will be once this is over.” 

You glance around and notice a path leading from where you’re standing, into a forest. Beautiful trees with various colored flowers line the path on each side. You grab Ben’s hand once he’s put the note and the dice back in his pocket, and interlace your fingers.

“Well, lets get this over with.” 

Ben lifts your joined hands and kisses your knuckles before the two of you begin your journey.

* * *

You're both quiet for a few minutes as you take in your surroundings. The path underneath you starts out as dirt but turns to brick soon after you start walking.

“This reminds me of the yellow brick road only not yellow and a little unnerving considering things seem like they’re going too well. I feel like at any second something or someone is going to jump out of the trees.”

“I doubt there are any flying monkeys on Mortis. Actually, I haven’t seen any sign of any animals, strange.”

You abruptly come to a halt, jerking Ben backwards a step. He looks at you questionably.

“What? Do you see something?” he glances around, on alert and ready to fight.

“You just referenced the Wizard of Oz. How the hell do you know about the flying monkeys?”

“About that,” he rubs the back of his neck nervously as if he knows he’s going to be in trouble. “I didn’t have time to mention it yet, you didn’t feel well, and it’s technically not important. When we bridged our minds I gained more than just glimpses of your memories. I guess the Wizard of Oz is one of the many useless things I realize I now know about your world.”

After staring at him you start to laugh harder than he expected. “This is amazing. I wonder what other useless knowledge you managed to pick up,” your laugh slowly dies down but your smile doesn’t leave your face.

“Well, I now know what boxer briefs are and how they're different to regular briefs. I also learned what the term 'edging' means,' which, unfortunately has been quite relevant lately hasn't it?” Ben asks.

He stares at you and waits to see whether or not you’re going to make a comment about that. He can see it in your eyes how badly you want to say something but you don’t. You know it's a trap and you have more self control than that. When he said the Force was edging him you wondered whether or not that was a term used in his world too or if he may have overheard you use it. Either way, the fact that that's one of the terms he learned is hilarious. You clear your throat and start walking again. If you keep looking at him you’ll make a comment to embarrass him and so far you’ve been able to keep them to yourself.

To ease the tension your unknown environment is causing, the two of you randomly discuss multiple things, mostly information you both already knew about each other after bridging your minds. Discussing them out loud is more intimate than learning it unconsciously. 

For example, Ben’s hidden talent and hobby is calligraphy. The huge man next to you, one of the strongest Force users in the galaxy, likes to write letters. You didn’t think your affection for him could grow but it does. He learns the reason why the med droid nearly sent you into cardiac arrest and he makes a mental note to use that knowledge to his advantage, _after_ the two of you finally have some...alone time.

As you're walking the sky around you suddenly darkens faster than what you’d consider normal. It’s as if someone suddenly sucked the light out of Mortis itself.

“Well that’s horrible and can’t mean anything good,” you say as you squeeze Ben’s hand a little tighter.

“I don’t know where this path leads but hopefully we’ll find out soon. I’m not afraid of the dark but this is extremely eerie,” Ben says as he glances around at the darkness that suddenly surrounds you.

Just as quickly as the darkness engulfs you, the trees surrounding the path you’re on are illuminated and begin to glow a steady white, lighting the path you’re on. Fluorescent veins glow from the base of the tree all the way to the tips of each branch. It looks like the trees have blood flowing through them and that blood glows. There’s no longer brightly colored flowers in each tree. Instead, all of the trees look dead or like they’re decaying. The path no longer resembles the yellow brick road and more or less looks like it’s leading you to your demise, which is possible.

“Those trees are really cool but everything else around us is creepy and I hate it here.”

“It does seem like we were lulled into a false sense of comfort and now we’re being shown what the planet is actually like,” Ben mumbles with a furrowed brow as he glances behind you.

The path begins to narrow and the trees to your right begin to thin. You’re no longer in the middle of a forest, you’re now on a narrow path that wraps around a cliff. The thought is sobering and you do your best not to glance down. It’s then you realize you’re on one of the floating islands that surround you. You panic and unconsciously squeeze Ben’s hand a little tighter.

“What’s wrong? Do you see something?” Ben pauses and reaches over his shoulder. His hand hovers over the hilt of his lightsaber.

“Uh...no...I don’t see anything,” you say nervously as you force yourself to look away from the edge of the cliff in favor of staring straight ahead. 

When Ben sees you avert your eyes he realizes what the issue is.

“Are you afraid of heights?” he asks, completely serious without the slightest indication he’s mocking you.

“I’m not afraid of heights per say. I’m more afraid of falling than anything.”

He brings your hands up to his mouth once again, and kisses the back of your hand. 

“I promise I’ll never let you fall. If for some reason I do, well, I’ll make sure you don’t fall alone,” he smirks behind your hands.

“That’s oddly comforting,” you smile back. 

Lightning flashes overhead and you don’t miss the way Ben flinches.

“I’m not a fan of lightening,” he quietly answers your unasked question. 

You don’t need to ask for an explanation, you’ve seen why and you don’t blame him. It’s your turn to comfort him. 

“I promise I’ll never let you get struck by lightning. If for some reason I do, well, I’ll make sure you don’t get zapped alone,” you smile at him and he can’t help but chuckle quietly.

Thunder, or what you assume is thunder, follows the lightning and echoes all around you.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” you say quietly. Ben’s head jerks towards you and he stares at you like he’s seen a ghost.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he says with a sad smile as he squeezes your hand a bit tighter.

The path suddenly widens as it curves around the cliff. At the same time, it starts to rain, and the rain _hurts_. 

“Ow, what the hell?” 

“It’s…shit it’s acid rain. We need to hurry,” Ben says with a tone of unease as he starts to run. His legs are substantially longer than yours and if you don’t keep up he’s going to end up dragging you down the path. For every step he takes, you have to take three.

When the painful rain starts to fall heavier, you’re both sprinting down the path. Ahead of you, you see the entrance to a cave which should be a sight for sore eyes, but it’s not. Not to you anyways but Ben seems pleased. You stop as soon as you're far enough into the cave to get out of the rain but you don’t move further. Ben starts to walk deeper into it but stops when he realizes you’re not behind him.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? The path led us to a deep, dark, scary, cave and whatever led us here made sure we had no other choice but to enter it. This is the way horror movies start and they never end well. We’re going to go in there and there’s going to be some sort of monster that can see in the dark because it's never seen the light of day. It's going to eat us or force me to have it's monster babies.” 

Ben looks at you like you’ve finally lost your mind.

“Or we’re gonna go in there and we’re going to get separated and it’s gonna be some sort of fucked up portal to hell and we’re going to be forced to confront our nightmares. I do _not_ want to deal with any more creepy droids, especially alone. Or we’re-”

Ben steps up to you, grabs your face with his hands, and kisses you gently, effectively cutting off your anxious rant. When he feels you relax, he pulls away from you but he doesn’t release your face.

“I didn’t understand a word of what you just said but that all sounds terrifying. We don’t have a choice sweetheart. This is obviously where we need to be, even if it’s extremely unsettling. We’re together and the Force is all around us. We’ll be okay.”

The sincerity and confidence in his eyes makes you feel a little bit better, but only a little bit.

“Besides, I doubt the Mortis gods have med droids. If they do, I’ll make sure they don’t attack you with bacta patches or vaccines.” 

You look up at him incredulously when you see he’s struggling to hold back a smile.

“You’re a jerk. You choose now of all times to have a sense of humor.” 

You take his hand in yours and walk further into the cave apprehensively. It doesn’t take long for the glow of the trees to fade, leaving you in complete darkness. Both of you simultaneously reach for your lightsabers and ignite them. The blue glow from Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and the red glow from Ben’s illuminates the cave in a dark purple glow.

The two of you eventually see a literal light at the end of the tunnel. The narrow tunnel you’ve been walking through empties into a large cavern seemingly carved into the rock. The ceiling is high and jagged like the rock walls surrounding it. The only light is shining directly on a pedestal, bright enough to illuminate the room. On the pedestal sits the tablet, the key to the World Between Worlds.

You’ve never seen a more obvious trap.

You both deactivate your lightsabers and place them back in their holsters. Ben releases your hand and starts to walk towards the pedestal. Before he can get far, you roughly grab his arm and yank him back towards you.

“It's a trap! As soon as you grab the tablet the ground is going to start shaking before it opens underneath us. We fall into a river of lava or something equally as awful. Haven’t you seen Aladdin?! He didn’t take the lamp and happily walk out of the cave. That stupid monkey with the hat touched the stupid gem and they almost died! There’s no magic carpet to save us Ben!”

Ben stares at you with his lips slightly parted. "What's Aladdin?" he asks with a confused look. 

“God damn it of course you haven’t seen Aladdin. My point is that this is obviously a trap. There’s no way you're going to grab that and we’ll be able to walk out of this cave. Things are never that easy,” you sigh and glance between him and the ominous glowing tablet.

“I agree but what else are we supposed to do? We can’t walk back outside and we didn’t see any other tunnels to walk down.”

“UGH! This is the worst!” you groan and pull him towards the tablet that will almost certainly lead you to your demise.

Ben is the first to walk up to the pedestal. Nervously, you stand a few feet away from him. Ben’s hands hover over the tablet, inches away from taking it in his hands, but he pauses when you call out to him.

“Ben,” you say nervously.

“It will be fine sweetheart,” he says as he quickly grabs the tablet and takes a step away from the pedestal. You don’t realize you’re holding your breath until he’s standing with it in his hands a few feet away from you. 

“See, no lava, no monkeys in hats,” he smirks arrogantly.

You huff and cross your arms over your chest. When you open your mouth to respond, the ground starts to shake under you. Your eyes widen as you look from the ground to Ben. You know what’s about to happen but you’re not sure he does. The fear in your eyes must be evident because the moment your eyes meet he reaches out to you.

“Ben,” you whisper as the ground opens up beneath you. 

You’ve never actually screamed before but if there was ever an appropriate time it’s now.

You can faintly hear Ben yell your name as you plummet, to what you assume, will be your death.

* * *

“NO!” Ben yells once you’ve fallen out of sight. His body is flat on the ground and his hand is outstretched over the darkness that’s consumed you. He tries to use the Force to stop your fall but it's no use. Although the Force hums around him, he can’t access it when he needs it the most. The tablet lays flat on the ground where he dropped it in an attempt to reach you before you fell. A sound to his left catches his attention. Without hesitation he reaches over his shoulder, grabs the hilt of his lightsaber, ignites it, and points it straight ahead at the source of the noise. Both hands tightly grasp the hilt as he brings the lightsaber to eye level. 

“Who are you? Where did she go? ANSWER ME!” he yells. The panic he feels is evident in his voice. The woman in front of him glows, radiating light. Her green hair and gold gown floats around her as if she is underwater. When Ben looks down he sees her feet aren’t touching the ground. She merely floats in front of him completely unconcerned with the violence in the eyes of the man in front of her or the weapon that’s pointed an inch from her face. 

Ben glances toward the hole you've disappeared down and is heavily considering diving in after you.

"That is not your destiny," the woman says when she sees where Ben's eyes are trained.

"I...I told her I wouldn't let her fall...I-" his eyes well with tears and his lightsaber slightly trembles. "I told her I wouldn't let her fall alone."

When the woman takes a step closer to him, Ben remains rooted to the spot, forcing the woman to approach the crackling blade of his saber. She brings her hand up and presses it against it until the blade retracts into the hilt. Ben’s eyes widen in disbelief when the women is completely unharmed.

“Are you the one?” she asks, her voice slightly echoing around her.

“I don’t know what that means,” Ben says with irritation as he places his lightsaber back in the holster. “Who are you? Where did she go?” His eyes glance back to the hole in the ground.

“We are the ones that guard the power. We are the middle, the beginning, and the end.”

“Well that clears things up,” he mumbles. 

“That was my brother's work. We must go,” the woman says as she turns suddenly and enters an opening to another tunnel that was not there before.

“Wait, you’re the daughter aren’t you? The goddess of the light side of the Force?”

The woman either doesn’t hear him or chooses not to answer him. He’s betting on the latter. A fork in the tunnel leads him to a bigger cave. Glowing blue crystal stalagmites hang from the ceiling. More crystals jut out of the ground around the opening and line the walls. The glow radiating off of them is enough to light the cavern entirely. 

“You will stay here for the night.” 

The woman turns and walks toward the entrance to the small cavern. It takes a moment for Ben to realize the woman has no intention of taking him to you.

“Wait! I’m not staying here! You think I can actually rest?! I need to find-”

Ben stops mid sentence when he runs face first into an invisible barrier, blocking his way out of the cavern, preventing him from following after the daughter. He’s trapped in the cavern alone.

“DAMN IT!” he yells and slams his fists against the barrier.

“It seems my daughter's affinity for expletives has rubbed off on you already,” an unfamiliar voice says from behind him.

Slowly, he turns around and sees the man he's named after, and the man he's idolized for a majority of his life.

“Obi-Wan? Grandfather?”

* * *

You’re not sure how long you've been falling for but you wish you’d hit the ground already. Falling to your death is supposed to be quick but this is anything but. The moment the thought crosses your mind you come to an abrupt halt a foot above the ground. You hover over it for a second before whatever stopped your fall releases you and you hit the ground with an “oof.”

You stand, dust yourself off, and glance around at your surroundings. You’re in another opening in the cave, similar to the one you were standing in with Ben. There’s a noise behind you and you know without turning around, someone is there. In a second, your lightsaber is in your hands ignited. You twirl it once before pulling it up at eye level next to your head, your other hand pointed outwards.

The man behind you is straight out of a horror movie and you do your best to keep a straight face. He’s tall and extremely pale. He has two, thick red tattoo-like lines that start where his frown lines should be and arch behind his head. The skin under his eyes is also tattooed red and tapers off into thin red lines that stop underneath his jaw. If the main character in the God of War video games had sex with an early 2000's emo kid, this would be their creation. The thought makes you want to laugh until you realize his eyes are blood red which furthers the creepiness tenfold. 

He’s wearing a red and black tunic that’s short in the front and long in the back and on the sides. Every inch of his skin is covered up to his neck. The red and black turtle neck stops right under his chin. You make the mistake of glancing down at his feet and see instead of normal feet, they’re shaped like hooves. 

You’ve always thought you were a fairly brave person, considering your less than stellar childhood prior to meeting Obi-Wan. But the past two days are testing your limits. The droid from hell and now the tall, scary, emo, red-eyed, goat man. You’ve had enough nightmare fuel to last you for the rest of your life.

You don’t let your hold on your lightsaber falter and you stay in the same fighting stance, regardless of how uneasy you feel. When the man says nothing but stares at you like a creep, you have to say something to break the silence. At this point, it’s your brand.

"No offense, but you are _terrifying.”_

“Is it true? You and the last Skywalker are the chosen ones?”

You frown at the man, confused by what he’s saying on multiple levels.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. How do I get back to Ben?” 

You glance up towards the hole you fell through and of course, it’s gone. Great.

“Wait,” you say when you replay his words in your head. “The last Skywalker? Ben’s not the last Skywalker. Leia and Luke are Skywalkers and they’re alive.

“What is about to happen will occur whether you like it or not,” the man says in a deep foreboding voice as he towers over you.

“That is scary and ominous. I _told_ him dark unknown caves are what horror movies are made of, but did he listen to me? Of course not,” you mumble out loud as you glance to the side, hoping to see some sort of exit. Anything to get you away from the red eyed demon in front of you.

When the man takes a step forward, you take a step backwards. To ease the tension in your wrist, you twirl the lightsaber once more at your side before bringing it upwards towards the side of your head again. Your left hand stays outstretched and pointing to the man in front of you.

“Interesting. There was another before you. You’re alike in many ways, but also different,” the man chuckles as he outstretches his hand. Your lightsaber deactivates and flies into his waiting hand.

“What the hell?! Give it back!” you yell and take a step forward then pause. “Wait...another...Obi-Wan? You’ve met Obi-Wan? He’s been to Mortis? That’s where I am right?”

The man laughs creepily.

“Holy shit,” you say under your breath as your eyes widen. “You’re the brother, one of the Mortis gods aren’t you? Weird I thought for sure the dark side would be after Ben and not me.”

Suddenly, and without warning, he turns and walks away. He pauses and glances over his shoulders when you don’t immediately follow after him. Not having much of a choice, you sigh and follow him as he enters the entrance to a tunnel that definitely wasn’t there moments ago.

You glance behind you only to see the cave has closed and you no longer see the room you were just in. Sighing, you turn your attention back to the front and pause. The man is gone but your lightsaber is lying on the ground. You’re on the verge of panicking when you see another light at the end of the tunnel. It empties into a large room, only this one isn’t just a carved out hole in a random part of the cave. It looks like a geometrical throne room complete with a throne at the far end, straight ahead of you. 

Smooth, glowing, crystals line the walls and emerge from the ground like upside down stalagmites. The blue glow that emanates from the large crystals is enough to brighten the large room. Towards the high ceiling, behind the throne, is a large window. Outside, the sky is dark like it was before entering the cave. Lightening randomly streaks throughout the sky but thunder doesn’t follow.

Taking your eyes away from the window, you look down and realize, for the first time since entering the room, there’s an old man sitting on the throne, seemingly asleep. 

You have no desire to wake up the creepy old man and turn to leave the room but he speaks and freezes you to your spot.

“Welcome my friend.”

When you turn and face him, the man is no longer sitting on the throne-like chair. Instead, he’s hovering above the ground. He's extremely tall and the hat he's wearing on top of his white hair makes him look even taller. His eyes are glowing green which is creepy but much better than the other man's red eyes. His skin is a darker shade of grey, giving him the appearance of a corpse. His long white beard is very reminiscent of Gandalf. Unfortunately you doubt he’s going to say “run you fools,” and let you and Ben leave hand in hand. His robes are teal and hang down loosely. 

“Um...hi,” you say nervously. “Why am I here and where is Ben and who are you?” 

The man opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off.

“You're one of the Mortis gods. You’re the father,” you say to the man quietly.

You’re irritated with yourself for not realizing it immediately but you brush it off and blame it on the fear you felt when the son appeared and towered over you. 

“You’re here to learn the truth about who you really are. Maybe you have known all along. You must believe in order to fulfill your destiny,” the father says, ignoring your sudden realization of who he is. 

“Why do all of you talk in riddles? Whatever you have to say, say it now. I need to find Ben.”

You turn your back to him and glance around the large room and of course, the tunnel you walked through is gone.”

“As you can see, there’s nowhere else to go. It is late. You will be my guest tonight.”

The father turns and walks towards his throne only instead of sitting back down, he walks behind it and disappears.

Having no other choice, you follow him. “I’m not staying here overnight! I need to find Ben!”

You enter an archway behind the throne and follow him down a corridor, thankful you're no longer walking down cave tunnels. When you turn a corner you’re in a room with a small bed and a window to the outside world. When you spin around to leave the room, a door appears and shuts behind you. The sound of a lock clicking in place lets you know you’re not going anywhere until the father want you to. 

“Fucking perfect! We find the Mortis gods and they’re assholes.”

Sighing, you crawl into the small bed and rest your back against the wall, facing the door. Your lightsaber is in your hand and ready to be ignited at any moment, as if it will make a difference. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't intend for this fic to be a long one, but I didn't realize how much would need to happen to get to the ending. So here we are.


	12. Love Protocol

* * *

  
_ Hold on to me   
Tell me you've got me, sweetheart   
The world is going dim in my gaze   
Sweet vertigo   
Feel my lungs heaving, choking   
Clawing down my back, panic attack   
I'm alone, watch me float as I fall _

_ Coheed & Cambria - Love Protocol _

* * *

Ben says nothing as he stares at your father and his grandfather in shock. Obi-Wan gives him a minute, knowing it’s a lot to take in. The ability to use the Force without seeing it made the ‘I have to see it to believe it’ mentality unrealistic. Still, a part of Ben didn’t fully believe Luke when he said he spoke to the Jedi’s of the past. It’s hard not to now that two are standing in front of him.

“This isn’t exactly the reaction I was expecting. For someone who's been reaching out to me I thought you’d be more talkative,” Anakin smirks. 

The comment snaps Ben out of his shocked state, and instantly infuriates him. 

“Good to know you were choosing to ignore me when I needed you,” Ben scoffs and walks away from the invisible barrier, and the two Jedi. Towards the far end of the cave Ben sees a fire that he definitely didn’t make himself. Sighing with frustration, he walks towards the fire and sits next to it with his back against the cave wall. He brings his knees close to his chest, rests his elbows on them, leans his head back against the wall, and closes his eyes. 

Anakin and Obi-Wan hesitantly approach him and sit on the other side of the fire across from him. Anakin opens his mouth to speak but Obi-Wan waves his hand to stop him.

“It wasn’t Anakin’s fault. I told him it was a bad idea to respond to you.”

“So I have you to thank? Thank you for abandoning me when I needed someone the most,” Ben says without opening his eyes to look at either one of them. 

Anakin frowns at Obi-Wan as if saying ‘see I told you I shouldn’t have ignored him.’

“Don’t be too angry with him. His intentions were good, even though I didn’t agree. You know what happened the last time I went against Obi-Wan’s advice. Circumstances aren’t exactly the same but you’re my grandson and I’ve done enough damage to our family. I take advice when it’s offered now. Besides, I’m not as wise as you think I am.”

Ben opens his eyes and lifts his head away from the wall. his eyes meet Anakin’s for a moment before landing on Obi-Wan.

“What was your reasoning? Why did you suggest he ignore me for all these years? I…I needed guidance. I needed to know I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t making the wrong choices. I ended up making them anyways,” he sighs and looks down.

“That’s the reason I wouldn’t let Anakin go to you. He’s always been around, just not visible. You needed to make your own choices, free of our influence, just like he did. I-” 

Ben interrupts Obi-Wan angrily. “But I chose wrong! I chose the dark side! I shouldn’t have left my family! I should have...my father...I-” Ben’s voice trails off when his throat feels tight and his eyes start to burn.

“You were deceived just like I was. You lost someone you loved very much because of it, just like I did. I had people that loved me and cared about me. They told me I was on the wrong path yet I still chose the dark side. We both made choices but in the end I righted my wrongs, and so will you. I did it a bit too late, but you still have time Ben,” Anakin quietly says to Ben.

Ben's eyes land on Obi-Wan. “By helping your daughter? I mean-” he pauses, unsure if Obi-Wan acknowledges you as his daughter the way you acknowledge him as your father.

“She may not have my blood but she is everything I hoped for in a daughter, or son,” Obi-Wan says with a proud smile.

Ben’s chest tightens, wishing you could hear what he’s saying, knowing you’d give anything to hear him say he’s proud of you, and to see him again.

“I get why my grandfather is here, but why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with her? With all due respect, she needs to see you more than I do. If I tell her you came to me and not her she’s-”

“You mustn’t tell her you spoke with us. I will see her when the time is right, but it’s too soon.”

Ben frowns down at the ground. He hasn’t kept anything from you since made the voices go away, since you bridged your minds. Although it’s for a good reason, he feels bad keeping a secret as big as this from you.

“We know she’s here for a reason, with  _ me _ for a reason. She has a purpose, a mission, or a destiny. Does that purpose include me or am I just something she needs to take care of before she moves on? If we find the World Between Worlds,” Ben pauses and swallows. He can feel his eyes sting, the tell tale sign he’s going to cry. He’ll be mortified if he cries the first time he sees his grandfather. “If we find the World Between Worlds, will she be going back home? Will I ever see her again?”

Anakin gives Ben a sad smile, and Ben hates it. He wants to be irritated but he knows about his grandfather's past. He knows the reason he went to the dark side was to protect Padme. The details he was told after finding out he was related to Vader were vague. His mother might have tried to be detailed but he was too angry, he felt too betrayed to listen. 

However, the book Obi-Wan gave you was enlightening. He got far more insight into his family than he expected. Anakin went to the dark side because he thought it was the only way to prevent Padme’s death but his turn to the dark side was the reason she died. If anyone understood the fear of losing a loved one, it’s him.

“I’m afraid we can’t tell you that,” Obi-Wan says while glancing at Anakin. He wouldn’t put it past him to blurt out the truth just because he feels bad for his grandson. 

Ben sighs, “Of course not, because that would be helpful. I’m starting to understand your daughters view on the Jedi.”

Anakin chuckles, “If we tell you what’s ahead, it could sway your decisions, hers as well. She will have to make a choice soon, a choice that will affect everyone in the galaxy, including you.”

“So she’ll have the ability to choose between going home and staying with me?”

Anakin looks at Obi-Wan, who looks at Anakin. Ben already knows they’re not going to answer his question. 

“Fine, don’t tell me,” he huffs. He glances around the cave as if he just remembered where he was. “Can you at least tell me why we’re here?”

Anakin answer’s as vaguely as possible. “The two of you have been chosen for a reason and that reason will be revealed to you soon.”

“The woman who brought you here is the daughter, she is the light side of the Force. Her brother is the dark side of the Force. The father balances the two. You're both going to be tested soon and your choices will determine how the rest unfolds,” Obi-Wan says with a slight edge to his voice to drive home the severity of the situation.

“Have you been here before? The little information you’re giving me sounds like it’s from personal experience and not something you read in the Jedi texts.”

“The Mortis gods brought us here once, along with my padawan Ahsoka. They believed I was the chosen one. I was tested, and I failed. I made the wrong choices but I don’t think you will.” 

Obi-Wan gives Anakin a knowing look that suggests he’s already said too much. He sighs, and they both stand. Ben knows they’re about to leave. Even though he’s irritated with them, he doesn’t want them to go. Not only will he be completely alone but because he has so many questions.

Ben swallows again and looks down at the ground. “Can you...am I on the right path now? Please, can you tell me that much?”

Anakin glances to Obi-Wan, silently asking for permission to divulge more than he should. He was expecting Obi-Wan to tell him no but instead, Obi-Wan shrugs and begins to twist the ends of his mustache.

Anakin approaches Ben and crouches down in front of him, as if he’s a child. He should be offended but he’s not. In many ways, in certain situations, he does feel like a boy again. Lost, confused, and uncertain. The fact that he’s an adult doesn’t change that, nothing does.

“Do you feel like you’re on the right path? You were torn before, more so after your father died. Do you still feel that way?” Anakin asks.

“I,” Ben pauses. He hasn’t really thought about it. He’s thought about the voices, especially when you made them go away. Although there’s that nagging feeling in the back of his head saying things are too good to be true. His mother doesn't hate him, and you  _ want _ him, in more ways than one. You were willing to get thrown off of Mortis if it was what he wanted. Aside from his deep seeded fears and insecurities, he realizes he does feel better.

“No, I don’t feel torn anymore. I still feel the pull to the darkness, but it’s not painful. It’s just...there but I think it always will be. I’m not...I don’t feel like I’m being torn apart, I feel like I’m...I’m-”

“Balanced,” Obi-Wan says while smirking.

Ben nods, “I feel like I’m finally where I’m meant to be, in between the light and the dark, and with her.”

Anakin smiles and moves to stand next to Obi-Wan again. As the blue aura radiating off of them starts to fade, Anakin speaks once more.

“You weren’t following in my footsteps before, although you thought you were. My path, what I set out to do, was to save your grandmother. In the end, I was the reason she died. If you stay on the path you’re on you’ll be finishing what I started, protecting the woman you love.”

Anakin smiles once more and the two Jedi vanish.

* * *

You have no idea how but you must have dozed off because you wake up with a start. Your eyes snap open and you ignite your lightsaber. Breathing heavily, your eyes dart around the room. Once you realize where you’re at you sigh and deactivate the weapon in your hand. You set it down next to you on the bed and rub your eyes. Lightning flashes outside and thunder follows close behind it. 

At some point you start hearing voices. You’re not sure if it’s in your head or in the room but it’s exactly the same as when you bridged your mind with Ben and got a glimpse of what he had been dealing with a majority of his life. The voices are reminding you how Obi-Wan trusted you to make a difference here and you’ve done nothing. They remind you how disappointed he would be in you. They play on your insecurities and for a moment you start to believe them, until they bring up Ben. 

They try to make you doubt his feelings for you and it almost makes you laugh. The way he looks at you, not only when your eyes meet, but when he thinks you’re not looking, leaves no room for doubt. The devotion and affection in one look alone tells you that not only does the man love you, but he would die for you in an instant. He doesn't need to say it for you to know it's true.

The voices intensify, as if they know they’re not effecting you and are doubling down. You’ve had enough, not because of their words but because they’re getting on your nerves. The whole experience only makes you feel worse for Ben. You can’t imagine living like this.

You climb off of the small bed and approach the locked door. Patience has never been your strong suit and you’ve waited long enough. You ignite your saber and cut around the handle. You’re expecting the lightsaber to go through the door without damaging it. You’re pleasantly surprised when it cuts through the door and the handle falls to the ground.

The room opens into a corridor lined with the same glowing blue crystals littered throughout the cave. Glancing both ways, you turn to the right and follow it until it empties out into the large throne room again.

The old man is sitting in his throne with his eyes closed as if he didn’t lock you in a room like you’re a child. With your lightsaber still ignited you take a step towards the throne and point your lightsaber directly at him the way Ben held his saber towards Luke while on Tatooine.

“Can’t sleep? Striking an unarmed man is hardly the Jedi way,” he says smugly. 

“It’s a good thing I’m not a Jedi then,” you smile. You probably shouldn’t be taunting a god but you’re irritated. 

“I thought you were supposed to be the balance between the light and the dark but you’re just as dark as your son. You trapped me in a room and screwed with my mind. The voices I heard, they were saying the same crap Ben’s heard most of his life. He was little and manipulated, he didn’t know any better, but I do. Anyone that was ‘balanced’ in the Force, wouldn’t put someone through that, they wouldn’t screw with someone’s mind. I’m sick of playing games. Take me to Ben, now.”

“Young Skywalker is with my daughter, as you were with my son."

“How do I find him?”

The old man silently stares at you as if he’s deep in thought or trying to decide what he should do with you.

“You cannot imagine what pain it is to have such love for your children. One radiating light, and one consumed in darkness. They could tear the very fabric of our universe apart,” he says quietly as if it’s a secret he fears may be overheard.

Your irritation with the old man fades as his words resonate with you. The truth washes over you unexpectedly. You deactivate your lightsaber and lower the hilt to your side.

“I may not understand what it’s like to have love for a _child_ , but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand what it’s like to love someone that’s torn between the light and dark and is capable of doing immeasurable damage to himself and everyone around him.”

The old man smiles and it makes you uneasy. “Light and dark, day with night, destruction replaced by creation.”

“Balance,” you mumble to yourself and your brow furrows. Every lecture Luke has given you always comes back to balance. 

“Why reveal yourself to us? Why bring us both to Mortis? You know what we’re after but we can’t be the first ones looking for the World Between Worlds. Why us?”

“There are some who would like to exploit our power. The Sith are but one. Too much dark or light will be the undoing of life as you understand it.”

That makes sense. For the first time since waking up on Mortis things are starting to make sense...kind of. 

“When news reached me that the chosen ones had been finally found and reunited, I needed to see for myself.”

“Chosen ones?”

“You would like to know why you and young Skywalker are here? You would like to find him and return to the Resistance, correct?”

You’re not sure why but it makes you uncomfortable when he mentions the Resistance, like he’s been spying on you. Which is obvious considering he’s a god.

“You know that’s what I want. I feel like this is another trap.”

“Pass one test. If you pass one test I will bring you to Skywal-”

“Solo. You keep calling him Skywalker. Yes, technically he’s a Skywalker but that’s not who he is. His name is Ben Solo,” you frown at the man. Ben’s worked too hard to acknowledge and finally embrace who he is to be thrown back into the shadow of the Skywalker legacy.

The old man smiles at you again, only this time it’s not as eerie and foreboding, it looks like it might be genuine, at least a little bit.

“Pass one test and I will take you to young Solo and I will allow you to leave with the information you seek.”

“One test?” 

* * *

  
  


Ben doesn’t move from the cave wall for what feels like hours. He folds his arms over his knees and rests his forehead on his forearms. He does his best to rest but his mind is too loud to relax, and not in the way he's used to. The voices aren’t back, the noise in his head is his and it's replaying everything that’s happened since he fell asleep next to you in your quarters. 

The fire is suddenly extinguished and the energy in the cave changes drastically. His head snaps up, his hand goes to the hilt of his lightsaber, and he glances around for either the daughter or an unknown threat he has yet to encounter.

He has a feeling the barrier will no longer prevent him from leaving. He stands, lightsaber in hand and approaches the tunnel leading out of the cave. Hesitantly, he lifts his arm and pushes forward. When nothing stops him, he releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and enters the tunnel. Once in complete darkness he ignites his lightsaber and holds it up as a torch. 

Without a specific destination in mind, he walks and only stops when he feels you. Not like he normally does, not like he had when he checked on you from his cell. The feeling he’s getting is urgent, needy, and panicked. It’s as if you’re calling out to him for help. He panics and starts running towards you, the pull intensifies the closer he gets.

He rounds a corner and immediately steps into a rounded red and black room. It no longer looks like he’s deep inside a cavern. The room is reminiscent of the interrogation room on the Finalizer, only much larger and solid. The gentle hum of a ship is not surrounding him either. All he hears is his own heavy breathing and yours. The minute he enters the room his eyes are on you immediately.

The panic he felt moments ago is nothing compared to what he feels now. You’re sitting on the ground with your back against the curved wall at the far end of the room, looking down. Your breathing is ragged and your hands are pressed against your abdomen. 

He rushes to your side quicker than he thought possible, slides to his knees, and stops next to you. The movement takes your attention away from the wound underneath your hands and your eyes meet his.

He grabs your face in his hands and presses his forehead to yours, the panic he feels isn't’ gone but its mixed with relief at finally seeing you’re safe with his own eyes. When you don’t say anything to him he pulls back and stares at you confused. At first he thought your hands were resting on your abdomen but now that he’s closer he sees the ominous red peaking through your fingers. He gasps and leans back a bit and when he does he notices the pool of red underneath you.

“No no no no no,” he says as he lifts your hands away from your abdomen, hoping to get a look at the wound, hoping maybe it’s not as bad as it looks. The moment he slightly lifts your hand away, the blood intensifies and he gasps. 

You’re dying and there’s nothing he can do about it. He quickly sits next to you and pulls you into his lap, rocking you against him. There’s so much he wants to say to you but he can’t find the right words to fully convey every thought and every emotion you’ve evoked in him since the moment you opened your eyes on the Finalizer.

“What happened? Who did this?” he manages to ask. He’s not sure when he started crying but there’s a steady flow of tears running down his cheeks and his hands are trembling.

You don’t respond, you merely stare back at him with a small smile on your face which scares him more than if you spoke.

“Please, tell me what to do. You always know what to do. You can’t leave….you can’t leave me...I just...I just found you,” he whispers as he rocks you back and forth. You’re not even gone yet but you will be soon and the helplessness he feels has the dark side of the Force hovering nearby. He can feel it intensify as each second passes. It’s waiting for you to die because once you do, they’ll be no reason for him to stay in the light. When you die he’ll be in darkness and this time he won’t be tempted by the light.

“I...I need you...please-” 

“There’s a way to save her,” a tall red eyed man says as he suddenly appears in the room with him. If the woman he’d spoken with was the daughter, the goddess of the light, then the man in front of him is the son, the god of the dark side.

“Tell...tell me,” Ben manages to say as he chokes back a sob. “I’ll do it, I’ll do anything.”

His pants are warm and wet as the blood from your abdomen soaks into him. He brings one hand to your face and brushes the stray hairs that hang loose out of your eyes. 

“Tell me,” he says without taking his eyes off of you.

“The dark side, you feel it flowing all around you. Embrace it.”

Ben glances up at the man then looks down at you. Maybe, maybe if he embraces it he’ll be able to bring you back. Maybe, maybe his grandfather had the power but didn’t know how to use it. He would succeed, he would-

The daughter appears in the room next to her brother but she doesn’t say anything, she merely stands aside and watches the scene unfold, as if she’s waiting to see what his response is before she speaks.

He’s running out of time and he needs to make a decision. He’s about to open his mouth to speak when Anakin and Obi-Wan’s words replay in his mind. 

_ “They told me I was on the wrong path yet I still chose the dark side. We both made choices but in the end I righted my wrongs, and so will you.” _

_ “Balanced.” _

_ “You weren’t following in my footsteps before, although you thought you were. My path, what I set out to do, was to save your grandmother. In the end, I was the reason she died. If you continue down the path you’re on, you’ll be finishing what I started, protecting the woman you love.” _

Ben swallows and looks down at your face. You're still looking up at him but he can feel the life slowly draining out of you.

He lifts his eyes, and glances between the son and the daughter. The son, with a triumphant smile on his face, steps towards Ben.

“Take my hand and I will give you the power to save her,” he says as he holds out his hand.

Ben stares at his hand for a mere moment before his attention turns to the daughter. “Can you help me? Please? I don’t want to go back to the dark side.”

The daughter approaches him slowly and eyes him up and down.

“There is still dark in you young Skywalker. Perhaps you would be better off accepting my brother's help.”

Ben glances at the sons outstretched hand before meeting her eyes again.

“I will always have darkness in me. I know now that there’s a balance. Embracing the dark doesn’t make me strong and neither does embracing the light. Balancing the two is what makes me strong,” he says as his lip trembles. He doesn’t want to look down at you again. Your body has gone limp in his hands and he knows what that means. If he looks down it will make it real, he will have to accept that you’re gone.

“Please,” he closes his eyes and whispers towards the daughter. 

The energy in the room shifts. He opens his eyes and you’re no longer in his lap, the son is gone, and so is the daughter. Standing directly in front of him is a tall man with a long white beard.

Before Ben has a chance to ask what’s going on, the father places his hand on his head.

“Balance.”

Everything goes black.

* * *

As you follow the father out of the throne room you feel it, a pull. You know it’s Ben and he’s panicking. Your eyes dart around the room looking for a way out and stop once they land on an archway that looks like it seemingly leads to complete darkness. Without saying a word to the father, you ignite your lightsaber and run towards the darkness beyond the unknown archway. Of course, you’re back in another tunnel. You have no idea where you’re going but you don’t stop running. Your body instinctively knows who you’re looking for. 

Straight ahead of you, a faint red glow emanates from an open door. The room itself screams “DANGER” but Ben is there and you can’t leave him. Your eyes land on him the moment you step into the large circular room. He’s laying with his back against the far wall, breathing heavily, with his hands placed on his abdomen. 

Your lightsaber slips from your hand and falls to the ground loudly, deactivating itself with the impact. The noise is loud and echoes throughout the room but Ben doesn’t bother looking up. 

Within seconds you’re by his side and kneeling down. He’s breathing heavily and staring at his hands which are caked in fresh blood. This is the second time you’ve knelt next to him while he bleeds out before you.

“Ben,” you whisper in an attempt to veil the panic quickly overwhelming you. 

He lifts his head slowly and when his eyes meet yours, he smiles. Your heart feels like it’s physically being torn from your chest because you know he’s dying. He’s dying and there’s nothing you can do about it.

“I leave...I leave you alone for two seconds and you get yourself shot again,” you smile through your tears.

You cup his face with your hands and kiss him gently on the lips.  Your lips meet his for only a moment before you feel him going slack. He tips forward and leans the upper half of his body against yours. It takes some effort to move without setting him down but you manage to scoot until your back is against the wall. Once there, you manage to bring him towards your lap. His upper body lays over your legs and you cradle his head in your arms. 

Your mind decides to give you a glimpse of a future you'll never have with him. You can picture the two of you on your couch in your apartment like this. You’d put on some horrible movie you know he’s never seen just so he’ll understand when you reference it. He’ll keep talking so to shut him up you run your hands through his hair. Within seconds he’d be laying in your lap with his head slightly turned towards the TV, knowing that if he pays attention, you’ll keep playing with his hair.

You’ve done your best to choke back the tears but the thought of something as simple as watching a movie with him breaks your heart. You know it was probably never even a possibility but still, a small part of you thought maybe once you got to the World Between Worlds you could bring him home with you if you couldn’t stay with him. He’s bleeding out in your lap and the finality of his fate tears a sob from your chest. The sound that comes out of your mouth would startle most people, but Ben doesn’t even flinch.

“Get up you idiot, don’t do this to me. I nearly sliced your face off and Chewie shot you in the abdomen and you were fine. It’s just a...it’s just a flesh wound,” you manage to say in an attempt to make him smile even though he has no idea what you’re referencing. The thought just makes you cry harder. 

Ben doesn’t say anything, he merely stares up at you and watches you cry over him. You do your best to keep him in your lap with one hand while you move his sweat soaked hair away from his forehead. He closes his eyes and another sob wracks through your body.

“Keep looking at me. Open your eyes!” you yell through your tears.

As always, he listens to you and looks up at you again. His eyes look heavy and you know at any second he’s going to close them only he won’t be opening them again, no matter how much you yell.

“You can’t go. What...what am I gonna tell Leia? What,” you pause to catch your breath. “What do...what do I tell your mom? I can’t...I can’t go back without you. She needs you.” 

You cup his cheek with your hand and he nuzzles.

“I need you.” 

He smiles again.

The energy in the room changes and the son appears. You don’t want to deal with him, the daughter, the father, any of them. You’re not sure what happened but you know they’re to blame. If you had the ability to wipe them all out you would. This is their fault.

You don’t say anything but the look on your face would have grown men shaking in fear. 

“I could help you save him,” the son says casually. “The dark side is more powerful than you can imagine. It’s not too late, but you’re running out of time. You need to make a choice and quickly.” He takes a step towards you and crouches down in front of you. He outstretches his hand like he’s going to touch Ben and your adrenaline spikes.

“DON’T TOUCH HIM!” you yell louder than intended. You’re not sure where the sudden strength comes from but the Force radiates off of you hard enough to knock the son off balance. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second before he smiles.

It doesn’t take a genius to know the dark side is all around you and it knows, now, more than ever, you’re vulnerable.

The daughter appears moments later. She stands behind her brother but says nothing. You don’t bother saying anything to her either. She’s going to offer you some bullshit deal just like her brother. Of course the light is more appealing than the dark but they’re both equally as dangerous under certain circumstances.

“Would you like me to save him?” the daughter asks suddenly.

You glance down at Ben and take in his face. He’s blinking but it’s getting slower, his eyes are staying closed longer.

“That’s a stupid question, of course I do, but I won’t ask you for help. I’m not asking either one of you for help.”

The daughter looks taken aback by your words, no doubt expecting you to gravel and beg for her to save him.

“Why is that?”

“Because everything comes with a price. If I go with baldy I’ll have to sell my soul to the dark side or some bullshit. Obviously the light sounds more appealing but there’s always a cost. I won’t choose between either of you. Both the light and dark can be dangerous with the wrong intentions. Anakin...Anakin turned to the dark side to save Ben’s grandma and it destroyed their family. Luke...Luke for a second thought if he got rid of Ben he’d save the galaxy. While the action was dark the intention wasn’t, and look what happened to his family again. Both are dangerous I won't choose.”

Ben is getting heavier in your arms and you know why that is but you refuse to acknowledge it. If you don’t see it it’s not real.

“Your indecision will mean the death of young Skywalker. You have much darkness in you,” the daughter said.

Your mind wanders to the Jedi texts, to Luke, and to a specific conversation you had with Obi-Wan when you were younger.

* * *

“If you were in that boys position, would you have gone with the dark side or the light?”

“I don’t think I would choose a side,” you said, as you took another bite of the slice of pizza you were holding. You were perched on the counter next to the register, surrounded by books, while Obi-Wan sat behind it with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Why is that?”

“Wellll...I think in order to be strong you have to be able to do a little bit of both. There’s black, and there’s white, but there’s also grey. If the people in the books you read me weren’t always forced to choose between black and white I bet a lot of them would settle for grey and it would make them happier. It’s impossible to be good all the time, sometimes you’re gonna do something bad but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”

Obi-Wan stares at you as if by a look alone he can figure out your thought process. When he twisted his mustache, deep in thought, you saw an opportunity to maybe lessen your sentence.

“For example, when I punched that girl in the face the other day,” you tried not to meet his eyes but he sighed loudly and you couldn’t help it. He opened his mouth to protest but you lifted the hand that wasn’t holding the slice of pizza up to stop him.

“Hear me out, I promise I have a point!”

He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I punched that girl but I did it for a reason, although you may not agree with that reason. She said you were weird and it made me angry so I hit her. Let’s say, I tapped into the dark side right then. It gave me the strength to get what I wanted right? She’s not the first person to say you're weird or that I’m weird I just usually ignore it. I don’t know how long it's been since you went to school but it takes strength to ignore people when they’re saying bad things about you. This one time I got angry and I hit her. Well since then she hasn’t said anything bad about you or me. So technically now I know that if someone says something bad about you I can hit them and they’ll shut up. I have that power. Have I used it again? No. Have I thought about it? Oh yeah. But I fight the urge to beat up a bunch of people even though I know I can. Light and dark. Light means ignoring people when they’re jerks and not punching them. Dark means punching a lot of people. I’ve done both and it's made me a lot happier than not punching anyone or punching a lot of people. So choosing sides is dumb and everyone should do a little of both.”

When Obi-Wan is quiet for too long, your eyes leave your pizza and meet his. He’s smiling at you the way he does when you bring home your report card and it’s nothing but A’s and there are no notes about your attitude.

“What?”

“Balance.”

“Yep. In the words of the famous poet, Sirius Black ‘We’ve all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on, that’s who we really are.”

You smiled, take another bite of pizza, and wait. Obi-Wan’s smile fades and he sighed.

“Famous poet? It’s the werewolf from that wizard book isn’t it? 

“He’s not a werewolf, he’s an animagus, and am I still grounded?”

“We’ll see.”

* * *

“Balance,” you mumble to yourself then glance up at the daughter.

“My indecision won’t be the death of him, he’s...he’s,” you can’t bring yourself to say it. “Neither one of you will help us, not really. And for the last fucking time, his name is Ben Solo, not Ben Skywalker,” you manage to yell through your tears while glaring at two of the three mortis gods.

You’re done talking to them. Whatever they have to say is useless. You finally let your eyes land on Ben and you know he’s gone. The energy in the room changes and you lift your head quickly to where the siblings stood but they’re gone. The weight in your lap vanishes and so does Ben's body. You lift your head only to see the father standing directly in front of you.

“Balance,” he says, as he places his hand on your head. 

Everything goes black.

* * *

You gasp and sit up straight. Your heart is beating rapidly but slows slightly when your eyes immediately see the window of the room you now share with Ben on the Resistance base. 

Looking down, you’re dressed the exact same way you were on Mortis. Your pants are covered in dirt and your cheeks are stained with dried tears.

* * *

Ben gasps and sits straight up. His heart is beating rapidly but slows slightly when he is staring out the window of the room you now share on the Resistance base. Looking down, he sees he’s dressed the exact same way he was on Mortis. His pants are covered in dirt and his cheeks are stained with dried tears.

Ben says your name the same time you say his and you both gasp when you realize you’re both alive and nearly side by side on the large bed made up of two small beds pushed together. The only space in between you is the tablet from the cave on Mortis. 

You stare at each other, both your faces are tear stained and your eyes are puffy from crying. You’re not sure if he went through what you did but whatever he went through shook him. His eyes well with tears and so do yours as you take in each others faces. 

“Ben,” you whisper. 

In one swift movement he grabs the tablet, tosses it onto the ground, closes the distance between you and crushes your mouth with his.

* * *

Luke sits across from Leia in her office. She’s going over the hearing that’s been scheduled to decide Ben’s fate when he gets a distant look in his eyes. 

“Did they make it back?” she asks with barely contained excitement.

“Yes,” he clears his throat, “they did.”

“Great let’s go!” Leia gets to her feet and is about to walk around her desk when Luke puts his hand up to stop her.

“They’re uh...well I think they might be...celebrating their success.” 

Leia doesn’t miss the way Luke’s face turns a light shade of pink. He can feel the warmth spreading across his face and quickly picks up his tea to bring the mug to his mouth. Leia waits until he tips it back slightly.

“Oh...good. Maybe once my son gets laid he’ll lighten up a bit.”

Luke chokes and spits his tea across the top of Leia’s desk.

* * *

Ben’s rolls on top of you. Even though he’s holding himself up on one of his forearms, he feels all the tension in his muscles dissolve the moment your lips meet. You’re alive and you’re in his arms. Your body curves to fit his, and your fingers work their way into his soft hair. You feel a slight tug at your feet and your brow furrows with confusion. You can feel him smile against your mouth and it widens once your boots are pulled off your feet. 

You pull your mouth away from his and stare up at him. “Did you just...did you just untie my boots and take them off with-” 

“I told you I could show you the ways of the Force,” he smiles bigger and brighter than you’ve ever seen before. It nearly takes your breath away. You don’t have a chance to savor the moment because his lips are back on yours. He’s leaning all his weight on one forearm which is close enough to your head that his hand rests on your neck while his thumb traces along your jawline. 

He’s kissing you with an intensity you had yet to experience. On Mortis his kisses were needy and desperate but the way he’s kissing you now is as if it’s the last chance he’s going to get and he’s trying to make it count.

Your hands slide under his shirt and along his sides. He shivers and his skin pebbles underneath your fingertips. You’re about to tell him to take off his jacket and his shirt but you don’t get a chance to. He sits up, pulls the jacket off with the shoulder holster still attached, throws it across the room, and violently yanks his shirt over his head. It joins the other articles of clothing he’s carelessly tossed to the floor. You start to laugh but he’s kissing you again, effectively cutting it off.

His hand rubs along your side and stops at the hem of your shirt. He hesitantly tugs on it, silently asking you to take it off.

You push against his chest so he’ll sit up. Your hands go to the hem of your shirt but you pause before lifting it over your head.

“Pants off.”

He’s off the bed and struggling to undo his belt the moment the words leave your mouth. You remove your shirt and your pants and toss them onto the floor. 

Kylo Ren, the man who a majority of the Resistance is terrified of, cannot unbuckle his belt because his hands are trembling. 

“Ben,” you say quietly. His eyes leave his belt and land on yours. They widen when he sees you’re practically naked, “Come here.”

He swallows but does as you say, stopping when his legs hit the edge of the bed. 

You crawl towards him and stop once your knees are on the edge of the mattress. With steady hands it doesn’t take you long to unbuckle his belt. Once his belt is off you reach for his pants and pause. Looking up at him you wait for him to give you the okay. He gives you a small shaky nod and watches as you undo his pants and lower them past his thighs.

When his pants fall to his ankles he unsteadily removes one leg then kicks them off the other.

With only his boxer briefs on it’s easy to see his cock straining against them, begging to finally be released from it’s confines. You lean in and press wet kisses against his stomach while hooking your thumbs into the waistband. His breath hitches and his stomach muscles tense. When he doesn’t stop you, you slowly lower the last barrier between you and his cock. As soon as the waistband clears it, it springs forward at eye level. You try your hardest not to look visibly shocked but you fail. 

Your vagina is already in pain and you haven’t even had sex yet. It’s going to be like sitting on a Pringles can. You don’t realize your staring until Ben starts anxiously shuffling from one foot to another. 

“Is...is something wrong?”

“What? No! No! Definitely not. It’s just...well damn Ben you’re huge.”

His cheeks turn red and he turns his head away from you. 

“Like… porn star huge. You would make  _ loads _ of money with this thing. I mean-”

“Okay, okay. I don’t know understand exactly what you’re saying but I have an idea and I-”

His words trail off when your hand closes tightly around his cock, already red and weeping with need. The sound that comes out of his mouth does nothing but egg you on. You follow the throbbing vein on the underside with the point of your tongue, letting it swirl on the head to have a first taste of him. A choking sound makes you lift your gaze as your lips wrap around the tip of his cock. You can't take him completely into your mouth so you use your right hand to wrap around the base.

Ben is completely flushed, red creeping up his neck and reaching the shell of his ears. The way he looks at you, eyes dark and wide as if he can’t believe what’s happening, makes something quiver and ignite deep in your core. You start to bob your head back and forth. You coat the base of his cock with the excess spit dripping from your mouth and use it to easily slide your hand along the base in sync with your head.

He releases the moan he’s been desperately trying to hold back. The sound makes you squeeze your thighs together.

His hands clench at his sides and occasionally lift towards you. He wants to grab your head but is afraid to overstep. You lift his hand and place it on the back of your head. His fingers instantly comb through your hair but he doesn’t push your head or pull you back as you continue to move back and forth along his length.

It doesn’t take long for his thighs to start trembling signaling he’s close to tipping over the edge. You swirl your tongue along the head again and cup him with your free hand. He groans and bucks into your mouth unintentionally.

“Kriff...I’m,” he groans. “I’m sorry,” he says in between breaths. “Sweetheart...shit...you need to stop...I’m going to...I want to be inside of you...I-”

He slowly release him with a “pop” and wipe the spit from your mouth with the back of your hand.

“You do realize I can do this now and you’ll be ready to go again in like ten minutes?”

His eyes widen as if he’s just now realizing it’s possible for him to have sex more than once.

“I can stop if you-”

“No!” he practically yells. You give him a questioning look which only makes his cheeks turn red again. 

Without warning you lick him from base to tip before taking him back into your mouth. He gasps and brings his hand back to your hair. It doesn’t take long for his legs to start trembling again. 

Your free hand runs along his outer thigh and up until you reach his ass which is just as muscular as the rest of him. You hum around his cock as you grab a handful, pulling him a bit further into your mouth. “I’m going to-”

As expected his hand tightens in your hair and he thrusts into your mouth twice before he tips over the edge. He bursts into your mouth, warm and thick. When his hand relaxes in your hair and his hips stop moving, you swallow him down, gently lap at the tip, and pull away from him slowly.

You use the back of your hand to wipe the excess spit off of your chin before looking up at him. His lips are slightly parted, his skin is flushed and he’s still breathing heavily. 

Hopefully he doesn’t think you’re making fun of him because you can’t hold back a smile. Wrecking him might be your new favorite thing, more so than teasing him. When you start to giggle he quickly leans down, wraps an arm around you, and throws you onto the bed. You bounce twice before he’s hovering over you, his large frame wedges between your legs.

He stares down at you but says nothing. You open your mouth to ask him what he’s thinking but he cuts you off by gently pressing his lips to yours. It seems like the blow job took the edge off and he’s no longer feral with need. You comb your hand through his hair with one hand and use the other to run down his chest. When you get to his nipples a chill run downs his spine and they harden almost instantly. 

His lips leave yours and move to the side of your mouth as he trails sloppy kisses all the way to your neck. He gently scrapes his teeth on your shoulder then licks it as if apologizing. Once his lips reach the top of your breasts, he pauses and glances up at you. You tug his hair slightly so he knows to pull back a bit. When he rises up off of his forearms and holds his weight on his hands, you reach behind your back and unclasp your bra before sliding it off of your arms and tossing it onto the floor.

He sucks in a sharp breath and his eyes immediately go to your breasts. You lay there and wait for his brain to catch up to the rest of his body which is already almost ready for round two. He slowly lowers himself down onto his forearms again and kisses your breasts until his lips are hovering over your already hardened nipple. He glances up at you, silently asking permission.

“Ben, you don’t need to ask my permission. You can touch me however you want, really. I trust you.”

He nods and wraps his lips around your nipple, sucking it into his mouth and running his tongue around it. You gasp and arch your back into him. He pauses and stares at your face to gauge whether that was good or bad. When the hand that’s in his hair you push his head back to your chest. He sucks your nipple back into his mouth and moans around it. He spends more time there than you expected before switching to the other breast. You can feel his hardening length against you when he slightly starts to buck his hips.

“Ben,” you whisper breathlessly as you pull him off of your breast. “I want you inside me.” 

You lift your hips to help him when he leans back on his heels and slowly starts to pull your panties off. You thought he would take them off and crawl back on top of you but he doesn’t. Instead he stays where he’s at and gawks.

You sit up slightly and rest your weight on your elbows so you can get a better look at him. His cock is erect and pointing towards you, throbbing and ready.

“Ben are-”

Before you can finish your sentence he dives between your legs and licks along your slit. 

“You’re so wet sweetheart,” he practically grows into your core.

You gasp and throw your head back when he continues to lap at your wetness. He kisses your folds with his plush lips once before crawling over you.

“Sorry, I just wanted to taste you,” he mumbles before kissing the side of your face and positioning himself between your legs again.

You snort. “Trust me when I say you never have to apologize for doing that.”

When the head of his cock brushes your entrance, he pauses and his anxiety climbs.

“Hey, don’t be nervous. It’s just me okay?”

He nods, “Okay.”

You spread your thighs as far as they can go to accommodate his width and grab his ass with both hands before pulling him into you.

As soon as he enters you he loses his composure and thrusts once, hard. You gasp and wince. Thankfully you’re wet otherwise he might have torn something. When he sees you wince he freezes completely.

“I’m sorry. Are you okay? Kriff. I didn’t mean to I-”

“Relax, I’m fine. Just…give me a second to adjust. I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re huge."

He’s breathing heavily and doing his best not to move. Your hands are still gripping his ass and you can feel his hips twitch in an effort to hold himself back. Taking the initiative, he leans all of his weight on one arm and uses his free hand to cup your breast and roll your nipple between his fingers. 

You close your eyes and part your lips. Remembering your reaction earlier, he brings his face to your neck and kisses you twice before sucking onto the side of your neck, scraping his teeth along the way. Your back arches slightly which drives him an inch deeper. It’s then you realize he’s not even completely inside you yet.

When your muscles have relaxed enough to take more of him, you pull him into you more. “You can move.”

“Are you sure?” he asks against your neck.

You grab a handful of his hair and bring his face to yours. “I’ve been inside your mind, I’ve seen what you want to do to me. Stop holding back.” 

He’s panting and staring down at you, his eyes are dark with lust. You lean forward, and suck on his bottom lip, pulling it with your teeth until you release it. He closes his eyes, moans, and starts thrusting like a mad man. 

Once he bottoms out you’re pretty sure you can feel him in your lungs. You’ve never felt so full in your life and it feels amazing. He lifts his face from your neck, holds most of his weight on one forearm and brings his other hand to the side of your neck as his hips move at a punishing pace. 

“Fuck Ben,” you gasp in between thrusts. 

“Kriff you’re so tight and warm. You feel amazing sweetheart,” he groans. 

Your hands travel to his shoulders and squeeze them, loving the way his muscles feel under your hands. You feel the familiar warmth pooling at your core. A little friction on the right spot would be all it takes to tip you over the edge but you don’t want to start giving him orders. He’ll think he’s doing something wrong and he finally seems to be confident enough to do what he wants. 

As if he read your mind, his hand sneaks between your bodies and his thumb expertly finds your clit. You plan to ask him how he found that spot so quickly but the thought leaves your mind the moment he starts to rub small circles around it.

Your orgasm washes over you without warning and the intensity of it has you seeing stars. Your back arches off of the bed and your toes curl so hard you start to cramp. Your mind feels fuzzy from the intensity of your orgasm but you faintly hear Ben cursing in several languages, only a few you understand, especially the last one.

“Fuck!” he shouts as your pussy clenches him hard enough to pull a his second orgasm out of him. He buries his face into the crook of your neck as his hips slowly come to a stop. The sound of your heavy breathing echoes off the walls around you. Ben keeps his face buried in your neck as he tries to catch his breath. You run your hand through his hair lazily and wrap your other arm over his shoulders.

You just deflowered Ben Solo. 

He feels your chest shaking and lifts his head to look down at you only to see you biting your lip in a failed attempt at holding back a laugh. 

“What’s so funny?”

“The big bad Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, big wig of the First Order is no longer a virgin. I just popped his cherry.”

He sighs, and shakes his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I made some of you cry because I made myself cry. 
> 
> You should definitely DEFINITELY listen to the song this chapter is named after. 
> 
> Love Protocol by Coheed and Cambria. 
> 
> It makes me sob when I'm having an emo "Let's Cry About Ben Solo" day. 
> 
> I put it towards the top of the playlist on the first chapter. 
> 
> You can listen to it there or not, whatever.


	13. The Butterfly Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Very brief noncon touch. It's not sexual, and it's explained. I just want to be safe and warn you just in case.

_Close your eyes and think about the boy_  
_Tell me how he makes you feel_  
_Let your mind trace over his tired shoulders_  
_Allow your thoughts to linger on that beautiful smile_  
_Take a deep breath and try to put those dark thoughts aside_  
_For once let go of the reins you’ve wrapped so tightly around your heart_  
_I know you are scared_  
_Who could blame you?_  
_Love is a hurricane wrapped inside a chrysalis_  
_And you are a girl walking into the storm_  
  
_Lang Leav - The Butterfly Effect_

* * *

Ben rolls off of you, both of you hiss with displeasure when he slips out of you. He pulls you close against his chest, and tucks your head underneath his chin. When you relax in his arms, he sighs and buries his face into your hair. 

  
  
Now that the two of you are relaxed you notice it’s the middle of the night which is perfect because you’re exhausted. He yawns against your hair and you yawn in response.

  
  
“Go to sleep,” you mumble against his chest.

  
  
“Okay,” he says against your forehead before kissing it and resting his head back on the pillow. 

* * *

When you open your eyes it’s to Ben’s mouth, directly at eye level. Each time he exhales through his nose, the puffs of air move the stray strands of hair near your forehead. The death grip he has on you makes it nearly impossible to lean back far enough to take in his face.

His cheeks are still dirty and tear stained and you know yours are too. His frown lines are gone and his face is relaxed. Contentment radiates off of him and for once he seems comfortable, and safe. Safe might not be the right word but it’s the first thing that comes to mind. He’s not on guard and ready to defend himself from an unknown threat at the drop of a hat.

In a way you feel like he knows he’s safe with you. If someone were to attack both of you right now, he knows you’d defend him, you’d keep him from harm, and the thought warms your heart.

Even though you’d love nothing more than to stay in bed with him all day, you desperately need a shower. Aside from feeling dirty from all the cave wandering you did on Mortis, you’re sticky from the events that took place last night. The sun is also starting to rise and you know Luke and Leia are likely waiting for you both. 

After what feels like hours of slight wiggling, you finally manage to remove yourself from Ben’s vice like hold on you. Slowly, you scoot off the bed and tiptoe to the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind you.

The steam that envelops the bathroom after turning on the water is extremely relaxing. Knowing you’ll regret it, you look into the mirror before opening the shower door. As expected, you’re a mess. Your cheeks are dirty and tear stained like Ben’s. Being pounded into the mattress has your hair sticking up in every direction.

Now more eager than ever, you step into the shower and quietly close the door behind you. The moment the hot water cascades over you, your muscles relax and you sigh with content. After standing under the water for several minutes, you reach for the soap but pause when you hear someone walk into the bathroom. The door opens and a very groggy, very naked, Ben Solo steps into the shower with you.

“Excuse me sir, can’t you see this shower is occupied?”

You wipe water from your eyes and watch as he rubs the sleep out of his. They’re slightly puffy from crying while on Mortis. His hair is sticking straight up in certain places, more so than yours was. He's simultaneously the most adorable and sexiest person you've ever seen.

“I woke up and you were gone,” he says, his voice an octave deeper and thick with sleep.

“You were sleeping and you looked comfortable. I didn’t want to wake you. I’m all gross and sticky and needed to wash off the nightmare that was Mortis."

He nods and reaches over his shoulder to grab the shampoo for you. Instead of handing you the bottle, he uncaps it, and pours a large amount into his hand.

“Ben that’s too-”

He plops the glob of shampoo onto your head with his palm, but doesn't bother actually rubbing it into your hair. The glob of soap slowly slides off the top of your head and falls to the shower floor. He reaches over his shoulder, grabs the body wash, and uncaps it.

“No.”

You take the soap from him before he has a chance to pour half the bottle into his hand.

“What? I’m helping,” he says with a completely serious look on his face.

“No you’re not!” you laugh and spin him around until he’s the one under the water.

While he’s wetting his hair, you scrub as much of the shampoo into your hair as you can. Once it’s fully lathered, you pull him out from under the water and transfer the excess soap from your hair onto his. When you start to wash his hair he leans down so you’re not on your tiptoes. Once your nails start to massage his scalp, he hums with content, and presses himself against you. When you’re done, you push him back under the water. You’re about to pour the body wash into your hand but you make the mistake of glancing at him first.

There is no way a man as good looking as he is can bathe so erotically unintentionally.

He stands under the water with his eyes closed and his head tipped back as he rinses off the soap. Both hands are in his hair which makes the muscles in his arms flex. The water cascades down his chest and further. When he first took his shirt off you hadn’t noticed how ridiculously big the muscles in his chest and near his ribs are ridiculous. You quickly look away when he starts to wipe the water out of his eyes. Ben moves out from under the water and puts you in his place. When you reach up to rinse your hair he moves your hands and does it for you. He presses his body against yours, much closer than necessary to perform the task at hand. Your eyes are closed so you can’t see the look on his face but you have a feeling he’s looking at you with the same intensity he did last night.

When his hands leave your head and your hair is thoroughly washed, you wipe the water out of your eyes and stare up at him. The desire is evident in his eyes. His body is pressed against you, needy, and wanting.

You're about to speak but he cuts you off with a kiss, sliding his tongue between your slightly parted lips, and caressing yours. Running his hands along your ribs, he kisses a trail from your mouth to your neck. Based on his eagerness last night you know he’s going to go straight for your breasts. He wraps his lips around your right breast and sucks your nipple into his warm mouth, kneading the other one with his free hand.

When you quietly moan, he places a hand on each of your hips, walks you backwards, and presses you against the shower wall. He kisses you on the lips once more before moving down. One hand cradles your head as he mouths at your neck, the other slides down over your stomach, continuing south. He lightly runs one of his knuckles along your slit making you gasp and buck into him. He chuckles against your skin and moves his hand down further until he reaches your entrance.

“Kriff sweetheart,” he rasps against your neck as he dips two fingers inside of you. Now he’s in uncharted territory and he freezes. You want to laugh at how rapidly the cockiness leaves him.

Instead of instructing him, you reach down and pull his hand away from you. At first he thinks you’re going to move him where you want him but when you bring his hand up towards you he frowns. His anxiety climbs because he thinks he did something wrong. It vanishes when you bring his fingers to your lips and suck them into your mouth. His breath hitches when you run your tongue slides against his fingertips as if it was the head of his cock. He groans, pulls his hand away from you, grabs your ass, lifts you up, and pins you against the shower wall. Your legs automatically wrap around his wide waist as much as possible.

One of your hands grips his shoulder tightly while you comb your fingers through his hair with the other. He’s lifted you high enough that you’re now towering over him. Once you give him the okay you know he’s going to lower you onto his cock which is fully erect and pointing towards you as if it’s seeking you out. You kiss him on the lips and slide your tongue into his mouth which he reciprocates eagerly. When you push your breasts against his chest he groans and squeezes you a little harder. He’s panting with need as he pulls away from your mouth and looks into your eyes, silently asks your permission to do what he wants with you.

Instead of responding, you buck your hips into him and grip his hair tightly. Ben pants and lowers you down onto him. Both of you groan as he enters you. His hands slide from your ass to underneath your thighs and he buries his face into your neck as he starts thrusting into you. His thrusts aren’t nearly as frantic as they were the night before.

“So tight," he huffs against you're neck. "So wet for me."

“Just for you, only you,” you say breathlessly.

Apparently it’s the right thing to say because his hips start snapping into you rougher and faster than before. His lips leave your neck and sloppily trail up to your mouth, kissing you deeply once his lips meet yours.

“Say it again,” he growls against your lips.

“What?” you gasp during a particularly hard thrust. It takes you a moment to realize what he wants you to say. Each time he thrusts his hips, his abs hit your clit just right and the fire pooling low in your abdomen intensifies. When you realize what he wants you to say you cup his face with your hands and stare into his eyes.

“Just you,” you whisper.

Ben presses his forehead against yours, bucks his hips into you two more times and makes a strangled noise as he releases into you. Tremors wrack your body. You tighten around him, extending his orgasm longer than he thought possible. He fucks you until you stop around him.

He does his best to fuck you through your climax. When you stop pulsating around him, his hips slowly come to a stop. You wrap your arms around his neck and he kisses the side of your face while the two of you try to catch your breath.

“We should shower together more often,” he says quietly against your cheek while trying to hold back a laugh. 

* * *

When the two of you are dressed and presentable, your data pad dings. 

“Who is it?” Ben asks as he buckles his belt and grabs Han’s jacket.

“Your mom. They probably know we got back last night and assumed we would be busy so she waited until now to message us. That or Luke knows what we’ve been up to because of his creepy Jedi powers. Their timing is too suspicious.”

Ben’s has one arm in the sleeve of the jacket but freezes.

“Are you suggesting...are you saying my mother and my uncle know we had sex?”

“Ben, anyone within earshot knows we had sex. I nearly blacked out when you made me come so I’m not sure if I was making any noise but you definitely did.” 

His cheeks turn red and he looks away from you. You kiss him on the cheek and open the message.

_LEIA: Once the two of you are decent please meet us in my office. We have a few urgent matters that need to be discussed._

You frown down at your datapad as you read the ominous text. You were hoping one of them would tease you Ben, preferably Ben, but instead it sounds like something happened while you were on Mortis. Either the First Order is making a move on the Resistance or more people found out about Ben’s capture and it’s making waves. Ben feels your anxiety spike and looks over your shoulder at the message from his mother.

“Whatever it is, it’s fine,” he places his thumb under your chin and tilts your head towards him. “It can’t be worse than Mortis,” he says with a sad smile.

The two of you are going to have to talk about what happened eventually. You nod once and slide your data pad into your back pocket. As you’re putting on your jacket, it dings again.

_LEIA: Don’t forget Ben’s cuffs and lightsaber._

Ben’s about to open the door to exit the room when you stop him.

“Wait a second, you’re forgetting your stylish accessories.”

He groans when he sees you approaching him with the open Force cuffs. You click them into place around his wrists then pick up both of your lightsabers which are lying on the floor next to yours. 

“Do you have room in your jacket to hide your lightsaber until we get to your mom? We need to give it back to Luke but it’s huge and there’s no way I can hide it in my jacket.”

He holds out his hand and takes his lightsaber from you. “It is huge isn’t it,” he smirks at you before tucking it into the back of his pants and pulling the jacket down over it.

You roll your eyes as you pick up the ancient tablet Ben had thrown to the ground in his haste to climb on top of you.

“I should have known sex would only make the intensity of your cockiness multiply exponentially.”

“You didn’t seem to mind my cockiness in the shower,” he smiles.

“I’ve created a monster.”

* * *

The short walk from your quarters to Leia’s office is enlightening. When you first arrived at the Resistance base you were treated like a hero until you defended Ben. Then you were looked at suspiciously, people couldn’t figure out where you stood with him and in general. Now they look at you like you’re the enemy.

Once inside Leia’s office, you set the tablet down on her desk and turn to face her as soon as she enters the room with Luke. His lips part with surprise once his eyes land on the tablet on her desk. It looks like he’s about to say something but either forgets, or changes his mind. Leia looks proud of you guys but unconcerned with the slab of stone her brother is nearly drooling over. 

Leia gestures for you both to sit down on the small couch pressed against the wall of her office as she walks to the small counter and makes you both caf. She brings you both a mug and sits in a chair across from you.

“Okay what happened? Something is wrong and don’t bullshit me. I knew the moment I got your message and it didn’t say something like “congrats on stealing my son’s virtue” that-”

Ben chokes and starts coughing. You ignore him, pat him on the back roughly, and stare at Leia, waiting for a response. She is biting back a smile at how red Ben’s face is from choking and embarrassment.

“As expected, word spread of Ben’s capture. By the end of the week several, well, many leaders and dignitaries will be demanding justice. Not many people know what planet we’re on right but I can’t ignore them. They’re going to demand a trial, that’s a give in. As for punishment,” she pauses and glances between the two of you.

Ben closes his eyes and sighs. So much has happened in the last 48 hours that he forgot about the fact that he’s technically a prisoner, imprisoned for a slew of war crimes, crimes he’s guilty of. He was transported to a planet that supposedly didn't exist by actual gods. It’s hard for him to believe his life’s going to end either by execution or by rotting in a cell. The thought makes him laugh and the look you and Leia give him makes him laugh harder.

“What the hell are you laughing at? This isn’t funny. This can't be what finally makes you snap.”

“Sorry, I just, I have to laugh. We just faced the gods of the Force, the gods of everything, and survived. They basically gave us their blessing to find a mythical portal no one has seen or believes it exists. All of that so I can come back here and either get thrown back into a cell for the rest of my life or die by execution. Based on how things have turned out with my life thus far,” he pauses and looks up at Leia, “no offense mother,” Leia brushes him off. “It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if this is how things end,” his laugh dies down but it’s humorless and laced with legitimate disbelief.

“Don’t be stupid. You really think we’re going to let either of those things happen?” 

Leia doesn’t say anything but you know where she stands. Ben is her son but if she openly tries to hide him or help him escape she would be considered just as guilty as he is. It could tear apart what remains of the Resistance.

“How exactly do you plan on intervening?” Ben asks, skeptically.

“How do you think? If I had known sex was going to kill off some of your brain cells I would have left you a virgin.”

Leia covers her mouth with her hand to hide a laugh. Ben looks like he’s about to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself alive. Luke is still staring at the stupid Mortis tablet.

“We just got back from Mortis with the key to the World Between Worlds and we know the portal is on Lothal. There’s no reason we can’t go now, or soon. Once Leia knows when all of this is supposed to go into motion, we’ll leave for Lothal. That tablet was what was stopping us from going sooner but we have it now.”

There’s an unanswered question hovering in the room, all four of you are thinking it but no one wants to voice it. 

If Ben goes with you to Lothal, then what? You're not even sure if you can get home that way or if you're going to be forced to go home. If so, can Ben come with you? What if you failed whatever you were sent here to do? Aside from stealing Ben from Snoke, you haven’t done much but study the World Between Worlds. 

If Ben can’t go home with you and you have the ability to stay with him, you’ll both be wanted throughout the galaxy, by both sides of the war. Your home would likely be a ship and the two of you would have to constantly be on the move. It would suck, but you’d be together.

If you're sent home Ben will be alone because he won’t have the option to come back to Leia. Although he made peace with Luke, to an extent, there’s no way he’d be comfortable going back to wherever Luke lives.

You clear your throat to hopefully distract everyone from the same exact worries you have. 

“When is all the political drama supposed to start?”

“Today, not too long from now. I’m supposed to attend a meeting via holo and Ben is supposed to be with me. We have some time before the meeting starts. Hopefully Ben’s post-sex glow will wear off by then.”

“For the love of god,” Ben groans and all of the blood in his body rushes to his cheeks. He leans his elbows on his knees, and holds his face in his hands. Leia winks at you so you know she’s not trying to make you uncomfortable, just her son.

“He does look awfully sated, doesn't he?” 

When Ben’s jacket rides up, you pull his lightsaber out from his waistband, and hand it over to Luke. 

“What tests did the Mortis gods put you through?” Luke asks as he sits next to Leia. 

The question sober you both. You’re not ready to discuss it and you know Ben isn’t either, not until the two of you have the chance to discuss it in private at least. 

“That bad huh?” Leia asks quietly when the two of you don’t speak. Ben nods.

“The Mortis gods are dicks, especially the father. They kept calling Ben the last Skywalker even though I pointed out you two were still around. No matter how many times I pointed out that while yes, Ben is a Skywalker technically, that’s not who he is. He’s an Organa-Solo. That stupid dick just smiled at me when I mentioned it.” 

Ben places his hand on your knee and gives it a squeeze at your admission. Your eyes glance down at his hand then up at him. Both of you miss the look Luke and Leia give each other.

“Oh and he kept calling us the chosen ones and there was a _LOT_ of talk about balancing the light and dark which isn’t anything new.”

The look in Luke’s eyes is somewhat terrifying because it can’t mean anything good. Leia knows more about this ancient Jedi mumbo jumbo than she’s letting on because she gives Luke a concerned Luke. You have a feeling things are going to get harder for everyone, but especially for you and Ben.

“Okay well, obviously being called the ‘chosen ones’ means something awful. To be honest, I’m not mentally prepared for more bad news so can you leave that explanation for me for tomorrow? You can tell Ben if you want but my brain needs a break.”

Ben slides his arm around your waist and slowly pulls you close to him. He gives your hip a squeeze and rubs small circles into your side.

“I think you and I should train while Ben and Leia deal with the politics. It’s never been my forte and I would bet all of Leia’s credits that you’re not exactly a diplomat.”

“Are you finally going to train me with my lightsaber?”.

“You haven’t been training her with a lightsaber?” Ben asks, shocked and irritated.

“She hasn’t been ready,” Luke shrugs.

“Well that’s bullshit, but whatever. It’s about time. Lead the way.”

When you try to stand, Ben doesn’t let go of you. You glare at him and cross your arms over your chest, waiting for him to explain himself.

“Why do you have to go now?” he whispers, not wanting his mother or uncle to hear how clingy he is.

“You have things to discuss with your mom. I doubt you can just stand next to her during the holo meeting and not say anything. They’re probably going to ask you questions. You should have some basic answers prepared. Otherwise you’re going to get angry and that will only prove the point they’re going to try and make, which is that Kylo Ren is dangerous and can’t be controlled.”

Ben scowls, knowing you’re right but not wanting to admit it.

“She’s right Ben, we need to discuss what you should and shouldn’t say and the possible things they may ask.”

Ben sighs and reluctantly releases you. After standing you turn and face him. When he looks up at you, you lean down and kiss him on the forehead. His cheeks turn red knowing his mother and uncle are watching you. 

“Behave. Whatever happens, it doesn’t matter. I won’t let them take you from me but be good, please. Don’t make things harder on your mom okay?” you whisper.

“Okay,” he says while looking up at you with affection in his eyes.

Luke leads the way out of Leia’s office, closing the door behind you. Instead of walking towards the outdoor clearing, he leads you to a large gym like room with wrestling style mats and padding on the walls. It’s eerily reminiscent of your high school gym. Along the walls are weapon racks with staffs and rods used for training. 

“Why are we here today and not in our usual spot?” you ask curiously as you shrug off your jacket and set it down on one of the few benches lining the walls.

“Two reasons, one, it’s supposed to rain today and rain on this planet isn’t something to take lightly."

You know you aren’t going to get to actually practice with your lightsaber the moment Luke crosses the room towards the weapons rack. Before you have a chance to complain, he tosses you a rod about the size of your lightsaber. Conveniently, the same type of wooden rod you used to train with Obi-Wan.

“I knew it was too good to be true,” you sigh as you catch the rod.

“I need to see what I’m working with and it’s easier to do than going at each other with lightsabers right away.”

“I guess,” you huff as you twirl your wrist with the rod in your hand at your side. “So I get to practice with you? I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little excited to see what someone your age can do,” you smirk.

“With age comes experience. I’m going to come at you and I want you to defend yourself. I want to see what type of defensive moves you know. Defense is just as important as offense.”

Luke grabs a stick from the rod and does a few test twirls himself. You get into a fighting stance and wait for Luke to charge you.

* * *

Time passes quickly as you dodge Luke’s blows. At first, you’re a little nervous. Luke is a Jedi Master and the only person you’ve ever practiced with is Obi-Wan. You’re not sure if he goes easy on you or not but you easily hold your own. Luke pauses when the door to the room swings open and Poe and Finn walk in. Poe looks hesitant, as if he’s gauging your mood before opening his mouth. Finn looks at you a bit nervously but when you smile and walk over to him, he relaxes. Unexpectedly, you wrap your arms around him and give him a hug. 

“Thank you,” you whisper into his ear, quiet enough that Poe doesn’t hear it. Poe looks at the two of you questioningly. Ben hasn’t given you details on what was said between him and Finn and that’s fine, you don’t need them. Your best friend and your, whatever Ben is to you, don’t want to kill each other anymore and that’s what matters. Poe however, still seems to be an issue. You have some pent up frustration and you’re hoping you’ll be able to take it out on him. 

“Training without us?” .

You snort. “What I do with you guys is hardly considered training. More like a light warm up,” you smile as you stretch, knowing Poe is going to take the bait.

“Oh really?” Poe asks as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Yep, I usually go easy on you. You’re the hotshot of the Resistance. I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your groupies.”

“I don’t see any groupies. Besides, you’ll always have an advantage over us with all that Jedi shit.”

“Ohhh you’re gonna blame the Force now huh? Alright, I have a proposition.”

“I’m listening,” Poe says suspiciously. 

“You and me right now. No force use. Just hand to hand and no holding back,” you point at him and frown to emphasize how serious you are.

“What? No way, you could get hurt,” Poe says, suddenly a little less cocky. 

“What’s my last name Poe?” You gather your hair and pull it into a high ponytail while you wait for his answer.

“Kenobi.”

“Right. Do you really think Obi-Wan raised me without teaching me how to fight?”

“Wait, I thought Obi-Wan was your grandfather? You’re saying he’s your father? That’s impossible.”

“Fuck,” you whisper under your breath and sigh. You glance over your shoulder at Luke who shrugs, completely unconcerned at the fact that you’ll now have to include two more people into your trust circle. 

“What’s going on?” Finn asks, confused.

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. “Look guys, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me and a majority of them are extremely hard to believe.”

Finn looks at the ground as he thinks back to what happened at Starkiller base and how things have progressed since then.

“You knew what was going to happen to Han on Starkiller didn’t you? And Kyl- Ben?” You can't hold back the smile at Finn's attempt to call Ben by his real name. Poe slowly turns his head to look at Finn.

Nervously, you shuffle from one foot to the other while watching the gears in Finn's head turn.

“The stuff you haven’t told us, is that why you refused to fight Ben in the snow?”

You nod.

“Does he know everything that’s going on? Is he involved? Is that why you have been so...I don’t know…connected or close since the beginning? Despite what he did.” 

You nod again. 

Surprisingly, Finn sighs and relaxes.

“I’m glad we’re going to get answers. I knew there was something going on, something bigger, something we weren’t clued into. I know we haven’t known each other long but the way you’ve acted around Ben from the start has been weird. Are you going to explain everything?”

“I will, under one condition.”

“What’s that?” Poe asks.

“Fight me, as if I was your enemy. It’s been a while since I’ve fought with anyone and I need the practice.”

Poe’s considering it. Finn looks unsure. 

“She’s right. It will help her overall,” Luke adds. “I can help her with her forms but as far as hand to hand goes, I’m too old for that.”

Luke winks at you when your eyes meet. Poe doesn’t say anything but he walks over to the bench where your jacket is, removes his, and sets it on the bench next to yours.

“Rules?” 

“No holding back, at all. I won’t use the Force and if you’re actually a challenge I’ll fill you both in on everything. Deal?”

Out of the corner of your eye you see Finn walk over to Luke to stand next to him. They’re talking in hushed tones, too low for you to hear.

* * *

“She’s gonna kick his ass isn’t she?” Finn whispers to Luke.

“Oh definitely.”

“Honestly, he could use a good ass kicking. He’s been insufferable since you guys brought Ben back.”

“Do you think he’s going to hold back?” Luke asks as he watches the two of you circle each other.

“Probably at first. Once she pisses him off he’ll start taking her seriously though.”

* * *

You and Poe start circling each other. He starts towards you with his fists brought up in front of his face like a boxer would. When you don’t back up or move away from him, he hesitates. He throws the first punch, which you easily dodge by tilting your head to the side at the last minute. It throws him off, not having expected you to move so fast. He gets closer and takes another swing, which you also dodge.

When he pulls his fist back, you swing your right hand out and to the side in a wide arc. His head snaps to the side when you slap him on the side of his face, hard. 

“OH SHIT!” Finn yells as he covers his mouth to hide his smile. 

Poe frowns and comes at you again. Right away you notice his form. He puts a lot of weight into his blows but he’s not light on his feet, he’s more of a boxer than anything. 

Finn’s surprised shout distracts you and when Poe swings again, it almost connects. He put force into the swing and it would have hurt had he landed it. You manage to duck at the last minute and punch him in the stomach. He lets out a loud “oof,” before bringing his arm to his stomach. The door to the gym swings open and Ben and Leia walk into the large room. When you glance over at them, Ben’s brow furrows as he takes in the scene unfolding in front of him. You’re about to tell him to chill when Poe punches you in the breast. He doesn’t hit you hard but it still stings and catches you off guard.

“What the fuck?!” you yell and rub your breast vigorously. “You punched me in the tit you asshole!”

You can feel Ben's anger spike dangerously. One of the other three spectators fill him in on what’s going on in an effort to calm him down. 

“I figured it was the only time I’d get to touch them,” he smirks. 

Poe sounds like a pervert but you know he doesn’t mean it and you know why he did it. It’s no coincidence he throws a punch to that area the moment Ben walks into the room. You roll your eyes and rub your breast once more.

“If you want I can massage it for you.” 

His eyes dart to Ben then back to you. Any minute now Ben is going to pop a blood vessel and charge Poe. He doesn’t need the Force to do damage. Even if he could use the Force, you know he would prefer use his fists with Poe. You can feel his anger nearly boil over. 

You really need to fill him in on Poe and Finn’s relationship, sooner rather than later.

Poe’s too busy gloating to notice how close you are to him. Before he has a chance to dodge, you punch him in the kidney as hard as you can. When he hunches over, you grab him by the shoulders, bring your knee up to his face, and slam your elbow in between his shoulder blades. He goes down and groans onto the mats underneath you. The minute Poe hits the ground, the loudest laugh you’ve ever heard echoes through the gym. You don’t need to look to know its Ben. You sigh and shake your head, irritated with them both. They can’t stop antagonizing each other and eventually it’s going to come to a head.

“What are you laughing at chuckles? You think you can do better?”

“I don’t think I can, I know I can sweetheart,” he smiles that cocky smile you’re starting to love and hate. 

Walking over to the wall with the various fake weapons, you grab a rod for Ben and toss it to him. He takes it with a surprised look on his face as you pick up the one you'd been using while practicing with Luke. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little excited. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to be your teacher. 

Ben walks away from Finn, Leia, and Luke, and twirls the stick before he swings it back and forth, testing the weight of it.

You crouch down next to Poe and grab him by the arm to help him up. His nose is bleeding but surprisingly he doesn’t look mad. 

“I’m well aware I deserved that beating but can you do something for me?” he whispers to you.

“Kick his ass?” 

You gesture towards Ben whose hopping up and down, psyching himself up. Poe smiles and nods.

“Trust me, I’m planning on it.”

Poe's about to walk away but pauses. "I'm sorry I touched you...there," he nods towards your chest without looking at it. "I didn't mean what I said either."

You smile at Poe's authentic apology. "Don't worry, I know. You'll do anything to piss off Ben, including acting like a perverted asshole." Poe smiles and walks over to Finn and frowns at him when he starts to tease him. 

“Rules?” Ben asks. 

You eye him up and down. Then glance to the sidelines where Leia is smiling knowing you’re about to put her son in his place. Taking a risk, you wave your hand in Ben's direction. The cuffs around his wrists unlock, snap open, and fall to the ground. He watches them fall, brings his eyes back to yours, and smiles.

Poe starts to protest but Finn talks him down and so does Leia.

“No rules. Except don’t hold back. I expect you to prove yourself.”

“Prove myself?” he asks, slightly confused as he twirls the wooden rod at his side.

“Yes. You wanted to be my teacher didn’t you? You need to prove to me that you’re worthy.” 

His eyes darken and you have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. Of course that would turn him on. 

"Show me what you've got Solo."

He charges and swings at you with enough force to crack a rib if you hadn't dodged. You manage to block a majority of his blows thanks to Luke’s techniques. Ben’s fighting style is extremely aggressive and he doesn’t give you any time to even attempt to fight back. He uses his size to drive you back until you're almost against the wall. Taking a risk, you duck and kick his legs out from under him. 

He falls but pulls his legs back and jumps to his feet in one swift motion. It’s considerably impressive considering how big he is. You twirl your stick once and attack while you can. You manage to get a few blows in but he blocks a majority of them. The few that manage to connect don’t seem to bother him. He winces slightly but it doesn’t slow him down. Despite the size difference you’re almost his equal. The advantage he has over you is experience. If you weren’t on equal footing he would have easily taken you out by now. 

With one hard swing he knocks the stick out of your hand and freezes, debating whether or not he should treat this as a real fight by continuing or stopping altogether. When you don’t seem to back down he charges again. You duck and roll to miss a dangerously close swing of his stick and land in a crouch. You extend your hand towards your jacket and catch Obi-Wan’s lightsaber, igniting it instantly. Ben's smiles. The asshole thinks he can fight a lightsaber with a stick.

“You gonna bring a stick to a lightsaber fight?” you ask as you stand. “Not so tough now are you?” you joke, as you slowly close the distance between you. He tightens his grip on his stick but doesn’t move. 

“Little girl you have no idea how tough I can be.”

You can’t hide the shiver that starts at the base of your neck and travels all the way to your core. He smiles knowingly. Faintly, you hear Luke groan as he witnesses a repeat of your reaction to Ben on Tatooine. Ben’s smile widens when your cheeks burn with embarrassment. 

Twirling the saber once, you run towards him and attack. You’re not planning on hitting him but you want him to think you are so he’ll take you seriously. This time, you’re driving _him_ back and he’s working double time to dodge your blows. He’s stronger than anyone you know but he’s big and it slows him down. 

You’re faster than he expected and he’s impressed. Like an idiot he raises his stick over his head to block your downward swing and he watches you cut it clean in half. The blade of your lightsaber continues down towards his face. As a last resort, he brings his hand up and stops the glowing blue blade from connecting with his face by freezing it with the Force.

To compensate, you use the Force to put weight into it, pushing it an inch closer to his face. He pushes you backwards with the Force hard enough to nearly knock you off your feet. Before you can bounce back, he outstretches his hand towards his uncle. Everyone stares at him, unsure what he’s planning. To your knowledge Luke didn’t bring Ben’s lightsaber with him so at first you’re equally as confused as everyone else. When you realize what he’s doing you smile, knowing the reaction he’s about to get.

Unexpectedly, Anakin's lightsaber snaps off of Luke’s belt and flies into Ben’s waiting hand. He catches it with a smile, ignites it, holds it up in front of his face, and points it towards you at eye level. He gives you a minute to glance over at everyone. Poe and Finn don’t understand the significance of what just happened but Luke and Leia obviously do. Leia is smiling ear to ear and Luke looks shocked, but in a good way. 

Anakin’s lightsaber wouldn’t respond to Ben in the past, you both have your speculations as to why. Now that you know Anakin’s story, you assume it’s because of the darkness in Ben at the time. Although he hadn’t completely accepted the dark side, it still flowed through him. 

When Anakin held the saber Ben now has, he wasn’t consumed by darkness, he wasn’t Vader. He was still a Jedi who wanted to do good and help people. He loved someone so much he’d do anything to protect her. That’s the Anakin his kyber crystal bonded with. Ben is no longer torn and consumed by darkness. He wants to do good to make up for his past and the kyber crystal knows that. Ben is worthy of his grandfather’s legacy because he finally understands what that is.

You turn your attention back to Ben bring Obi-Wan's lightsaber up to the side of your head, outstretch your left hand, and gesture for him to come at you again. Impatient, the two of you charge at one another, meeting in the middle. The blades collide and the force of it sends vibrations up your arms. Blow after blow, your blades violently crash into one another. They’re nearly humming as they cross, as if the kyber crystals are happy to be near each other once again. Your hairline is soaked with sweat and it trails down your neck. Both of you are panting and exhausted. Despite that, neither one of you intends to give up.

Luke and Leia watch the two of you attack one another as if you're enemies. Luke is in awe at how balanced the two of you seem to be, especially since you have no formal lightsaber training. Leia’s just happy to see Ben is being knocked down a peg. Poe and Finn are gawking in disbelief. You’re half Ben’s size and you’re not only holding your own, but at times, you’re overpowering him. 

When the fight turns more aggressive, Luke starts to get concerned. He can feel you both tapping into the dark side and it worries him. Especially when he can sense how easily it is for both of you, Ben more so. He opens his mouth to say something but is stopped.

“Don’t interfere,” Obi-Wan says to his right.

Not wanting to look crazy, Luke merely side eyes him. 

“They proved themselves on Mortis and they know that balance between the light and dark side is key to unlocking their inner strength. Turning away from the dark is unrealistic and they both have acknowledged that.”

Obi-Wan watches with amusement as you lift your leg and kick Ben hard in the ribs when he tries to freeze your arm in place. With an “oof” Ben crouches slightly. Seeing the opening, you knock Anakin’s saber out of his hand, and try to knock his feet out from under him again. He anticipates the move, jumps over your legs, lunges towards you, and grabs you around the waist. He bars his arm across your neck and pins your back to his front.

“That boy is so much like Anakin in so many ways it's unsettling. The biggest difference is, he knows himself better than Anakin did. It took some time but he knows who he is and he knows the importance of balance. Don’t doubt him, not again. He has more power than he knows. She needs him if she’s to succeed and he’s strongest when he feels like all of you truly have faith in him.” 

Luke nods to acknowledge Obi-Wan. 

* * *

“Looks like I win sweetheart,” Ben pants into your ear while holding you tight against his front. 

“Is this foreplay for Jedi?” Poe asks as he watches the chaotic intimacy between the two of you.

"This isn’t foreplay for Jedi, but I think it might be foreplay for them,” Leia says while laughing. “Jedi are celibate, huge virgins. It’s why they’re so uptight.” She laughs even harder once she sees the incredulous look on Luke’s face.

“That’s completely untrue,” he frowns at his sister. 

“Oh I’m sorry, let me clarify boys. The Jedi are allowed to have sex but they’re not allowed to form attachments or have relationships. So most are either virgins or they have a lot of sex with a lot of people and never speak to them again.”

Luke sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Gross,” Finn and Poe say simultaneously while looking directly at Luke. 

“Stop looking at me like that!” Luke snaps before looking back at the two of you. 

* * *

You twist your head until you're looking up at Ben. “In your dreams Solo.” 

You arch your back enough to rub your ass against him. He sucks in a breath and his hold on you lightens fractionally. His reaction is exactly what you were hoping for. You bring your arms above your head, wrap them around his neck, and flip him over your shoulder, using the Force for strength. You could flip Obi-Wan when you were younger but Ben is a different story and you don’t think the move would have worked without a little extra power behind it. 

You slam Ben down onto the mat hard enough to knock the air out of him. You’re about to take a step back but he grabs your ankle and pulls you down with him. He flips you over and straddles your waist once you hit the mat.

“Pinned you,” he pants as he grabs your wrists and holds them to the ground above your head.

If the next words out of his mouth are “pinned you again,” you’ll know one of the random things you transferred to him when your minds were bridged is lines from The Lion King.

Using your hips for leverage, you thrust up into him, knocking him forward enough to roll him head first over your head. You grab his arms tightly and roll with him until you’re in his lap, straddling him. Grabbing his wrists, you pin them over his head like he did to you.

“Pinned you,” you say between breaths as you smile down at him. He looks at you like you’re the reason the sun rises and sets, like he can’t believe you're real. He wiggles his wrists, silently asking you to release your grip on him. When you do, he starts to bring his arms up to wrap them around you but he pauses. His eyes connect with yours and he looks terrified.

“Ben? What’s-”

He screams in pain and grabs the side of his head. His back arches off the ground as he starts to wither in agony. Leia and Luke are at his side instantly. Finn and Poe approach hesitantly, not sure what’s going on or how they can help. Finn’s surprised when even Poe looks concerned, despite how much he despises Ben. 

“Ben!” you yell and grab his face to stop him from thrashing. You’re too light and your body weight does nothing to prevent him from arching his back and twisting. Every muscle in his neck is visible due to the force at which he’s arching.

“What’s happening? Luke! Do something!” Leia yells, panicked as she tries to grab one of Ben’s arms as it twists next to him. 

“What’s wrong with him? Finn asks as he kneels and grabs Ben’s shoulder in an attempt to pin him to the ground. Poe gently removes Leia from Ben’s side and pins his other shoulder to the ground.

Luke closes his eyes and tries to concentrate as best as he can. Mimicking Luke, you do the same. Cautiously, you reach out to Ben’s mind the way you had when you bridged your minds only not diving as deep. When you hear the voice you gasp and open your eyes. Luke does the same.

“What is it?” Leia asks you with tears in her eyes.

“Snoke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're kind of nearing the end sort of. There's a handful of things that are going to happen before the fic ends. The number of chapters depends on how much I rant and how much filler there is. 
> 
> Most of this chapter was just me wanting Ben to be happy before things get crazy. Not to be ominous...


	14. Arsonist's Lullaby

_When I was a child, I heard voices_   
_Some would sing and some would scream_   
_You soon find you have few choices_   
_I learned the voices died with me_   
_When I was a child, I'd sit for hours_   
_Staring into open flame_   
_Something in it had a power_   
_Could barely tear my eyes away_   
_When I was 16, my senses fooled me_   
_Thought gasoline was on my clothes_   
_I knew that something would always rule me_   
_I knew the scent was mine alone_   
_When I was a man I thought it ended_   
_When I knew love's perfect ache_   
_But my peace has always depended_   
_On all the ashes in my wake_   
_All you have is your fire_   
_And the place you need to reach_   
_Don't you ever tame your demons_   
_But always keep 'em on a leash_

_Hozier - Arsonist's Lullaby_

* * *

You cradle Ben's face with both hands, close your eyes, and try to focus on him. Luke knows what you're about to do and grabs your wrists to stop you.

"It's too dangerous for you while Snoke's in his head," he says sternly. His eyes glance between you and his nephew, who is still writhing in pain underneath you.

"What's too dangerous?" Finn asks.

You roughly shake off Luke's hand and look at Finn. "Long story short, Luke taught me a technique that helps put up a mental barrier to prevent people from getting into your head."

"That would have been a neat trick to know," Poe mumbles.

"Not the time!" Finn scolds Poe.

"Ben's been hearing voices since he was little and he started hearing them again the first week he was here. I dropped enough hints that he figured out the 'voices' he's been hearing for as long as he can remember, have been Snoke's doing. Just another way he's been manipulating him."

Leia covers her mouth with her hands. Although the voices were mentioned in Ben's book, she didn't realize he was still dealing with it as an adult.

"I tried to teach Ben the technique Luke showed me and I went too far and bridged our minds. I saw a bunch of his memories and he saw mine but he was trapped in his own head, reliving the worst possible memories until I managed to snap him out of it. The voices have been gone since then and he hasn't heard or felt Snoke at all."

You turn your attention to Luke. "I've done this before, and I can do it again. I'm not letting Snoke hurt him anymore, Luke."

Your eyes leave Luke and meet Leia's, hoping she'll tell Luke to shove it so you can help her son. Too busy trying to keep Ben's thrashing to a minimum, the three men don't notice the conversation you and Leia are having with looks alone.

When she gives you a small nod, you smile and nod back. You turn your attention back towards Ben, and place one hand on each of his cheeks. Luke tries to intervene again but Leia pushes him aside to keep him from interfering. Finn and Poe know better than to interfere and merely hold his arms down. He stops thrashing once his face is in your hands.

"Ben, fight him. You're not alone," you whisper against his lips, as you lean closer to him. Pressing your forehead to his, you do your best to block out everyone hovering around you. It's just you and him, no one else.

When you're focused enough, you reach out and access Ben's mind. You expect to be in the hallway with the locked doors once you open your eyes, but that's not where you are. His defenses are completely down so there's no hallway, and no doors. You're falling head first into his subconscious and you have no idea where you'll end up this time.

* * *

It feels like you're back on Mortis and the ground has just crumbled beneath you. You're falling but when you hit the ground it's not dirty and there isn't a creepy guy with goat feet hovering nearby. With an "oof," you land face down onto carpet, of all things.

"Ow," you groan as you roll onto your back.

You slowly sit up and take in your surroundings. You're in the middle of a bedroom, a kids bedroom to be exact. There's random toys scattered around the room and a small desk near the wall. When you approach the desk, you see a calligraphy set.

"Are you an angel?" a small voice asks from across the room.

Startled, you spin around quickly, towards the source of the sound. Not expecting anyone to be in the room with you, the voice nearly gives you a heart attack. Your hand goes to your chest as you try to slow the rapid beating of your heart.

"What?" you ask quietly.

In the corner of the room is a small bed, pressed up against the wall. The only thing keeping the room from being engulfed in darkness is the bright moonlight, shining through the open window, and onto the bed like a spotlight.

You didn't notice the large lump of white, trembling on top of the small bed, until you heard the quiet voice. Slowly, you approach the bed to find its source.

A pair of wide, whiskey color eyes stare at you behind a curtain of wavy black hair from underneath a white comforter.

"Are you an angel...or...or a ghost?" the little boy asks quietly, bottom lip trembling.

"Uh...I didn't know you guys believed in angels here," you say quietly, hoping that's not the wrong answer.

"I read about them in...in a book."

Mentioning something the little boy read about is apparently the way to coax him out of his blanket cocoon. He slowly starts to peek more of his face out from underneath the blanket.

"Would you rather I be an angel or a ghost?"

You do your best to relax as you scoot further onto the bed. If you want to find out where you are in Ben's memories you're going to need him to trust you.

"Uncle Luke...uncle Luke says he sees Jedi ghosts but I don't believe him. No one has ever said they saw an angel though." He scoots a little closer to you.

Ben has to be close to five, give or take. You've haven't spent much time with younger kids so accurately gauging his age isn't going to be something you excel at. Although, he speaks particularly well for a little kid, he still enunciates certain words wrong.

"Okay then, I guess I'm an angel," you nod, as if to confirm it.

The little boy's watery eyes grow impossibly wider, and his lip stops trembling. Slowly, he crawls out from under the blanket and scoots even closer to you. You can't help but smile when the large blanket he is wrapped in musses his hair, and the ears he never grows into poke out between his almost curly hair.

"Do you have wings?" he asks as he looks behind your back.

"Yeah, but they're top secret."

"How-"

Suddenly, something extremely loud, and big slams against the closed bedroom door repeatedly. Ben nearly dives into your lap and wraps his arms around you, trembling with fear.

Not expecting the small boy to climb you like you're a jungle gym, it takes you a moment to realize he's wrapped around you for comfort. Once you realize why he's in your lap, you wrap both arms around him, run one hand through his hair, and rub his back with the other. 

Frowning, you glare at the door as the banging continues, and with it, comes the voices. It sounds like a room full of people are all whispering at once. If you focus you can pick out what each individual is saying.

"I'm going to set you down okay? I want to see what's at the door."

You reach up to pry his arms from around your neck but he squeezes you like a vice, nearly choking you.

"No! Please don't go! Please! I don't want the monster to hurt me again," Ben says as he sniffles into your neck.

"There's a monster out there? Is that the monster talking?"

"You hear them too?" Ben lightens his grip on you enough to lean back so he can look into your eyes. They're full of tears but also, shock.

"No one hears them whisper but me. They say bad things to me all the time."

Swallowing down the tightness in your throat, you do your best not to cry. You're supposed to be the brave one here, you can't let him see you're upset.

"Did the monster trap you in here?" you whisper as you reach up and wipe the tears from his eyes with your thumbs.

Ben shakes his head. "No, I hid. He was asking me things and hurting my head when I wouldn't tell him. I ran. I'm not supposed to but I locked the door too. He found me, he always does. He'll break my door soon 'cause he's super strong and I won't have a place to hide." Ben averts his eyes and sniffles.

"He's not going to get you today, I won't let him."

Ben wipes his eyes and leans into you again, burying his face in your neck.

"Do you remember what the monster was asking you?

Ben nods against you, "He was asking about a girl and a scatter."

It takes everything in you not to tense or respond to Ben's words. You realize then that you're not in one of Ben's memories like you thought you were at first. Being in a memory this awful would be sad but this is worse.

This is how Ben feels around Snoke, like a scared little boy. The monster outside is Snoke trying to get to Ben, trying to dig into his mind. The only thing Ben can do to keep him out is hide behind his flimsy mental walls. Eventually Snoke will get into this little room, and into Ben's mind.

"He said...he said he would get the girl if I didn't tell him about a scatter. I don't know what a scatter is or where the girl is but I know I want to keep her safe. I don't want him to hurt her. If he hurts my head he's gonna find her."

Thankfully, Ben's face was still buried against your neck, otherwise he'd be able to see you cry.

"I promise I won't let him get her, or you. That's why I'm here, to protect you and to keep the monster away from you."

"You promise?" he asks meekly.

"I promise. You're going to have to be brave for me because I'm gonna need your help though. I don't really know where we are."

Whatever was on the other side of the door is snarling and slamming into it, harder than before.

Ben startles in your lap then tightens his hold on you.

You need to get him out of whatever depressing vision you're in and fast but you're not sure where to even start.

"Does the monster chase you a lot?"

"When I sleep he tries to get me," he whispers against your neck.

"Do you always run into your room when that happens? What do you usually do if you have a nightmare?"

"I run to my mama and daddy's room."

"Right now, we're in your room in your house right?"

"We're at home on Chandrila."

"Alright, let's think. Han and Leia's room is the safe zone. Now we-" you're brainstorming out loud when Ben cuts in.

"You know my mama and daddy?" Ben asks as he pulls away from you slightly. He looks at you in awe as if you just confirmed you're an actual angel because you know who his parents are.

"I'm an angel, of course I do." 

You wink at him and he smiles from ear to ear. His little crooked teeth and familiar dimples make your chest ache. You can't help but trace the little indentations with your thumbs while he smiles at you.

"I tried to run to my daddy first but I couldn't reach the room. I look for him sometimes when the monster chases me but I can't find him anymore. Daddy always helps me sleep but...I haven't seen him in a while," Ben's voice trails off.

You're pretty sure you know why Han can't protect him anymore but you can't think about that right now, not when you're already struggling not to cry

"Okay so Han used to help keep the monsters away, what about Leia?"

Ben shakes his head slowly. "She isn't as good at it as my daddy," he whispers as if Leia might jump out of the closet, offended.

"Do you think maybe the monster will go away if we can get to their room?" you repeat the question he ignored earlier.

"I think so but-" he sniffles and averts his eyes.

"But what?"

"I don't want to leave without the girl," he whispers as his cheeks turn red. "The monster said I love her and he's gonna hurt her 'cause I was bad. I don't know where she is and I don't want him to get her." 

Even though he's still avoiding eye contact with you, you can see his eyes are welling with tears again.

"I promise I won't let him get her. I'll make sure you're safe then I'll find her. Okay?"

His eyes meet yours as he brings his little hand up and roughly wipes away a stray tear from your eye, nearly blinding you in the process.

"Okay," he whispers.

You smile at him and brush his bangs out of his eyes.

"This is the plan. I'm going to stand up right now and I need you to keep your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist and hold on tight. I'm going to open that door, and we're going to run to Han and Leia's room okay?"

"But the monster-"

"Can you use the Force?"

Ben's eyes widen and he nods. You're not sure if you can use it since you're in a weird dream of Ben's but you aim your hand towards his calligraphy set and lift his pen into the air. He gasps with excitement and smiles at you again.

"We both can use the Force, together we're stronger than that stupid monster," you give him, what you hope is, a reassuring squeeze and smile.

Ben covers his mouth and giggles.

"You're gonna be brave for me right? 'Cause I might need your help fighting the monster. You think you can do that?"

"I'm scared," he whispers as his lip begins to tremble.

"You won't be alone, I'll be with you the whole time."

"You promise you won't leave me?"

"I'll never leave you Ben. We fight the monster together or not at all."

He stares at you intensely, too intensely for a kid his age. Slowly, a smile spreads across his face.

"It is you! You're not an angel! You're the girl the monster said he would take from me aren't you? I think you're her 'cause you make me feel safe and warm."

You're not sure how to respond to that. Ben, whether he'll remember when he wakes up or not, just admitted he loved you. It isn't brand new information, you can practically see it in his eyes when he looks at you. Hearing it out loud is a lot different than just knowing though.

"Do you feel a little bit better, knowing I'm here with you?"

He smiles and nods quickly.

"Good. So you're gonna be brave and help me get us out of here?"

His smile falters slightly but he tries to keep up the brave face by nodding again.

"Okay perfect. No matter what, I'm not leaving you alone. I won't let him hurt you, okay?"

"Okay," he says as he wraps his arms around your neck again.

When you stand, he wraps his little legs around you tightly. You position him so he's partially resting on your left hip. To support some of his weight as well as ensure he doesn't slip off your hip, you place your left arm under his butt and hold onto his thigh. Surprisingly he's not as heavy as you thought he might be which makes things a lot easier.

Once you get to the bedroom door, you pause.

"Alright, I'm gonna open the door. If you get scared, close your eyes and hide your face again but you have to tell me how to get to Han and Leia."

"O-o-kay," he says nervously.

Before you lose your nerve, you slide the door open and make your way into the hall. Your back in the hallway of doors, and for now, there's no monster in sight.

"Which way Ben?"

He looks both ways then points at the door at the farthest end of the hallway. It's the only door with light shining underneath it.

"The other rooms are dark. I don't like the dark," he whispers.

You bring his head closer to your face and kiss him on the forehead before hurrying towards the door at the end of the hallway.

Ben gasps and you freeze. You glance over your shoulder and see one by one the doors you've passed are opening, thick, black smoke billows out of the rooms like low lying fog. It's hissing in low tones as if the smoke itself is alive. He hangs on to you a little tighter and starts shaking.

"Is that the monster?" you ask him quietly as you pick up the pace.

He shakes his head no and points down the hall behind you. Knowing you're absolutely going to regret it, you glance over your shoulder. A tall figure stands un-moving at the opposite end of the narrow hallway. Completely dressed in black, skinny, faceless, and extremely tall. You're terrified but you do your best to hide it. 

The monster looks like Slenderman if he was going through a goth phase and refused to wear anything but black. You've seen enough horror movies to know that at any minute, it's going to run at full speed towards you.

Without hesitation you run down the hallway towards the light. Ben is squeezing you so tight he's nearly cutting off circulation to your upper body.

"Ben, I need you to be brave and use the Force to slow them down okay, we're almost to the door."

"I'm scared."

"I know you are but I'm right here and I need you to be strong okay. Think about...think about..."

Your mind quickly sifts through the small glimpses of the few pleasant memories Ben had growing up that you had seen the last time you bridged your minds.

"Think about flying the Falcon with your dad and climbing on uncle Chewie. Think about practicing your calligraphy with your mom and...and the secret presents your uncle Lando gives you. Think about things that make you happy. You were...you are. your dad's light, that's how he kept the monsters away from you."

You're hoping Ben doesn't catch the way you keep referring to Han in the past tense.

"His light was...is bright enough for both of you because you make him happy. It will keep you safe from the dark."

"It will?" he mumbles against your neck.

"It will, I promise."

"What about you?" he asks as he lifts his head from your neck.

The damn door isn't getting any closer and you're not sure how much longer you can run with a small child clinging to your side.

"What about me?" you ask, breathlessly.

Cardio isn't something you partake in regularly. Your motto has always been "I don't run unless I'm being chased." The irony is not lost on you.

"I think...I think you make me happy. Can I think about you?" Ben asks while hiding his face again to keep you from seeing him blush.

You squeeze him against you. "Of course you can think about me but you need to concentrate and you need to do it now."

His hand outstretches past your shoulder and moments later, a bright light flashes in the hallway twice before it slowly fades.

Glancing over your shoulder you can see the slenderman knock off seething at the end of the hallway. The eerie black fog-like smoke laps at his heels as he seeths.

"I did it!" Ben says happily.

"Yes you did!"

Faintly, you hear voices emanating from the glowing door which is now wide open and inviting. The voices you're hearing are not ones to avoid, these ones are pleasant and full of warmth.

_"Ben!" Luke yells._

_"Ben, come back," Leia says with a tinge of panic._

Ben averts his attention from the shadows behind you and focuses on the door that's thankfully getting closer.

"Mama? Uncle Luke?"

_"C'mon traitor wake up," Finn's voice calls out._

_"Ben!" Poe says._

Even without seeing him you can tell he was forced to participate and was very reluctant to do so.

"I don't know who that guy is but I don't like his voice. Why is he with my mama?" Ben frowns as Poe's voice faintly echoes through the hallway.

"Jesus Ben, even in this fucked up mind prison you're an asshole," you whisper under your breath.

"Hey! That's not nice," he directs his frowns at you.

The hallway darkens and Ben panics "He's coming back and I'm not strong enough to fight him!"

_"Ben!"_

_"Ben!"_

Luke and Leia's voices grow louder as the door gets closer.

"You hear them calling you? We're so close to the door. One more push and we'll make it. I know you can do it Ben. Once we get through that door, the monster will never get you again. I won't let him."

Ben closes his eyes, presses his face into the side of your neck, and evens his breathing.

The heavy footsteps behind you are getting louder and closer together as the monster closes the distance between you. It's absolutely terrifying and you can't fathom how Ben managed to deal with nightmares like this regularly. Trying to run even faster than before, you promise whoever may be listening that you'll work on your cardio. You're not sure what will happen if the creepy tall man or the smoke gets you but you don't want to find out.

The force starts radiating off of Ben in waves. The footsteps are literally right behind you and you know at any minute, it's going to grab you both and pull you away from the light. All at once Ben pushes them back, the hallway lights up, you reach the open door, and throw yourself through it.

* * *

Ben's eyes snap open the moment yours do. He's gasping and staring up at you, momentarily confused. It takes him a moment to get his bearings, realize what happened, and where he is. Sitting up quickly, he wraps his arms around you, buries his face into your neck, and holds on to you the way the younger version did moments ago. He's trembling still and your shirt starts to feel damp where his face is resting. 

Leia and Luke breathe a sigh of relief and sit on the floor next to you instead of hovering over you. Finn and Poe have no idea what just happened but they know it was intense. They sit back in silence, and watch Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer, cling to you as if his life depends on it.

When your eyes meet Finn's he nods once before tugging on Poe's sleeve and gesturing towards the door. Poe nods at you and follows Finn out of the gym.

"I think we should go back to our room for a bit so he can rest. Do you think you can teach him the meditation you showed me, to protect himself from Snoke later?" you ask Luke. He nods while staring at Ben with a concerned look on his face.

"Is that okay?" you ask Leia.

She nods and reaches out to give your arm squeeze, thanking you for saving Ben from Snoke.

"Let's go big guy," you say into Ben's ear.

"Mom," Ben's voice cracks as he lifts his head away from you.

You're momentarily caught off guard. Since waking up in this craziness, Ben has always called Leia 'mother.' When he was younger he called her 'mama.'To hear him call her 'mom' somehow seems more personal.

"What is it sweetie?"

Leia leans in closer to Ben and brushes his sweaty hair out of his face.

"You trust me right?"

"Of course I do," Leia responds without hesitation.

"I need to send a message to one of my knights."

You pull back to look at his face. Leia and Luke have the same confused look on their face as you do as the three of you stare at Ben, as if waiting for him to say "HA! Just kidding."

Ben sighs, "Snoke is after something. He didn't just call out to me to point out that he knows I betrayed him or to punish me. He was digging through my mind, harder than ever before, looking for something. I kept him out long enough for her to pull me back. We need to find out what he's after."

"You know we trust you, but that is a horrible idea. How do you know they haven't turned on you and follow Snoke now? I know by right you are their master since you beat Ren but power is power. I doubt they'd follow you if they thought you were a traitor."

"I'm not going to contact them as a group. Regardless of how many years I've spent with them, I don't trust any of them, except one. He wouldn't betray me, not when I'm rightfully his master."

"Who?"

"Vicrul."

* * *

After reluctantly agreeing to let Ben contact Vicrul, the four of you stand in Leia's office. Three of you watch anxiously as Ben sends out an extremely encrypted message from Leia's private transceiver. The only other person aside for the people in Leia's office that know of its existence is Poe. If Vicrul betrays Ben, the Resistance base will still be safe, hopefully. 

You agree to meet back in Leia's office later in the evening to go over things, a lot of things. Ben needs to train with Luke, which he's surprisingly okay with. You need to fill Finn and Poe in on everything, and you need to sit down with all of them and figure out the next part of your plan, Lothal.

Ben is in a somewhat cathartic state. He's zoning out and still shaken over what Snoke had done to him but it doesn't seem like he remembers what went on while your minds were bridged. Once you're in your room, he starts walking towards your bed. Before he can reach it, you grab him by the hand and drag him into the bathroom. Instead of turning on the shower, you fill the tub, and undress him. He doesn't pounce on you like he did earlier in the day. He stands still and lets you take care of him. Once he's undressed and in the tub, you undress and get into the tub with him. Nudging him so he'll sit up, you sit behind him, spreading your legs so he can rest his back against your chest.

Once you're both comfortable, he sighs and relaxes into you. After wetting his hair, you run your hands through it the way you know he likes, using your nails to lightly scrape his scalp. The silence between you is comfortable, although to an outsider it probably seems otherwise. You're trying not to think about how comically large Ben looks in the tub you've both managed to fit in. If one of you moves a finger the water is going to slosh over the side. His knees are bent and nearly half of his body is sticking out of the water, yet he's content.

When he relaxes into you further, you know he's likely on the verge of sleep. You're about to tell him both of you should get out so he can lay down for a bit, but he breaks the silence.

"When I was little, I used to have really bad nightmares. I honestly can't even recall what they were about. I just remember being terrified of falling asleep. My father," Ben pauses and swallows hard. You wrap your arms around his shoulder in an effort to comfort him. "I was left with nanny droids frequently but I spent more time with my father than my mother. The galaxy was still recovering from the fall of the empire which meant she was off planet a lot, rebuilding. When she was gone it was just me and him," he sighs.

"I remember overhearing him tell my mother how he felt helpless, like he was a horrible father because he didn't know how to help me. My mother told him the best thing he could do for me was to simply be around and hopefully I'd eventually tell them what was frightening me every night. She went on a trip not too long after that, leaving me and my father alone. I woke up one night, drenched in sweat and terrified. I wanted to run into their room, as if being in there alone would keep the nightmares away but I knew better, I knew it wouldn't help, nothing helped. So I stayed in bed and fought sleep. It's no secret he wasn't Force sensitive, but somehow he _knew_ I was awake and he knew why."

Ben has never spoken this much at one time. You're not sure if he wants you to interject and say something to comfort him but you don't want him to clam up so you stay quiet as he recalls a memory you're hoping is a pleasant one.

"He came into my room and sat on the side of the bed for what felt like an hour. He didn't say anything, he just sat there. I'm assuming he was trying to figure out what to say."

* * *

_"Hey kid," Han says quietly, "you awake?"_

_Ben doesn't respond, but he turns over to face his father._

_Han was expecting Ben to ignore him, not because he didn't want to be around him, but because Ben hated when they pointed out how little he slept or how bad his nightmares are._

_He's still little but his eyes were ancient, like he'd been around a lot longer than three years old, like he'd seen a lot more than any little boy should. Maybe he has, there's no way for them to know. When they ask Ben what his nightmares are about he always refused to say. Occasionally Chewie will be able to squeeze a word or two out of him but all he'll say is that a monster is trying to get him._

_'So."_

_Han nervously places a hand on the back of his neck while looking around Ben's room._

_"So your mom's gone again. She shouldn't be gone too long this time but I uh...well," hehuffs._

_He's told Leia time and time again he's not cut out to be a father. Ben had been troubled since he was born. He would never admit it, but he felt left out. Everyone had the 'Force' except him, including Ben. He wasn't sure how he's supposed to relate to his son if they don't have anything in common. But Leia insists, being around Ben is enough. Ben doesn't need his father to be Force sensitive, all he needs is his presence._

_When he can't figure out exactly how to say what he wants to say to Ben, he tries a different approach._

_"You know how everyone is scared of your mother?"_

_Ben nods._

_"Well, sometimes I have nightmares and your mom scares them away."_

_Han winces when he realizes how dumb that sounds. Although Ben is still a kid, he fully expects him to roll his eyes at him, but he doesn't._

_"You do?" Ben asks, surprised._

_"Uh...yeah...yeah I do."_

_Han does his best to sound sincere and not like he's making things up on the fly._

_"About monsters?"_

_"Oh yeah, big, huge monsters. I-"_

_"Like the Snarlac monster?" Ben asks, wide eyed and enthralled._

_"Yesssss," Han says, drawing out the 's.' "Who told you about the Snarlac Pit?" Han asks Ben suspiciously._

_Ben looks away from Han once he realizes he just ruined a secret._

_"Your uncle Lando, uncle Luke, uncle Chewie, or your mother? Spill kid, you're not in trouble, I just wanna know who told you that story before I got to."_

_"Unca Wanwo," Ben says as he tries to suppress a smile._

_"That slimy, double-"_

_"Dada!"_

_"Sorry kiddo," Han smiles._

_"The Snarlac monster was scary. Even though it happened a long time ago, sometimes I have nightmares. When your mom is around, I don't have any. Even monsters are afraid of her when she's angry."_

_Han smirks at Ben, and Ben smirks back._

_"Since she's gonna be gone for a few days, well, I don't wanna have any nightmares. I was thinking maybe you should sleep in our room and keep me safe."_

_Ben stares at him, wide eyed and disbelieving. His dad has nightmares like he does? He's the strongest, bravest, person he's ever met, nothing scares him. He fought monsters with his uncles and his mom before he was born, and he wants Ben to protect him?_

_"You want me to keep you safe?" Ben asks for clarification. He can't believe what he's hearing. There's no way he's strong enough to protect his dad from anything._

_"Yeah kid, you're braver than you think you are and you're just like your mom. If anyone is going to keep the monsters away from me it's you."_

_Ben bit the inside of his cheek, mulling it over._

_"Okay, dada," Ben says quietly as he sits up._

_Han smiles down at his son, as they both get to their feet. Once Ben is standing on the bed, Han scoops him up, throws him over his shoulder and carries him into the room he shares with Leia. Ben giggles loudly when Han tosses him on the bed and he bounces. Once he comes to a stop, he quickly makes himself comfortable where Leia usually slept._

_After changing into a t-shirt and pajama pants, Han walks back into the room. Ben is fast asleep on Leia's pillow. For once he feels like he's doing something right. The real test is when he goes to sleep though. If Ben sleeps through the night, it will be a success, if not, well, he'll have to try something new. Maybe Chewie can lie about having nightmares next. Slowly and quietly, Han slides under the blankets next to Ben and turns off the light._

_When he wakes up it's because a foot is in his face, and the sun is in his eyes. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, slowly moves the foot out of his face, and sits up. Ben is sprawled out diagonally across the bed, hair sticking up in every direction, drooling. He slept through the night for the first time since Han can remember and it takes every ounce of self control he has not to grab his com unit, contact Leia, and rub it in her face. For once, he was better at something than she was when it came to parenting._

_After that night Ben was closer with Han and every time he had a nightmare, which was often, he would go to his 'dada' to keep him safe._

* * *

"When I was a little older he spent more time away while my mother stayed with me. Eventually the nightmares weren't as frequent but the voices were around regularly. On the rare occasion I had a nightmare and my father wasn't around, I'd crawl into bed with my mother but it wasn't the same. That's when I figured out my mother didn't actually keep the monsters away from my father, he said that to make me feel better, and it did."

Thankfully Ben's head is resting underneath your chin, he can't see the tears you're failing at holding back. He never talks about Han, you assume because it's too painful. The few memories you saw or read about were pleasant but they were few and far between. The bad memories Ben has of his life outweigh the good and it's hard to sift through the haystack to find the needles.

If he remembers what happened while your minds were bridged, he's not saying. Based on how he has random memories of Han that relate to what you experienced, it's safe to assume is subconscious is trying to at least drop him a hint. There's no other reason that you can think of that the specific memories about nightmares would randomly spring up.

"Sorry, I...I'm not sure why I just thought of that," he clears his throat and drags his wet hands over his face once more.

"Thank you," you say into his hair.

"For what?" he asks, confused, as he turns over in the tub to face you. His large frame turning in the tub water causes water to splash over the edge of the tub.

"For sharing that with me. The only memories of yours I've seen have been of horrible things that have happened to you. Your book didn't really mention many positive memories either. It's nice to hear about the pleasant things you've experienced."

He wraps his arms around your waist and lays his head on your bare chest, still seeking comfort at the moment, nothing more.

"Why don't we go lay down a bit. You're drained and we're probably going to have a long night ahead of us."

"Okay," he says before leaning in, kissing you softly on the lips.

* * *

When you laid down with him you weren't remotely tired but the man's like a damn walking furnace and it's starting to get cold out. Ben's buried in your chest, breathing deep, and relaxed, practically purring. Your datapad dings at the same time your eyes open. With great effort, you manage to stretch over Ben and pick it up.

FINN: _Are you two awake yet? A message just came in for Ben. I think it's one of his minions. It's encrypted though so we don't know what it says. The traitor is the only one that can open it._

Smiling, you reply, knowing if they didn't hear from you someone would be sent to retrieve you.

YOU: _I'm up. He's not. Are the Avengers assembling right now? Do we meet in Leia's office?_

FINN: _Nothing you just said made sense but yes, meet in the general's office. Preferably soon, everyone's on edge after receiving the message from Ben's lackey and I'm sure someone will show up to personally wake you up if you guys don't get here soon...probably Poe...yeah he's pacing._

YOU: _Give us ten minutes._

As you're setting your datapad down, it dings again. Frowning, you pick it up, expecting a message from Poe telling you to hurry your ass. Surprisingly, it's from Finn again.

FINN: _By the way, is Ben okay? After what happened earlier?_

YOU: _He should be good once he wakes up. Having someone strong enough to tap into your mind from across the galaxy can be draining and he was exhausted. Thank you for asking Finn._

FINN: _Do you think maybe because of what happened Ben would understand why Poe has an issue with him?_

You were surprised it took so long for Finn to bring it up. Things between Ben and Poe would never be simpatico unless Ben apologizes and that definitely won't happen. Maybe if Poe hadn't antagonized him so much, but there's no way to really know how things could have been.

YOU: _Honestly Finn, I was wondering the same thing but Poe has purposely tried to get under his skin since he arrived, consistently, and it's worked. I mean, he touched my boob earlier today just to piss him off. It will be really hard to get him to sympathize with him but I'll try and talk to him. He's made peace with everyone, aside for Poe. Let's get through tonight then we'll go from there. I promise I'll talk to him._

FINN: _< 3_

Interesting, emoji's are universal...

"Good morning Starshine, the Earth says hello," you smile and brush Ben's hair out of his eyes as he starts to wake up.

"Earth? Isn't that the planet you're from?" he asks groggily as he yawns.

"It's a line from an old song, sorry. Eventually I'll remember you don't understand my Earth references. He can't see the sad smile you give him, thankfully."

"How long have I been sleeping?" he asks as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

"Not sure, but it's dark outside and I'm hungry."

"We should probably eat," he says as he snuggles back into you.

"We should, but everyone's waiting for us in Leia's office. There's an encrypted message waiting for you."

Ben's body freezes completely, he might even be holding his breath. Tense, he quickly rolls out of bed, gets to his feet, and starts getting dressed.

It's really hard to focus on the task at hand and the importance of the message waiting for you in Leia's office when the viking of a man is standing in front of you stark naked.

When he doesn't hear you climbing out of bed behind him, he glances over shoulder. His cocky smirk is back. He bends down to pick up your shirt, and throws it at your head, smirk never leaving his face.

* * *

All eyes turn to you and Ben the moment the door slides open. 

Poe is pacing Leia's office.

Leia is sitting at her desk with her hands folded on top of it.

Luke is mediating, maybe. It doesn't seem like the appropriate time or place to meditate but he's sitting with his legs crossed on the floor, back straight, eyes closed, hands resting on his knees.

Finn is sitting in a chair across from Leia's desk, his elbow is resting on the arm of the chair, his head is in his hand, and his leg is bouncing up and down.

"Why is everyone on edge? We don't even know what the message says," you ask as you glance around the room.

"The general of the Resistance sent a message directly to one of the Knights of Ren from the Resistance base," Poe crosses his arms over his chest and stares at you, waiting for you to argue.

"I mean, I get why you're nervous but we should watch the holo before panicking."

"Agreed," Leia says as she walks around her desk towards a large table used for private meetings. She presses a button and a projection appears in the center of the table. Leia moves her hand and several flashing lines appear. On the table in front of the hologram is a projection of a keyboard in galactic standard.

Leia steps aside and gestures for Ben to stand in her place. He hopes reaching out to Vircrul wasn't a mistake. If his trust was misplaced, everyone in the room with him could potentially be in danger. The entire Resistance could potentially be in danger, even though he wasn't too concerned with anyone else.

When he doesn't move, you take his hand in yours and pull him over to the table, next to Leia. He hovers his hands over the keyboard, pauses for a moment, then types. You'd thought he would type in a one word password but he types out a phrase, too fast for you to read it.

Ben glances at you and sees the suspicious look on your face. He glances around the room and sees everyone else in the room giving him the same look.

"What?" he asks, genuinely confused.

"You sent an encrypted message to one of the Knights of Ren who are probably working for Snoke. They sent you a response and you quickly typed in the password before any of us even had a chance to read it."

Poe crosses his arms and nods in agreement. Ben sighs, he sees your point but he honestly hadn't thought of it that way.

"Oh. 'live and consume, nature and nothing' is the encryption key."

"What does that mean?" Finn asks from across the room, still sitting in his chair. Aside from Luke, he's the only one not hovering around the holo.

"It's part of our....their code."

"What's the full code?" Poe asks.

You're expecting Ben to make a snide remark to Poe's inquiry but the uncertainty of what he's about to open seems to quell his need to agitate Poe.

"The Ren doesn't stop to worry about what is burning or the right or wrong of it, or the goals it might achieve. The Ren just is. It lives, and it consumes, and it doesn't apologize. It is its nature and nothing else," Ben says while looking down. It's as if he's just now realizing exactly what that code means.

"Hmm. That's kind of lame," you mumble louder than expected while staring at the flashing lines projected in front of you. Ben eyes leave the projected keyboard and stare back at you with a hint of annoyance.

"Don't look at me like that! Admit it, it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. I thought it would be like 'Take what you can, give nothing back.' Like the pirates code in Pirates of the Caribbean"

Everyone stares at you blankly.

"This," Poe waves his hand up and down in front of you, as if you're a prize he's showing off during a mid-afternoon game show. "This all makes sense now that we know what's actually going on. Now I know why I don't understand half of the shit you say."

Finn and Luke sigh. Ben is back to staring at the holo like it wronged him. It hasn't yet but once he starts playing it, it's possible it will. Leia places her hand on his forearm and gives him a reassuring squeeze. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and enters the last letter of the encryption code.

* * *

The holo starts out unsteady and muffled, like when someone butt dials you. You can hear fate sound in the background, too faint to make out what's being said. You can see small glimpses of the inside of a ship but not much.

A door slides shut and the image slowly starts to focus. The man in the holo has a mask somewhat similar to Ben's but creepier. His mask is all black with silver accents but not as polished and clean as Ben's. His mask looks like it's seen better days. The top part is smooth with deep straight line indentations from top to bottom. There's a small slit which you assume is where he sees from. The bottom half of the mask has a pattern similar to a grenade.

"So...I don't know if it's just because I know the man behind your mask but his mask is a thousand times creepier than yours."

Ben ignores you. Finn gets to his feet and stands by your side.

The man sets an overly large weapon against the wall, walks back towards the camera, and removes his mask, shaking his hair out in the process. His hand runs through his hair as he smiles into the camera. A flirtatious smile, a knowing smile.

The man is ridiculously good looking and it makes you angry. Why are all the space villains hot and why the hell do they wear masks?

You glance towards Poe and are relieved to see that he is as awestruck as you are. When your eyes meet Poe's he gestures towards the image wordlessly asking "You're seeing this right?"

The man's dirty blonde hair hangs over his face until he runs his fingers through it, slicking it back and out of his light blue eyes.

Ben's breath hitches and for a moment you think maybe he's just as enraptured by the man too.

"What?"

"I've...I've never seen him without his mask. I've never seen any of them without their masks."

"Never?" Finn asks, just as surprised as you.

"This may come as a surprise but we didn't exactly go to the cantina in our free time. They did their own thing. I only called on them when they were needed."

Vicrul glances over his shoulder once, ensuring the door to the room he's in is locked before leaning in front of the camera.

"What kind of shit have you gotten yourself into this time kid?" he asks while chuckling. 

"I've gotta say, I would have never expected you to reach out to me of all people. I mean, you spoke to me more than the other guys for as long as you've been Ren, but still. I didn't think you were particularly fond of any of us. So imagine my surprise when I personally get a message from our missing master."

There's a hint of contempt in his voice, but only a little. For the most part the man just seems like an arrogant asshole.

"It's the girl isn't it?" Vicrul smirks.

Ben's cheeks are red and he refuses to make eye contact with you.

"The girl that bested you on Starkiller. To think, if she had killed you, she would be our master now," the man smiles.

"Shit, had I know that I would have finished the job. My very own entourage. Like N'Sync but with homicidal tendencies, and goth."

"When word spread that you had been "captured," he does air quotes around the word and winks.

Ben sighs and rubs his face with his hand. He hates to admit it but he somewhat missed Vicrul. He's the only knight he somewhat had a friendship with. If he considered any of them friends it would be him.

"I didn't buy it like everyone else did. Not to kiss your ass or anything but you're the strongest Force user I've ever met, aside for the creepy old man, and you're savage as kriff when you're pissed. I told the guys you didn't get bested and captured, nah. You went willingly and it's all because you finally got your dick sucked isn't it?"

"Um," Finn says. Poe is nearly in tears trying to hold back a laugh. Leia is also trying extremely hard to laugh. Ben's face is so red he looks like he might pass out at any moment. You can't see Luke but you hear him sigh.

"If only he-"

Ben's hand flies to your mouth so fast, it startles you and your eyes widen.

"Not...another...word," he pauses between each word to emphasize how serious he is. He scowls down at you with cheeks so red they look sunburned. Your mouth is covered but he can feel you smiling beneath his hand.

"I told them, as soon as you found a lady friend to keep your cock warm at-"

"So can we skip to a part that isn't talking about you getting laid?" Poe manages to ask without laughing.

"For fuck sake don't you think I would if I could!" Ben nearly yells.

Prying Ben's hand from your mouth, you smile and place your hands over your heart as if you're in a classic romance movie and he just told you he loved you.

"Aww! You're saying 'fuck' now instead of kriff."

"It's okay dear. I'm pretty sure half the people on the base knows what goes on between you and-"

"This, this is why I went to the dark side, all of this," he groans and covers his face with his hands. 

You can faintly hear what Vicrul is saying over Ben's mortified ramblings, Leia's teasing, and Poe's snide remarks.

"Alright, so enough talk about your dick," Vicrul says as he brushes his hair back.

"About kriffing time," Ben sighs.

"Although I don't agree with the path you've chosen, I swore an oath. You're the master of the Knights of Ren by right, which means we follow you until your death our ours. The others have pledged their loyalty to Snoke, DO NOT trust them," Vicrul says, all signs of teasing gone.

The redness has left Ben's cheeks now that things are serious. His arms are crossed over his chest as he frowns at the holo.

"You asked if I knew what Snoke was up to, I do, but I don't. The wrinkled bastard has lost his mind I think. For a while he had us searching the galaxy for some slab of stones with some shitty drawings on it."

Everyone, minus Finn and Poe, tenses. Ben's eyes meet yours before you both glance back at the holo.

"He had us hopping from Sith citadels to Jedi temples looking for signs that stupid shit is real. Out of nowhere, the mummy tells us to stop looking because he found it."

Vicrul shakes his head and puts, what looks like, a toothpick in between his lips.

"That's not even the craziest thing that's been going on. Are you ready? Because this shit is crazy and makes no sense.

You brace yourself because you know what he's about to say, you don't need to hear him say it.

"So I guess there's ONE Jedi temple that we haven't destroyed and it's on Lothal. There's a myth about a portal there to a place called-"

"A scatter! FUCK!" you yell. Everyone stares at you in shock at your outburst.

"When Snoke was digging in your head and I went after you, you told me he was after a girl," you gesture towards yourself. " And a scatter. At the time I figured you were just getting things mixed up but you weren't. "Another name for the World Between Worlds is-

"Vergence Scatter," Ben sighs and closes his eyes.

"—world between worlds. It's a kriffing legend those sex deprived Jedis made up, a bed time story, and Snoke has us chasing after clues. He thinks it's a pathway between all time and space and whoever controls it controls the universe. His words, not mine. I still can't believe the Supreme Leader is actually buying this bantha shit," Vicrul laughs.

"Why the sudden interest, I wonder. Why is he so desperate to find out now?" Luke asks, as if Vicrul can hear him.

"He's after the girl too, your girl. I'm assuming she's your girl if you let yourself get captured for her," he wags his eyebrows.

Ben's looks at you with concern 

"You're probably wondering how I know this, and I'm afraid to say you're not gonna like the answer kid," Vicrul sighs, and runs his hand through his hair again. 

He genuinely looks like he feels bad having to be the bearer of the bad news he's about to drop on you.

Ben knows what he's about to say, he just knows. He's been afraid of it happening since Your shared dreams in the bookstore, even more so when Snoke disappeared and left him alone once he went to Tatooine to find you.

He closes his eyes and waits for the verbal blow to hit.

"I'm not sure on the details but your name was thrown around several times. The moment you went to that shit hole Tatooine, he knew you weren't coming back. I hate to have to tell you kid but he's been in and out of your head, but just a bit so you wouldn't notice. That's how he knew about the stupid rock."

Ben braces his hand on the table, palms flat, closes his eyes, and hangs his head.

"He's been waiting for the right time to dig around in your head. If you're reaching out to me now it's probably because that's what happened."

He's the reason Snoke is after you. He's the reason Snoke knows about the tablet and he's probably the reason he called the knights off, because he knows it's in your possession. He's the reason he knows about the World Between Worlds. It's all his fault, as usual.

"Now if all that shit wasn't crazy enough, here's the kicker," Vicrul says animatedly with his hands.

"Ugh there's more," you groan.

"The Supreme Leader thinks through this imaginary door he can bring Palpatine back," Vicrul starts laughing gruffly. Then covers his mouth realizing he's supposed to be sneaky.

The name Palpatine sounds familiar but you can't quite place why. If Snoke's trying to bring him back from the World Between Worlds, regardless of who he is, he can't be good. You're about to ask but when you turn to look at Luke and Leia they're pale and both look like they might either pass out or puke.

You glance at Ben, about to ask him to refresh your memory but he's staring at the holo, in legitimate shock.

"Kriff," Vicrul says and looks over his shoulder at something you can't see.

"I've got to go. Listen, no hard feelings if I try and kill you if I see you kid. You know how it is and if the others catch on I'm just as dead as you. I have a feeling you're with the girl. Not to get all mushy on you but that's where you should be. You've always been torn but I didn't dare say shit to you. I don't have a death wish and your temper is terrifying. You've never been cut out for this life. If you're not with the girl and you're off pillaging a village without us, first of all kriff off for not taking me with you. Second, forget I said anything."

The holo ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have no idea why but the youth are obsessed with Vicrul for some reason so just for the hell of it I chose him as Ben's go to. I suck at describing him but my visual is Charile Hunnam. If you don't know who that is, he plays Jax Teller in Sons of Anarchy. I've had a girl boner for him for years and thinking about him taking off the mask and his hair being all messy 
> 
> *visibly shivers* 
> 
> Vicrul droppin the Palps bomb was really the only thing important in this chapter. I was going to extend it but I was suddenly hit with a "Let's cry about Han and baby Ben" mood which is the reason why this chapter is mostly about them.


	15. Hell or Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder, I don't have a beta reader so mistakes will be made.

_I've got my sins and you're well aware  
_ _So when we don't make it out alive  
_ _Where do we go from there  
_ _I'd give my life up for a single day  
_ _Cause it's never enough  
_ _So if you follow then I'll always wait  
_ _Even if that means forever  
_ _And on my final day, this is what I'll say  
_ _I know you're scared but are you listening  
_ _Cause I don't think you hear me  
_ _Nothing can take your touch from me  
_ _Not even where we go from there  
_ _What if you can't find me  
_ _Then I'll find a way  
And on your final day, t_ _his is what I'll say  
_ _A lifetime's just too short to share  
_ _So will you wait?  
_ _Wipe your tears away  
_ _Don't be scared to leave  
_ _I won't beg you to stay  
_ _Every night in my dreams  
_ _Cause I know, when we meet again  
_ _We'll be home  
_ _Hell or heaven_

_  
For All Those Sleeping - Hell or Heaven_

* * *

To say Ben is upset is an understatement. It's a mix of fear, anxiety, anger, and guilt, so much guilt. His hands are flat against the table, his head is hanging down, he's breathing deeply, and his eyes are closed.

You can't tell whether he wants to break something or run away, maybe break something before he runs away. The way he's practically vibrating with barely suppressed emotion suggests he's on the verge of snapping.

"Ben?" Leia asks cautiously, unsure whether or not trying to comfort him is a good idea.

He lifts his arm and punches the table hard enough to not only leave a dent, but to hurt his hand. Shocked by his violent outburst, Finn and Poe take a few steps back. When he shows no signs of stopping, you quickly close the space between you. You grab his arm when he pulls his fist back to punch the table again. His eyes snap open and meet yours.

"Calm down!" you yell.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" he yells back, equally as loud. You've never seen him so upset before.

"SNOKE KNOWS ABOUT EVERYTHING! HE KNOWS ABOUT US, MORTIS, THE WORLD BETWEEN WORLDS! ALL OF IT AND IT'S MY FAULT! I WAS STUPID TO THINK I GOT RID OF HIM AND I WAS TOO WEAK TO KEEP HIM OUT! I-"

Frowning, you roughly grab his face, kiss him once, then shove him away from you hard enough for him to stumble backwards. The action catches him off guard enough to snap him out of his fit.

His mouth opens to either argue or ask you what the hell your problem is but you don't give him a chance to speak.

"SHUT UP AND STOP YELLING!"

His mouth quickly snaps shut.

"If you're stupid, I'm stupid, because I thought we got rid of Snoke too. Are you saying I'm stupid Ben?"

"What? No of course n-"

"Good. I don't ever want to hear you berate yourself again. Understand?"

"I'm-"

"Do you understand?" you ask through gritted teeth with a glare intense enough to make men twice his size cower.

He bites the inside of his cheek and tenses his jaw, desperately wanting to argue but knowing you well enough to know it's not wise.

"Yes," he responds reluctantly.

"Vicrul didn't say exactly what Snoke knows. I mean, he gave us a general idea but he didn't go into detail. Snoke might know we have the tablet but he might now know what the image on it looks like. He might know about Mortis but he doesn't know what we saw or what happened. Even if he knows what's on the tablet and finds the entrance before us, who's to say he'll still be able to get in? It might not be as easy as walking up to it and imitating the hand gestures. Based on how annoying the Mortis gods were, I highly doubt it will be that easy."

"I can't believe it," Luke murmurs.

It's the first time he's spoken since Palpatine's name was dropped. All eyes go to him. Leia knows what he's talking about, although everyone else seems to think he's in disbelief regarding what Snoke knows. Leia walked around the room and sat next to him.

"Can't believe what?" Finn asks.

"Somehow," Luke pauses.

"Palpatine is trying to return," Leia finishes.

"You guys better not look at me like I'm stupid, but who is Palpatine? The name sounds vaguely familiar."

Of course, they all look at you like you're an idiot but only momentarily. Ben, no longer fearing your wrath, decides to explain.

"In Obi-Wan's book he doesn't really go into detail when discussing what happened with my family. I'm not sure exactly what you know so I'm going to start at the beginning and try my best to summarize."

You nod and lean against the table next to him. Finn and Poe seem to be equally as interested in what Ben has to say because they take a step closer to him, giving him their undivided attention. Ben's lips part to speak but you interrupt.

"Wait! I need you to start this story with 'a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away,' like in Obi-Wan's book."

Ben frowns and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Pleasssssssse," you drag out the 's' and pout.

Ben sighs, "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a prophecy that stated the chosen one would be born and eventually bring balance to the force by destroying the sith once and for all."

Your eyes widen and Ben nods, knowing what conclusion you just came to. The Mortis gods called you and Ben the chosen ones more than once.

"My grandfather was the chosen one, or so they thought. We all know how his story ends but you might not know where it begins, which is with Palpatine."

Poe seems to be more aware of the story than Finn is which makes you feel better about being out of the loop, even though you have a good reason to be.

"Anakin had dreams about my grandmother dying which was another form of manipulation by Palpatine. Although the vision came true, it wasn't in the way he expected. Out of fear of losing her, my grandfather began looking for ways to save her life or prevent her from dying. He respected Palpatine and heeded his advice so when Palpatine told him there was a way to prolong someone's life by using the dark side of the Force, he believed him. He blindly followed Palpatine until he was too far gone to listen to my grandmother or Obi-Wan when they tried to make him see reason, make him see Palpatine for what he was, a sith lord."

Once again, your eyes widened in disbelief. You have read plenty about the Sith and Sith lords in the various Jedi texts you had immersed yourself in since arriving. Sith lords are extremely powerful in the dark side of the Force, and that's putting it mildly.

"When my pregnant grandmother tried to reason with my grandfather, he Force choked her, only releasing her when Obi-Wan intervened. When she woke up she was in labor in a medbay. After she had my mother and my uncle, she died. There was nothing medically wrong with her, she simply lost the will to live," he pauses and averts his eyes.

The room is quiet. Ben clears his throat and continues.

"Obi-Wan tried to get through to my grandfather but it didn't work. They fought, and Obi-Wan defeated him, but he didn't kill him. He cut off both of his legs and arms and left him for dead."

"Damn Obi, that's brutal," you say under your breath. You knew he was a badass, you've seen holo's to prove it. Even back home you could tell he was a lot stronger than he seemed, but you never would have thought he was capable of something that intense.

"He should have killed him. I would have," Ben adds.

When you don't seem bothered by what he's told you about Obi-Wan, he continues.

"Palpatine rescued him and healed him, in a way. When he came to, he asked for my grandmother. When he found out she died because of what he had done, he completely welcomed the dark side and became Darth Vader."

He paused and glanced at his mother and uncle, waiting to see if they wanted to correct anything he had said or interject but they didn't.

"He ruled by Palpatine's side until my mother and uncle were older. Obi-Wan found Luke, they found my father, and rescued my mother. Obi-Wan distracted Vader long enough for the three of them to get away. Vader killed him. Eventually my parents and Luke led the rebellion and destroyed the Empire. Palpatine and my grandfather tried to turn Luke to the dark side and failed. When Palpatine tried to kill him, my grandfather intervened, killed Palpatine, and died afterwards."

"But somehow, Palpatine has returned." Poe says morosely.

"Not yet, but apparently he's trying to," you add.

"Is that possible?" Leia asks, thinking Luke would be the one to respond.

"I think so. If the World Between Worlds really is a portal to different timelines and alternate universes, maybe the plan is to go in and pull Palps from one timeline and bring him back here. It worked for me, assuming the World Between Worlds played a part in getting me here."

"How would he even know about the World Between Worlds?" Finn asks. "You figured it out because of Obi-Wan and the Jedi texts right? Luke and Leia filled us in on a lot after you guys left earlier. How would Snoke have found out about it and what would make him think it's more than a myth?"

He crosses his arms and looks down, trying to think of an answer to his own questions.

"It's possible to speak with Jedi of the past, not just at Jedi temples, which I can personally attest to. I'm not sure how it works with the dark side but maybe the dark side has their own way of speaking with Sith from the past,' Luke says.

A horrible realization washes over you. If Palpatine is as bad as they're saying he is, it would make sense.

"What if," you pause, and swallow hard.

"What if the reason Snoke was after Ben since birth was because of Palpatine? What if he's been communicating with him since then and as a way to get back at the Skywalkers, they went after the most vulnerable one. Ben being as strong as he is was just an added bonus," you say quietly.

You don't realize you're staring at the ground until you try to meet Ben's eyes. He has his eyes closed and is trying to steady his breathing. Without looking towards Luke and Leia, you lean towards Ben and wrap your arms around him. It takes him only a moment for him to wrap his around you, and rest his head on yours.

"Unfortunately, you're probably right. Palpatine has always had it out for our family. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he found a way to get revenge even after death," Luke says, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"So what do we do?" Poe asks. "We can still stop him right? He hasn't found the World Between Worlds yet."

"We need to go to Lothal, and soon. Like...tomorrow. We don't know exactly what Snoke knows so we need to beat him there," you mumble against Ben's chest, loud enough for everyone to hear.

"We need a plan. You can't just hop in a ship and fly to Lothal tomorrow. It's too dangerous. We need to approach this with caution, we need to-" Leia starts.

"Isn't the base going to be quite a bit busier in the next few days," Luke interjects and stares back at her.

Ben and Leia sigh simultaneously.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean? Why would it be busier?" you ask, confused.

Poe looks at Ben incredulously, "You didn't tell her?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was a little busy getting my mind violated then passing out because of it," Ben sneers.

Poe's lips part to speak but Finn nudges him, hard.

"Tell me what? Explain," you frown up at Ben.

"Remember the holo meeting my mother and I attended while you were training with Luke?"

"Ugh," you groan and bury your face in his chest again. You already know what he's going to say. "Let me guess, you're stupid trial will take place here in two days?" you ask with your face against Ben's chest. He's the only one that can make out what you're saying.

"Afraid so," Ben says against the top of your head.

"Whether we're ready or not, we need to leave for Lothal by tomorrow," you say as you release your hold on Ben.

"Alright, so how should we do this?" Poe asks with a hint of barely veiled excitement.

" _ We _ ?" Ben asks with legitimate curiosity.

"Yes, we. What? You think we're just going to hang out here while you guys go at this alone? Absolutely not."

"No offense Poe, but this is something we have to do alone. We all can't go into the temple and-" you start to say.

"We don't have to go into the temple, you're right, that's something you guys need to do alone. But we can go with you guys to Lothal and make sure you get into the temple without any interference from the First Order. What if they already have troops stationed there? The two of you can't take them on alone," Finn adds.

"He's right. We might not be able to help you once you enter the temple, but we can help you get there," Leia says.

"Wait a second," you take a step away from Ben and completely face Leia and Luke. "You're planning on coming too?"

"Oh course I am," Leia says as if it should be obvious.

"You know how that will look if alll of us leave the planet, Ben included, days before he's set to go on trial. You'll be accused of helping him escape, which, in a way you kind of are. You're the General, that would affect the Resistance as a whole."

This isn't new information to her but you still feel like it needs to be voiced. Maybe if someone else says it she'll really grasp the consequences of her actions. Leia is always one step ahead so you know she's already aware of this tidbit. You also know she's going to come with you guys anyways.

Leia looks to Luke who gives her a small nod. They know more than they're letting on and you're not sure what it might be concerning.

"I'm fully aware of what's at stake which is why we're all coming."

You stare up at Ben as his eyes meet yours. The two of you silently ask the other whether or not you should agree to let them come with you to Lothal. He seems to be just as reluctant to agree as you are.

"We don't really have a say in the matter, sweetheart. Once my mother's set on something, there's no arguing with her."

Leia's smiles as the whole room collectively nods. "Great, it's settled. You guys will go in the Falcon with Chewie. Luke and I will follow in my ship. I'll make an announcement to see exactly how many ships will be-"

"An announcement? Mother, this isn't a Resistance mission. This is merely you wanting to ensure we get to the Jedi temple without issue," Ben frowns at Leia.

"Poe is right, what if Snoke already has First Order troops guarding the temple. Then what? We can't fight them alone. If there aren't troops on the ground they might have ships hovering over the planet. It would be stupid of us not to take that into consideration," Finn chimes in.

They're right.

"What do you plan on telling everyone? Do you think they'll all hop into their X-Wings when they find out we're going to look for a portal to all time and space and get in using a tablet given to us by the gods of the Force," you snort.

"I'm going to tell the truth while omitting a fair share of it, and maybe twisting it a bit. I'll say Ben is going to show us where one of the First Order bases is. Whoever wants to come can. I'll say there's a chance there might be a fight but it may not result in that. Anyone willing to come is welcome but it's not an obligation. If we get there and the First Order is there, they'll think Ben is on our side. If they're not there they'll think he lied and despise him even more but it won't really matter since you guys will be entering the temple."

"Alright then, when do we leave?" Poe asks confidently, before you can question Leia further.

"Are the two of you ready to do this?" Luke asks while glancing between you and Ben.

"Does it matter?" you ask a little harsher than intended.

"Not in the slightest," Luke smirks.

"Tomorrow," Ben says, with more confidence than you feel.

"Tomorrow," Leia agrees.

* * *

Shortly after your meeting over Vicrul's holo ends, Leia makes her announcement to the Resistance. More people volunteer to go to Lothal than you expect. It's clear they're eager for a fight after going so long without any information on the First Order, despite having Kylo Ren as a prisoner.

Neither you or Ben are able to fall asleep once you get back to your room. It could be because of the impromptu and lengthy mid-day nap or due to nerves, maybe both. Ben spends time with Luke, working on different ways to block his mind from Snoke, once and for all. You stay with Leia and Poe, making proper preparations for the trip that will likely be a one way one, for you and Ben anyways.

Regardless of what happens, you can't see things ending with you back on the Resistance base with Luke and Leia. You're trying not to think about it but you know deep down when you get to Lothal and part ways with everyone, you won't be seeing them again.

Ben can feel how emotional, you're getting over having to say goodbye but he doesn't mention it, and he doesn't plan to, not until you're alone anyways. While on the Falcon there are a few things he wants to discuss. The trip to Lothal will take about a day which means you'll have plenty of time to say what needs to be said.

* * *

After saying a quick "we'll see you there," to Luke and Leia, you, Ben, Poe, and Finn, head towards the Falcon. Ben pauses mid-step once it comes into view. You hadn't thought about how seeing his father's ship would affect him.

"Are you okay?" you ask, interlacing your fingers with his.

"Hmm? Oh, yes. The severity of what we're about to do is starting to sink in. It's a bit..."

"Overwhelming?" you ask, understanding how he feels because you feel the same way.

He nods.

"Well, we could knock everyone out with the Force, steal the Falcon, and fly to the outer rim or something. That's where shady people go to hide when they're running from people right?" you ask with genuine curiosity.

Obi-Wan, when discussing the different systems and planets, quickly skimmed over the areas that were "hives for scum and villainy."

Ben chuckles and pulls you into his side, "Yes, the outer rim is where we 'shady' people go to outrun their pasts, but I'm done running. Even though it's a bit terrifying, the only way is forward now."

"Ugh, so responsible."

You pull him towards the Falcon, stopping once you get to the bottom of the ramp. Ben freezes when he glances up the ramp and sees the large Wookie standing at the top.

Chewie has forgiven him for what happened on Starkiller, but Ben doesn't know that. The last time Ben saw his uncle, Chewie had shot him in the abdomen. The look of hatred in his uncle's eyes when he saw you crouching down in the snow next to him was something he's thought about regularly since that day.

You release Ben's hand with difficulty due to Ben's death grip. He is looking at you like you just shoved him out of a plane without a parachute. You tug on him so he'll lean down towards you, kiss him on the cheek, and walk up the ramp. Meeting Chewie half way, you give him a quick hug before entering the Falcon and walking straight to the cockpit.

Ben has never felt smaller than he does at this moment. He feels like he's three again, looking up at his impossibly tall uncle before climbing up his leg like he's his very own personal jungle gym.

What happened the last time they saw each other lingers in the air between them. The sound of Chewie's anguished roar as Ben shoved his lightsaber through his father's chest echoes in his mind. He closes his eyes and steadies his breathing before his uncle confronts him.

He's about to open his eyes and face the consequences of his actions when two large, hairy, arms wrap around him so tight, he can barely breathe.

It takes Ben 0.3 seconds before he's crying into the Wookie's arms the way he did when he was little. He never thought he would be face to face with his uncle again and if it happened, he didn't think it would be on non-violent terms.

"Uncle Chewie," Ben mumbles against him.

Chewie gives him a hard squeeze before releasing him, ruffling his hair, and tugging on the collar of the jacket he is wearing, his father's jacket. He growls something similar to "it looks good on you," before he turns and walks but up the ramp, into the Falcon.

Ben takes a moment to compose himself, not wanting to walk into the ship, red eyed and teary. Once he's sure he looks somewhat presentable, he walks into his father's ship and lifts the ramp behind him.

* * *

When Ben enters the cockpit it's not because he wants to be there. He's seeking you out and that's where you happen to be. His eyes are drawn to the pilots seat his father used to occupy, the seat his father promised would be his one day.

Exchanging a glance with Chewie, you stand as if you're about to leave the cockpit. Chewie takes your spot in the co-pilot's seat, and before Ben realizes what's happening, you shove him into the pilot's seat. He is about to protest but you stand over him and point a finger in his face.

"No."

Ben's parted lips snap shut and he averts his eyes from you. He feels like a fraud as he stares at the dashboard. Piloting the Falcon is something he's wanted to do since he was a child but now that he has the ability to, he doesn't feel like he deserves it. He doesn't deserve to sit where his father once sat.

When Ben stares a bit too long at the controls, Chewie gives him a playful shove then nods towards the dash.

As if it's second nature, as if he's been flying the Falcon his entire life, he flips the controls, and runs through a pre-flight sequence. Moments later the Falcon's engines flare and the ship ascends.

Ben is too focused on properly piloting the Falcon to notice the look on Chewie's face as he watches the splitting image of his best friend fly his ship just as well as Han did himself. There is no resentment, and no anger over the fact that Ben is the reason Han isn't sitting where he sits. He's proud of Ben and that couldn't be more clear.

Once traveling through hyperspace, Ben reaches into his pocket, removes Han's dice, and sets them back where they belong, where they've been since he was a kid. You feel like you're intruding on a private moment, as if Han is there and he's making his peace with him.

Quietly, you walk out of the cockpit to join Finn and Poe who are sitting at the dejarik table, arguing.

Sitting in the chair, across from them, you watch with amusement.

"I'm telling you, if you move the Monnok there, my Houjix is going to take it out in one hit," Poe says with irritation. "That move will end the game and then you'll accuse me of cheating again."

"You're wrong! Even if you're right, which you're not, the move will clear up space for the Kintan Strider which will not only take out your Houjix, but it'll also defend the Ghhhk!" Finn says as he throws his arms in the air with exasperation.

Ben walks out of the cockpit, leans down to kiss you on the forehead, then turns his attention to the argument unfolding.

His brow furrows as he concentrates on the game pieces on the table across from him. Judging by the look on his face, he has the game figured out already. He knows exactly where each piece needs to go in order to win.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Ben asks, as he approaches the table.

"Yes," Finn nearly yells at the same time Poe yells, "no."

Finn glares at Poe then gestures towards the board. Poe huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.

Ben leans over the table, stares at it for a few seconds, then gestures towards the Grimtaash.

"The Grimtaash, many people overlook the pawn as being weak because it's not as strong as the other figures. Despite that, it's usefulness in the correct situation is worth more than high stats, like now for example. If the Grimtaash moves here," he gestures to a spot adjacent to where it's currently located, "it will stun the Houjix for two turns. Finn, your Monnok will have a clear path and your Kintan Strider will not only take out the Houjix, but also the K'lor'slug, effectively ending the game."

Ben stares at the table for a few more seconds, as if checking his work, then leans back and waits to see whether or not Finn will take his advice. He does, and the four of you watch as Poe loses the game with one move.

Finn smugly smiles at Poe who looks like he can't decide who he wants to punch more, Finn for being smug, or Ben for being right.

"The Grimtaash, why does that sound familiar?" you ask aloud as you wrack your brain. "Isn't that an Alderaanian myth? Like a monster that protected you royals on Alderaan?"

Ben can't hold back a smile. Knowing you know about Alderaan and at least one story he was told as a child means more to him than he expected.

"You nerd! You named your ship the Grimtaash. I didn't connect the dots until just now!" you giggle and he sighs.

He's close enough to you that you can wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head against his stomach.

"Gross, get a room," Poe acts disgusted until Finn elbows him.

"That's actually not a bad idea," you say through a yawn. The rest of the group yawns immediately after you do.

"We should all try and sleep at least a little. We don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow," Finn says, doing his best to not sound nervous.

You get to your feet and pull Ben behind you but he pauses.

"I'm going to let Chewie know we're going to sleep and to wake me in a few hours so I can take over and he-"

Movement behind Ben catches your eye. Finn nudges Poe again. The two seem to be having a very quiet, rushed, conversation before Poe pinches the bridge of his nose and interrupts Ben.

"I can do it. When Chewie's tired, I can take over for him. It's more important for you two to be well rested than us," Poe practically mumbles and looks everywhere than at the shocked expression on Ben's face.

When Ben doesn't say anything it's your turn to nudge him.

"That would be...nice."

It's as close to a 'thank you' as Ben can get when it comes to Poe. The two of them exchange a small nod before Poe walks towards the cockpit to let Chewie know the rest of you are going to sleep. Finn sits behind the Dejarik table, smiling.

"Thank you, Finn," you smile back at him and nudge Ben again.

"Thank you, Finn." It sounds like the words cause Ben physical pain as he says them.

Finn rolls his eyes. "Don't hurt yourself, traitor," he says as he follows Poe, leaving the two of you alone.

"I think I like that nickname more when he says it," you chuckle, and pull Ben towards the small room you now know was once his.

Both of you remove your holsters, jackets, and boots and set them next to the bed. You know he's thinking about the same thing you are. There are too many people in too small of an area for that to happen, at least quietly.

Instead, the two of you somehow manage to contort yourselves enough to fit on the twin size bed. It's not in any way comfortable but it works.

He slides his arm under your head so you can use it as a pillow, and you drape your leg across his hip. By the time you two are done fidgeting you're both laughing quietly. There's no way you'll be sleeping in the position you're in.

"I've got an idea," he says into your ear as his laughter dies down.

Before you can ask what it is, he rolls on to his back, pulling you on top of his chest. It's oddly comfortable. He's warm and despite being predominantly made of muscle, he's soft. You bury your face into his neck and sigh. One arm is wrapped around your waist while he combs his fingers through your hair and leaves them there, holding your head close to him.

Resting against the pulse point in his neck, you can feel his heart suddenly start beating faster. Whatever he's about to say or do is making him anxious.

"What's wrong?"

"Hmm?"

"Something is wrong, what is it? Your heart is racing and we're not doing anything strenuous, even though I know we both want to," you smile against his neck before trailing kisses along it. His breath hitches and he squeezes you a bit closer to him. When he sighs, you stop kissing his neck.

"I don't want to discuss what happened on Mortis but I think we should."

Ben's right, unfortunately. You've tried to erase the memory of him bleeding out and the way he smiled at you, content while dying as long as he was in your arms.

You don't realize your crying until he pulls away from you enough to see your face.

"What's wrong sweetheart," he whispers as he brushes your hair out of your face.

"Mortis," you whisper back.

He swallows hard. He wasn't sure what you experienced but when you both woke up with tear stained cheeks and eyes red rimmed from crying, he assumed your experience was just as bad as his.

"Did I...did you watch as I-"

"Yes," you say abruptly.

With one hand still in your hair, he angles your head so he can kiss you gently. Even though it pains him to do so, he pulls away before things get heated.

"I experienced the same thing only...only it was-"

You lean in and kiss him again, knowing what he's going to say. When you pull away, you rest your head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It's loud and steady, but most importantly, it's there.

The gentle hum of the Falcon's engines, the warmth of his chest, and the rhythmic sound of his heart beating, slowly begin to lull you to sleep. There's one more thing you need to discuss with him though. It's bothering you, it's bothering you both, and it needs to be addressed before you get to Lothal.

"Ben?" you whisper, unsure if he's awake.

"Hmm?"

"What if...what if we get into the World Between Worlds, I find out why I was sent here, and I get sent home? What if I accomplished what I needed to and I can't stay here?"

He's tried not to think about the possibility but it's a very real one. Neither one of you know what will happen if you manage to open the portal successfully. He's well aware of how dramatic he'll sound if he says he genuinely can't picture his life without you in it, but it's the truth.

You continue to talk when Ben's silence starts to make you uncomfortable.

"If I'm forced to go home, and you have the ability to come with me, would you? I understand why you would want to stay here, your mom is here, and Chewie, and Luke. Overall your world is a lot cooler than mine but in my world you would have a home. You wouldn't need to hide out in the outer rim and you wouldn't be living out of a ship alone. Wouldn't you like a place to call home?"

"No."

Ouch. Although you genuinely understand why he wouldn't want to leave everything behind, hearing him say no without hesitation stings.

"Oh, okay. I understand."

"Look at me," he demands. His tone is almost as aggressive as it was in the snow on Starkiller.

Leaning your weight on one elbow, which is digging into his chest, you lift your head until your face hovers over his. He frowns when he sees a look of confusion and hurt staring back at him. While looking into your eyes, he takes your face into his hands.

"You asked if I wanted a  _ place _ to call home and my answer is no. Home isn't a place, it's a person. When I think of home, I think of you. I go where you go, this galaxy or yours. I'll follow you anywhere."

Doing your best to hold back tears, you lean down and kiss the frustrating, temperamental, clingy, and emotional man you're lying on top of. This time, a bit longer, and with more intensity. 

Ben's hand leaves your hair, slides down your side, pauses momentarily on your hip, and travels lower. A small moan escapes when you slide your tongue between his slightly parted lips. You smile against his mouth and pull away. His cheeks turn red with embarrassment when he realizes the very needy noise he just heard was from his very own lips.

"Remember when you mother said half the people on the base could-"

"Go to sleep," he yanks your head down until it's back on his chest and holds it there so you won't try to sit up and see his cheeks redden further.

You laugh as you snuggle into his chest again. When he's sure you're not going to pop up like a spring to point and laugh at how flustered you made him, he removes his hand from your head and rests it on your hip.

You faintly hear Ben whisper "goodnight sweetheart," before he kisses the top of your head.

* * *

Ben, being the nerd he is, decides to educate you on the planet you are quickly approaching. Lothal was once known for its grassy plains, spine tree forests, farm lands, and freshwater seas. It was a very large natural resource for kyber crystals. Because of this, the Empire decided to mine the planet and basically strip it of all of its natural resources. When Ben was a kid, the planet was on the brink of collapse due to the damage the planet sustained because of the Empire.

The planet in front of you doesn't look as bad as he's describing. It seems like it managed to bounce back now that the Empire is gone.

"Do we know where the temple is or are you just going to fly around aimlessly until you see something that remotely resembles a temple?" Poe asks.

Without taking his eyes off of the controls in front of him, Ben continues to fly the Falcon towards the planet that may very well be the final stop of your multiverse adventure.

"The temple is underground and only reveals itself to Jedi. Based on the Force energy and the fact that it's a vergence, we should be able to get a sense of the general area it's in," Ben says, trying his best to be polite.

"Not to state the obvious but you guys aren't Jedi," Finn says while glancing between you and Ben.

"Yes, we're aware Finn. I honestly hadn't thought of that. I don't think I read anything that specifically states that but I should have assumed as much, it's a Jedi temple, why would it open its doors to anyone who casually strolls in."

"Maybe Luke can make himself useful for once," Ben smirks.

Once in Lothal's atmosphere, you focus on the Force radiating around you. Feeling things through the Force is something you don't think you'll ever get used to. It's like wandering around in a cold dark tunnel when you suddenly see a spark, a flicker of light. As you follow it, the tunnel gets warmer and the light shines brighter until you're standing in front of an open flame.

Following the spark you feel in the Force, you locate the area where the temple should be located.

You're not sure why you're surprised to see First Order troopers in the area. There is a small temporary base set up on the opposite side of a very large, cone shaped, rock formation. The megalithic structure provides just enough coverage for the Falcon to land without being seen by anyone on the base.

Minutes after the ship lands, the ramp is lowered, and Luke and Leia join you.

"I had some scouts circle the area. The only area with any signs of the First Order are on the other side of that spire. I have back up hovering outside the planet's atmosphere in case any ships arrive. Not only can they provide us with a warning, but they'll be able to take them out before they can surround us," Leia says as you hover near the Dejarik table.

"General?" a voice radiates from the small com unit Leia has in her hand. "I'm here Ace."

"A transport ship just landed near you. Orders?"

To Ben's surprise, his mother looks to him for answers.

"Ask him what the transport ship looks like. Symbols, colors, anything significant."

"Black with the number 108 on the side."

Ben scowls and bites the inside of his cheek. "Scout troopers. They're mainly sent out to survey an area before reinforcements are sent in. The only reason Snoke would send scout troops is-"

"Because he knows we're here," Finn says. "Or he's expecting you guys to make an appearance and has troopers randomly stop and check in to alert him once they find anything suspicious."

"Well that sucks but it's not like we weren't anticipating something like this. So what do we do?" you ask while doing your best to sound positive.

"There's only a small one base and a small transport ship of scouts, right?" Poe asks.

Leia nods.

"Okay, send a couple of fighter pilots down here to take out the base. We can handle the transport ship. While that's happening you two," Poe points to you and Ben, "get inside the temple and you two," Poe points to Luke and Leia, "get back in your ship and off of Lothal."

Chewie growls in agreement and Finn nods.

Leia's eyes meet Ben's, silently asking him if he agreed with Poe's plan. When he gives her a quick nod, she rolls her eyes and huffs.

"Fine."

"Everyone grab blasters and anything else you may need and meet outside," Poe says as he walks towards the back of the Falcon.

"Who put him in charge?" Ben mumbles.

"Considering our part of this plan takes place underground, they're the ones that have to deal with everything up here. We shouldn't dictate what happens."

"I guess," he mumbles again.

Smiling at him, you walk towards the back of the Falcon and grab both of your blasters from the small room you had napped in.

You're about to walk out of the room when you notice Obi-Wan's book peaking out of the satchel you had forgotten about. realistically you know you don't need it anymore, but you can't leave it. Even if Obi only left it for you to get you where you are now, it's still the last thing he gave you. Because you don't know how much longer you'll have the ability, you use the force to bring the satchel and the book to you, and exit the room.

Luke approaches Ben as he puts his lightsaber holster on over Han's jacket.

Ben watches as Luke removes a lightsaber from his belt, and hands it to him. It's not the hilt to his cross-guard like he thought it would be, it's his grandfather's. In disbelief, his eye's dart between Luke's and the hilt he's handing him.

Luke rolls his eyes and shakes his hand, gesturing for Ben to hurry up and take the lightsaber, which he does, hesitantly.

"Why are you so surprised? It came to you when you called it. The last time you tried that it didn't go so well did it?" Luke smirks. "You weren't ready yet, but you are now."

Ben swallows hard and stares at the lightsaber in his hand, the one he's been after for years.

"Oh, you might as well take this too," Luke says as he removes Ben's cross-guard from his belt.

"Jesus, how many lightsabers do you have?" you chuckle. "No wonder you walk so slow, all the weight on your belt is dragging you down."

Luke frowns as you laugh.

Ben takes your satchel from you and drapes the strap across his chest, until it's resting against his hip.

Leia lowers the Falcon's ramp and watches as Poe and Finn exit the ship. Once they're outside, she turns to you, and reaches for your hand. She places something that resembles a USB drive in the center of your palm. When she sees your obvious confusion, she smiles, and presses a small button on the side.

Projected out of the small device is a hologram of the stone tablet the Mortis gods had given you.

"I figured this might be a better alternative to carrying around a large slab of rock," she says with a smile.

"Thanks Leia," you smile back at her as you turn off the hologram, and place it in your pocket.

Leia and Luke exit the Falcon and follow after Finn and Poe. As you're about to leave, Chewie stops you.

Rougher than intended, he yanks you back into the ship, holds you by your upper arms, and gestures for you to wait. He opens a large storage compartment underneath the seats that surround the Dejarik table, digs through whatever is tucked away in there, and comes back to you with a handful of grenades. Moving faster than you thought possible, Chewe clips two grenades to your belt, before you can argue.

You're about to ask why he feels the need to strap you full of explosives, when he roughly grabs Ben by the shoulders and does the same. He's grunting like an anxious parent about to drop their kid off at school for the first time while clipping them to bens belt.

Both of you give him a questioning look. When his eyes meet yours he growls, shrugs, and walks to the back of the ship, leaving you and Ben alone.

"You ready sweetheart?" Ben asks.

"No, not even a little," you mumble.

"Where you go I go," he says, quietly. Leaning down slightly, he presses his lips against yours.

"Where you go I go," you repeat.

When he smiles at you, it's hard not to smile back, regardless of the mood you're in. Especially when his dimples make a rare appearance.

He kisses you on the forehead, takes your hand in his, and leads you down the Falcon's ramp.

* * *

To your surprise, at the end of the ramp is a lone speeder, engine running and ready to go. Everyone else is gone.

"Where did everyone go?" you ask with a furrowed brow as you look towards Leia's quickly ascending ship. In the distance you see a speeder heading towards the large spire that sits above the Jedi temple.

"Something must have happened, let's go," Ben says as he approaches the speeder. You take a step towards him but pause when movement to your right, catches your eye.

A very large, black, wolf steps out from behind the Falcon and slowly creeps toward you. If a werewolf and a direwolf had a baby, it would look like the thing in front of you. For a second you're terrified, until it stands up straight and walks towards you as if you're old friends. You're not sure how the Force works in animals, whether or not you'd be able to feel their intentions, but you feel okay, safe. The vibes coming off of the monster in front of you aren't bad ones.

The wolf stops walking and lowers itself until it's bowing to you. If it was going to eat you it wouldn't be acting submissive right? Then again, you know nothing about space wolves, only Earth ones. What are the chances you get all the way to the World Between Worlds, only to get mauled to death by a wolf?

Slowly, with your hand outstretched, you approach the wolf until you're standing right in front of it. The wolf slowly lifts its head until your hand is resting on it. You release a breath you didn't realize you were holding and scratch behind its ears as if it's a golden retriever.

Ben's eyes widen in disbelief as he quickly reaches you, grabs you around the waist, and pulls you towards him.

"What the hell Ben?"

"It's a Loth wolf!" Ben says with awe.

"What's a Loth wolf?"

"They're native to Lothal and are said to have a strong connection to the light side of the Force. I've read a few stories that state they have the ability to travel through the World Between Worlds but I thought it was nothing but w myth."

The wolf steps away from you and starts to walk towards the spire.

"If it's on our side, why did you just yank me towards you as if it was about to eat me?" you ask as you place your hands on your hips, annoyed.

"I don't know, maybe it's because it's a mythical creature with a close connection to the Mortis gods and you're scratching behind its ear as if it's a pet," Ben says as he throws his hands up in the air with frustration.

An explosion in the distance, catches your attention, and abruptly ends your argument.

The Loth wolf stops walking, looks at you over his shoulder, huffs, then gestures towards the spire.

"He obviously wants us to follow him. If Loth wolves guard the light, maybe he's going to show us the entrance to the temple," you say to Ben. The wolf huffs again, bows his head, and begins to run towards the spire.

"Alright, lets go." Ben effortlessly hops on to the speeder.

You approach it and stare at it for a moment, trying to determine the easiest way to climb on without embarrassing yourself. It's big and hovering two feet off the ground. Ben sees your hesitation, smirks, climbs off the speeder, and places his hands on your hips. You yelp when without warning, he lifts you up and plops you down on the seat. Once he's sure you're not going to tumble off of the, he sits down behind you.

"I don't know how to drive this thing. Shouldn't you be up front?" you ask as you stare down at the handlebars and the various switches in front of you.

"I'd feel better if you're in front of me, in case someone approaches us from behind. It's easy, just hold on tight, and remember they're really fa-"

You place your hands on both handles and push outward. The speeder launches itself forward, a lot faster than you anticipated. If Ben didn't have his arms wrapped around you like a vice he would have flown backwards off of the speeder.

When he leans against your back, you can feel his heart rabbeting in his chest. Knowing you startled him makes you laugh a lot harder than you had expected.

"Try not to kill us before we get to the temple," he says into your ear.

The wolf suddenly comes to a stop in front of the spire.

You release the handles quicker than intended and the speeder comes to a very sudden stop. You lurch forward and Ben lurches into you hard enough to push a loud "oof" out of you.

"Next time, I'm driving," he says a bit out of breath, you're assuming due to fear.

You start to laugh again but stop when he hops off, grabs you by the waist again, and sets you down next to him. As your laugher dies off, you reach up and brush his windswept hair out of his eyes. The wolf, irritated at how slow you're being, growls and gestures forward.

"Sorry," you say sheepishly.

As you approach the him, he bows his head towards the ground in front of him.

Glancing down, you notice the three of you are standing in the middle of a circle drawn into the dirt. Connected to the circle is a line that leads to a small stone spire which has another circle drawn around it. There's another line leading from it, and you can only assume, it leads to another circle.

It's then you realize you're standing in a very large circular symbol, similar to the ones depicted in the painting of the Mortis gods, inside the temple.

The wolf scratches the ground beneath him when the two of you do nothing but stand next to him. When your eyes meet, the wolf nods his head towards the spire.

"The entrance is here, but how do we open it?" you ask out loud.

Ben stares at the ground then at the spire, mentally going through everything he's ever read about the temple, hoping to remember something that may help.

The impatient wolf huffs and angrily digs into the ground again. Ben steps around you and crouches down into the dirt at the wolves feet. His brow furrows when he notices there's something underneath where you're standing. He roughly clears away the dust with his hand until the Jedi symbol is completely visible.

"The Jedi symbol? That makes sense, we're at a Jedi temple."

Ben sighs and he stands upright, "Right, but there's one minor detail we forgot about, once again."

"We need a Jedi to open the temple and we forgot to ask Luke!" you groan when Ben nods.

"Well what the hell do we do now?" you throw your arms up in exasperation. You're finally at the temple, within walking distance of the World Between Worlds, and you can't access it.

Ben crosses his arms and glances towards the blaster fire that echos in the distance.

The wolf slams his foot down again and growls as its eyes glance between you and Ben. When he has your attention he gestures towards the spire.

"Look, I get what you're trying to tell us. A Jedi stands here and reveals the temples entrance somehow, but we're not Jedi."

You're starting to get irritated with the gigantic beast in front of you and your tone is making that clear.

"Let's try not to irritate the extremely large, and slightly terrifying, mythical wolf. It knows we're not Jedi. Why would it bring us all the way here if it we weren't capable of getting inside?"

Ben has a point.

The wolf huffs and nods, happy to finally be getting through to at least one of you.

"Alright then, how do we get in?" you ask, as you stare at the very solid rock formation in front of you.

"We use the Force," Ben says as he takes your hand in his. The wolf nods in agreement and steps out of the circle, turns its back to you, and starts to trots away.

"How do we do this?" you ask.

Without releasing your hand, Ben closes his eyes, and outstretches his hand towards the spire. Imitating his actions, you wait for further instructions.

"Focus on the Force around us, around the temple, and use it. Let it flow through you and concentrate on what we want and why we want it."

A full minute passes without any sign that what you're doing, or trying to do, is making a difference. You're about to give up and open your eyes when you hear it. Ben squeezes your hand once and you both open your eyes. The structure in front of you is slowly twisting in an upward spiral, growing impossibly taller as it twists.

"Keep concentrating," Ben says in awe as the two of you watch the mountain seemingly grow on its own.

When it comes to a stop, the entrance to the temple is directly in front of you. It's reminiscent of a religious temple with giant stone pillars carved directly into the rock. Symbols are painted and carved into the walls and the pillars. The entrance isn't like the entrance to the cave on Mortis. It's an actual doorway, a tall one, and a welcome one.

"Thank god," you sigh with relief.

"What?" Ben asks as he takes his eyes off of the entrance to stare down at you.

"It looks like an actual doorway and not another damn cave."

He chuckles, brings your hand to his mouth and kisses it.

"Let's get this over with, shall we?"

* * *

Thankfully, when you enter the temple, it's an actual temple, still no caves. Structurally, it's reminiscent of the parthenon and other ancient greek temples on Earth. There are numerous doorways in front of you. When you take a step towards one, the rock shifts and blocks the entrance. When you turn towards another, it does the same until only one remains open.

"That makes things a bit easier," Ben says, glancing over his shoulder, checking to see if you're being followed by someone, or something.

You can no longer hear blaster fire or small explosions. You're not sure if the temple is blocking out outside noise or if it's because there's no longer a fire fight happening outside. Either way, you're hoping Poe and Finn are safe.

The further you get into the temple, the stronger the Force is around you. It's comforting, not only because you can draw from that power if necessary, but because it means you're on the right path.

After winding down various corridors, you enter a very large room and straight ahead of you, the painting of the Mortis gods.

"We found it!" you yell, as you release Ben's hand, and run toward the painting. You barely manage to stop yourself from jumping up and down with joy.

Too distracted with what's in front of you, you don't notice Ben's not following you. He's paused by the archway you just walked through and he's staring behind him.

You run your hand over the painting, to ensure it's real. It's hard to believe after everything that's happened, you've finally made it. The World Between Worlds is literally in front of you and so are the answers to all of your questions, hopefully.

You stick your hand into your pocket and remove the USB-like device that Leia had given you, press the button on the side, and hold it out in front of you. Ben approaches you from behind, wraps one arm around your waist, and looks at the hologram over your shoulder.

"Now that we found it, we have to figure out how to open it," you say with a bit more optimism. You glance between the hologram and the painting, hoping things will suddenly make sense.

"Luke said this is like a star chart," you gesture towards the gold lines and circles that surround the symbols of the three hands in the center of the tablet.

"The positions of their hands match the symbols on the tablet but the lines aren't connected on the painting like they are on the stone." Ben points at the lines around the hands and glances up at the painting.

On the stone tablet, gold lines are connected to gold circles of various sizes. In the painting, the lines are broken and don't connect.

Deactivating the hologram, you stand and approach the painting once more, running your hand over it in the process. You wrack your brain trying to think through what Luke has taught you and what Obi-Wan had taught you. Knowing how big of a nerd Ben is, you know he's doing the same only instead of replaying what Luke has taught him, he's likely thinking back to all of the books he's read.

You know you have the knowledge you need to open the portal, you can feel it, it's slightly out of reach though. There's something you're forgetting, something important. Taking a step back, you scan the painting once more. At first glance you hadn't noticed the Loth wolves painted at the bottom next to the Mortis gods.

The Loth wolves found you once you got to Lothal and not only led you to the entrance to the temple, but also told you how to get in. Even though nothing has gone right, it kind of seems like the Force REALLY wants you to succeed.

Ben steps away from you and turns his back to the painting.

He tries not to openly show his shock as four of Snoke's Elite Praetorian Guards enter the large room, and slowly make their way towards you. If the guards are inside the temple that means Snoke's on Lothal. He tries to even his breathing when his anxiety spikes. He doesn't want you to know how worried he is.

The one saving grace is the fact that Snoke himself isn't in the temple. If Snoke was close by he would feel him and the darkness that radiates off of him, even with his mind guarded. If Snoke is sending his guards it's because he needs one of you, or both of you. He didn't see as much as Ben thought he had and the relief that washes over him is comforting.

"Balance," you whisper loud enough for Ben to hear you.

"Ben, I think I know what we need to do. I think we both need to-"

"Sweetheart," Ben cuts you off before you can finish.

Irritated with him for interrupting you, you frown and turn to face him. Your irritation quickly vanishes when you see he had a good reason to.

Despite his best attempts at hiding it, you can feel how anxious Ben is over the arrival of the four trooper look-alikes approaching you. Their armor is bright red and shiny, like they've never been in an actual fight, or they have but whoever they fought wasn't able to get any hits in, which is troubling. Based on Ben's reaction to them you're assuming it's the latter.

"Who are they?" you whisper as you approach him from behind.

"Snoke's elite praetorian guards," Ben says as he slowly reaches over his shoulder to remove Anakin's lightsaber from his holster.

Following suit, you remove Obi-Wan's from your belt but wait to activate it.

"On a scale from one to ten, one being Poe's fighting skills and ten being Snoke's, where are they?"

Ben roughly flicks his wrist and ignites his lightsaber, you do the same just not quite as dramatically.

"Snoke can't physically fight and his guards aren't Force sensitive so that scale is skewed. Based on physical combat, one on one, six, maybe seven."

"Where do we rank on that scale?" you ask as you roll your wrist, and twirl the lightsaber a few times.

"I'd say a solid eight."

The guards are closing in fast.

"Well those odds aren't too bad," you say as you both raise your lightsabers. Ben lifts his and aims it straight ahead. You lift yours, bring it to the side of your face, and outstretch your free hand towards your enemies.

"Never tell me the odds," Ben laughs as the guards advance.

* * *

The guard to your immediate left is the first to attack you and thankfully, his weapon of choice appears to be a standard sword. When he swings it overhead you easily block it and kick him in the ribs, far enough to give you enough space to spin and raise your lightsaber, blocking the other guards axe as he tries to slice you in half with it. You expect your lightsaber to slice right through the handle but it doesn't.

"Their weapons are resistant to lightsabers!" Ben yells and ducks to avoid being decapitated by a guard wielding, what looks like, a giant scalpel.

Using the Force, you launch the guard with the axe away from you, towards Ben. He lunges forward as the guards body flies towards him, impaling him in the back. He roughly pulls his lightsaber out of the dead guards back and pushes him aside with his boot. The moment the guard is clear of his blade, he swings it in an arc, meeting the guard with the giant scalpel mid swing.

When you turn to face the sword wielding guard, you hear the body of the guard Ben was fighting hit the ground. There are only two guards left, one for each of you.

The guard in front of you swings his sword like a very experienced swordsman would, but you're on even footing, until you get distracted.

Ben grunts when he's knocked to the ground, flat on his back. Glancing over your shoulder you watch as the guard above him lifts his weapon to bring it down on Ben the moment he hits the ground.

Turning in his direction, you outstretch your hand towards him and freeze the guard in place. Ben knocks the guards feet out from under him, jumps to his feet, and thrusts his blade straight through the guards chest before their body has a chance to hit the ground.

The moment you turn your attention back to the guard you were fighting, you see his weapon has changed. The sword has transformed into a whip and it's radiating electrical current. The guard flicks his wrist, the whip snaps towards you, and the very tip of it quickly pierces you through the abdomen before he pulls it back and readies it to swing again.

You falter once you realize what just happened. Tightening your grip on your hilt, you grit your teeth and fight through the pain. When he flicks the whip at you again, you block it with your lightsaber and watch as it wraps around the blade. The guard slowly starts to pull you towards him.

Out of the corner of your eye you see the body of the guard Ben was fighting slam into the temple wall, hard. The only enemy left is the one in front of you.

Bringing arm behind your back, you open your hand and wait for Anakin's lightsaber to come to you. When it lands in your waiting palm, you activate it and swing your arm in an arc, stabbing the blade straight into the guards side. He instantly drops to the ground, releasing his whip, and his hold on your lightsaber.

Ben closes the distance between you and is standing directly in front of you when you turn around.

"Are you hurt? I thought I felt you-"

"I'm fine," you smile as genuinely as possible, hoping he can't tell you're lying.

"Are you sure? I saw the whip it-"

"I'm fine, Ben. Let's hurry and get this over with," you say as you hand him Anakin's lightsaber.

At first you didn't think the guards whip did too much damage when it punctured your side. As casually as you can, you press your hand against the wound and pull it away discreetly. Your hand is covered in blood and you can feel it slowly trickling down your side. Thankfully you're wearing black and Ben won't be able to tell.

You should tell him your hurt but then what? The two of you leave the temple and hopefully flag down Leia's ship so you can get medical attention? That's unlikely. Neither one of you have any sort of first aid kit with you.

Ben is a few steps ahead of you which gives you a chance to use your pant leg to wipe the blood off of your hand. He's hurt too just not as bad as you are. He's limping slightly and favoring most of his weight on his right leg.

Once in front of the painting again, Ben turns his attention to you.

"What I said before we were rudely interrupted is 'balance.' It all comes back to balance. I think if I put my hand on the daughters hand, and you put your hand on the sons, we'll be able to open the portal."

Together, you hesitantly outstretch your hands towards the painting. Your hand is flat against the daughters hand, angled slightly to the left, imitating her position.

Ben makes a fist and presses it against the sons fist as if the painting is a door he's about to knock on. Both of you close your eyes and focus on the Force pulsating through the room. A few seconds pass and when you open your eyes, the gold lines surrounding the Mortis gods hands begin to glow.

Both of you take a step backwards, away from the wall. The gold lines surrounding the gods slowly rotate until they're lined up completely. The painting begins to glow, flashes once, and returns to its original state. The image of the daughter angles her head towards her father and speaks.

"We are the ones that guard the power. We are the middle, the beginning, and the end. You are the chosen ones, and you may enter."

The image of the father begins to move. All of his fingers curl into a fist except one. His hand slowly lowers to his left, pointing past the son's fist, toward the empty wall next to the painting. The image of the Loth wolves at the bottom of the painting begin to move away from the Mortis gods and travel along the temple wall in a perfect line.

Both you and Ben follow them until they stop moving along the wall and begin forming a perfect circle. They follow one another and begin to run until the spinning ring of Lothal wolves form a portal.

"Ben, I think this is it!" you say excitedly.

Sensing someone is behind him, he glances over his shoulder towards the door to the large cavern like room you're standing in.

Anger courses through him as the six men who made an oath to obey him until death, enter the room.

You're injured and trying to hide it and so is he. At top health he could easily take them all on at once, but with both of you slightly injured, he's not so sure.

He glances at you over his shoulder and sees you smile as you watch the Loth wolves run in a circle. The center of the circle, which was a solid moments ago, appears to be slightly rippling.

The portal is open.

His former Knights are closing in on you. If you both enter the portal, who knows how long it will stay open for. There's a chance they could follow you in and he's not sure what the Knights would do with that kind of power.

You need to go without him, he needs to stay behind. The thought nearly causes him physical pain, not because he won't be getting to see this mystical place he's read about since he was a child. No, it's because of the unknown.

There's a very big chance once you go through the portal, you're not coming back out. If he goes with you, and you're forced to go home without him, at least he'll know what happened to you. If you go alone he'll have no idea whether or not you were given a choice to come back to him.

The short reprieve from the darkness you've given him isn't nearly as long as he'd hoped for, but it's enough for him to die happy.

He knows Snoke will kill him after he violently rips through his mind for the information he needs. Only this time you won't be there to save him.

You've taught him what it feels like to be needed, accepted, and most importantly, wanted. You've given him a sense of normalcy, despite the unusual circumstances surrounding your relationship.

With you he doesn't feel like Kylo Ren, Snoke's apprentice, the Jedi killer, and the master of the Knights of Ren. He doesn't feel like the son of general Leia Organa, princess of Alderaan and the famous smuggler Han Solo. The boy with the Skywalker legacy on his shoulders.

With you, he's Ben, just Ben.

You dropped into his life unexpectedly and since then changed everything for the better. No matter what the outcome, he can't imagine his life without you in it but he's been selfish too long. He's only thought about what he wants for most of his life, now it's his turn to think about what's best for others, and for you.

Ben startles you when he suddenly sticks his large hand into your pant pocket, pulls out Leia's hologram, tosses it on the ground, and stomps on it until it's in pieces.

"What-"

Your eyes widen when you see the Knights of Ren slowly approaching you.

Ben hesitantly turns his back on the Knights and slowly places his hand in the center of the Lothe wolves circle. The wall ripples and nearly sucks him in. Startled, he quickly yanks his hand away from the portal and swallows hard.

Your brow furrows when his eyes meet yours. He looks upset and this isn't something to be upset about. You're both finally going to get your answers.

Ben roughly grabs you by the waist, and pulls you against his chest. You wince when his hand grips your wound.

He holds you against his chest with one hand, and places his other hand against your cheek. Before you can ask why he thinks now is the appropriate time to be adorable, he roughly presses his lips against yours and kisses you with overwhelming passion.

When he pulls away from you, he rests his forehead against yours.

"Ben?" you whisper, confused and worried.

"I love you," he says softly.

Before you can respond, he kisses you on the forehead, and pushes you through the portal.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left then the Epilogue... unless I ramble and have to split the next chapter into two... we'll see.


	16. Another Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder:
> 
> I don’t have a beta. I also edited this and posted this chapter from my phone which I try not to do so if there’s more errors than usual... well *insert Ben Solo shrug*

_If I can't let you go will darkness divide?  
_ _For the fiction of love is the truth of our lies  
_ _We were playing for keeps, but we both knew the cost  
_ _Now the only way outs in your heart shaped box  
_ _And I hate that I made you the enemy  
_ _And I hate that your heart was the casualty  
_ _Now I hate that I need you  
_ _As we rest here alone like notes on a page  
_ _The finest to compose could not play our pain  
_ _With a candle through time I could still see your ghost  
_ _But I can't close my eyes,_ _for it is there where you haunt me most  
_ _And I hope that I sing through your memory  
_ _As we echo through time in the melody  
_ _Now I hate that I need you  
_ _And I hear you now when you said   
_ _"It hurts, but it had to fall apart to work"  
_ _As I see you now in what's left of me  
_ _Is it too late to plead insanity?  
_ _Cause I hate that it seemed you were never enough  
_ _We were broken and bleeding in the name of love  
_ _And I hope that we meet in another life  
_ _I don't hate that I need you_

_Motionless in White - Another Life_

* * *

Desperately, you reach for Ben as he pushes you through the portal, blindly reaching out, hoping to grab some part of him to pull him with you, but there's nothing but empty air. You hit the ground with a resounding "thud" that echoes throughout wherever you are. 

"Ben! No!" you yell until your throat burns.

Without bothering to take in your surroundings, you lift yourself onto your hands and knees, and scramble closer to the now stationary archway you fell through.

The wolves are no longer running in circles, opening the portal to Lothal. Instead they stand still, almost mockingly, resolute in their decision to keep you where you are, regardless of your desperation to get back to Ben. The rippling cave wall is gone and in its place, the vast night sky littered with stars, and the emptiness of space. The gateway to where you thought you wanted to be is no longer a gateway, just an empty entrance to seemingly nothing.

"Please let me go back! He needs me!" you cry while staring up at the Loth-wolves, as if they can hear you, as if they care. When nothing happens, you take a deep breath, choking back more tears, and take in your surroundings for the first time since hitting the ground.

Your breath hitches when you notice the ground beneath you is either invisible or non-existent, but solid. It's as if you're floating in the middle of space, only there's gravity, and you can breathe. Once you realize you're not going to float away, you slowly get to your feet, expecting to feel the pain in your side from the fight with the guards. To your surprise, the pain isn't there and neither is the warmth spreading from your side down your thigh. 

Your spidey sense tingles, and moments later you feel a presence behind you. Without hesitation, you grab your lightsaber from your belt, ignite it, and spin around to face whoever has managed to follow you. Mirroring Ben's stance, you point your lightsaber directly in front of you.

"I believe Luke cautioned against 'wildly swinging that thing,' did he not?" Obi-Wan asks.

Shocked, your grip on your lightsaber loosens, it slips from your hand, and clatters to the transparent ground beneath you.

"Obi," you whisper.

The man you consider your father looks the same as he did the last time you saw him, except he's dressed similar to Luke in a dark brown robe and light tunic. Leaning forward, he picks up his lightsaber and tilts the familiar hilt in his hand, as if examining it. It's been quite a while since he's held the weapon that had saved his life more times than he can count.

"A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect," he smiles.

"How are you here? You died!"

"I'm part of the cosmic Force now. There are ways those who have passed on can still guide and influence the living."

That's a bit comforting to know that even though he's technically dead, he's still around. Oftentimes when a loved one dies you hear people tell those in mourning their loved one will always be with them. It's always seemed like something people say to make others feel better about their loss but it seems there's some truth to it.

"So you've always been around? Is that how Luke knew where to find me and why he gave me your lightsaber? Is that how he knew to prepare us for Mortis?"

Obi-Wan smiles but doesn't actually answer your questions.

"Listen old man, I've gone through a lot of shit to get here, as you know. I have a lot of questions and I want answers," frowning, you cross your arms over your chest.

Obi-Wan can genuinely say he's missed your attitude and even the disrespectful nickname you gave him.

"And I intend to answer your questions to the best of my ability but I'm not going to answer questions you already know the answers to."

"Even dead you're frustrating," you huff, relaxing your confrontational stance minutely. The gravity of your situation finally catches up with you. You're in the World Between Worlds, a portal through all time and space, with Obi-Wan. When you first hit the ground you noticed the nothingness around you but you didn't realize the extent of it.

Ahead of you is a path through the nothingness, lined in white, glowing lines. It intersects with a wider path which seemingly leads to more portals. It reminds you of a very intricate hot wheels track. You can't help but wonder where they would lead you, should you decide to pick a direction and explore.

"Now is not the time to go exploring," Obi-Wan says knowingly.

Placing your hands on your hips, you glare at him. "Fine, tell me why I'm here. Why all of the secrets? You've been training me and preparing me for this since the moment I found your bookstore which, by the way, has a very original name," you roll your eyes.

"Why wait until you 'died' to tell me about all of this? Why couldn't you have told me before then? And why me? Was I really sent here just to save Ben because that's kind of how it feels," you wipe a tear away and glance over your shoulder at the portal, hoping it will re-open so you can get back to him.

"You're here to bring balance to the Force," Obi-Wan says, as if it should be obvious.

When you open your mouth to speak he raises his hand to stop you. "Do you want answers or not?"

Glaring at him, you close your mouth and cross your arms again.

He smirks and gestures for you to follow him as he turns and walks down the lighted path ahead of you. The ground under you glows as each foot connects with the ground.

Once you're in front of another archway, he approaches it, and stops. You're about to ask why he brought you to an archway that's identical to the one you were just standing in front of when the center begins to ripple, and images appear.

As if you're watching a movie, Anakin appears. "That's Anakin right? Ben's grandfather? I've seen him with you in holo's but only briefly. He's the one you said you failed isn't he?"

Obi-Wan looks solemn as he nods without taking his eyes off of the scene in front of him.

You get small glimpses of certain events that took place in the past as the archway shuffles through them quickly, but slow enough to understand what you're seeing. Some memories play longer than others and are extremely vivid, as if you're there in person.

Palpatine grooms Anakin, manipulating him the same way Snoke did to Ben. When Anakin confides in him about his fears for Padme's life, Palpatine uses it against him.

"You were my brother Anakin!" Obi-Wan yells, with tears in his eyes. It's a bit unnerving to know what you're seeing technically took place decades ago, yet Obi-Wan looks the exact same. Anakin trembles on the ground, in pain and filled with rage, as flames lap at his amputated legs. Hiseyes are an unnatural shade of yellow and filled with hatred. "I hate you!" he screams with so much anger, his voice is hoarse.

Ben's grandmother, Padme, is lying on a futuristic medical table. Her vital signs are projected over her, and an assortment of aliens and droids hover around her. You can't suppress the shiver that travels down your spine at the sight of the droids. Your back is to Obi-Wan so you can't see him barely manage to hold back a smile at your response, despite the depressing scene replaying in front of you.

"There's good in him, I know there's still—" Padme's words trail off as she slowly dies, seemingly having lost the will to live.

Palpatine hovers over Anakin, or Darth Vader, as the medical table he is strapped to slowly lifts him into a standing position. Palpatine tells Anakin he killed Padme when he asks about her. The dark side ripples around him as he yells in anguish.

"Dantooine, they're on Dantooine," a young Leia says as she looks towards the ground. The guilt and helplessness she feels for providing this information to the creepy looking old man in front of her is visible. Seconds later, what you assume is her home planet of Alderaan, is destroyed in front of her eyes.

"Han Solo, I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon. Chewie here tells me you're looking for passage to the Alderaan system," a young Han says, while inside of a booth in the corner of a shady bar.

"Han," you whisper as your eyes well with tears. You barely knew him but despite that you feel a strong connection to him, a fondness.

"I feel weird saying this since the Han I knew was old enough to qualify for a senior discount but, he looked good when he was younger."

"Yes indeed, if it's a fast ship," an elderly man says from across a table. Next to him sits a very young Luke which means the grey haired man is...

Laughing, you glance at Obi-Wan over your shoulder. "Holy hell, you did not age well. I thought you were old in my time but damn, you were decrepit when you met Luke. If you were that old in my time you would have definitely had a bowl of those gross strawberry candies on your living room table."

He sighs and runs his hands over his face as you turn your attention back to the archway. 

The scene changes. A stormtrooper runs down the hallway of a ship, blaster in hand, coming to a stop in front of a door. Sliding it open he sees Leia lying across a long bench. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" she asks while sizing him up. "Huh? Oh," Luke takes off his helmet and shakes out his hair. "I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you."

The Falcon shakes, and Leia is thrown off balance, straight into Han's waiting arms. "Let go please," she says with irritation. "Don't get excited," Han snaps back. "Being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited," Leia says with disgust. "Sorry sweetheart, don't have time for anything else," Han smirks and exits the cockpit.

Obi-Wan watches you smile through tears at the term of endearment you've heard so often lately.

"Ben's just as smooth as his dad," you sniffle and wipe away the tears you're unable to hold back.

Han and Leia exchange blaster fire with stormtroopers on a forested planet. Leia is shot in the side and falls against a closed door. Han quickly rushes to her side and looks down on her with worry. Stormtroopers hover behind them, ready to arrest them the moment Han steps away from Leia. She slyly pulls a blaster from her side, meeting Han's eyes. His eyes widen then fill with complete love and adoration to the tiny woman in front of him. "I love you," he smirks. "I know," she smirks back.

The scene changes and you watch as Luke battles Vader. Vader's red lightsaber clashes with Luke's green one repeatedly. "Is that Palpatine?" you ask Obi-Wan over your shoulder. He nods once, confirming your suspicions. Facing forward, you watch as Palpatine effectively ends the fight by shooting lightning from his fingertips, electrocuting Luke. "Father, please," Luke yells as he thrashes in pain. Vader steps in, throws Palpatine down a long shaft, saves Luke, and dies moments later.

"Padme was right, there was always good in him," you say under your breath."

The archway shows you glimpses of things you've read about, stories you've been told, and memories you're happy to see with your own eyes. Then things start to change, and the visions grow darker.

"Show me, grandfather, and I will finish what you started," Ben says, alone, slouched in front of Darth Vader's aged, deformed, mask. You don't need to physically be in his presence to sense his loneliness and isolation. Ben locates the map to Luke, and finds him on a lush, green island, then kills him.

"Wait, what am I seeing? That didn't happen, Luke's alive," you ask Obi-Wan, confused.

Ben is standing between First Order ships and a mountain. The ground beneath him is layered in white sand but underneath it the ground is blood red. Luke stands directly in front of him as he charges him. What you're seeing is likely what would have taken place on Tatooine had you not been there to interfere.

Ben's ferocity is somewhat startling. You've never seen him so rabid. You knew he wanted to kill Luke, or so he said when you first met him, but you had no idea the hatred was so intense. With one swing of Ben's lightsaber, Luke's body falls to the ground and disappears. Ben points towards the mountain and seconds later, the ships behind him fire blast after blast into the mountain side. A man with red hair approaches him and informs him that what remained of the Resistance has been destroyed.

Snoke sits on a black throne in a bright red room, surrounded by the guards you just fought on Lothal. Ben is standing obediently at his side. The two watch through a porthole as different planets are destroyed in their entirety. Ben's eyes are practically glossed over, emotionless. The sweet man who clung to you for safety while he slept, the one that calls you sweetheart and carries his father's dice in his pocket, is gone. There's no sign he existed in the first place. Aside from the same face, the man in front of you is not the Ben Solo you know.

"Alright, storytime is over and the ending sucked. Why are you showing me all of this? I liked the trip down memory lane with Han and Leia. Seeing you old enough to qualify for an AARP card was a pleasant surprise, but everything after the rave in the forest sucked."

"The events that took place before Endor are set in stone, they cannot be changed. However, the same cannot be said for the events that take place after," Obi-Wan says from behind you. You turn and face him once the portal is transparent again.

"Things obviously changed since I've been with Ben, my Ben I mean. Is that why I'm here? To prevent what happens after Endor from happening?"

"Yes, and no. You're life has a far greater purpose than simply Ben Solo, however, his fate is always intertwined with yours. There are an unimaginable amount of alternate timelines in an assortment of galaxies. We have yet to discover them all, but we've seen quite a few. What you just saw were merely glimpses of what we've seen unfold in alternate timelines. The Skywalker's very rarely have a 'happy ending', but the galaxy continues. As much as I wanted to change that, I couldn't, until we stumbled upon this timeline."

He pauses to make sure you're listening. He's about to overload you with information and he doesn't want you to be overwhelmed. It's important you understand the events that have unfolded and why they have unfolded the way they have.

"The timeline you're currently in with Ben, on Lothal, is the first we've seen that Snoke and Palpatine know about the World Between Worlds, but not the only timeline Palpatine has communicated with him through a technique known only to Sith. We don't know the specifics still but it's similar to how we're able to communicate with the living, the way I've been able to communicate with Luke all these years. If Snoke resurrects Palpatine—"

"The World Between Worlds is," you interject and pause momentarily to gather your thoughts. You've done so much reading recently that everything tends to blur together. "It's a pathway into all time and space. Whoever controls it, controls the universe itself. All the timelines would be in danger and the darkside would win, right?"

Obi-Wan nods, barely suppressing a smile when you prove you're one step ahead of him. The look on his face suggests he's impressed. You've been reading all of the information he's almost literally thrown at you.

"I'm very obviously not present in any of what you just showed me, which makes me think I wasn't meant to be here, ever. Why did you bring me to a different universe? Why am I the one that was sent to stop the Crypt Keeper from returning?"

"There are multiple reasons but one important one, and yes, it pertains to Ben Solo. There are versions of him in every timeline, as there is of you. You and young Solo gravitate towards one another in every timeline we've seen."

"Alright but why come get me from my—" you pause and stare at Obi-Wan as you connect the dots.

"This timelines version of me is dead aren't I?" you sigh. "Does that mean you somehow magically zapped my body to Ben's timeline when the cab hit me?" you ask as you rub your temples with your fingers. Things were starting to kind of make sense, now it's getting complicated.

"You're only partially correct," he answers after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, long enough for you to assume his answer is yes.

"I was going to say those questions require a yes or no answer but you're supposed to be dead yet you're standing in front of me. Explain...please."

"What you're seeing of me now is my energy in the Force, my soul in a sense. Once I'm one with the Force I don't need my body anymore. The you in Ben's timeline was on the brink of death. When you were stuck by the cab, the Force brought your 'soul' to your body here. The 'you' at home merged what was left of the 'you' here. This is harder to explain than I imagined it would be," Obi-Wan sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"Basically soul transference, just not completely since I wasn't fully dead here. Is that why I had memories that weren't really mine when I woke up with Ben strapped to the chair? They were the other me's memories?" Your brow furrows while you do your best to piece together everything Obi-Wan is telling you.

"Yes, exactly," he says with relief.

"That's also why I was in 'Kira's' clothes right? Is that why I felt like I already knew Han, Chewie, and Finn?"

Obi-Wan nods as a smile slowly starts to spread across his face.

"How did I die here. Well, how did I almost die here?"

Obi-Wan's smile quickly fades. He doesn't like talking about your death, or deaths. It's something he's witnessed so many times he should be jaded to it at this point, but he's not.

"Do you remember in the book when Kira...uh...you, and Finn stole the Falcon to keep the small droid out of the hands of the First Order?"

You nod.

"The unsavory character you stole from finds you on Takodana, along with a few men you had beat before fleeing. You were alone without a way to defend yourself. He strangled you and left you in the woods in Takodana, thinking you were dead. Ben found you shortly after, thinking you had merely passed out. That's when he took you back to Starkiller, and that's when the Force brought you here."

"Well that's fucking awful. I shouldn't have asked," you swallow hard and rub your hand over your neck.

"Am I dead in all the other timelines, in this galaxy I mean? The timelines where I know how to use the Force and a lightsaber, the ones you don't adopt me in?"

He stares at you quizzically, as if he's trying to decide what he should tell you, and what you can handle knowing.

"As I said earlier, we've seen many timelines, and a majority don't end well for you, or Ben. However, there are a few exceptions which were a welcome reprieve."

"Can you give me a few examples before you detail how I'm destined to die, regardless of time and space?"

He frowns at your choice of words but the frown slowly eases when he thinks of the few happy timelines he's seen.

"I watched you grow up on your own, which, unfortunately is always the case."

You shrug. Being without parents is no longer an open wound. You've come to terms with it and in the end, it's made you a stronger person.

"In one particular timeline you and Ben are the same age and meet when you're fifteen, the night Luke's temple is destroyed. The two of you don't know it yet but you cross paths again when you're 20. As I said, always orbiting one another. Snoke finds you and wants Ben to bring you to him, thinking he could turn you to the dark side and use both of you to do his bidding. Instead of turning to the dark side, you bring Ben back to the light. Together you kill Snoke and work at bringing down the First Order. The last I saw you were traveling the galaxy together, locating Force sensitive's before the First Order can find them. Han is alive, but you despise Luke."

You would have liked to see that timeline. Snoke is dead, you and Ben sound happy, and Han is alive.

"In another, you become a bounty hunter as soon as you're old enough to fly on your own. When Ben goes missing, Han seeks you out to find him. Once you do, well, things don't go as planned, but in the end things work out for the best I suppose."

"Well, I guess it's nice to know at least two versions of us are happy," you sigh.

Obi-Wan smiles sympathetically. It can't be easy knowing your life is cut short no matter what timeline or galaxy you're in.

"Somehow, Snoke and Palpatine discover your existence and your connection to Ben. In each timeline you have the ability to alter Ben Solo's path. They know if he meets you, regardless of circumstance, you change his fate. They always find you before we can, before Luke can, before Ben can. Because of this, the darkside is winning and it's throwing the Force off balance. You are the light and Ben is the dark. Sometimes that switches and he's the light and you are the dark. Either way, regardless of circumstance, you always balance each other out which is what the Force needs."

"Before this you worked in the background in the various timelines, through Luke and Leia, to find me for Ben's sake but failed. Desperate times called for desperate measure so when you found out Snoke was after the World Between Worlds here, the Force said 'fuck the butterfly effect and all universal laws about about multidimensional travel' and allowed you to personally extend your search?"

"Aside from your colorful choice of words, yes, to an extent."

"Since the World Between Worlds is basically the epicenter for all time and space, why couldn't you just stop me from getting killed in one of the other timelines? One of the ones where I know what the hell I'm doing instead of waking up in a completely different world than mine?"

"This may be the center of all time and space, and the Force may have interfered quite a bit to get you here, but there are still some rules, some things we can't change, and that's one of them. We do not have the ability to stop your death from happening in the sense you mean. You were already dying when we interfered here."

"Instead of bending the rules a little bit more, the Force allowed you to find a boring galaxy and timeline where I have no cool powers or glowing weapons, somewhere Palps and Snoke would never think to find me."

Obi-Wan laughs, "It wasn't so bad there."

Rolling your eyes, you're about to argue but stop when something dawns on you. "Wait! If there's a me in every timeline, and a Ben in every timeline, does that mean there's a Ben in Brooklyn, or on Earth in general?"

You're trying to act nonchalant about your question but the thought makes you giddy. He wouldn't be "your" Ben, but it would be nice knowing a version of him that would understand your pop culture references.

His smile slowly fades and his laughter dies off. Ben is dead in your timeline, Obi-Wan's reaction makes that clear. You're not sure if you want to know how he died considering how much you regret asking about your own death, but your curiosity gets the best of you.

"How did he die?"

Obi-Wan gives you that look again, the look he gets when he's treading lightly, choosing his words carefully.

"He was hit by a car while crossing the street."

Averting your eyes from Obi-Wan, you stare at your feet. Your eyes well with tears but somehow you can't help but laugh. It's morbid and completely horrible, but you laugh nonetheless.

Obi-Wan's eyes widen slightly. He expected you to react poorly to the news but he hadn't expected you to laugh.

"It's not funny, really it's not. It's just...out of all the ways for him to die in my timeline, that's how he goes out. He's a galactic tyrant in a majority of his lives and in my boring one he meets his demise by being a dumbass and not looking both ways when crossing the street."

Although you're doing your best to make light of the situation, he knows you well enough to know you're doing your best to hide how you truly feel knowing Ben was so close to you without you knowing.

"All of that information was a lot to take in, so I'm going to summarize. Tell me if I'm understanding everything correctly or if I'm missing anything important."

He nods.

"The Force made an exception to every rule and law every universe has ever made regarding time and space so you could find me, keep me safe, and prepare me for all of this. Once you thought I was ready, you 'died,' or returned to the Force, whatever you want to call it. This timeline is the only one the big bads find out about the World Between Worlds which is why the Force made an exception. Ben being an asshole would have tipped the scales even more and without a version of me here, there would have been no way to bring Ben back to the light. There's no way to stop Snoke or Palps if Ben embraces the darkside. He's basically my soulmate and regardless of time and space, we find each other, or try to. You couldn't find a version of me anywhere because Snoke and Palps keep killing me. You left me the book so I wouldn't be completely lost in Ben's timeline. By the way, leaving me an unfinished book was a dick move and you know it. You knew how much I would obsess over it."

Obi-Wan smirks. "You paid attention to it didn't you? If I know you as well as I think I do, you obsessed over it, and read it numerous times, along with my letter. Would you have cared as much if I had given you a completed book?"

He had a point, somewhat. You would have carried it with you everywhere, regardless of whether or not it was finished. It's still the last thing he gave you. You wouldn't have obsessed over it's contents as much though.

"Did you have to wait until I got hit by a car to bring me here?"

He sighs. "The timing was beyond my control, as I was already gone. The Force made that decision without me. I only played a small part in getting you here by giving you the book."

"The Force brought me here but you helped by giving me the book? I know the book helped me understand what was going on once I was here, but what does the book have to do with getting me here?"

Obi-Wan crosses his arms over his chest and waits for you to connect the dots on your own.

The World Between Worlds is a gateway to time and space. It's also known as a vergence s—

"Vergence! The book is a vergence! It worked as a portal!" you nearly yell, extremely proud of yourself for figuring it out. "You knew I'd keep it with me and when the time was right the Force used it to bring me here. Am I right?"

Obi-Wan smiles.

"Well damn, it would have been cool if the Force didn't wait until I got hit by a fucking car to bring me here."

"Your language has gotten far worse in my absence."

"Yeah well...a lot has," you say quietly.

Obi-Wan approaches you, places his hands on your shoulders, and stares down at you lovingly.

"I would have stayed with you longer if the Force allowed it. You just know that," Obi-Wan says with sincerity.

You avert your eyes, breaking eye contact once you feel them well with tears.

"I know how much you hate this, what was the word you used, 'mushy' stuff," he says with amusement. Your eyes are still averted but you can tell by his tone that he's smiling. "However, you're going to make an exception and listen to me this once without complaining."

You nod.

"I am proud of you. Regardless of the choices you've made, or the choices you make going forward, I will always be proud of you. You may not be my daughter by blood but you're my daughter in all the ways that matter."

When you start to cry he uses the sleeves of his robe to wipe the tears away.

Obi-Wan gestures for you to follow him once your cheeks are fairly tear free. You follow after him as he walks away from the portal you are standing in front of. He stops once you get to a small fork in the path you're on. There's a portal to your left, and one to your right. He's stopped in between them. The Loth wolves around each archway begin to run in a circle once more.

"The final step of your journey is up to you. You can go through that archway and be back with young Solo," Obi-Wan says, as he gestures to the archway to your left, "or you can go home by entering this one," he gestures towards the archway on your right.

On the right, an image begins to appear in the portal that would take you back to Brooklyn. A glimpse of, what you think is the future, begins to play.

You're sitting in the corner of a coffee shop, surrounded by friends, laughing. For the first time since Obi-Wan died, you appear to be happy, in your time. You won't be alone anymore, you'll have friends, people that care about you. You'll be able to go back to your apartment every night, safely, without bounty hunters and evil sith lords after you. You won't have to live on the run, hopping from ship to ship to avoid capture. Overall, you'll be happy, except one major component will be missing.

You turn your attention to the portal that will lead you back to Ben. An image slowly appears in the center of it.

Ben is standing in front of you, staring through the cave wall he pushed you through. You know he can't see you but the way his eyes connect with yours make you momentarily think otherwise.He wipes his eyes quickly, and turns to face his knights. Instead of letting them corner him against the wall, he walks into the center of the large room and watches as they begin to form a circle around him.

"Did I do what needed to be done? To stop Palpatine I mean?"

"The future of this timeline has yet to be determined"

"If I haven't finished what you sent me here to do, why are you giving me the choice to go home now?" you ask, confused.

"Because you didn't get to choose whether or not to come here in the first place. You deserve a chance to decide how this chapter of your story ends."

"So you don't know what happens here if I go back to Brooklyn, or if I stay with Ben? I'm guessing the odds are in our favor since we reached the portal before Snoke. Ben destroyed the tablet so there's no way he can get in here once I leave."

You're more or less talking to yourself while Obi-Wan watches,waiting for you to make your decision, even though he knows what you'll choose. You're his daughter after all, and if he had a choice between living a life of war with Satine and Anakin, or living in peace without them, he would have chosen them every time.

Still, he wants you to be sure of your decision. He knows how afraid you are of being alone, and he doesn't want that fear to be the reason you choose to stay with Ben instead of going back to Brooklyn.

"If I...if I were to go home...will Ben and everyone remember me? Will they remember everything that happened?"

"Yes, everything will stay the same except you won't return to Lothal."

You glance again at Ben's portal. He activates Anakin's lightsaber and keeps it at his side, pointed towards the ground. His lips are moving and the knights are approaching him. He shrugs, and attacks the knights before they have a chance to block his blows. He hits every knight with his lightsaber before spinning it in his hand and lunging.

Aside from the quick glimpse you saw earlier while fighting the guards, you've never seen him in an actual fight. He fights as if the lightsaber is an extension of himself.

Ben spins the saber, holds it behind his back, exhales, spins around again, extends his hand, and launches one of the knights backwards using the force.

Not paying attention to his back you call out to him as the one of the knights raises his staff. Ben glances towards the portal for a moment and realizes too late that you were somehow warning him. The knight hits Ben in the shoulder blades, knocking his lightsaber to the ground, and bringing him to his knees.

It's then you notice one lone knight standing nearby, not engaging Ben. Unlike his fellow knights, Vicrul doesn't seem eager to beat Ben into submission. Instead, he watches as if torn between what he wants to do and what he should do.

"Do it! C'mon you know you want to help him. Do it you handsome asshole!" you yell at Vicrul through the portal.

His helmet shifts in your direction, as if he also heard you.

One of the knights lifts his staff above Ben but Vicrul stops him before he can bring it down on him. He fights with ferocity and quickly dispatches one of his former brothers. Before he can charge another one, his weapon is knocked from his hand.

Ben sticks his hand in the satchel at his side, grabs his crossguard, and tosses it to Vicrul while simultaneously calling Anakin's back to his waiting hand.

One of the knights hits Vicrul hard enough to knock his mask off, causing him to stumble backwards from the strength of the blow. Even though his lip is bleeding, he smiles and yells something to Ben.

Ben responds before thrusting his lightsaber into one of his former knights. The portal ripples and closes, ending your view of what's currently taking place on Lothal.

"I know you want to go back to Ben, but I want you to carefully consider both options. Don't let your fear of being alone prevent you from going back to a future that is safe. Well, as safe as one can be in Brooklyn. You won't be on the run, or in the middle of a war, you'll be home."

Obi-Wan's words hit you deep, which he expected, but probably not for the right reason.

"Home...home isn't always a place, it can be a person. You were my home," you pause. Your lip starts to tremble as you try to hold back more tears. "But you're gone now. I have an apartment, and the bookstore. Those places aren't home," you wipe away your tears and turn towards Obi-Wan, "Ben is. Ben is home, and I'd follow him anywhere."

Obi Wan smiles, knowing you've made your choice. You throw yourself at him and hug him, burying your face into his robe like a kid.

"Even though I didn't necessarily hand pick you myself, if I had to choose anyone to carry my name, to be my legacy, my daughter, it would be you."

You start to cry harder which only makes him squeeze you tighter.

"Go now, before the portal closes and you're stuck with me forever."

"Is that even possible?"

"I'm not sure. I suppose there's only one way to find out," he says as you release him.

"That sounds horrible, and I would never choose to be stuck here with you forever," you smile in between sniffles, wiping your eyes, and stepping closer towards the Lothal portal.

"Wait," an unfamiliar voice calls out to you as you're turning your back to Obi-Wan.

Glancing over your shoulder, your eyes land on Anakin Skywalker. He approaches Obi-Wan from behind, stopping once he's standing directly next to him.

"Take care of my grandson, trust your instincts, and always trust the Force."

You nod. "Your grandson is a little needy, as you know, but I'll do my best."

"And remember, I will always be with you. Always," Obi-Wan adds.

You remove your lightsaber, ignite it, and prepare to jump through the portal, back to Lothal, back to Ben. You glance over your shoulder one last time to get a good look at the man who once saved your life.

"Bye, dad," you say quietly, giving him one last sad smile.

You turn away quickly when his eyes seem to shine with unshed tears. You just stopped crying, seeing that will send you into a new round of sobs.

Taking a deep breath, twirling your lightsaber once, preparing for the impending fight, you jump through the portal.

* * *

Once you're gone, the portal back to Brooklyn closes, but the one to the Jedi temple remains open to only them to view what's happening.

"You lied when you said you didn't know what happens if she goes back to my grandson."

"If I had told her the truth it would have swayed her resolve."

"You really think so?"

"Honestly Anakin, I'm not sure, but I know she'd do anything to protect your grandson. I just hope if what we've seen happens to be their fate, that the Force allows us to intervene one last time. The choice they will have to make will not be easy. She will—"

"She will make the right decision and the galaxy will be safe. The galaxy will finally have the chance to heal from my mistakes."

"One can only hope," Obi-Wan says while twisting the end of his mustache.

Anakin laughs quietly.

"What?" Obi Wan asks as he turns his attention to Anakin.

"Only hope. You were once my daughters only hope, and now your daughter is ours.

Obi-Wan laughs quietly.

"Yes she is, they both are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want like to explain something just in case it wasn't clear. When I read fics, I don't personally think of them as their own independent world. Whether it's Rey and Ben or Y/N and Ben, to me, they're all the same universe, but alternate timelines.
> 
> For example, if Y/N and Ben's lives were a book, each fic would he an individual chapter, all in the same book. 
> 
> I don't know if anyone else does that or if it's just me but I wanted to do that here. When you asked Obi-Wan about some of the few times you and Ben end up together and happy, he referenced Ignite the Stars (in case you haven't read it and/or didn't catch the reference).
> 
> The second "somewhat" happy timeline he mentioned, where you are a bounty hunter, is my new fic, "I Might Tear You Apart."
> 
> I have the first chapter almost finished and will be posting it either before the epilogue of this fic or right after. 
> 
> Hopefully I explained everything clearly and answered any questions you may have regarding why things have happened and how they did. If anything is unclear by the end of the story, please tell me so I can go back and address it.
> 
> The next chapter is the last one before the epilogue, and to be honest, I'm kind of sad this story is ending. I don't want to drag it out and end up getting bored with it and leaving it unfinished though. That's what almost happened with Ignite the Stars. 
> 
> I hit a bit of writers block which is why this chapter took so long to post, that and making sure I answered everything coherently.


	17. Forever & Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder- I don't have a beta.
> 
> Also, I apologize.

_You tell me it's alright_   
_That everything's okay_   
_But I can see there's something more_   
_That you don't wanna say_   
_It's written in your eyes_   
_I can see you're scared_   
_For some reason I can't find the words_   
_To take away your fear_   
_And somehow in this moment_   
_The night sky comes alive_   
_A symphony of fire_   
_Reflected in your eyes_   
_And in this very moment_   
_There's only me and you_   
_We'll let it burn around us_   
_And watch the world undo_   
_Step into the dark_   
_You know we'll make it through_   
_Hand in hand, to hell and back_   
_I will follow you_   
_If this is the end of the world_   
_Then I wanna spend it with you_   
_There is not a single thing_   
_That I would rather do_   
_Than kiss you and tell you I love you_   
_And watch as it goes up in flames_   
_Take my hand, don't say goodbye_   
_Forever and always_

_Written By Wolves- Forever & Always_

* * *

In somewhat of a daze, Ben stares at the now solid cave wall he just pushed you through. The pain in his chest is telling him that letting you go was a mistake, but his mind is telling him it's for the best.

He doesn't realize he's on the verge of crying until his vision starts to blur. Before the tears can fall he quickly wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he turns his back to the cave wall, and faces the knights.

Not one to waste any time, Ben meets them halfway across the large cavern. He reaches over his shoulder and removes Anakin's lightsaber from his holster. Without igniting it, he holds the hilt at his side. His thumb twitches with anticipation, ready to activate it at a moment's notice.

Hatred for him rolls off of his former knights in waves as they spread out and circle around him. It's in that moment he realizes where their loyalty has always lied, with Snoke. The loyalty they showed him was merely feigned, lulling him into a false sense of comfort. Their camaraderie was just another form of manipulation by Snoke.

"It's true then, you're a kriffing traitor!" Cardo yells through his mask. "Vicrul said you turned for the girl, but we didn't believe it."

"Our master, surrendering to a girl because she paid attention to you. Is that it?" Ap'lek laughs, mockingly. "If we had known getting your cock wet is all it would take to stop your whining we would have done it ages ago."

"Speaking of whores," Ben says, glancing between each of the knights.

"Did you at least wait until Ren's body was cold before whoring yourself out to Snoke, or was he one of his whores too?"

Cardo's fists clench with barely suppressed rage over the degrading remark about their former master. Ben smirks, happy to know the comment had the desired effect.

"If memory serves me correctly, all of you swore an oath swearing your loyalty to whoever held Ren's lightsaber, which is technically me. You were Ren's little bitch and Ren lived his life by that code, at least he did until I plunged my lightsaber through his chest," Ben smiles smugly.

"Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer. You don't deserve to call yourself Ren," Trudgen growls through his mask. "You're not our master."

"You're right, I'm not your master, and I'm not Ren. Kylo Ren is dead," Ben shrugs. "But Ben Solo is very much alive."

Ben activates his lightsaber and quickly strikes each of them with enough force to push them backwards, giving him more space to move freely.

He lunges towards Cardo first. Not expecting to be Ben's first target, he's caught completely off guard. Ben flips over him, plunges his lightsaber into his back, and roughly pulls it out.

While twirling the lightsaber with his wrist, Ben spins and holds it behind his back. A second later, Trudgen brings his vibro-cleaver down towards his shoulder blades. The blade clashes with Ben's saber instead of slicing him open as the knight intended.

The force of the impact causes Trudgen to stumble backwards. Ben seizes the opportunity and spins around. Using the Force, he launches him clear across the room, and into the wall.

Suddenly he hears your voice emanating from the cave wall. He isn't sure if it's actually you he's hearing or a trick of his mind. Even though he knows you're not going to be there, he pauses and glances at the cave wall. He realizes too late that the source of the voice isn't nearly as important as the reason he heard it.

Ushar raises his weapon and slams it in between his shoulder blades. Pain shoots down his spine and radiates outwards, bringing him to his knees. His lightsaber falls from his hand, lands in the dirt, and rolls out of reach.

Leaving his back unguarded is the one mistake that could tip the scales in their favor, and of course, it's the mistake he just made.

Ben does his best to even his breathing while the remaining knights form another circle around him. His eyes glance to the cave wall again. It shouldn't be where his mind wanders to but he can't help but wonder where you are and whether you've gotten your answers. If it was actually you that called out to him, are you watching him right now? Can you see what's happened to him, or what's about to happen to him?

Ushar could have easily hit him in the back of the head with enough force to kill him but instead, he chose to merely bring him to his knees.

Snoke wants him alive and has given them strict orders not to kill him. It's the only reason they would hold back. The thought of what awaits him back on the Supremacy nearly makes him dizzy with dread.

He's not sure which fate is worse, being killed on the spot, or being dragged back to his former master. He knows how cruel Snoke can be and he's well aware of the pain that awaits him. 

Although he had a few impromptu and rushed lessons on how to guard his mind with Luke, he's doesn't think he's strong enough to block out Snoke.

Ben's heart races as he thinks about the painful scenarios he would face once back with Snoke. He doesn't notice Vicrul standing away from the circle the other knights have once again formed around him.

Although their oath was severely lax and could easily be interpreted a number of ways, Vicrul felt as if his loyalty to Kylo was something he couldn't suddenly denounce. Whoever killed Ren became their new leader, and even though Snoke was pulling the strings, it was Kylo who made the kill. This didn't matter to the others, but it mattered to him. Their self preservation was more important to them than their beliefs, but it wasn't to Vicrul. He wasn't afraid to die, and he wasn't one to change his beliefs according to his situation. If he was going to die it was going to be while fighting for what he believed in.

"Do it! C'mon you know you want to help him! Do it you handsome asshole!"

His head jerks towards your voice and he stares in your direction. When you don't come barreling out of the cave wall, he turns his attention back to the scene unfolding in front of him.

Ushar raises his weapon again, intending to slam it into the back of Ben's head to render him unconscious.

"Kriff," Vicrul sighs through his mask.

Ben glances over his shoulder at the sound and watches as he stops Ushar's weapon centimetres away from his head. Vicrul swings his scythe with enough force to not only stop Ushar's club, but to knock it out of his hand. Instead of stopping there, he pulls his scythe back once more and slices Ushar straight through the middle, killing him instantly.

The unexpected attack gives Ben enough time to jump back to his feet, as quickly as his injured leg allows. Ap'Lek knocks the scythe out of Vicruls hand, giving Kuruk the opening he needs to fire his rifle. At the last second, Vicrul leans backwards, narrowly dodging a blast to the face.

Ben calls the legacy saber to his hand while pulling his cross guard out of the satchel at his side.

"Vicrul!" Ben yells.

Vicrul turns his head towards Ben as he throws the cross guard in his direction. The moment it lands in his hand, he activates it, and raises it in front of his face. Seconds later, another blast from Kuruk's rifle flies towards him but is stopped by his new weapon. 

"Oh hell yeah!" Vicrul yells. Slightly power hungry with the new weapon in his hand, he charges Kuruk.

Ben lunges at Ap'Lek. His lightsaber clashes against Ap'Lek's axe as he blocks each of Ben's blows.

The sound of heavy metal hitting the ground gets Ben's attention. He quickly steals a glance at Vicrul who is now maskless. His dirty blonde, sweat drenched hair, hangs in his face and his bottom lip is bleeding down his chin. He wipes the blood with his sleeve, and smiles.

"We should have done this sooner. I haven't had a good fight in years," Vicrul yells to Ben. Trudgen, irritated at how nonchalant Vicrul seems to be, charges him along side Kuruk.

"I'm glad you're having fun," Ben says through gritted teeth.

While blocking another blow from Ap'Lek, Ben aims his left hand in Vicrul's direction and knocks Kuruk backwards, and away. Now they're evenly matched, Vicrul and Trudgen, Ben and Ap'Lek.

Ben drops to the ground to dodge a swing of Ap'Lek's axe. Instead of immediately climbing back to his feet, he sweeps Ap'Lek's legs out from under him. Before Ap'Lek's back fully hits the ground, Ben drives his lightsaber through his chest.

Movement out of the corner of his eye catches Ben's attention.

Moments later, blaster fire rings out throughout the cavern.

Unable to dodge the blast in time, Ben is hit in the abdomen. The pain instantly brings him to his knees and takes his breath away.

Two blasts hit Vicrul simultaneously, one to his right shoulder, and the other to his left knee. His legs give out from under him and he falls. He yells out in pain when his knees hits the ground. The sound echoes around them ominously.

A large group of stormtrooper's jog towards them with their blasters aimed at both of them.

Trudgen uses this to his advantage and knees Vicrul in the face hard enough to knock him unconscious. Kuruk approaches Ben but instead of knocking him unconscious he lifts his foot and stomps on Ben's already injured leg, hard enough to break it. His scream echoes off of the walls round them, drowning out the sound of his leg snapping. Ben writhes around in pain, unsure what hurts worse, his abdomen or his leg.

He stares at the ceiling above him, knowing what's about to happen, and how powerless he is to stop it. A familiar sound rings out, a sound he didn't think he'd hear again. Slowly, he turns his head towards the cave wall. The wolves are once again running in a circle, slow at first, but quickly accelerating.

Hope blossoms in his chest, but so does dread. He desperately wants you to jump through that wall, proving that you chose to come back to him, despite what you know is awaiting you.

However, your fate will be the same as his. Even if you were uninjured you wouldn't be able to take on two knights and the stormtroopers alone. You will be taken to Snoke alongside him and likely suffer the same fate as he will. Despite how badly he wants you in his arms again, he can't wish that fate upon on you.

Groaning, he pushes through the pain, and rolls onto his stomach. Doing his best not to jostle his leg much, he puts his weight on his hands and one of his knees before pushing himself up into a crouching position. It's nearly impossible to stand up straight, but he tries. Gritting his teeth, he hobbles towards the cave wall, falling several times in the process.

  
When the center of the archway ripples, and the wolves are at full speed, he calls out to you. Amused, the knights watch as their pathetic former master crawls on the ground.

"No! Stay where you are!" Ben rasps, trying his best to get back into a somewhat standing position.

He hopes you can hear him, and that for once, you'll do as he says.

When he's a little over halfway and the rippling in the wall intensifies, a light emanates from the center. Ben is forced to squint and close his eyes when all at once the brightness increases, and with a flash, it's gone.

He feels you before he hears you hit the ground with a thud.

When he opens his eyes, you're standing in front of him, a little disoriented, but prepared to fight. Your lightsaber is ignited, aimed ahead of you in a very familiar stance, ready to attack.

Despite the dire situation you're both now in, he smiles.

* * *

More dramatically than intended, you barrel roll onto the dirt covered ground, and jump to your feet, immediately bringing your lightsaber in front of you, ready to strike.

You quickly scan the area to assess the threat, and to find Ben. There are stormtroopers standing across the room, blasters up, and aimed at you. Two knights stand near them, the bodies of their former companions lay scattered around them.

Your heart rapidly beats with fear when your eyes don't immediately land on Ben. When they do, your relief is short lived.

Ben is on his hands, and one knee. His other leg is lying limp on the ground behind him. When your eyes meet he's staring back at you with a crooked, yet pained smile. You can feel the warring emotions he's experiencing. Fear, dread, relief, and adoration.

"Ben," you whisper.

The pain in your side is back and just as intense as it was before entering the World Between Worlds. Your breath hitches when you take your first step, not expecting it to hurt as bad as it does. Doing your best to conceal the pain, you deactivate your lightsaber, clip it to your belt, and quickly close the distance between you and Ben. Once directly in front of him, you drop to your knees, wrap your arms around his neck, and bury your face into it.

Still in an awkward crawling position, he grunts in pain and tries to balance on one arm to wrap the other around you. Reluctantly, you pull yourself away from him. Wincing, he quickly rolls onto his back, and pushes himself up into a seated position.

The moment he's sitting in front of you he places his hand on the back of your neck and pulls you closer to him. You wrap your arms around him again and hold him against you tightly. Tears fall onto his shoulder as you inhale his familiar scent. You run your hand through his sweat soaked hair and keep it there, happy to feel it between your fingers again. Blinking away tears, you glance up towards your audience and realize just how bad things are.

Ben's hurt, badly from what you can tell, and so are you. If they haven't killed him that means they're taking him, and now you, back to Snoke. You need to think of a way to get you both out of your current situation alive. However, the large man whose practically vibrating with equal parts fear and relief, is making it extremely hard for you to focus on anything but him.

"I thought...I thought you were gone. I didn't think you'd come back to me," Ben says against the side of your head, nuzzling your cheek.

"What happened to 'where you go I go,' you asshole? Never push me through a portal to the epicenter of all space and time again, not unless you're planning on coming with me."

His chest shakes against you as he quietly chuckles. Despite the situation, and the pain he's in, he can't help but laugh. Turning his head slightly, he kisses you on the temple, and sighs with relief.

One of the knights point in your direction and the obedient stormtroopers start walking towards you.

"They're going to take us to Snoke and I don't have the strength to protect you. I don't even have the strength to finish off the troopers, and neither do you. We're both too injured to fight," Ben says against your cheek. Your lips part as you prepare to argue but he cuts you off before you can. "Don't bother arguing, I know you're hurt."

You huff and close your mouth.

"I don't know how we're going to get out of this," Ben whispers as the troopers approach.

"We'll figure it out, together."

Using the hand still in his hair, you angle his head towards you. You bring your lips against his and kiss him with as much passion as possible. He deepens the kiss for what feels like a fraction of a second before the two of you are roughly pulled apart.

One of the troopers hooks their arms under yours and lifts you to your feet before standing to your left and grabbing your arm roughly. Another one approaches you, and does the same to your right arm.

It takes two to lift Ben, and when they do, they're not gentle. They roughly lift him to his feet but pause when he yells out in pain.

It's then you realize he's hurt a lot worse than you originally thought. His leg is very visibly broken, and he's been shot in the abdomen. The charred and damaged skin is visible through the hole in his shirt made by the blast.

"Don't be so rough with him!" you yell through gritted teeth, trying to hide how much pain you're also in. You were planning on going with them without a fight but you're not going to sit by and quietly watch as they purposely hurt Ben.

"Things will be a lot easier for both of you if you shut up and come quietly," the stormtrooper directly in front of you says over his shoulder.

Frowning, you use the two holding your arms as leverage, lift both feet, and slam them into the back of the trooper.

"Is that quiet enough for you?" you say smugly, wincing as the warmth on your side spreads.

Ben snorts, barely containing a laugh as the trooper falls face first on to the ground.

"What happened to Vicrul?" you ask.

The two of you are being dragged side by side towards the two remaining knights. You're not sure what's going to happen next, you might as well ask while you still can. Vicrul's the reason Ben's not hurt even more than he already is, it's hard not to worry about him.

Ben cocks his head towards you questionably, silently asking how you knew Vicrul helped him.

"It's a very long story but I saw Obi-Wan and I got my answers. I saw when Vicrul decided to help you but I didn't see anything after that."

"So it was you I heard," Ben smirks.

He closes his eyes, doing his best to even his breathing. He's sweating and nearly out of breath due to the amount of pain radiating throughout most of his body.

"Of course it was me. Do you have another girlfriend in the World Between Worlds whose constantly having to save your ass that I don't know about?"

You're both dropped onto the ground roughly, right at the feet of Kuruk and Trudgen. Ben groans and rolls onto his right side, taking as much pressure off of his leg as possible. Once on his back, he chuckles.

"No one else sweetheart, just you."

"Damn right," you huff.

Applying pressure to your side, you watch as the knight with the large rifle-like weapon circles you until he's standing directly behind Ben. You crane your neck, knowing better than to turn your back on your enemy. Kuruk raises his hand, preparing to bring it down on Ben.

"No! Don't touch—"

There's a sharp pain in the back of your head and everything goes black.

* * *

Jerking awake, you sit up as quickly as the pain radiating from your side will allow. The first thing you notice is how red the large room you're in is. The floors are black and so clean, you can almost see your reflection. The very faint humming sound and slight vibration on the floor underneath you suggests you're in a ship, but you're note sure whether or not you're back in space or still on Lothal.

Directly to your left, Ben is kneeling as much as his broken leg will allow. His face is angled towards the ground, curtaining his face with his still damp hair. He's sweating, not because he's exerting himself, but because of the pain he is in. His shoulders rise and fall with each labored breath he takes.

"Ben," you whisper, hoping to get his attention.

His eyes never leave the floor and his head continues to hang down. Between the strands of his hair, you can see a small part of his face. There's a gash near his eyebrow that looks like it barely stopped bleeding and his lip is cut. You're not sure how long you've been unconscious for but it was long enough for them to rough him up some more.

A series of explosions go off outside of the room you're in, close enough to nearly rattle the walls. You can't see what's happening outside but a rising sense of dread is tells you that whatever it is, it isn't good.

You try to scoot closer to Ben but stop when your hand lands in something warm and red.

If anyone noticed you bleeding out while transporting you from the temple to the ship you're on, they didn't care enough to do anything about it. You're not sure how much blood you have to lose before you die from blood loss but you're pretty sure you're close to meeting the requirements. The fatigue and drowsiness suggest as much.

"Ben, look at me," you mumble, hoping to get his attention.

"Our guest of honor has finally joined us," a deep, raspy voice says from across the room.

With one last lingering look at Ben, you turn your head in the direction of the voice.

Ahead of you is a large throne like fixture, and on it sits a grotesque and decrepit looking man. Next to him, on the arm rest of his ridiculously large chair, are Obi-Wan and Anakin's lightsabers.

You don't have to be introduced to know who he is.

Snoke.

Seeing him in the World Between Worlds was one thing but seeing him in person is different.

"So much anger! So much power!" Snoke chuckles. "We've never met yet the hate you have for me is nearly palpable."

"You're a piece of shit and I've hated you for a while now. You really think meeting you in person would change that?" you ask through gritted teeth, while slowly inching towards Ben.

The sound of a door sliding open echoes throughout the large red room followed by multiple sets of heavy footsteps. Snoke diverts his attention from you to whoever is approaching you from behind.

You steal a glance at Ben, hoping to see at least a small change in his demeanor, but there isn't any. He's still breathing heavily and staring at the ground.

You're about to look over your shoulder when Vicrul is roughly thrown on to the ground to your right. Groaning in pain, he slowly sits up. Having taken a couple blasts himself, he's almost as injured as Ben is.

"Kriffing assholes," he shouts.

Turning his head, he spits a mouthful of blood onto the foot of one of the knights. He faces forward momentarily before turning his attention to you.

You roll your eyes when a flirtatious smile spreads across his face.

"Well, hello beautiful," he rasps, angling his body towards yours slightly.

He holds out his hand to you, but instead of shaking it, you give him a sad smile then glance to your bleeding side where your hand is currently applying pressure. His eyes widen then dart between you and Ben.

Thankfully understanding what you're trying not to say, he brings his hand back to his own side and smiles flirtatiously again.

"You're more beautiful than I thought you'd be. I get why the kid told the corpse to go to hell," Vicrul laughs and gestures towards Snoke.

You smile, but your smile slowly fades when you remember why he's there and what's about to happen to him. Snoke needs you and Ben, well, he needs one of you. Vicrul is nothing but a traitor, and Snoke has no need for traitors.

"Hey kid, d'ya hear me? Your woman is fine as kriff. I'd have killed Cardo and Ushar in a kriffing minute to see what's under those clothes," he chuckles again.

Ben, shuffles slightly but keeps his eyes trained on the floor. He doesn't react when you call out to him but he reacts when someone makes a pass at you. Typical.

Snoke looks over your head again, and nods. Vicrul takes a deep breath, preparing himself for what he knows is about to happen.

He leans towards you and whispers in your ear. "I know your tough as shit darlin' but you don't need to watch what's about to happen."

Quickly kissing you on the cheek, he pulls back and winks. Trudgen and Kuruk stand directly behind him. You hear Trudgen lift his cleaver, and for once, you decide to do as your told and turn your head away.

You hear the blade swish through the air as Trudgen brings it down on Vicrul. There's a small grunt followed by two thuds, one quieter than the other. You have a pretty good idea of what caused the sounds but you're doing your best not to think about it.

Dread washes over you out of nowhere. It's not because of Vicrul's dead body somewhere nearby, and it's not because of Ben's nearly catatonic state. It's your spidey sense telling you something horrible is about to happen.

You're not sure if the sound snaps him out of his stupor or if the creeping sense of dread does it, but the moment Vicrul's body hits the ground, Ben lifts his eyes and finally speaks.

"Supreme Leader, Please...please let her go. I'll...I'll do whatever you want for however long you want. Please...please just release her."

The desperation in his voice almost brings you to tears. You're not sure what was done to him or what was said to him while you were unconscious but whatever it was has him terrified.

"Shut up Ben. I'm not leaving you. If you're staying, I'm staying," you whisper angrily.

Snoke might think you're whispering in a poor attempt at being sneaky when in reality, you're just tired and whispering doesn't take as much energy as yelling does.

Explosions continue to go off outside somewhere, some louder than others. Some catching your attention while others fade into background noise.

The creeping sense of dread, and who you're feeling it for becomes obvious.

Luke, Leia, Poe, Finn, Chewie, and the Resistance in general. They're outside, fighting for your lives and theirs. The explosions you're hearing are ships firing at one another, hitting their targets, and eliminating them completely.

After one particularly loud blast, your head snaps in that direction. Of course, Snoke notices.

"Worried about your friends, are you girl? As a gesture of kindness I suppose I can show you how they're fairing."

With a flick of his fingers a large view port opens at the far end of the room, giving you a view of what's taking place outside of the ship.

One by one, Resistance ships are being shot down, and the few that remain are outnumbered. Still not particularly skilled in sensing peoples Force energy, you do your best to hone in on Luke and Leia, finding them both inside Leia's ship.

"The general and Skywalker are alive and well," Snoke smiles. "Let's see for how long shall we?"

Ben's eyes dart from Snoke to the view port. Leia's ship is far enough away that you can't see exactly what happens, but you feel it.

Luke and Leia's signature in the Force vanishes.

Leaning forward, you cover your mouth with your blood-free hand and choke back a sob. Ben gasps and falls forward onto his hands. The loss of his mother and even his uncle hit him hard. The air feels like it's been physically knocked from his lungs by the intensity of Leia's loss. His head falls further, curtaining his face with his hair once again. Although it wouldn't be the first time Snoke has brought him to tears, Ben doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how hurt he is, even if he already knows.

More of what Obi-Wan said starts to make sense. Ben is the last Skywalker, which is why the Mortis gods continuously referred to him as such. You're not sure if Ben ends up being the last of the Skywalker's in every time or if it's this one in particular. Either way, Obi-Wan and the Mortis gods knew Leia and Luke would die.

You take a deep breath and focus on Finn next, hoping he's still with Poe and Chewie. If Finn's okay then the other two probably are as well.

All three of them vanish the moment you find them in the Force. You don't bother concealing your grief this time, there's no point. The closest thing you've ever had to a family, aside for Obi-Wan, is gone. You didn't even get to say goodbye and that makes the pain of their loss even worse.

It's just you and Ben now.

The anger and total despair Ben feels is rolling off of him in waves. You're trying not to feel hopeless, but there's really no way out. You're both too hurt to fight, and now there's no one coming to your rescue. Aside for Ben, everyone you know is dead.

You can't see his face through his hair but you don't need to see it to know he's crying. The tears are dripping off of his face and forming a puddle on the floor in front of him.

The First Order has won, the Resistance is gone, and you failed. You failed Luke, you failed Leia, you failed Anakin, and you failed Obi-Wan. They gave you a chance at a family, a chance to alter someone's future for the better, but you only made it worse. The last Skywalker, Organa, and Solo is kneeling beside you distraught and broken in more ways than one.

Snoke says nothing as he relaxes into his throne and watches the emotional spiral Ben is slowly going down.

Taking a deep breath, you scoot next to Ben until your body is pressed against his, sliding through a puddle of your own blood in the process. You're definitely going to bleed to death soon and if that happens Ben will be completely alone with Snoke, again. Only this time you don't think he'll be able to survive it, not just physically, but emotionally, and psychologically. You're all he has left and if he loses you, he'll lose himself.

"Ben, I need you to look at me. This is important and I don't think I have much time left."

You don't want to worry him or upset him more than he already is, but it's the truth. You're lightheaded, tired, and you're getting cold. You're not a medical expert by any means but you've seen enough movies to know what that means.

His head snaps towards you, finally acknowledging you. His red rimmed eyes widen as he glances from the hand at your side to the puddle of blood underneath you.

Easing off of his knee, he does his best to keep all of his weight on one side. He lifts his broken leg with both hands and sets it down straight in front of him. The moment he's seated flat on the ground, he quickly lifts you into his lap. It should hurt but it doesn't which is definitely bad.

Shakily, he brings his hand to your side and lifts your hand away, replacing it with his. His breath hitches when he feels how utterly soaked with blood you are. Panicked, he looks away from you to address Snoke.

"Supreme Leader, please. I will do anything you want, anything. Please just get her to the med bay. Send a med droid, something, please. I'll take you to the Lothal cave. I'll—"

"No Ben! Stop!" you protest.

He ignores you and continues.

"I'll give you any information you want."

His voice trembles as he begs for your life.

Snoke laughs, "Why should I do as you ask? You have nothing to offer me."

Ben's lips part, preparing to bargain for you life using the information you both have worked so hard to keep away from him, but Snoke cuts him off before he can speak.

"You think I need to bargain for the information you have," he laughs cruelly. "Your mind is weak. Any training your pathetic excuse of an uncle could have given you in such a short amount of time is no match for my power. As long as you're breathing I can take what I want from you. Her mind is stronger, and less damaged than yours. Through your bond you've shared quite a bit of information, even without realizing it. There's really no reason to keep her alive," Snoke says casually, as if he was talking about the weather and not your life.

Ben's lip trembles while he stares at his former master with hatred. There's no talking Snoke into anything and it's clear he has every intention of letting you die in his arms. A new wave of panic crashes over him. His eyes leave Snoke and land on you as he pulls you in closer to him.

"I can't be alone again, you can't leave me," he whispers against your neck as he buries his face into it. Your shirt is rapidly getting wetter as his tears start to fall. "You promised we'd always be together. You're all I have left and I don't think I can live without you."

"Look at your former master," Snoke says to the two remaining knights. He sneers with sadistic joy while watching Ben breakdown in front of him. "Blubbering over a woman like an infant desperate for its mother. Pathetic."

Slightly uncomfortable, you try to reposition yourself in Ben's lap but stop when something digs into your hip and Ben's thigh. Both of you look down at the same time, confused over what could be making you both so uncomfortable.

One of the explosives Chewie had clipped on to your belt is pressed between you. You stare at it for longer than necessary as an idea idea quickly flashes through your mind.

It's the only way you can keep Palpatine and Snoke from the World Between Worlds. You can't completely wipe out the First Order but you can wipe out the leaders at least. Leia and a majority of the Resistance may be gone, but there will always be those willing to fight for what they believe in.

What you're considering, is basically suicide. The thought alone, the word alone, nearly makes you cringe. It's not suicide, if it's a sacrifice right? The line between them is thin and unfortunately in this case, the two would be hand in hand.

Even if you're prepared to sacrifice yourself for the good of the multiverse, it's not your choice to make alone.

The absurdity of your situation, once again, nearly makes you laugh. The multiverse, all time and space, is depending on you and the damaged man whose lap you're sitting in.

When you lift your head and meet Ben's eyes, you know without a doubt, that he's thinking the same thing you are.

Ben knows you don't have much time left and he knows what will happen to him once you're gone. Snoke will painfully tear into his mind until he gets all of the information he needs. He will sift through every intimate memory he has, every moment he's spent with you, and taint them with his darkness. Once Snoke has the information he needs, he won't need him anymore and he will kill him. Snoke now knows Ben Solo can never truly be Kylo Ren, he'll never be heir apparent to Darth Vader. He can't use him for his power anymore which means he's outgrown his use.

Ben wasn't being dramatic when he said he didn't think he could live without you. You saved him from Snoke, and from himself.

When you leave him, so will the light. However, the dark no longer beckons to him either. The feelings you've invoked in him are stronger than the call to the dark side. Once you are gone, he will have no one, and he'll have no place in the galaxy. He will truly be completely alone in every sense of the word. 

Snoke has taken too much from him, he won't let him take his life. It's the one thing he still has that belongs to him and if he's going to die, he's going to do it on his terms, and he's taking them with him. If you're going to die, he's going with you. As terrifying as the uncertainty of death is, being alone in the universe scares him far more.

He swallows hard, and searches your face for any sign that you both aren't on the same page. There's not the slightest hint of hesitation or uncertainty on your face. When he sees the resolution in your eyes, he nods slightly. Anyone watching the two of you wouldn't know you're communicating with looks alone.

Ben pulls you against his chest even more, and plants kisses on your neck and the side of your face with near desperation. One hand stays at your back to support you, while he slides the other upwards to the back of your neck. His fingers comb through the hair at the base of your skull, holding you close as if at any moment you might jump to your feet and make a run for it.

Snoke is talking but neither one of you are listening because neither one of you care about what he has to say. At this point his voice sounds like background noise, faint, and distorted.

He thinks he's won and you want him to keep thinking that.

"Ben look at me," you whisper.

Reluctantly, he pulls away from you but only enough to stare into your eyes. You must look worse than you did a minute ago because his chin starts quivering the moment he sees your face.

"Okay?" you whisper, searching his face.

He stares into your eyes before leaning forward, and kissing your forehead. "Okay," he says against your skin.

"Do you hear me boy?!" Snoke yells, interrupting your thoughts.

Ben continues to ignore him, choosing to silently stare at you while he awaits further instructions.

"Can you shut up? I'm dying for fuck sake. Give us a minute," you huff, scowling at him.

To your complete surprise, and delight, Ben starts to laugh. A genuine smile spreads from ear to ear as he laughs deep from the pit of his stomach. Hearing him laugh and seeing him smile before you die is one of the greatest gifts the universe could give you. The sight of his dimples and his slightly crooked teeth make everything you've been through completely worth it.

You bring your hand up to his face and trace his dimples with your thumb as he smiles back at you.

"I wish I could have seen you smile more," you whisper. Your vision begins to blur as tears threaten to spill.

"If I had met you sooner, you would have," he chuckles.

It's getting harder to stay awake and your eyes feel heavier by the second. Ben notices but doesn't make any move to follow through with your plan, not until you tell him to.

"I saw Obi-Wan and Anakin in the World Between Worlds. Do you want to know what they said about us?"

Ben nods.

Snoke is suddenly quiet, eager to hear what you have to say about the World Between Worlds, eager to find out just how much truth there is to the myths.

"There are multiple timelines and universes, and in every one of them, you and I are always orbiting each other."

He stares at you in silence while absorbing that information. You omit the "star-crossed lovers" aspect of your fates. He doesn't need to know you're usually dead before you can actually meet.

"You're my soulmate," you sniffle and smile.

Ben's smirks.

"Tell me something I don't know sweetheart. You didn't need to go to the World Between Worlds to figure that out," he chuckles.

His smile slowly fades when you start to nod off.

It feels like you're fighting sleep, only you're fighting off something far more permanent.

Ben needs to do it now or you'll be gone and you're not sure if he'll have the courage to do what needs to be done without you. You smile at him and run your finger down his scar and then across his bottom lip before meeting his eyes.

He pulls you close to his chest tightly and rests his chin on your shoulder. You rest your chin on his and glance behind him at the knights. You can't see their faces behind their creepy masks, but you know they're watching the two of you. With a smile on your face, you slowly raise your middle finger to both of them.

One of Ben's arms is firmly wrapped around you, keeping you firmly pressed against his chest.

With his free hand, he reaches between you. Three different patterns of beeping emanates from your waist. It takes everyone in the them a moment to realize what's causing it. Ben unclips one of the bombs from your belt and tosses it over your head towards the knights. He tosses the other towards the door, and the third he tosses at Snoke's feet.

Taking your eyes off of the knights, you lean back and turn your head towards Snoke.

His eyes are wide in disbelief and panic. Out of all the possible outcomes he had not anticipated this one.

Ben outstretches his hand towards Snoke and calls both Obi-Wan's and Anakin's lightsabers to him. He places them both on your lap for safe keeping. Even though they're going to suffer the same fate you are, it feels wrong to leave them within Snoke's reach.

"Hey Snoke," you call out, getting his attention. "The Skywalker's send their regards," you say smugly.

If only someone knew the brilliance behind what you just said and how badass you feel because of it.

Ben chuckles deeply, stealing your attention from Snoke.

"What's so funny?" you ask, confused.

"I understood that reference," he smiles and kisses you on the cheek.

The beeping grows louder and faster. Ben's grip on you increases exponentially.

Wanting to see his face, you comb your fingers through his hair and tug it slightly. Taking the hint, he slowly leans back until he's staring into your eyes.

"I love you," you whisper. You've never said the words out loud to anyone before. If anyone deserves to hear them it's Ben.

"I know," he says, smiling through tears.

The small glimpse of Han and Leia's past immediately comes to mind.

Cradling his face in your hands, you use your thumbs to wipe away the stray tears he can no longer hold back.

"We'll find each other again. I found you in this life didn't I? Apparently I'm stuck with you," you smirk.

"I told you, I'll follow you anywhere," he whispers, smiling sadly.

Placing his hand against your cheek, he presses his lips against yours as the excessive beeping stops and with a blinding flash of white, everything fades away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found the song Forever & Always after the end of this chapter was written. Then sobbed for an hour because it fit so well. I HIGHLY suggest listening to it after reading this chapter. If you're too lazy to search for it on Spotify, it's on the playlist on the first chapter.
> 
> Also, if it makes any difference, I wrote this chapter before writing chapter 2. All the in between is what changed. This is the first story I've written the first chapter and last chapter before writing the middle and it was a rough ride.
> 
> The epilogue is mapped out in my mind and in some incoherent notes on my desktop. I just have to organize them and type them out and that will be the end of Save Me A Spark.


	18. Finding You | Epilogue Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally 18k words. I had to split it into two chapters for my own sanity.
> 
> PS- I did the final read through of this at 1 am and I don't have a beta

_I'm gonna search for your love right through Hell and Heaven  
_ _Millions of years yet to come and in all dimensions  
_ _I know that you'll always be my happy ending  
I know forever don’t exist  
But after this life ill find you in the next  
So when I say “forever” it’s the goddamn truth  
I’ll keep finding you  
  
  
_ _Kesha - Finding You_

* * *

The pain in your head is unlike anything you’ve experienced. You should be happy right? You can’t have a headache if you’re dead.

Except...you should definitely be dead.

The sound of a heart monitor beeping in the distance rattles around your brain mockingly, hinting at what you know you’ll find when you open your eyes. The sterile disinfectant smell fills your lungs with each nervous breath you take, further confirming your fears.

Slowly, hesitantly, you open your eyes, and immediately regret it.

There’s nothing abnormal about the ceiling of your hospital room, yet it’s the cruelest thing you’ve ever seen, for multiple reasons, one obvious one.

Did anything you experienced happen or did your imagination go crazy while you were unconscious?

The last thing you remember happening before waking up on Starkiller is getting hit from the side and hitting your head.

How long have you been unconscious?

The biggest and most important question, does any of that matter?

Whether what you experienced was real or not, the result is the same.

Ben is gone.

An angry yet painful sob is practically ripped out of you at the cruel realization. Your hand is pulled back when you try to bring it to your face. An IV has been inserted into the vein on the top of your hand, restricting your movement. Your anxiety skyrockets, sending you barreling towards a full fledged panic attack.

Without thinking, you roughly pull the medical tape off and yank the needle out of your hand. The pain barely makes you wince.

You feel like you’re suffocating. You need to get out of the bed and out of the room.

Quickly sitting up, you reach into the front of your hospital gown and rip off the sticky heart monitor pads. Oddly enough, that hurts worse than ripping the needle out of your hand.

You’re crying too hard to notice how fast and loud the heart monitor is beeping before you yank off the pads.

The pain in your head is unbearable but so is the thought of staying in the small room one second longer. It’s like you’re inside a physical reminder of everything that either never existed or existed but was lost. A blinding reminder of how alone you are.

“Oh dear! It’s okay sweetie! You’re okay!” an older woman says, as she rushes into your hospital room.

You’re about to slide off the hospital bed but the woman stops you by placing her hand on your arm.

She's extremely short and oddly tan, considering where you live. Her thick grey hair is neatly curled and pinned up and her glasses hang around her neck on a small chain.

The grandmotherly vibe she's giving off is oddly comforting.

“It’s okay, just breathe. In and out, like this.” 

She inhales slowly and deeply, gesturing for you to do as she does. Reluctantly you do as she says which isn’t easy to do while crying.

Calming down enough to speak, you stare back at her questionably.

“What happened ?” you rasp. Your voice is scratchy and your throat is dry from lack of use.

“Let’s get you back into bed and I’ll explain. Oh dear, you poor thing. Waking up in the hospital with no idea how you got here is probably terrifying. I’ve been watching over you, hoping I could be here when you wake up so all this wouldn’t happen,” she gestures towards the bloody IV needle on the floor and the discarded heart monitor pads.

The panic you felt is slowly easing, allowing you to focus on how much your head hurts instead. The polite nurse notices you wince as you slide into the bed.

“Are you in a lot of pain?” she asks sympathetically.

Yes, but it’s nothing compared to the emotional pain you’re in. Even though she’s polite, you know better than to state that because she’ll ask why.

_Well, you see my emo space boyfriend and I just sacrificed ourselves to save an alternate timeline in a different galaxy. I was sent on a quest through the multiverse after seeing my dead adopted father. Either my goth Mr. Darcy was a figment of my imagination, or he's dead and I'm not. Either of those options suck so my heart feels like it was literally broken._

You nod.

Now that you’re fairly calm, you try to assess your injuries. The bandages on the side of your head are a clear indicator of the head trauma you assumed you had based on how hard your head hit the ground before you blacked out.

You trace the edge of the bandage with your fingers and can tell your hair has been shaved underneath it. You now have an undercut like Gwen Stacy in Into the Spider Verse, which happens to be about traveling through the multiverse. 

The irony is not lost on you and you snort.

The woman pulls out a large syringe from the pocket of her black scrub top, and sets it on the small table next to your bed. Next, she pulls out alcohol wipes and a pair of latex gloves. Once her pockets are empty, she puts on the latex gloves, and her glasses. 

You narrow your eyes, naturally suspicious of virtually everyone and everything at this point.

“It’s a rather strong pain reliever. You don’t have to have it if you don’t want it but it will quickly take your pain away and lasts a rather long time.”

She pauses once the gloves are on and waits for you to give her the go ahead before continuing.

You nod and she smiles.

After cleaning a spot on your arm, she uncaps the syringe and sighs.

“Normally we’d inject this into the IV line but that’s not an option anymore. I’m afraid this is going to hurt dear,” she says, smiling sympathetically. 

The look you give her clearly says, “I’ve had worse.”

She smiles again and injects the medication into your muscle and damn does it hurt. When you wince the woman barely suppresses a smug “I told you so” smile.

She’s very polite but smiles more than anyone you've ever met. It might just be the mood you’re in but it’s extremely annoying.

Warmth spreads through your veins and the pain in your head slowly eases. A faint but pleasant fuzzy feeling washes over you. 

The woman smiles again when you sigh with relief as the pain resides.

“Better?”

“Yes, thank you,” you mumble and look away. Now you just feel like an asshole for being annoyed with her when all she’s trying to do is help.

"What happened? How long have I been out?"

The woman’s brow furrows and she looks at you appraisingly, trying to determine whether you’re in the right state to hear the truth. She gestures for you to scoot over, just enough so she has room to sit on the edge of the bed.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

_“You’re my guest.”_

_“You called me Ben.”_

_“Not to me”_

_“My head’s not as loud when I’m around you.”_

_“I promise I’ll never let you fall. If for some reason I do, well, I’ll make sure you don’t fall alone.”_

_“I told you I could show you the ways of the Force.”_

_“Pinned you.”_

_“You asked if I wanted a place to call home and my answer is no. Home isn’t a place, it’s a person. When I think of home, I think of you. I go where you go, this galaxy or yours. I’ll follow you anywhere.”_

_“Never tell me the odds.”_

_“No one else sweetheart, just you.”_

_“If I had met you sooner you would have.”_

_“I know.”_

_“I told you I’ll follow you anywhere.”_

When she notices you’re somewhat zoning, she gently takes your hand in hers and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Blinking a few times, you force yourself out of your own thoughts, stare back at the old woman, and tell her what she wants to hear.

“I was walking home and the strap on my bag broke. My stuff spilled into the street which wouldn’t have been a big deal but—”

Obi-Wan's book. 

It’s gone and you’ll never see it again. 

It was given to you for a reason and that reason wasn’t sentimental. It was meant to help you through what lied ahead and it did that. Still, it was the last thing he gave you and knowing it’s gone makes your chest hurt. Your eyes well with tears but you quickly wipe them away.

Once your eyes are fairly dry, and you’re not about to cry over a book, you clear your throat.

“My book fell into the street and I chased after it.”

You hurriedly continue before the woman can scold you for being so dumb and careless over a book.

“It wasn’t a normal book though. It was unique and had sentimental value. It was irreplaceable. Without thinking I lunged for it and in turn basically threw myself in front of a cab. The last thing I remember is being hit from the side and thrown head first onto concrete.”

She shakes her head slightly and huffs.

“Those cabs are bad business! I thought for sure when that “Ubie” business became popular that we’d see a rise in car accidents. Oddly enough the ones we do see are usually cab related.”

“Ubie?” you ask, confused.

“Yes, that program on your phone that lets strangers pick you up and drive you around,” she waves her hand in the air as she speaks.

“Uber?”

“That’s it! Uber, yes. Weird name for a company if you ask me,” she trails off.

It’s silent between the two of you until she sighs and slightly angles herself towards you.

“I’m not one to sugar coat things so I'm going to be completely honest with you okay dear?”

“I prefer it that way."

“You’ve been out for almost a week.”

Your eyes widen and your lips part, but she raises her hand to stop you. She already knows what you’re about to ask and rather you wait until she’s done to ask your questions. You quickly close your mouth and sit back in the bed. Normally you’d argue but you can tell, despite her friendly demeanor, this woman doesn’t take shit from anyone. The last thing you want to do is to piss her off. She might leave and who knows if anyone else will care enough to sit down and explain everything like she’s about to.

“You suffered head trauma when you hit your head, enough to fracture your skull. The type of fracture you had is called a ‘depressed fracture.’ After your skull fractured a piece of it began pressing on your brain, causing a slight bleed. They rushed you into surgery and were able to stop any further physical damage. You’ve been recovering since. They’ve been giving you enough pain meds to keep you sedated, allowing you ample time to heal which, judging by the state you were in when I found you, was a good call on their part,” the woman smiles, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

You avert your eyes and nervously pull at the frayed edges of your hospital gown.

“Quite frankly dear, you’re doing amazing. Most people would be in an actual coma, not a medically induced one. You might suffer from migraines and bouts of memory loss but nothing major. Your hair will grow back, covering the rather large scar you’ll most likely have. Now that you’re awake they’ll want to run a few tests to make sure everything is still okay. You’ll probably be able to go home in a couple of days. It depends on what the doctors say.”

When you’re quiet for a beat too long, the woman gives your hand another squeeze.

“You’re lucky to be alive dear. Had the cab actually hit you, you certainly wouldn’t be alive. The young man that pushed you out of the—”

“What young man?” you ask, rudely cutting her off. She hadn’t mentioned any young man or being pushed out of the way. That information would have been nice to know at the start of the story.

“Oh! Did I leave that part out? Terribly sorry dear, my mind isn’t what it used to be. Unfortunately I can’t blame that on brain damage, it’s just old age,” she chuckles and pats you on the hand before sitting up straight.

Her mood grows solemn and her smile fades.

“A young man saw you step into the road. He must have been watching you because he saw the cab coming before you did. According to witnesses, he ran into the street and pushed you out of the way. He pushed you with enough force to still cause damage but not nearly as much as you would have received had you been hit straight on.”

Your throat tightens and your heart beats wildly. You’re extremely grateful you ripped off the heart monitor otherwise the woman would be fussing over you instead of finishing the story.

Who pushed you out of the way? Were they watching you, if so why? You’d be creeped out if their stalker-esque tendencies hadn’t saved your life. 

The woman’s face turns somber, she knows what you’re going to ask next.

“Is he...is he okay?” you ask quietly.

The sad smile she gives you answers your question. 

Because of your carelessness and your stupidity, someone is dead. Your eyes well with tears over the heroic stranger who literally gave their life to save yours. You want to know more about him but you don’t. You’re not sure how you can live with yourself if you find out he has a wife and a house full of kids waiting for him to come home.

“He’s been in a coma since the accident, they don’t think he’s going to make it,” she says quietly.

Maybe it’s the brain damage, or maybe you’ve finally snapped, but your conversation with Obi-Wan in the World Between Worlds, or your vivid comatose imagination, comes to mind immediately.

_"How did he die?"_

_Obi-Wan gives you that look again, the look he gets when he's treading lightly, choosing his words carefully._ _"He was hit by a car while crossing the street."_ _Averting your eyes from Obi-Wan, you stare at your feet. Your eyes well with tears but somehow you can't help but laugh. It's morbid and completely horrible, but you laugh nonetheless._ _Obi-Wan's eyes widen slightly. He expected you to react poorly to the news but he hadn't expected you to laugh._

_"It's not funny, really it's not. It's just...out of all the ways for him to die in my timeline, that's how he goes out. He's a galactic tyrant in a majority of his lives and in my boring one he meets his demise by being a dumbass and not looking both ways when crossing the street."_

“He was thrown rather far upon impact. His pelvis was broken and he had some internal bleeding. They rushed him into surgery as soon as he was brought in. Because of the damage to his pelvis they had to insert screws to ensure it heals properly. They managed to stop the internal bleeding during surgery but he slipped into a coma. He was in the ICU at first but he hasn’t been responsive at all. His emergency contact said to remove him from life support and let nature take its course. Horrible thing to say if you ask me. I’d like to give that man a piece of my mind but it’s not my place,” the woman scowled.

You know what her answer is going to be when you ask your next question. You’re not sure what will hurt worse, if she says it’s him, or if she doesn’t. If it’s him, he’s dying and you’re losing him. If it’s not, you’ve already lost him. 

Either way, you lose.

“Can...can you tell me his name?” you whisper. You’re practically trembling, you're so anxious.

“It’s a rather odd name, if you ask me, which people rarely do-” she trails off again. Your anxiety is high enough to make you dizzy and you feel yourself close to snapping at the old woman.

“I believe it was something like Crylo— No, that wasn’t it. I think it was Kyle, Kyle Ron. No, that doesn’t sound quite right either,” she huffs, frustrated with herself.

Your breath hitches and your eyes well with tears.

“Kylo Ren?” you ask shakily, doing your best to keep your shit together, at least until she confirms it’s him.

“Yes! That’s his name, Kylo Ren. Odd one isn’t it?”

Her eyes widen when your chin trembles and you cover your face with your hands.

“Oh...oh dear, it’s okay. Did you know him?”

You nod while crying into your hands. Had she said he was alive and well, running laps around the hospital, you’d be overjoyed, but she didn’t. She just told you how badly he's hurt and how at any moment he will die. 

The universe is beyond cruel. 

Another thought comes to mind. Who's to say what kind of person Kylo Ren is in this world. Ben was an asshole and he nearly strangled you to death. Not to mention what he did to Finn and Han, but you changed him. 

No, he changed himself. He chose to turn his back on the dark side, you just helped a little.

Would the man dying in the other room be the man you met on Starkiller, or would he be the one that called you sweetheart and blushed at the sight of your panties?

It doesn’t really matter either way, not really.

“I’m sorry, dear. Had I known I’d—”

“Sir, you need to calm down. You’re in the hospital and—” a woman’s voice echoes down the hallway. The older woman’s brow furrows and she slides off the bed, walking towards the door. When she opens it, the commotion outside of your hospital room is even louder.

“Sir, please! You’re severely injured and—”

“Don’t pull that out!”

“Get the kriff away from me! Who are you? Where am I?” an angry, and very familiar voice yells.

Your heart nearly beats out of your chest, and before you know it, you’re running. 

Thankfully whoever dressed you tied your hospital gown closed, otherwise the nurses and doctors would be getting a free show.

The old woman nearly has a stroke as you streak past her without warning, running towards the angry shouting. She’s yelling about head trauma and running but you couldn't care less. 

You need to see if the yelling is coming from Ben Solo, your Ben Solo, or the stranger named Kylo Ren.

At the end of the hallway you see multiple nurses and doctors trying to push their way through the hospital room’s door at once. Without hesitation, you sprint to the door, and shove them out of the way.

A younger nurse places her hand on your arm as you try to shove past her. “Ma’am, you can’t—” she pauses and her eyes widen when she realizes who you are. “Oh god, you shouldn’t be out of bed, and you definitely shouldn’t be running. Please, let’s go back—”

You’re so close to him you can practically feel him like you could before. Two more shoves and you’ll be able to see his face. You’re past the point of being polite and you roughly jerk your arm out of the nurses grasp when she tries to usher you back to your room.

“Touch me again, and you’ll be in one of those beds next to him,” you whisper through gritted teeth. You can’t see the look on your face but it must be intense because she quickly takes a step back.

You pushing passed the last two people blocking your line of sight.

In front of you is Ben Solo, angry, and wide eyed.

“What have you done to me?” he yells. He’s trying to get out of bed but winces. 

Despite the pain, he refuses to relax.

He stops yelling the moment you walk further into the room. You pause once you’re almost in arms reach, unsure whether or not you should get closer to him when he’s so upset. Even without the Force, the boy is big and could easily do some damage.

Does he even know who you are? Did what you thought happened between you actually happen?

His eyes widen and his shoulders rise and fall quicker than before. When his chin starts to tremble, you know.

“Sweetheart,” he whispers.

Without thinking about his injuries, you nearly launch yourself at him. A few doctors and nurses gasp at how roughly you land on the man who has been in a coma and on life support up until a few hours ago, not to mention the incision in his abdomen and his broken pelvis.

If Ben cares, he doesn’t say anything. Maybe he did, you’re crying too hard to hear anything.

You wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face into him.

He still smells the same.

Ben grunts the moment your body collides but doesn’t protest your closeness. His arms instantly wrap around your waist, pulling you even closer until you’re practically lying on top of him. His hand moves up your back until his fingers are combed through your hair. He nuzzles into the side of your face and inhales.

“You’re here,” you whisper into his neck.

He chuckles, “How many times do I have to tell you I’ll follow you anywhere before you believe me?”

“Alright, clear out, shows over, lets go!” the short woman says from the doorway. Both you and Ben look over at her as she shoos everyone out of the room.

You can’t hear what the others are saying but you hear her response.

“They know each other for god sake. That poor boy almost died for her, I think he deserves some privacy!” she shouts.

Once everyone is clear of the door, the woman smiles and leaves the room, shutting it behind her.

“What happened? How am I _here_?” Ben asks. He combs his fingers through your hair when you lean back enough to really look at his face.

He looks a bit younger than before. His face has small cuts that are actively healing and his cheekbone is discolored. The biggest difference, his scar is gone.

You run your finger lightly across his face, where his scar used to be. He closes his eyes and leans into your touch.

“Your scar is gone,” you say quietly.

His eyes snap open and widen slightly. “It...it is?” he asks with disbelief.

“Yep,” you sigh dramatically. “I’m going to miss it. I guess I’ll have to disfigure you again. I liked you having a physical reminder of who you belong to,” you chuckle.

“I don’t need a reminder, trust me. I’ve been yours since the first time I saw you, even if it took me a bit to figure it out.”

When his fingers touch the bandage on the side of your head, you wince slightly. He frowns and lifts your hair enough to see the damage.

“What happened?”

“Brain bleeding and a cracked skull, no biggie.”

His lips part in shock and panic. He scans your face as if he’ll be able to see the fracture in your skull.

“What do you remember?”

He swallows hard and looks down. 

“We were on the Supremacy and—” he pauses and looks up at you. You nod and cup his cheek with your hand.

“What about before that?" 

"I remember everything that happened before that."

“Okay, do you remember anything that’s happened here? If you haven’t guessed yet, you’re home with me. Do you have memories that weren’t there before?”

“Yes, many, but I don’t understand them.”

“I’ll explain what I can, the rest we’ll have to figure out later.”

“I live in a place called Manhattan, at the top of a tall building, alone.” 

His brow furrows. 

You had told him you’re always orbiting each other, that he’s your soulmate. If that's the case, why weren’t you with him before?

“I work for...for Snoke,” he trails off. His eyes quickly meet yours, filled with concern.

You hadn’t thought of their being a Snoke in your timeline but it makes sense. He wouldn’t have Force powers and wouldn’t be after a portal to all space and time, hopefully. It’s safe to assume he’s powerful in a different way, maybe politically or financially. Even though you already knew he usually gets his hand on Ben, it still pisses you off.

“There’s no Force here remember? Even if he exists here, even if he seems to have some sort of power over you like before, it’s not the same.”

He swallows hard and nods.

“I don’t talk to my parents, I haven’t in a while,” he frowns and he stares down. “I don’t know if they’re dead here too.”

Considering what he personally went through, his reason for cutting them out sounds petty and ridiculous.

“I guess...my mother is, or was, a well liked and powerful politician. My father was a fighter pilot?” he looks at you confused, unsure what that means.

You nod, and he continues.

“They wanted me to follow in my mother’s footsteps but I didn’t want to. I didn’t agree with her views and I fought with her over it and we grew apart. I got into trouble and fought a lot in school. They didn’t know what to do with me so they sent me away to Luke. He was a...a...hippie?” 

He’s not sure what that word means but it lingers in his head when he searches his mind for memories of Luke.

You snort so loud and hard that your headache almost comes back.

“That is so painfully predictable. I’ll explain later, continue.” 

“I met Snoke while in school, he was my professor. I told him I wanted to be a writer like my grandfather but my parents insisted that was a poor career choice. He told me I didn’t need to follow in my family's footsteps, I could create my own future, one free of the burden of my last name.” Ben snorts. “Sounds familiar.”

His collarbone peeks out from the top of his hospital gown. Seeing his irritation grow, you slowly trace it with your thumb. He sighs and closes his eyes before placing his hand over yours, bringing it to his lips, and kissing your knuckles.

“When they sent me to Luke, him and I fought a lot. I knew my parents would send me back to him if I went home so I contacted Snoke. He took me in and gave me a job. I changed my name so I would no longer be associated with the Skywalker's.”

Ben chuckles but there’s no humor in it. “At least Luke didn’t try to kill me in my sleep this time.”

“Silver linings right?” you smile.

“I don’t know what that means.”

“You remember almost all of this you's memories but not my references. The universe is cruel.”

Ben rolls his eyes.

“Continue.”

“Snoke’s powerful here, not only politically, but financially. He said he would help me get my book published if I helped him on the side. I didn’t know he was a politician, and I didn’t know he would be running against my mother. He...he asked me for information he could use against her. I was so mad at her I gave it to him.”

Ben sighs and looks down again. It seems like no matter what timeline or universe he’s in, he always manages to hurt his family.

“For years he said he’d help me with my book but he didn’t. He just strung me along, manipulating me, knowing I would do what he asked to get what I wanted. Like an idiot, I believed him.”

“What information did you give him?”

“I—” he pauses and searches through memories that aren’t really his own.

“My grandfather was mentally ill and hurt my grandmother in a fit of rage. She later died from her injuries. Once they calmed him down he claimed he didn't remember doing it. He was institutionalized. When I gave that information to Snoke, he claimed mental illness ran in my family and made my mother look unfit for her position. When I tried to leave him, he said he’d make sure everyone knows who my family is and I wouldn't get my book published. Because of my anger issues and the trouble I got into at school, I knew everyone would believe him. So I stayed, until the day I saw you."

His brow furrows again and he gets that far away look in his eyes. He’s replaying a memory and trying his best to understand what he’s seeing.

“What happened that day? Aside for both of us almost dying.”

“I don’t remember why but I told him to go fuck himself and stormed out of his office. He was shouting something at me but I wasn’t paying attention.”

“That’s my boy,” you smirk.

The comment snaps him out of his daze and his eyes meet yours. His cheeks turn a faint pink before he averts his eyes to continue.

I was walking home, intending to pack the few belongings I actually cared about and leave town. I saw—” he pauses and his eyes meet yours again. “I saw you on the sidewalk fumbling with your phone. I felt like we had met before but I knew we hadn’t. Your bag broke and you ran into the road. I saw the cab coming before you did. My feet started moving on their own, it was weird. I hadn’t met you but I just knew I had to protect you.”

Smiling, you trace his jawline with your fingers. 

“Okay, to recap. You remember major events that happened from about the time you were a teenager until now. Do you remember other things? Maybe smaller insignificant that were important to you but might not be to others?”

He looks at the bandage on your head without really seeing it.

“I still enjoy calligraphy. I wanted to be a pilot like my father when I was little. Uncle Chewie—” he pauses and looks up at you, confused.

Your heart skips a beat thinking something bad happened to him.

“What? What happened to Chewie?”

“He...he’s not a Wookie obviously, he’s somewhat similar to a Loth Wolf but a different type and color.”

“Oh my god,” you laugh. “Chewie is a dog?” 

Ben looks at you confused and you smile at him sympathetically. You know what it’s like to wake up in a strange place, confused, and with someone else's memories. 

It's weird seeing him, knowing it's him, but it doesn't completely look like him. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He lifts his hand and feels around his face. His fingers trace each cut but stops his exploration when he grazes over the bruise.

"I wonder how old you are here. You're definitely younger than before and I don't see as any scars," you mumble as you sit up slightly. Lifting the neck of his hospital gown, you look down it enough to see his well defined chest, and smooth, un-scarred skin.

“What do you mean? How could I be younger here? I don’t understand.”

“Oh, I haven’t told you what Obi-Wan told me, have I?”

“You told me we’re soulmates and that there’s different timelines. Unfortunately, we were too busy blowing ourselves up to converse.”

“There’s the cocky asshole I love,” you smile.

Leaning over him, without putting too much weight on him, you press your lips against his. He sighs with relief and pulls you down on top of him. His fingers quickly comb through your hair as he deepens the kiss. He’s kissing you like his life depends on it. For a fleeting moment you wonder whether or not sex is possible with a broken pelvis.

As if on cue, he tries to lift his hips to rub against you but gasps in pain and pulls away from you. He frowns and looks down at his lower half as if it’s betrayed him.

When you laugh, he turns his frown on you.

“Yeah, you have a broken pelvis. You won’t be doing any thrusting anytime soon.” The look on his face makes you laugh harder. He’s looking at you like you just told him he's grounded.

To try and get a gauge on what time it is, you glance out the window. Laying on a table underneath it is your satchel. Sliding off the bed, you hurry towards the table and pick it up.

Before Ben can ask you what’s wrong, you walk back to the bed with your bag in hand, and slide in next to him.

“That’s...I had that with me on the Supremacy before we...How?” he glances from the bag in your hand to you.

You have a pretty good idea how but you need to see for yourself before you try to explain it to him. When you reach your hand into the bag and feel it, you smile.

Ben looks completely dumbfounded when you pull out Obi-Wan’s book.

“You beautiful idiot! You kept the bag with you the entire time we were on Lothal!” You lean in and pepper kisses all over his face.

“I...well yeah. You said we needed to keep it with us in case we needed it. Apparently you were right.”

“I’m always right, you should know that by now.”

Ben huffs and rolls his eyes.

Smiling smugly, you set the book down on the small side table and reach into the bag again. You freeze when your hand touches something that definitely shouldn’t be there.

“What? What is it?” Ben asks, impatiently. He tries to sit up to get a better look but hisses in pain and relaxes back into the bed.

“Ugh!” he groans dramatically. “If there was a bacta tank here I’d be fine in a few days. You’re right, this place sucks.”

Laughing, you slowly pull out Obi-Wan’s lightsaber, set it on Ben’s chest, then reach back in and pull out Anakin’s.

Ben’s eyes widen as he picks up his grandfather’s hilt.

“I thought you said you don’t have lightsabers here?”

When you see his thumb hovering over the activation switch, you grab it out of his hand and quickly shove it back into the bag.

“Hey!” 

“We don’t! The last thing we need is for one of the doctors to walk in and see you waving around a laser sword.”

“Can you please explain what the hell happened and how we're here?”

“It’s a long story so you should make yourself comfortable I—”

You pause when he frowns, crosses his arms over his chest, and glances down at the broken lower half of his body then back up at you.

“Figuratively speaking of course,” you add, barely suppressing a laugh.”I’m about to throw a lot at you so pay attention.”

He nods, and relaxes back into bed.

His eyes are closed as he massages his temples with his fingers and sighs.

* * *

“The book is a vergence.”

“Yes.”

“Because I had the book with me when we killed Snoke, our energy in the Force was brought here before we actually died there. I was meant to die here but before I could—”

“They shoved you into this handsome young body I’m looking at,” you wink.

You’re nearly giddy with joy when his cheeks turn red all the way up to his ears.

He looks away from you, knowing based on the warmth in his cheeks and the smile on your face, that he’s blushing. Clearing his throat, he continues.

“Our energy in the Force was just shuffled back and forth between galaxies. I didn’t think that was possible. Well, I didn’t think any of this was possible yet here we are.”

“Yep, here we are. In my boring timeline without the Force and lightsabers,” you huff.

“Do you think we stopped Palpatine and Snoke?” he asks, a bit nervously.

“There’s no way Snoke would have survived. Palpatine wanted to go all Thanos on everyone,” you snap your fingers for emphasis. “I don’t think we’d be here right now if he succeeded.”

Ben looks at you, confused. “I don’t understand that reference.”

The smile that spreads on your face makes him uncomfortable, like you’ve been plotting his demise and are about to put your plan into action.

“Ohhhhh boy am I excited! You have no idea how much I have to show you! It’s going to take you a while but by the time I’m done with you, you will understand all of my references and it will be glorious.” You clasp your hands together and bring them to your chest.

The amount of anticipation you feel over something as dumb as sitting him down and forcing him to watch every Marvel movie ever made, is unhealthy.

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Aside for educating me on your ‘pop culture’ references, what now? Where do we go from here? You have your own life here, one I’m not a part of. I have my own life here and it was miserable, even if it was an improvement from my previous one.”

His lips part to speak but he closes them and averts his eyes. Whatever he was about to say is making him nervous which either means it’s bad or it’s needy, and he’s embarrassed.

“Say it.”

He huffs and keeps his eyes averted.

“What if I don’t want to go back to my old life? What if I’d rather start a new one with you?” he practically whispers.

Smiling, you place your finger under his chin and turn his head towards you.

“Regardless of whether or not you have a life here, you can still make a new one with me. We’re stuck with each other remember?”

He smiles. It’s not one of his half-hearted ones either. It’s your favorite kind of smile, the one that makes the corners of his eyes wrinkle.

“Apparently no matter how hard I try to get rid of you, you keep coming back. Pussy game too strong I guess.”

His smile falters, he frowns, and his ears turn red again. He sighs and leans his head back against the pillow. 

“We were having a moment and you ruined it. You ruined it with your filthy mouth.”

“Yeah but you like my filthy mouth,” you smirk.

He lifts his head up and watches as you lean closer to him, eagerly anticipating the feel of your lips on his again.

Noise outside of Ben's room freezes you both in place. 

The shouting gets louder and before either one of you understand what's happening, the door swings open.

“Oh thank god you’re alright!” Leia breathes a sigh of relief. She clutches her chest and wipes the tears from the corner of her eyes once they land on Ben.

Your mouth opens partially with shock as the older woman, still as commanding as ever, hurries into the room. She is younger, but you’re not sure how much younger. She has less wrinkles and not as many grey hairs but that could also be attributed to not being in the middle of a galactic war. Of course she’s dressed modernly but her hair is still intricately braided. 

It’s still Leia.

Ben mentioned memories of his parents but their existence here didn’t quite sink in until now. 

If there was a Ben there would have to be a Leia. If Leia is here that means so is—

Ben gasps, breaking you out of your thoughts. You start to slide off the bed, to make room for Leia, but he places his hand on your arm to stop you. You glance from his hand on your arm to him but his eyes are on his mother.

“Mom,” his voice cracks and his lip trembles.

Leia’s eyes well with tears and she covers her mouth with her hands, “Oh Ben,” she cries and approaches the bed. You shake off Ben’s hand and slide over so Leia can reach him.

A lot gentler than you had, she leans down and hugs him. Ben quickly hugs her back and does his best not to cry.

You avert your eyes, suddenly feeling like you’re intruding on a private moment.

“You obviously haven’t met my wife. I’m not going to be the one to tell her she can’t visit with our son, but by all means, be my guest. You might want to make sure there’s an extra room available for you down the hall. You’re going to need it after she’s done with you,” Han snorts.

You can’t see him but you can vaguely hear him speaking on the other side of the door. Whoever he’s speaking to must have heeded his warning because you can hear footsteps quickly scurrying away.

When you glance at Ben to see if he’s noticed Han, Leia's hand is on his head, lovingly holding his head against her as she whispers something into his ear. You can’t hear what she’s saying but whatever it is has him holding on to her tighter.

Quietly, you slide off the bed, walk across the room, and slowly open the door. Once it’s opened enough to slide through, you quickly close it behind you.

Han’s eyes meet yours and for a second, you think he might recognize you but it’s fleeting. 

“We haven’t met, and I doubt Ben’s mentioned me but that’s Leia, Ben’s mom and I’m—”

“Han,” you smile. “Han Solo...right?” you do your best not to sound like a creep while also fighting back tears at the sight of the, not as old, man in front of you. He already knows there’s something different about you, the last thing you need is to make him think you’re a weirdo right off the bat.

“Ben’s mentioned me?” Han asks, straightening up a bit. The hopefulness in his voice is painfully obvious.

“Uh yeah,” you respond nervously.

“Well, that’s a step in the right direction,” Han smirks. “Are you my his girlfriend? If he’s mentioned us then he’s probably mentioned how we haven’t spoken in a while so we’re not really up to date on his personal life.” Han gives you a sad smile and rubs the back of his neck with his hand, nervously.

Putting a label on what you and Ben are makes you anxious only because you hadn’t expected to be asked that. You’ve had confirmation that you’re soulmates so saying you’re his ‘girlfriend’ doesn’t sit right with you.

“Yeah, about that I—”

Han notices you’re in a hospital gown, barefoot, with bandages peeking out from underneath your hair. His eyes widen when he realizes who you are and how you fit into the current situation.

“Are you...are you the girl he saved? We weren’t completely filled in on what happened. We were told he was hit by a car, pushing someone out of the way. To be honest, it was hard for me to believe he threw himself in front of a car for a stranger. It makes sense now,” he smiles.

“I- I’m not sure where we stand as far as labels, but we are together, and yes I’m the one he pushed me out of the way. He um,” you pause and glance around, making sure no one’s eavesdropping. “He's having trouble remembering things. He knows where he lives, and what happened between you guys and some of his past but not all of it. I don’t want you guys to be surprised if you mention something and he has no idea what you’re talking about. I think with time it will come back to him.”

Han looks through the small window on the door to Ben’s room. 

It occurs to you then how powerful Leia probably is due to her position as a politician. Which means, technically Han is too. You need to get Ben out of the hospital as soon as possible. Although he’s still hurt, staying there won’t work out for either of you. The hospital won’t be too keen on the two of you sharing a bed and being apart isn’t going to fly. If anyone can get you guys out of there, it’s Leia.

“I know you don’t know me but I need you to trust me. He’s confused and a bit scared, even though he’s trying not to be. Keeping him here is going to do more harm than good. He made a miraculous recovery in a short amount of time. They’re going to want to run a bunch of tests on him to figure out why.”

Telling them it’s because a higher power likes to play body swap probably won’t get you released any sooner.

“I know I sound insane but it will be better for him to go home and deal with things on his own, well with everyone’s help. Aside from his pelvis he’s fine, more or less. I can’t really explain why it will be better for him to go home but it’s the truth. I only want what's best for him and getting him out of here as soon as possible is what’s best for him.”

You’re speaking in hushed tones, not wanting any of the hospital staff to hear you ask Ben’s father to lie about his medical condition to get him out of the hospital.

Han is quiet while he stares back at you. He bites the inside of his cheek in an eerily familiar way while he gauges your sincerity. He doesn’t know you but he knows his son. Ben doesn’t open up to anyone, he doesn’t let anyone in, he never has. But he didn’t miss the way Ben held on to you when you tried to leave his side when Leia entered the room. If Ben trusts you and let you into his life, then he will too, and so will Leia.

“Okay,” Han nods. “I’ll see what I can do. I’m sure Leia would prefer getting him out of here too.”

“Thank’s Han,” you smile.

To your surprise, you can feel Ben’s anxiety climb. You didn’t think you’d be able to sense each other here but it happened when you first saw him too. Maybe the Force is around you more than you originally thought.

Glancing into his room you see he’s no longer clinging to Leia and she’s no longer crying. She’s sitting next to him on the bed with his hand in hers. His eyes keep darting towards the door, seeking you out. Even though he knows a good chunk of his past, he’s still not used to his surroundings, among other things. 

“We should go in there so you can fill Leia in. Ben’s going to be uncomfortable if she starts asking him questions about things he can’t remember.”

“Good call,” Han says from over you.

He pushes the door open and gestures for you to go in first. Ben’s demeanor visibly changes when he sees you. The tension in his shoulders eases and he relaxes a bit into bed. Leia notices of course. She glances at Ben and then at you, and smiles.

“Hi, you must be Leia, Ben’s mom. I’m—”

The shocked look on Ben’s face stops you mid sentence. You don’t need to look to know he’s finally seeing Han. Leia’s brow furrows with worry at her son's reaction to seeing his father. It’s been a while since they’ve seen each other but Ben’s acting as if he’s seen a ghost.

She slides off the bed to make room for Han. 

“Hey, kid,” Han says with a small, unsure smile.

Ben covers his faces with his hands in an effort not to cry. He’s been crying so damn much lately and he’s tired of it. A small part of him prefers the cold detachment he had become accustomed too. At least he didn’t seem so emotional all the time.

Both of his parents look at you, hoping you can explain why Ben’s so upset. You shrug and and gesture towards the bed with your chin. Han approaches Ben and sits next to him. He places his hand on Ben’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

Ben lowers his hands and stares back at his father with a look you can’t explain.

“Dad,” Ben says quietly, sucking in a breath, trying to calm down.

“I know,” Han smirks and cups Ben’s cheek with his hand.

That almost makes you cry and you’re not about to fall apart in front of Han and Leia when they meet you for the first time.

There’s another round of muffled yelling before the door swings open and Vicrul, of all people, enters the room.

Both you and Ben stare at him in shock. Again, it should have been obvious the same people in Ben’s timeline would also be in yours. Still, he was one person you hadn’t expected to see.

“Will you please tell this crazy old woman to leave me alone? I’m practically family,” he smirks.

Leia sighs and rolls her eyes.

“Practically family doesn’t make you family, now get out before I call security!” the fiery old nurse frowns up at him.

“It’s okay, he’s with us, I guess,” Leia mumbles under her breath.

Vicurl claps his hands together and holds them in front of him, as if extremely touched by the scene unfolding around him. “I’m so glad everyone is reunited. Now that’s out of the way, can I please join the rest of the gang without you biting me in the shins?” Vicrul says to the older woman.

Leia stands and smacks him on the arm roughly.

“Ow, what the hell?” he whines and rubs his arm.

“You may have helped Ben by contacting us, and you may be one of his oldest friends—”

“I am his only friend, but please, continue,” he smiles smugly.

“—but that doesn’t give you the right to be rude, to anyone.” Leia frowns up at him angrily, pointing her finger in his face to show how serious she’s being.

Vicrul swallows hard and nods. “Yes, ma’am.”

Leia places her hand on his cheek and smacks him playfully, but a little rougher than one usually would. “Good.”

Han whispers something to Ben, pats him on the shoulder once, and stands.

“Can I talk to both of you in the hall?” Han asks Leia and the nurse. They both glance at Ben then back to Han and nod. Han nods once your eyes meet and follows the two women out of the room, closing the door behind him. You walk over to the bed and sit next to Ben. He drapes his arm lazily over your lap then turns his attention to Vicrul.

“Hello darlin’,” Vicrul says to you with a flirtatious smile. “We haven’t had the pleasure of meeting. I’m Vicrul, the kid’s best friend,” Vicrul sticks his hand out for you to shake.

Ben snorts and rolls his eyes.

An intense wave of deja vu washes over you as you remember the last time he tried to shake your hand. Thankfully, you’re not bleeding out and there’s no one standing behind him, waiting to execute him. You swallow hard, shake off the memory, and place your hand in his.

Vicrul smirks, bends closer to you, and kisses the top of your hand.

The gesture and your reaction while trying to brush off the bad memories has Ben’s jealousy at an all time high. Using the arm that was lazily draped across your waist, he roughly pulls you away from Vicrul, and further on to the bed. You bump against his side roughly and he gasps.

“That’s what you get for being jealous, idiot,” you scold. He huffs, crosses his arms, and turns away from you.

Vicrul laughs and takes a step back. “Chillax, it’s all harmless fun. You threw yourself in front of a fucking car for her. I’m not going to try anything,” he raises his hands in surrender.

“Why are you here?” Ben asks with a bit of bite in his tone.

“Well I’m happy to see you too, dick. Who do you think called your parents? I was chasing after you after you stormed out of the office. I was about to catch up to you but you dove in front of a car before I could. Once you were here, I tried to track down your parents, which wasn’t easy by the way.”

You and Ben exchange a look as Vicrul continues.

“I found your old phone in one of your desk drawers in your office. I overheard Snoke telling them to pull the plug. What were you thinking making him your Power of Attorney? ”

“Jesus Christ, of all people to give that power to.”

“I...I don’t know what that means,” Ben frowns and looks at you for an explanation.

“It means you gave him permission to choose what happens to you if you’re unable to make decisions for yourself. He told them to pull the plug meaning take you off of life support. If you hadn’t _woken up,”_ you pause and give Ben a knowing look. “—you would have died.”

Vicrul looks at you, confused as to why Ben wouldn’t remember that.

“He’s having some trouble remembering things. Once we’re out of here and he's back home."

Vicrul’s playful and flirtatious demeanor changes to a more serious one as he looks between the two of you.

“Thank you, for helping him,” you smile.

Vicrul’s eyes land on Ben’s death grip around your waist then dart to the affectionate way he’s staring at you without you noticing. He’s not acting like the Kylo Ren he’s known for years. He’s acting like the kid he met years ago when Snoke first took him under his wing, Ben Solo.

“Anything for you beautiful,” he winks, quickly slipping back into his flirtatious demeanor. Ben huffs with irritation which makes Vicrul smirk. “Okay kids, I’ll see you later than. I’ll give the crazy woman you call mother your phone. Hit me up whenever.”

“We will, thanks Vicrul.”

“I’m glad you’re not dead, kid. Fucking with you is one of the highlights of my day. My day is completely ruined if I don’t get to hear you threaten at least one person every morning,” he laughs as he exits the room.

“See, I knew you were an asshole here. I could feel it in my bones,” you chuckle.

When Ben is silent you turn to face him fully. He looks extremely overwhelmed and uncomfortable.

“Hey, you okay?” you ask quietly.

He closes his eyes and sighs. “I just want to be alone with you. I’m happy everyone’s alive but it’s a lot,” he whispers and glances down at his lap. He’s embarrassed by how ungrateful he probably seems. “I...I want to be back in my old room on the Falcon. God I sound pathetic and needy.” He groans and runs his hands down his face. “You’ve ruined me. I never used to be so...so…” He puts his hands out and gestures towards himself, hoping you’ll know what he’s trying to say.

“Emotional?”

“Ugh,” he groans. “It sounds even worse when you say it.”

Leaning in, you kiss him gently on the lips. “I’m working on getting us out of here,” you say against his mouth.

“How?” he asks, breathlessly. When you pull away further to answer his question, he chases your lips with his. You chuckle and press your forehead against his. “I asked Han to make it happen. I didn’t explain much. I just asked him to trust me and I told him you will be better off outside of the hospital."

He nods minutely before bringing his hand to your neck and pulling your head towards him until your lips meet.

He’s awfully worked up and he’s only been awake a few hours. Unfamiliar with how medical procedures work here, he has no idea he’s going to be bed ridden for a while. Participating in certain activities won’t be possible, at least not until he heals.

When his hips move again, he hisses and pulls away from you.

“Ow,” he groans loudly, roughly throwing his head against the pillow with frustration. “This is awful. How long am I going to be bed ridden? I’m assuming they’ve been giving medication for the pain until now. It’s not working anymore and I want to get out of this bed,” he huffs.

“You’re going to be a horrible patient,” you sigh.

“What’s that supposed to me?” Ben asks, suspiciously.

“Your pelvis is broken. There’s nothing they can do for that besides give you medication for the pain. You basically have to lay around until it heals.”

“What?!” he yells.

“Oh my god calm down!” you cover his mouth with your hand.

He frowns and waits for you to remove your hand from his mouth.

“Elaborate,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Fine you grumpy asshole, here’s the truth. You had internal bleeding and were in a coma. They took you off of life support thanks to Snoke. When the car hit you, before you were...you, it broke your pelvis. They had to do surgery for multiple reasons but one of them was to realign it. They had to insert pins to make sure it heals properly. Basically, you’re going to be bed ridden for months."

Ben looks absolutely mortified.

After a minute of staring at you in silent shock, he crosses his arms over his chest and scowls.

“Put me back.”

“What?” you ask, confused.

“Put me back,” he repeats without elaborating further.

“What do you mean?”

“Send me back to the Supremacy. I’d rather be scattered into a million pieces, floating through space, then deal with this torture. How have you lived like this? Is this how people heal here? This is barbaric,” he rants.

You sigh, slide off the bed, and grab Obi-Wan’s book.

“What...what are you doing?”

“You want to go back right? Here.” You throw the book at his chest, hard. He grunts and catches it before it falls off the bed. His eyes widen when he realizes what you’ve thrown at him.

“I’m not sure if it’s always a vergence or how it works but maybe if you hold on to it, close your eyes, and wish really hard, the Force will blow you up again.”

You cross your arms over your chest and tap your arm impatiently. His frown disappears, and he sets the book down on the bed next to him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,” he huffs, running his hand through his hair.

“I know you didn’t.”

Once again, muffled yelling is heard outside of Ben’s room.

“Oh for fuck sake. Who is it now?”

The door swings open and in walks a more human looking Snoke. He’s still uncomfortably tall and skinny, and his skin is still scarred but not disfigured. Even though he’s not the exact same person, the evil villian vibes are strong and you know without a doubt, he’s still a douche bag.

“What is the meaning of this? I was told you went and did something stupid like jump in front of a car for a woman, who I’m assuming is this one. Your carelessness nearly got you killed. Do you have any idea how much you’ve inconvenienced me with the stunt you pulled? Not just when you stormed out of my office, but now this? You’re just as useless—”

As if your feet are moving on your own, you approach Snoke quickly, catching him off guard. Smiling sweetly, you punch him in the stomach. He’s too tall to punch in this face right away, you have to get him at eye level first. Once he crouches over, you pull your fist back and punch him as hard as you can.

Han burst into the room the moment your fist connects.

“Shit, shit, shit, ow!” you groan, shaking out your hand.

Ben yells out in pain when he instinctively tries to get out of bed to go to you.

The older nurse along with a male nurse hurry into the room.

“Are you out of your mind? Do you know who I am?” Snoke bellows. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding. He sounds a lot less menacing with his nose plugged.

“Yes I know who you are, and I don’t care. You’re going to listen to me and listen well because I won’t be repeating myself. The man in that bed is Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren, and you will stay away from him or so help me god, with or without brain damage, I will kill you again,” you say through gritted teeth.

Security enters the room moments later, lift Snoke to his feet, and drag him out of the hospital room. He spits insults and threats until he’s in the elevator and the doors close.

Ben glances around the room, gauging expressions. Han looks pleased but the nurses do not. The male nurse looks like he might be afraid of you and the older woman looks pissed.

Their expressions change to one of confusion but only momentarily when you say you would kill him “again.”

Snoke’s threats quickly gain their attention and your slip up is forgotten.

“I like her,” Han says to Ben.

“She’s okay I guess,” he smiles.

“Listen here young lady!” The older nurse angrily approaches you.

“I’ve been far more lenient with you than I should be considering everything you’ve been through, considering everything you _both_ have been through. You not only ran at full speed down the hall, but now you’re throwing punches. The medication I gave you earlier is going to wear off soon and if you don’t take it easy, you’re going to regret ever leaving your room. And don’t get me started on you!” 

She turns her attention to Ben and angrily points at him. He swallows hard and stares back at her.

“Me? What did i do?” he asks, slightly offended.

“The doctors have no idea how you snapped out of your coma as if nothing happened! They thought you were going to die and then an hour ago you wake up and are yelling and threatening people. They’re baffled and they’re going to order tests to figure out how that’s possible.”

Ben frowns and his lips part, probably to argue, but he doesn’t get a chance to.

“I—”

“Do not interrupt!” she snaps at Ben. He quickly snaps his mouth shut.

“Your father said you two want to get out of here? Then you better act like model patients going forward. You got it?!” She glares at you, then at Ben.

“Yes,” you both respond sheepishly.

“Good. Lets get you back to your room,” she says to you, ushering you towards the door.

“No!” Ben nearly yells, angrily, startling everyone in the room.

You cock an eyebrow at him and cross your arms, silently demanding an explanation for his anger. His cheeks turn red but he crosses his arms and continues to glare.

“She stays with me, or I go with her.”

“It doesn’t work like that kid,” Han says sympathetically.

“I don’t care about how it normally works! I—”

Leia enters the room smiling smugly. “Good news! You’re both being discharged!”

“What?” Everyone asks collectively.

While everyone’s attention is on Leia, you sneak away from the nurse and sit next to Ben on the edge of his bed. He drapes his arm around your waist and pulls you closer. This time a lot slower having learned his lesson with Vicrul.

“I pulled some strings and have arranged for you to be “transferred.” They’re going to run a few scans on you both and if everything comes back normal, they’re going to let you leave, under one condition.”

“What?” Ben asks, suspiciously.

“Well, you have a choice. You can come home with me and your father so we can help get you acclimated, and take care of you or, you go home. If you go back to your apartment, a doctor will be coming to check in on you twice a week until you have a clean bill of health, and a home nurse will be sent to look after you. They’ll be able to help you bathe and what not.”

Ben’s cheeks redden. The thought of his mother bathing him makes him want to throw himself in front of another cab.

“Where would you rather stay? With us or at home?”

“With her,” Ben says, without hesitation.

“With me?” you ask, surprised.

Ben nods once and frowns, resolutely.

“That’s fine but Ben, my place is tiny. I have a one bedroom apartment with a queen size bed and a small balcony. If you live on the upper floor of a building in Manhattan, I guarantee your place is going to be a lot bigger than mine.”

“I don’t care,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Are you asking to move in with me?

Ben huffs, painfully embarrassed by the entire situation and having to ask you somewhat of a serious question in front of his parents. The answer should be obvious though. After everything, did you really expect to part ways and continue leading separate lives?

“I...isn’t it obvious?” he mumbles.

You smile at his sudden awareness and uncertainty.

“It is, I just wanted to hear you say it,” you respond, hoping to lighten the mood.

He rolls his eyes and leans back against the pillows.

“On second thought, send me back.”

The nurse pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.

“Is this family always so chaotic?”

“You have _no_ idea,” you chuckle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...still hate me?
> 
> I feel like this chapter was super boring, considering it is one of the last chapters. But it all takes place in one room and a lot needed to be said. I hope ya'll aren't disappointed and I hope everything still makes sense.
> 
> The second part if the Epilogue is done, I just have to clean it up a bit before I post it.


	19. First Day of My Life | Epilogue Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Beta!

_Yours was the first face that I saw_  
_I think I was blind before I met you_  
_And I don't know where I am,_  
_I don't know where I've been_  
_But I know where I want to go_  
_And so I'd thought I'd let you know_  
_Yeah, these things take forever_  
_I especially am slow_  
_But I realized that need you_  
_And I wondered if I could come home_  
_This is the first day of my life_  
_I'm glad I didn't die before I met you_  
_But now I don't care,_  
_I could go anywhere with you_  
_And I'd probably be happy_  
_So if you wanna be with me_  
_With these things there's no telling_  
_We just have to wait and see_  
_Besides, maybe this time is different_  
_I mean, I really think you like me  
  
_

_Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life_

* * *

"So this is my...our very small apartment."

You sweep your arm towards the living room like you're showcasing a prize on a game show.

"Let me give you a tour. This is the living room, that's the kitchen," you say, pointing behind you. Both are within throwing distance from you. "The bathroom is in the bedroom and that is the bedroom," you point to the door at the end of the small hallway, next to the kitchen. "That concludes the tour."

Ben, Han, and Leia stare at you questionably. It's not that you don't want Ben with you, it's just your apartment is perfect for one person. Maybe one person and their average sized significant other. Not one person and their 6ft 3in, 200+ lb, boyfriend who is either going to be trapped in your bed or in a wheelchair, depending on his pain level.

"I like it," smirks. She walks past Ben and Han who are hovering in the doorway because you still haven't moved away from the door enough for Ben's wheelchair to fit through.

"Am I actually going to be allowed into the apartment or would you like me to wheel myself into the hallway?" Ben asks, irritated with your behavior.

"Maybe you've forgotten for the next few months you're stuck in my...our bed, or in that chair. You're going to be completely dependent on me so you better watch your tone or I _will_ wheel you into the hallway and leave you there."

You cross your arms over your chest and glare at him, daring him to snap back at you. He huffs and averts his eyes. Smiling, Han pushes Ben past you as you slide to the side.

Not wanting to go to his old apartment, Ben insisted the two of you go straight to yours. Leia and Han were planning to pack his clothes and bring them back to your apartment. He said he didn't want anything of his old belongings and gave Leia permission to sell everything or donate it.

Once they left, it was just the two of you in awkward silence in your living room.

"Why are you so uncomfortable with me being here? Would you prefer we lived apart?" He looks at you suspiciously, trying to hide the hurt.

"I'm not uncomfortable with you here."

"Then what is it? Did you or do you have a boyfriend here you failed to mention?" he slowly wheels himself into your bedroom, looking for signs another man has been there.

Rolling your eyes, you follow after him.

"No Ben, I do not have another boyfriend."

"Good, I'll kill him," he says with complete seriousness, peeking his head into the bathroom before turning to face you again.

They doped him up on painkillers before discharging him, otherwise there's no way he'd be moving so freely throughout your apartment.

"Then what's the issue?"

Biting your bottom lip, you avert your eyes. "Because, even though Obi-Wan left me a large chunk of money and the bookstore, which I should have asked him about, I don't have much. I mean, this place is an upgrade from our room on the Resistance base but I guarantee it's not as big as your place in Manhattan."

"I don't remember that place well. I remember hating it because it's big and empty and I was alone. It made the _me_ here, feel the way I felt in my quarters on the Supremacy, cold and alone. I don't remember anything else, but I remember the Resistance base, and I remember the Falcon. I felt more at home with you, squished together in the tiny bed's, than I did in my large one."

Ben glances around your bedroom, appraising it. It's colorful, but not in an obnoxious way, in a homely way. There's books scattered around your bedroom and the living room. There's clothes in a pile in the corner of the room and an assortment of electronics on various surfaces like your nightstand and dresser. It occurs to him then how neat he is compared to you.

"You're right. I am uncomfortable."

Insulted, your lip parts, prepared to chew him out for his honesty, and for his judgemental tone. Ben knows he's about to get a verbal lashing and quickly finishes what he was about to say.

"The lower half of my kriffing body is broken and I'm going to be bed ridden. I am extremely uncomfortable."

"Stop saying kriff. No one knows what that means here. If you're going to be in my boring world you're going to say 'fuck' like the rest of us."

"Fine," he says through gritted teeth. "The lower have of my _fucking_ body is broken. I— why does that word sound more vulgar when they essentially mean the same thing?"

His brow furrows as he legitimately interrupts your almost-argument to ponder the difference in curse words. 

* * *

"The small primate is—'

"Abu."

"Bless you. The small primate—"

"No, the monkey's name is Abu," you sigh.

Educating Ben on pop culture was not as fun as you hoped it would be. He asked a million questions and picked apart the inaccuracies of almost everything you loved.

You were extremely close to cracking open Obi-Wan's book and using it like the Death Note.

"Okay, Abu is the reason you were so nervous on Mortis?"

"No, the monkey was not the reason I was nervous. The trap that was very obviously set for us is what made me nervous and I had every reason to be, did I not?"

Abu grabs the large red jewel as Aladdin calls out to him to stop him a minute too late. The cave walls begin to shake and chaos erupts around them.

"Okay, I understand your apprehension now."

Ben quietly watches as the magic carpet sweeps in and catches Aladdin before him and Abu fall to their deaths.

"I don't understand how the carpet works."

You sigh and rub your temples with your fingers.

"Carpets aren't hard enough to sit comfortably. It would be extremely unstable to sit on safely. How is it flying? Are they using the Force somehow? This whole movie is extremely unlikely and completely unbelievable," he mumbles.

You quickly stand up and walk out of the room.

"What's wrong? Where are you going?" Ben asks, only partially concerned.

"I'm going to get the book!"

"What book?" 

"Obi-Wan's book!"

"What? Why?" he asks, wide eyed, and worried.

"Because I'm going to find a way to send you back!" you angrily yell from your bedroom.

"What? I'm sorry I won't ask anymore questions!"

* * *

"Follow the directions."

"Why does it need to scan my face? What is it going to do with that information?" Ben turns his head towards you to ask his question, messing up the entire setup of the Face ID feature on his iPhone.

Closing your eyes, and counting to three, you start the Face ID setup from the beginning.

"Your phone is going to lock when not in use. It scans your face to make sure it's you trying to unlock it whenever you pick it up."

"Is this what constitutes as a datapad here?"

Ben turns the iPhone in his hand back and forth, examining it, once again completely screwing up the Face ID setup.

"It's an iPhone."

"I don't know what that means."

Mumbling under your breath, you do your best not to karate chop him in the throat. Setting up an iPhone should not take an hour.

"It's our version of a datapad and a comlink in one. It also has access to the holonet, which is called the internet here."

His eyes perk up and his attention goes back to the iPhone.

"How do I use it?"

"Well, you can't use it until we set it up and we can't set it up until you follow the fucking directions and let the phone scan your damn face!"

His eyes leave the iPhone and meet yours.

"You were a lot nicer to me before we blew up."

"You weren't as irritating before we blew up."

* * *

"This life is far less violent than my old one. Snoke steals my work and manipulates me here, but at least I don't slaughter a bunch of innocent people. He can't zap me with dark side lightning, and it doesn't sound like I was put through much physically. I'm half the size I was, you're almost bigger than me," he huffs.

"Ben, you are six foot three and the size of a fridge. How many pain pills did you take? You must be high. You're not as swol but you've also been bed ridden."

"The only medication I've had is whatever you've given me so if I'm high it's your doing. Also, what does "swol" mean?"

You bite your lip to hold back a laugh and he narrows his eyes at you.

"Fine, keep your secrets."

You bite your lip even harder, trying not to laugh when Elijah Wood comes to mind.

"I'm going to figure out what words like 'swol' and 'yeet' mean and when I do, you won't be able to laugh at my expense."

"Don't forget douche, you don't know what that word means either."

"Where's your computer or my data pad? I'm going to look up the information the way my mother showed me. My fingers are too big for the small comlink you keep forcing me to use."

"It's a laptop, and your datapad is an iPad, and your comlink is an iPhone, and all three are directly next to you on the table where you left them."

"Whatever." He picks up the iPad, unlocks it, and pulls up Google. "How do you spell douche?"

Faster than you've ever moved before, you grab your phone and start recording as you spell it out to him.

* * *

"This is ridiculous. I don't need a nurse," Ben huffs. In the wheelchair he despises, he crosses his arms angrily in your bathroom doorway. He watches as you try to do something with your hair. Having one side of your head shaved does not look nearly as cute as Gwen Stacy makes it seem.

"Ben, if you argue with me about this again, you'll be going home with Han and Leia until you're healed.

He exhales deeply through his nose and looks away from you.

"You have three options. Option one, you shut up and deal with the nurse. Option two, you go home with Han and Leia. The third option is I do everything for you. Your mom and dad have been kind enough to spend their days here to help me with you for the last week while I check in on the bookstore and empty your apartment. I had to threaten you to let your dad help you with certain...things. They have to go home soon I'm sure. Then it's just me and you. Do you want me to help you with those things? I can't lift your gigantic ass but I'm sure I can figure something out."

He turns his attention back to you, doing his best to hide his mortification at the thought.

Although he can handle taking care of things in the bathroom on his own, getting to and from places is something he can't do on his own and he's too big for you to help. The first time you offered to help him pee he acted like you said Palpatine was moving in.

Since leaving the hospital he has been downright awful. Everything that can make things easier for you, he refuses. It turns into an argument and he concedes, you get your way, and he pouts about it.

An in-home nurse was one of those things he conceded to and was still pouting about.

"Fine, I'll deal with the nurse! And my ass isn't gigantic," he mumbled.

"That's not what I meant," you chuckled. "I just meant—"

The doorbell rings and Ben instantly frowns.

"Looks like our new friend is here," you say cheerfully, in a sing-song voice.

Ben groans but stops when you lean over and kiss him quickly on the forehead before squeezing past him, and walking to the front door.

To be honest, you aren't exactly looking forward to having a stranger in your apartment either. You also aren't looking forward to all the bitching Ben is going to do, but the alternative isn't an option.

"Hi! I'm—"

You freeze and your jaw actually drops like in a old school cartoon. You couldn't hide your shock, if you wanted to.

"Uh, Hi! You must be Mr. Solo's girlfriend, correct? I'm Poe Dameron, his new home health nurse," Poe says politely, while holding out his hand.

Once Poe starts to shuffle from foot to foot, uncomfortable with your gawking, you quickly close your mouth and reach out to shake his hand.

Instead of introducing yourself, a laugh so intense you can't hold it back, burst through your lips. While shaking his hand you crouch over and hold your stomach with the other.

The situation is far too amusing to contain yourself. When you realize you're still shaking his hand, you catch your breath, release it, and wipe the tears from your eyes. Poe looks at you like you've lost your mind.

"I'm so sorry, Poe," you giggle slightly and try to compose yourself. "I know I look completely insane right now, but I promise I'm not. I just...well you and Ben are going to get along splendidly."

You step aside and gesture for him to enter the apartment. A moment later you hear grumbled curses slowly getting louder as Ben approaches. You so badly wish you could record what is about to happen and show it to Leia, not the current one, your Leia.

"What's so funny?" Ben asks, as he wheels into the living room.

His jaw drops just as dramatically as yours did.

"Ben, this is your new nurse, Poe Dameron. Poe, this is Ben Solo," you say as casually as possible.

You have to cover your mouth with your hand to prevent yourself from another round of hysterics.

"Hi Ben, it's nice to meet you," Poe says politely.

Ben closes his mouth and scowls.

"No."

"Um...no?" Poe asks, confused.

Ben ignores him and turns to you. "Absolutely not! I refuse and I won't be changing my mind! No!" he practically yells. As quickly as possible, he turns his chair and wheels back into the bathroom, cursing in a variety of languages the entire time.

"Did I do something wrong?" Poe asks, watching Ben wheel away.

"No, you didn't. To be honest, he's an asshole. I'll do my best to tame the grouch that is Ben Solo, but do me a favor, don't hold back."

"What?" Poe's brow furrows.

"Don't sugar coat things, don't apologize if you're not sorry, and don't let him bully you. Treat him like you would a grumpy friend or acquaintance. Don't let him step all over you just because he's technically your employer, well, Leia is. I promise, you won't get fired."

Poe stays quiet, thinking over what you're suggesting. It's rare he gets to be himself with patients. He's been told he's impulsive and can be somewhat of a smartass. With a client as high profile as Leia Organa, it makes him nervous. Yet, Leia spoke highly of you as if you are her daughter. She told him to do whatever you suggest. If being himself is what you'd prefer, he's more than happy to do just that.

"You sure? I've been told I'm a bit of an asshole," Poe smirks, already relaxing a little.

"I don't doubt that, and yes, I'm sure."

"Perfect, do you mind if I set my stuff down?"

"Go for it. I've got to go talk him off the ledge."

Poe smiles then walks toward the kitchen as you walk to the bedroom where Ben seems to be throwing his tantrum.

The moment your foot crosses the threshold of the bedroom, Ben is ranting. You quickly shut the bedroom door to prevent things from being even more uncomfortable with Poe.

"No! I'm not changing my mind. I'd rather throw myself in front of another cab! This is not happening! I refuse to let Dameron of all people 'help' me with basic human needs. Absolutely not. No!" Ben crosses his arms over his chest and glares, as if you're one of the First Order officers who used to cower the moment he raised his voice. You know for a fact your bedroom would be destroyed if he still had his lightsaber.

"You done?"

"At the moment, yes."

"Good," you nod and pull your phone out of your back pocket.

"What...what are you doing? Who are you contacting?" he asks, with a hint of nervousness. There is only one person you speak to regularly since leaving the hospital and it's his mother.

Although grateful beyond words to have her back, he has no desire to be looked after by her. The few times she took care of him while he was sick when he was little were insufferable. There's no arguing with her so all he could do is grin and bear it. Now he has to decide which is the lesser of the two evils, you and Dameron, or his mother.

"I'm calling Leia. I'm going to tell her to fire Poe," you say casually.

"Oh," Ben sighed, "good."

His relief only lasts a second before he realizes who he's speaking to. In no timeline in any universe would you roll over and do as he says. Whatever you are up to will not bode well for him.

"Wait, what are you going to tell her?" His eyes narrow suspiciously.

"The truth. You're refusing help and being an asshole. Then I'm going to ask her to get an extra plane ticket so you can go home with them. We won't see each other often, due to the distance, but I'll make sure to keep in touch. I know you'll be in good hands. Han and Leia can take care of you just as well as I can."

You look away from your phone and meet Ben's eyes, daring him to argue. He's momentarily shocked by how nonchalant you are about dumping him with his parents. The shock turns to panic as he watches your fingers slide across your phone screen.

"You're cruel. Out of every opponent I've ever faced, you are by far the meanest. Have I mentioned that?"

"Once or twice. Are you done throwing your fit?" you ask. Ben can see your thumb is hovering over whatever button you press to contact Leia. One wrong word and he'll be stuck with his mother.

"Yes," Ben says through gritted teeth.

"Are you going to be polite?" Ben bites his cheek with barely contained frustration. His jaw is tensing so hard, you're surprised his teeth haven't cracked.

"Yes," he hisses.

"Perfect! Let's go spend time with our new friend."

"I'd rather be back on the Supremacy," Ben mumbles.

* * *

"You're a horrible nurse. No patient should be treated so cruelly."

"Yes, you poor baby, sitting in a tub while your girlfriend runs her hands all over your naked body. I'm a complete monster."

Grumbling under his breath, Ben grabs the shampoo off of the small shelf next to the tub he barely fits into and that he's currently sulking in.

The moment you comb your fingers through his hair he sighs and relaxes into the hot water further. It's not as long as it was before but it's getting there. Leia has asked him to cut it repeatedly but he refuses, always giving her a different excuse, even though you all know it's because he's self-conscious about his ears.

You remove your fingers from his hair after a lengthy scalp massage and rinse them in the tub water.

"Rinse."

He whines at the loss of your fingers but does as he's told. With both hands gripping the side of the tub, he lowers himself further into the water to rinse out the soap, then lifts himself back up, and wipes the water from his face.

By the predatory look in his eyes, you know what he's hoping you'll offer to help him with. It's not what he wants but it's better than nothing.

"Can you help me?" he asks quietly. Even though it's part of his plan, he still hates asking for help.

You hold out your hand. He places the bar of soap into it and does his best not to seem too eager to have your hands all over him.

You start at his neck, rubbing circles into it with your thumbs, and applying pressure where you know he likes it. He sighs and bites his lip to prevent making any embarrassing noises.

"Why do you do this to yourself? I know you're a bit of a masochist but this seems extreme, even for you. You still have close to a month before you are clear to walk around and do _other_ things with your pelvis. You went thirty years without sex, I think you'll be okay for another month," you chuckle.

"It's easy not to need something if I've never had it before! I know what I'm missing now, and it's killing me. I'm slowly dying on the inside. My legs aren't the only thing shrinking from the lack of use. My dick is the next thing to go," he whines, and blushes.

"Your dick looks just fine to me," you gesture with your chin to his fully erect cock, peaking out of the water. "Do you miss being inside my pussy that much?"

His eyes narrow. "Stop it."

You laugh and continue washing his chest. When your fingers gaze his nipple his breath hitches and he closes his eyes. 

Partially because you feel bad for him, partially because you miss his body too, you rub a small circle around it with your thumb. He grabs your wrist before you can continue."

"I am begging you to touch me. I would literally get down on my hands and knees if I could. Please."

You take your soaped up hand, quickly grab him by the base of his cock, and slide your hand upward, squeezing around the head before releasing him.

He tips his head back and groans loud enough the sound echoes off of the wall. After releasing him, you go back to lathering up the rest of his body.

"You're not...you wouldn't...you're cruel but this is mean, even for you."

He looks at you like you've legitimately hurt him and for a second you feel bad.

"Alright, I'll make you a deal."

His eyes fill with hope. It's simultaneously the saddest and cutest thing you've ever seen. Cute because of the hopeful look on his face, sad because it's over the prospect of an orgasm.

"I'll touch you, but the moment I see even a hint that you're in pain, it stops. I don't care how close you are, if I think you're in pain, that's it."

"Okay, sure, fine, anything," he says with near desperation, glancing from his throbbing cock to your hand, willing it with his mind to touch him.

He's so keyed up you're pretty sure he'd nut if you took off your shirt. A light breeze hitting him the wrong way or even staring at his groin for too long and the man had a boner hard enough to shatter glass. Blow jobs were a no because his hips jerked. Sex was an obvious no. The man had hips like a bunny and the slightest touch had them moving on their own accord. You're pretty sure you're going to be the one in the wheelchair after he gets the okay to move on his own.

Slowly, just to heighten the anticipation, you slip your hand under the water and grip him at the base again. He whimpers and leans against the back of the tub. You slide your hand up and down, not nearly as fast as he'd like, but he'd take anything right now. He's not surprised in the least when after a couple minutes of stroking him, he feels the oh so familiar and extremely missed sensation pooling deep in his abdomen, warning him of the orgasm he desperately needs.

His eyes are closed and his lips are parted slightly at the prospect of finally coming after months without more than a chaste kiss. Right when he's on the precipice, he bucks his hips into your hand, and hisses when a sharp shooting pain follows it.

You release him quickly and lean back far enough that he can't reach you. His eyes snap open and he reaches out for your hand a moment too late.

"No!" he practically yells.

"Nope, I told you, the moment you're in pain I stop."

"I am going to cry actual tears if you do not put your hand back on my dick within the next ten seconds. The pain in my balls hurts worse than my hips ever have. I feel like I am going to explode." His eyes widen and he covers his face with his hands to hide his embarrassment over what he just said.

"Do it yourself then," you shrug.

"I've tried! I've hurt myself worse than when you've touched me," he says quietly as his cheeks turn even redder.

Taking pity on him, you reach into the water and grab him again.

He gasps.

"I'm not kidding this time. If you hurt yourself I'm stopping and no amount of begging will change that."

He swallows hard and nods without taking his eyes off of his swollen cock in your tiny hand.

Before he has a chance to buck, you move your hand up and down quickly, knowing he's already close. After several more strokes, he thrust into your hand again but the pleasure radiating from his body overpowers the pain. The moan that comes out of his mouth is downright filthy. 

Pressing your thighs together, you try not to think about how pretty the large man in front of you looks when he falls apart. He struggles to catch his breath as you work him through his orgasm. His eyes are closed tightly, but the smuggest smile spreads across his face.

Rolling your eyes, you start to drain the water from the tub.

"You're sitting in cum water. Now we need to do this all over again, ugh," you groan.

"Worth it," he sighs.

* * *

To everyone's surprise, except yours, Ben healed a lot faster than anticipated. Instead of three months completely bed ridden, it was only one. A month later he was allowed to move himself from bed to chair without assistance. Thinking he was sneaky, when he thought you weren't looking, he did his best to exercise his legs, even though they said he needed to wait another month to put weight on them. That combined with the upper body strength needed to move himself around, Ben Solo was slowly reverting back to Ben Swolo.

Not long after he moved in did you both realize he was too big for your furniture. Leia and Han helped you get rid of your small loveseat and replaced it with a sectional with an attached chaise lounge. It took up your entire living room but the L shape allowed you to lay with your legs straight out and also allow Ben to lay across the rest of the couch, and rest his head in your lap.

His long black hair fans across your thighs while he rests his head in your lap, lays on his side, and faces away from you. The hand he's not laying on is draped across your waist, running slow circles on your hip with his thumb.

"That's Loki? The God of Mischief, correct?"

"Yes. I see someone's been reading and utilizing Google." 

Ben ignores you, and for once, you're going to let it slide. He's asking questions instead of picking apart your favorite movies or pointing out how inaccurate they are.

"If Loki is the villain, why do you like him?" Ben asks, legitimately curious.

"I have a thing for tall, dark haired, redeemed villains with a depressing backstory. They're usually secretly soft and just want love. Once they get it, they usually see the error of their ways and they do their best to make up for their actions."

Ben stays quiet, but gives your hip a squeeze. A part of him felt like he could relate to Loki but he had no intention of voicing that out loud, apparently he didn't need to."And his brother is the one with the large hammer?"

"Thor, yes. The hammer has a name it's—"

"Mjolnir."

"I've...I've never been more turned on in my life than I am at this exact moment."

He slowly turns his head towards you and furrows his brow. "What?"

"Nothing."

You comb your hand through his hair, lightly dragging your nails against his skull in the process. One of the reasons he's watched so many movies, aside from the fact that it makes you happy, is so you'll play with his hair. As long as a movie is on, and his head is in your lap, you'll comb your fingers through it, unless he asks too many questions or points out inaccuracies.

"Is he a Sith Lord?"

"What?" 

Your hand pauses in his hair.

"He can use the Force to call his hammer to him and he shoots lightning out of his fingertips, like a Sith."

"Uh no, Thor is not a Sith Lord. He's a good guy."

"I don't—"

"You don't like lightning I know," you squeeze his shoulder reassuringly. "But his is really cool lightening, not evil-torture-finger-lightening."

You should feel bad for spending 90% of your days forcing Ben to watch your favorite movies on the couch while introducing him to new foods, but you don't. Both of you deserve it.

Instead of watching the movie, you watch Ben closely, eager to see his facial expression when he sees the next scene."

_"I know his personal flying monkeys."_

"I understood that reference," Ben says, proud of himself. He turns his head slightly and smiles up at you.

You gesture towards the movie with your chin so he'll pay attention to the next part. This is the moment you've been waiting months for. If he talks through it you're going to re-break his pelvis.

_"Monkeys, I don't understand I—" Thor says, confused, turning his attention to Nick Fury._

_"I do!" Steve Rogers interrupts. When the rest of the Avengers look at him questionably, he sinks lower into his chair. "I understood that reference."_

Ben's head quickly snaps to you and his eyes meet yours with eagerness.

"I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE!"

* * *

You're sitting on your laptop with your legs draped over Ben's lap while the two of you continue your Harry Potter marathon.

His hand slowly creeps up your thigh and stops at the hem of your small sleep shorts. You glance around your laptop and watch as his hand freezes once he realizes where it was wandering to.

Trying not to visibly show his disappointment, he brings it down closer to your knee, and continues his absent minded circles with his thumb, never taking his eyes off of the television. You had told him ahead of time if he didn't pay attention he wouldn't understand what's going on and he took your words seriously.

"When we finally do it I'm going to look like a human toaster strudel," you chuckle and wait.

When he realizes he doesn't know what that is, he picks up his phone from next to him on the couch, and googles it. 

His cheeks turn a dark crimson and he tosses his phone towards the opposite end of the room.

"You're disgusting."

"Yeah, but you're picturing it."

"Stop talking. I've gone almost 12 hours without an erection, which is a new record for me. My life will literally be at its lowest point if I get hard thinking about breakfast foods."

* * *

"Hi Leia! Hold on, I'm going to put you on speaker."

You plop on the couch next to Ben and hold the phone in between the both of you.

"Okay, I'm with Ben, what's up?" Ben stares at the phone but says nothing. You elbow him in the ribs and scowl.

"Ow! What?" He dramatically rubs his ribs.

"Say hi to your mother," you whisper angrily.

"Hello mother," he says, frowning at you.

"Hi sweetie! How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"That's good! I just wanted to call and tell you I spoke with your doctor."

Your eyes meet Ben's momentarily before you both stare at the phone.

"And?" Ben asks, impatiently.

"You're free to resume normal activities, as long as you—"

"Bye mom."

Ben taps the 'end call' button, grabs your phone out of your hand, and tosses it on the couch.

"Hey! What the—"

He stands quickly and a bit wobbly, grabs you around the waist, tosses you over his shoulder, and practically jogs to the bedroom.

"Are you kidding me right now?" you chuckle.

He nearly throws you on to the bed and pulls his shirt over his head.

"Strip."

Without saying another words he shuts the bedroom door and locks it.

* * *

For the next week, Ben has you pinned against different surfaces, pieces of furniture, and even the floor.

Finally, when he had made up for lost time, he mellowed out, but not much. He had over a decades worth of pent up virgin hormones he apparently decided he needed to make up for.

"I feel like an eclair."

You're sprawled out naked on Ben's chest as he lightly runs his hand up and down your back.

"A what? I don't think I know what that is."

"Google it."

With his free hand, he reaches over to the nightstand and picks up his phone.

"I'm filled to the brim," you add, once you're sure he knows what you're talking about.

Ben groans.

"Why is it always food??"

* * *

**Awake**

Although his nightmares had virtually disappeared since the first night he crawled into your bed, desperate for a reprieve from the voices, occasionally he still had one. They were rarely about Snoke and usually about Lothal and your last moments on the Supremacy. 

He'd wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, clinging on to you for dear life. Those nightmares usually lead to him kissing you deeply until he was inside you, breathing a sigh of relief, knowing you're real and you're with him.

Two night passed with back to back nightmares. The third morning he was exhausted and actually slept in.

Creeping out of the room, you crack the door and make your way to the kitchen in nothing but one of Ben's shirts which might as well be a dress.

Grabbing a carton of eggs from the fridge, you start the stove intending to make him breakfast.

Not realizing how close to the edge of the counter the small carton of eggs is, you hit the carton with your elbow, knocking it to the floor. Unconsciously, you shoot your hand out as if you can stop the eggs with the Force.

The eggs freeze an inch above the ground for a fraction of a second before continuing their fall, and cracking against the kitchen tile. Shocked, you stand still and stare down at the eggs. No one is around to witness it. 

Did you really just use the Force? 

Still shocked, you slowly brought your hand up to your face and stare at it.

Ben quickly enters the kitchen, pajama pants hanging dangerously low on his hips, hair sticking up in every direction, and shirtless.

"Did you...did you feel that?" you whisper.

Ben swallows hard and stares back at you, wide eyed, and hopeful.

"A spark."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously cannot thank you guys enough for all the kind comments you've left throughout this fic. Ignite the Stars got more attention than I expected and I was worried no one would like this fic, especially since the plot is complicated. The fact that the first chapter makes it sound meta doesn't help either. 
> 
> If you're reading this that means you gave it a chance and hopefully enjoyed it. Seriously, reading your comments was a boost of serotonin and the first thing I would check every morning after updating.
> 
> I have an outline for the follow up for this fic (which doesn't have a title at the moment) written. 
> 
> If you haven't read Ignite the Stars or I Might Tear You Apart, you can still read the sequel. Scenes from Ignite the Stars and I Might Tear You apart will be referenced though. So if you haven't read my other two but you like my writing enough, you should do that.
> 
> Thanks again for reading guys!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated.
> 
> Also. Give the spotify playlist a gander. The songs correspond with the story because that's how I roll. :)
> 
>   
> [Come say hi](https://twitter.com/sam_ieatboyss)


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